My friend (28F) of 3 years asked me (27F) if I could take care of her dog “for a couple of days” while she went home to celebrate her birthday. Last time i dog sat she paid me so this time I said sure! Everyone can use the extra money. Weeks later, she send me a calendar invite and the “couple of days” im supposed to be taking care of the dog are in fact 15. I could use the money so I still say sure
Weeks later she hits me with: if I stock my kitchen with some food can you make taking care of the dog my bday present. I acknowledge I shouldve said no here bc thats a lot of time commitment but I said yes bc she is one of my best friends and I’m still getting some rewards while helping her out. A couple of weeks go by and we are talking about the dogs needs and I said something about the food she was getting for me during the stay And she says: i mean I can probably get you some basics but idk that they will last you all the time. Now im very confused bc how did we go from youll pay me for a couple of days of dog sitting to you will buy me food instead to nothing at all? It gets better
My partner’s cousin graduated and is doing a grad party three hours away. He cannot make it because of work so she begged me to go. It is one of the days im taking care of said dog. I reach out to my friend and explain the situation and ask if she can board the dog at the place she always does for two days since i need to go to this. I offer to pay for one of the days to alleviate stress. She says: i can try but they get full. A week later i follow up: hey have you found someone to take care of the dog for those two days. Days go by (unusual for our frienship): yes I sent a request waiting to hear back. I text: sounds good lmk with who you leave him and when so I can be sure to pick him up and drop him off. Also should I send you a list of basics so you can get me those. No response for dayss. I followed up with: hey is this cool? I know you mentioned stocking up the fridge for me so I figured i would send you some things i like so you can get em. No response for days. Im supposed to take care of the dog in 5 days. My partner says I should cancel the whole dog sitting if she doesnt respond in a couple of days but idk that i want to do that. AITA for saying I need two days to go to this party?
Thanks in advance for all thoughts good and bad!
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My friend (28F) of 3 years asked me (27F) if I could take care of her dog “for a couple of days” while she went home to celebrate her birthday. Last time i dog sat she paid me so this time I said sure! Everyone can use the extra money. Weeks later, she send me a calendar invite and the “couple of days” im supposed to be taking care of the dog are in fact 15. I could use the money so I still say sure
Weeks later she hits me with: if I stock my kitchen with some food can you make taking care of the dog my bday present. I acknowledge I shouldve said no here bc thats a lot of time commitment but I said yes bc she is one of my best friends and I’m still getting some rewards while helping her out. A couple of weeks go by and we are talking about the dogs needs and I said something about the food she was getting for me during the stay And she says: i mean I can probably get you some basics but idk that they will last you all the time. Now im very confused bc how did we go from youll pay me for a couple of days of dog sitting to you will buy me food instead to nothing at all? It gets better
My partner’s cousin graduated and is doing a grad party three hours away. He cannot make it because of work so she begged me to go. It is one of the days im taking care of said dog. I reach out to my friend and explain the situation and ask if she can board the dog at the place she always does for two days since i need to go to this. I offer to pay for one of the days to alleviate stress. She says: i can try but they get full. A week later i follow up: hey have you found someone to take care of the dog for those two days. Days go by (unusual for our frienship): yes I sent a request waiting to hear back. I text: sounds good lmk with who you leave him and when so I can be sure to pick him up and drop him off. Also should I send you a list of basics so you can get me those. No response for dayss. I followed up with: hey is this cool? I know you mentioned stocking up the fridge for me so I figured i would send you some things i like so you can get em. No response for days. Im supposed to take care of the dog in 5 days. My partner says I should cancel the whole dog sitting if she doesnt respond in a couple of days but idk that i want to do that. AITA for saying I need two days to go to this party?
Thanks in advance for all thoughts good and bad!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) i asked my friend to find someone else to take care of her dog for two days so I could attend a family event
2) AITA bc I told her I could take care of her dog for free for 15 days and then had to change it up for two of those 15 days
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
When ‘a couple of days’ turns into a modern Greek epic. Maybe next up in the series: ‘The Odyssey of Dog Sitting’.
Your partner is correct, you should cancel. I would send a messages saying you are really concerned about the lack of clarity and communication so you are not comfortable doing it anymore. If nothing else I’m sure you’ll get a reply…. NTA
NTA. A real friend wouldn’t treat you like this. Honestly if she’s not replying, she’s already backed out on you. I wouldn’t worry about it any further.
NTA. Honestly you’re being too nice. She offered to pay you, then offered to buy you food instead of payment, now doesn’t want to pay you at all and you’re still wanting to dog sit and she’s not responding. She should’ve told you up front it was 15 days cause “a couple days” isn’t 2 weeks.
Tell her she either needs to respond or you’re not watching the dog anymore.
NTA
This is not what friendship looks like.
NTA, you’ve contacted your friend multiple times, but she’s still not responding. On top of this you’re doing it for free as a favour & even spending some of your own money. Tbh, she’s messing you about too much – if she truly cared about you as a friend & about her dog, then she wouldn’t be leaving you in limbo.
Yes cancel the dog sitting. If you’re getting ghosted then you’re not getting food or those days off of it. If she actually cared about you and was grateful for your very cheap help, she would have replied to one of the dozens of texts you sent on time. Don’t miss out on an event you find important to help someone who doesn’t find you important. NTA.
NTA, sounds like your friend is looking for a freebie, and you are allowed to live your own life.
I pay $65 a day for my dog to stay with someone and supply all the food.
ESH
You assumed that she would pay you as before. When you found out that there was no pay, and it was for two weeks, you didn’t tell her plainly and directly that you don’t want to do this. She flip-flopped on the food issue, yet still you said nothing. *After* you were aware that there was no pay and no food, you offered to pay to board HER dog.
Now you are wondering how you ended up in this position. You didn’t use your words to express your wishes and intentions to someone who is supposed to be one of your best friends.
She is using you because you allow it. You teach people how to treat you.
she downgraded you from paid help to unpaid ghosted help.
You’re being used, period. She’s changed the terms so many times I don’t know how you can keep any of it straight but I can say you’re on the losing end here. If you need dog care for over 2 weeks but frame it as 3 days, you’re lying. She’s paid you in the past but this time she disrespects your time and effort on her behalf by not sticking to making sure you’re fed at the very least and buying foods you enjoy. Now she’s giving you the silent treatment? Why is her trip and her life so much more valuable than yours? This only continues if you allow it. I’d send her one last text: because I have not heard from you despite multiple messages, I can only assume you no longer need my help and have made other arrangements to care for your dog’s care, which I think is for the best. I was willing to rearrange my life to accommodate you and the fact that you have changed the terms no longer works for me. I am confirming that I’ll no longer be providing you with free dog care for those 15 days. Enjoy your trip.
No one needs a friend like this. It’s a huge commitment to dog sit for that long. She’s ungrateful and disorganized and that’s not your problem. NTA.
NTA. Oh honey, don’t wait a couple of days. Tell her now you’re not doing it, and prepare for the tantrum. This is not friend behavior. You asked how it went from being a paid dog sitter, to doing it for free, to now you are basically going to pay her because she won’t even provide dog food for her own dog? That happened because she isn’t being a friend, she’s being a complete user. And users do. not. care. about the people they use. You are only important to her as long as she gets something out of this.
So you can either spell it out ‘I said yes to your request of a two days for pay, and you’ve now moved the goalposts to two weeks where I now pay you and are ignoring me when I let you know I will need a short break… I’ve realized how unreasonable this is and I’m saying no to this whole business’ or you can keep it short and say ‘Unfortunately I can’t take care of Barkley at all, you will need to make other arrangements’ but either way, tell her, block her, and walk away from this one-sided friendship.
Givers have to set limits, because takers have none.
NTA, your partner is right, you should cancel the whole thing. Anything else is a mess and will get misinterpreted and get messier. Communication is a wonderful thing, and if she’s not communicating with you, there’s a problem.
Great cause to cancel on your “friend”. Also, you need new friends and you need to work on your communication skills.
Wow, your friend is a horrible communicator. Stop making excuses for her and letting her get away with such egregious behavior.
Send an email right now saying you are no longer available to take care of dog.
NTA
NTA. Your kindness and willingness to sacrifice (this is beyond compromising) is being taken for granted. Your friend lied to you multiple times to get you to agree and is likely waiting you out so when you try to cancel, you’ll hear “how can I find somewhere so last minute? I can’t afford that!” A few days would never be half a month. Think about your friendship and truly consider if it’s balanced or filled with moments like this where you’re being used. I’m sure you’ll get an immediate response (filled with lies) if you text saying you’re not dog-sitting anymore. I wouldn’t want to be friends after this.
NTA, just a doormat. She is not your friend, she is a user. If she responds just say “sorry, I’m not available, as you ignored for x days & ignored x messages, I assumed you made other plans, have a nice trip”.
Send her text or email with your conditions:
Pay for 15 days that include transporting her pet to the boarding kennel.
Food for her pet.
Food for you as you will be staying in her home.
If she doesn’t agree within 24 hours, you will be otherwise occupied and she will have to find someone else to look after her pet.
She’s not answering you so you have to agree to her terms and cancel your plans.
NTA. Your friend is taking advantage of you. It sounds like you are not only caring for her dog but watching her house. If she were to pay someone, it would cost a great deal of money. People don’t get to decide someone else is going to bestow a $1,000 (I’m not sure how much it would be) gift on them.
First year friend misrepresented the amount of time then didn’t have the courtesy to respond to your telling her you would like to go away for a few days—not even to say she is having trouble finding a replacement.
NTA. Show up. Tell her you will just go home if she doesn’t leave you a card for food and boarding.
I would retract my offer to pay for a day of boarding. She should have relieved your stress by responding to you, at all, let alone in a timely manner.
This ‘friend’ is just using and manipulating you. I would definitely cancel but remember that this will end the friendship. However, I have no idea why you would want to be friends with her after this. End it.
When she hit you with all the changes, that’s when you should have spoken up. Not sure when all this is supposed to take place, but if you think you’re going to be unavailable for some of that time, you need to let her know now.
NTA, and you should cancel taking care of her dog.