I (18F) recently had a falling out with a few of my friends. They randomly just stopped talking to me one day and have ignored me ever since. To preface, I knew they did not like me for a while and I was only with them because I was having some mental heath issues at the time and was putting up with it.
I have another friend (17F) that was also in that friendgroup, but I was a little closer with her than the others. She didn’t have a lot of money and as a friend i offered to help her out when she needed it. So I would drive her to and from school everyday, I would buy her lunch most days (not even a ‘thank you’ most days), and offered to pay for some driving lessons for her (which she shot down).
I also gave her my spare laptop when hers broke. I made it very clear that I was only loaning it to her but did not set a definite date for her to return it.
When my ex-friends started ignoring me, this friend would still talk to me in our mutual classes and I would still drive her to and from school. But in the last couple of weeks she has also started completely ignoring me. She told me to stop driving her and doesn’t talk to me. But she still has the laptop that I loaned her.
I have rekindled an old friendship which has honestly been much better for my mental health. This friend has told me that my old friend was most likely using me and it was good that she cut herself off from me. She also said that I should ask for all the things I gave her back.
So, I sent my old friend a message basically asking for the laptop back because I “don’t loan things to people who aren’t my friends”.
She responded saying no and that she needed it to complete her senior year of highschool. She then started calling me selfish and saying that I am always annoying her. So, obviously mad about this I lashed out at her saying that I am always giving in the friendship and she is always taking. I then demanded that if she feels that way she can pay me pack for all the lunches I bought her and to give me fuel money for the nearly 2 years I have been driving her daily for.
In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I was just mad about the selfish accusation when in my eyes she has been the selfish one.
She has obviously told my ex-friends about this because I have been receiving messages from them also calling me selfish and saying “don’t ask her for money, she doesn’t have a lot”.
Anyways, sorry if this is a bit long I just had to get it all out. AITA?
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I (18F) recently had a falling out with a few of my friends. They randomly just stopped talking to me one day and have ignored me ever since. To preface, I knew they did not like me for a while and I was only with them because I was having some mental heath issues at the time and was putting up with it.
I have another friend (17F) that was also in that friendgroup, but I was a little closer with her than the others. She didn’t have a lot of money and as a friend i offered to help her out when she needed it. So I would drive her to and from school everyday, I would buy her lunch most days (not even a ‘thank you’ most days), and offered to pay for some driving lessons for her (which she shot down).
I also gave her my spare laptop when hers broke. I made it very clear that I was only loaning it to her but did not set a definite date for her to return it.
When my ex-friends started ignoring me, this friend would still talk to me in our mutual classes and I would still drive her to and from school. But in the last couple of weeks she has also started completely ignoring me. She told me to stop driving her and doesn’t talk to me. But she still has the laptop that I loaned her.
I have rekindled an old friendship which has honestly been much better for my mental health. This friend has told me that my old friend was most likely using me and it was good that she cut herself off from me. She also said that I should ask for all the things I gave her back.
So, I sent my old friend a message basically asking for the laptop back because I “don’t loan things to people who aren’t my friends”.
She responded saying no and that she needed it to complete her senior year of highschool. She then started calling me selfish and saying that I am always annoying her. So, obviously mad about this I lashed out at her saying that I am always giving in the friendship and she is always taking. I then demanded that if she feels that way she can pay me pack for all the lunches I bought her and to give me fuel money for the nearly 2 years I have been driving her daily for.
In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I was just mad about the selfish accusation when in my eyes she has been the selfish one.
She has obviously told my ex-friends about this because I have been receiving messages from them also calling me selfish and saying “don’t ask her for money, she doesn’t have a lot”.
Anyways, sorry if this is a bit long I just had to get it all out. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked an ex-friend to give my things back. I am being called selfish because she doesn’t have a lot of money.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. The message was harsh, but you did not give her the laptop. It belongs to you and you get to take your things back when you want to.
NTA, dude! You were a ride or die hedging bets on a one-sided friendship and she ghosted like it’s all-good?? Nah brah, stand your ground. You ain’t a free meal ticket, deadass she needs to respect that. You bout mental growth, go figure. Lesson learned the tough way. Welcome to the real world where ungrateful peeps show their true colors. Peace.
nah bro take back what’s rightfully yours! find yourself a real mate
NTA, I mean sure maybe lashing out wasn’t the best ideas but the laptop is your property. If she needs it for her senior year then she should get one herself. It’s not your responsibility to be financially supportive for her. It was nice of you to help her out but she also needs to understand that your property is your and ultimately it belongs to you. She already knows she doesn’t have a lot of money and if she needed something she shouldn’t always be relying on others to give it to her. Just ask for the laptop back since that’s YOUR property the rest to be honest isn’t that fair to ask since there was no agreement for her to pay you back. You did it because you wanted to help her but you shouldn’t expect something in return.
Girlll… if you don’t beat tf out of her after class/school. Get your laptop back immediately, even if you need someone else to intervene ask!
NTA, you should probably tell your parents about this and think about going to small claims court over the laptop.
NTA. You should’ve phrased it differently but you’re so young. This is gonna be one of those hard life lessons where you learn how to protect yourself in situations like this. My general rule is, if a third party read the messages I sent, none of my messages should be able to be isolated as aggressive.
“I understand that she needs a laptop to finish senior year. Im sure, as her friends, you’re worried about her and looking for ways to help. I respect that. Maybe you guys can put together a fund for a laptop for her? Or do a fundraiser of some kind? I’m sure that would make her feel so loved and supported by you all!
That being said. Both you guys and her have made it pretty clear that you’re not interested in being friends with me anymore (completely fine) and therefore this laptop is no longer a loan from a friend. Now, it’s just a fellow classmate not returning my property.”
(Things I’ve said without saying)
-why aren’t you guys stepping up as friends instead of relying on me?
-are you guys too poor/cheap/uninterested to actually help your friends (are they even considered friends at that point)
-I’m not looking to rekindle this relationship. You have nothing to barter with me. Can’t hurt me if I’ve already moved forward.
-reminding them with “fellow classmate” that there are still adults (teachers and staff) available who, if they saw the situation, would side with you and make them do the right thing.
Always reread your messages and remove any emotional language. It sucks in the moment because you really want them to know how you really feel but in the grand scheme of things, it keeps you more in control of the conversation.
NTA. But you can and should report the laptop stolen. She has it without your permission.
NTA for asking for the laptop back BUT the other comments may have been a bit overkill. You were having issues and were trying to help her but it was all 1 sided. A bit sneaky or backstabbing but to get some comfort you could go to her home when she is not there and ask her parents if they can give you your laptop that you LOANED her. Who knows, they may not even know that she borrowed it