Me (25f) broke up with my ex bf (30m) five months ago. We dated for a while (around 4 years) and we lived together in my apartment. We did pay the bills together but it was me who owned the apartment. I bought it and he moved in later.
We broke up but we were still on good terms (we’re not friends, but we dont hate each other). I asked him to move out but he said that he doesnt have enaugh money to rent himself an apartment and he doesnt want to stay with his parents. They dont have the best relationship so i understand that.
It was fine at first. He still payed half of the bills and did his part of the chores. But then i started talking to this girl (26f) i met on Tinder. She was really nice, we went on a few dates and i wanted to invite her over.
I told my ex about it and asked him if he can leave the apartment for the night so i and the girl can have some time alone. He refused and said that he cant becouse he works from home. I dont understand how’s that an argument since he can take his laptop which he works on with him, but whatever. We had an argument about it and I was finally fed up. I told him to leave the apartment. I grabbed a suitcase and started packing his things. He finally left, but he did threw a few insults at me before he did. After a few hours he texed me and said that hes going to pick up the test of his things tomorrow and that hes moving out for good.
During our argument and when he was texting me later he insulted me a lot, called me salfish and even used slurs connected to my sexuality (im bisexual, which never bothered him before, but well).
AITA for kicking him out?
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Me (25f) broke up with my ex bf (30m) five months ago. We dated for a while (around 4 years) and we lived together in my apartment. We did pay the bills together but it was me who owned the apartment. I bought it and he moved in later.
We broke up but we were still on good terms (we’re not friends, but we dont hate each other). I asked him to move out but he said that he doesnt have enaugh money to rent himself an apartment and he doesnt want to stay with his parents. They dont have the best relationship so i understand that.
It was fine at first. He still payed half of the bills and did his part of the chores. But then i started talking to this girl (26f) i met on Tinder. She was really nice, we went on a few dates and i wanted to invite her over.
I told my ex about it and asked him if he can leave the apartment for the night so i and the girl can have some time alone. He refused and said that he cant becouse he works from home. I dont understand how’s that an argument since he can take his laptop which he works on with him, but whatever. We had an argument about it and I was finally fed up. I told him to leave the apartment. I grabbed a suitcase and started packing his things. He finally left, but he did threw a few insults at me before he did. After a few hours he texed me and said that hes going to pick up the test of his things tomorrow and that hes moving out for good.
During our argument and when he was texting me later he insulted me a lot, called me salfish and even used slurs connected to my sexuality (im bisexual, which never bothered him before, but well).
AITA for kicking him out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked my ex bf out of my apartment becouse i wanted to invite a girl over. I might be judged for that. He was also annoying me so i snapped at him – that might mean i am the asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH him for obvious reasons, you for agreeing to this arrangement of living with your ex for four years where obviously feelings will be hurt.
lol your both shit, u kick him out because u want pussy for the night id be pretty pissed to id we agreed on me living there, and if he pays for half who are u to kick him out over a tinder date😂 but in saying that pretty weird to wanna live with ur ex for an extended period of time, you both are draining and need to grow up
You could have kicked him out long ago; he’s had 5 months of free rent while no longer being a part of your life–you say the two of you aren’t friends, so what remaining expectation does he have to enjoy the use of your property and resources?
I’d suggest changing the locks and having his stuff packed and on the sidewalk rather than having him back in the apartment. Or at least make sure there’s a third party there with you, in case he tries to manipulate the situation or bully you.
Good for you.
NTA
Technically, depending on where you are, it may have been illegal. Check tenancy laws in your country/state. Many places require an actual process to evict.
So you’re not the A for wanting him to leave, but YTA for going about kicking him out of what is actually, legally, his home on a moment’s notice.
YTA. You agreed to let him live there and he’s paying half the bills. You don’t get to kick paying residents out whenever you want.
NTA it’s your apartment, you asked nicely, and he’s your ex, not your roommate or partner anymore. If he can’t respect that you’re moving on, that’s on him. The slurs and insults just prove you made the right call girlll
Totally not the asshole. The ex is double the asshole because he’s pretty stupid as well. Refusing to switch locations for a work from home job in a place that isn’t even his? Come on…
ESH. If you want alone time, you should have made him move out earlier instead of making him pay half the bills. You can’t ask people to leave a place you mutually share, regardless of who owns it. And where is he supposed to go at night? Hang out at a bar until you’re done?
He’s TA for using slurs against you and being immature, that’s intolerable behavior. He’s a bad person and should not be in your circle. You’re TA for kicking him out at your convenience last minute, as opposed to doing it earlier so neither of you runs into this problem. You shouldn’t live with your ex, which was your first mistake, and how you handled this was illegal, which was your second mistake.
ESH. Him for the slurs and you for the way you’ve handled this. Yes, obviously you want to be able to invite a prospective date around without the ex being there, but you agreed to this plainly calamitous situation of letting him live with you. It’s his home and you can’t demand he leave for the evening and then physically try and remove his stuff when he says no.
ESH
Only because you should have kicked him out with proper notice ages ago, so you are mostly being an asshole to yourself
NTA. You own the apartment. He had the option to move out but chose to stay for financial reasons and avoiding moving into his parents. It sucks either way but the conversation may needed to happen once you were broken up how to handle when either of you started dating. As far as your end, he doesn’t own the apartment and I suspect that he may had motives for staying beyond financial reasons. Could be wanting to get together at a later date or could also be preventing you from dating other people? Who knows. In the end, living with an ex means having to be comfortable with the idea of one or the other moving on with someone else to make the living arrangement work and this is from my own experience of two breakups where the ex “offered” to have me still live together with them and I know who I am and I was not comfortable if either of us dated how to handle that and made the move for both our sanity and it worked out so much better at being able to maintain friendly interactions or just to avoid a drama llama.
All in all he did you a favor of finally moving out.
No but you should have kicked him out a long time ago.
NTA. He works, hasn’t had to pay rent in years, and splits just the household bills? If he is 30 years old, has no savings and 5 months isn’t enough time for him to scrape together first and last for a new apartment, that’s not something you can fix. 5 months is pleeeenty of time.
Well you illegally evicted him so if all he did was call you some names then you got off very lightly.
He has been paying you rent so he isn’t just your ex he was your legal tenant and you had zero right to ask him to leave even for 1 night. If you wanted him gone you had to go through the actual process of evicting a tenant at will.
Honestly I think he should sue you for an unlawful eviction. You cannot take his money then treat him like a guest.
NTA: your apartment, your rules. It’s that simple.
NTA, change the locks ASAP. You broke up 5 months ago, you were more than accommodating by allowing him to continue living there after the break up.
YTA. The dude is a legal tenant. You can’t just kick him out with no notice, not even for a night. Youre lucky he didnt call the cops on you.
this is why you don’t let your exs live with you after a break up. I think there’s a lot of growing you need to do still. when you and your ex broke up, that’s when you should have given him at most, a week, to get his shit together and get out. now you have a problem that could have been easily avoided. whatever his issues are, aren’t yours to fix. like if he had nowhere to go after yall broke up, tough. he is an adult right? he is capable of figuring it his life right? that’s not your job.
Okay yeah YTA. And your title is misleading. You didn’t just “ask” him to move out. You basically forced him to.
You should have given him a 30 day notice your a ah on that he didn’t have to leave I wouldn’t have I would have made you given me 30 days
NTA if you actually own this place. your house, your rules. your lucky he is willing to just leave so quickly, in fact. he could have made your life miserable. dont play his games and insult him; thank him for leaving instead. absorb his insults if you can. you want him out, period. he could probably still change his mind and legally come back.
“You can call me slurs all you want, but don’t forget you’re the one that’s been relying on this slurs home and money. Enjoy living with your parents! 🙂 “
I wouldn’t even let him in. Change the locks and have his stuff outside the front door. Nta
He showed you who he is. Listen to him. Change the locks. Focus on the new girl and good luck 🩷🩷
ESH. Him for the obvious reasons. You for illegally evicting him. Be nice and keep an eye out for any legal paperwork. Just because he left doesn’t mean he won’t talk to a lawyer about this illegal eviction. You should have given him the amount of notice required where you live.
Also for wfh it’s not a matter of just picking up his laptop and going elsewhere. Every company I’ve had wfh with requires employees to be in a private place to protect company and customers privacy. So him saying he needed to stay because he was working isn’t just an excuse. You also should have given him more notice that you wanted the apartment to yourself. This would have allowed you two to work out a time that worked for both of you. As roommates typically do. This was a very easily avoidable situation.
YTA
YTA
He shouldn’t have cursed at you and gotten that angry, but imagine how you would react if someone else packed up your things and threw you out onto the street for no good reason.
You amicably agreed to let him continue to live there as roommates, the fact that he’s your ex doesn’t matter anymore. As a roommate, you can politely request for someone to just stay in their room for the night if you want to have another person over, you can’t just force them out of their home without reasonable warning. He pays half the bills and does his share of chores, he’s a legal tenant.
Learn spelling and proper apostrophe use, jfc. You’re not being unreasonable, if you want to spend time with this girl by all means do so. He’s being unreasonable about not wanting to share YOUR space. NTA except for the spelling.
ESH It’s a stupid and lazy decision to live together straight off the back of a break up. It’s wildly entitled of you to force him out of the home that he has a right to live in without proper notice. I was on his side until he resorted to being biphobic, which is never excusable. I sympathize with his anger, but he channelled it in the worst way possible without being physical.
I really hope this poor woman doesn’t catch feelings for you, because you need to do some work on yourself. Same goes for your ex until he learns to get over his hate.
Edit: I misunderstood that you own the place.
Since its argued about in the comments, what exactly is he paying half for? Mortgage? Utilities? Food? Subscriptions, what?
ETA, because he should have got off his ass and found somewhere cheap as hell since he can work from home, distance shouldnt matter much and your are also the asshole because you made a deal to let someone live there while paying for half of stuff and then try kick them out straight away without notice because you want to shag someone. You both are assholes.
He is a tenant. He moves out when you say so. If he doesn’t go he is a trespasser. You might have to go to court to get him out, but it will be worth it. Maybe you could gather his belongings at put them outside. Have the lock changed. Don’t answer the door. If he gets belligerant, call the police.