My in-laws have a habit of showing up unannounced. They think family shouldn’t need an invitation.
Last night, I had just finished cooking and was sitting at the table about to eat when they knocked. My husband answered the door and they walked in. I was wearing a tank top and leggings.
When FIL saw me, he laughed and muttered “showing them off, huh?” MIL gave me a look and muttered “leaving them hanging with no bra.” I got mad and I told them if they were going to talk like that in my house, they could leave.
My husband talked to them and they apologized, but it didn’t feel sincere. He invited them to stay for dinner. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I didn’t make them leave.
During dinner, FIL kept glancing at my chest. I didn’t say much. MIL is upset, and my husband got a text later saying we embarrassed them over “nothing.” He didn’t really address it much, just kind of brushed it off.
AITA?
Comments
NTA, They owe you a sincere apology. Should have been shown the door. Husband needs to step up.
Umm..what the fuck? NTA.
Your FIL is a creep. MIL is suffering from some hardcore internalized misogyny. And your husband sucks for not having a backbone, or caring enough to put a stop to his dinosaur parents policing what you wear in your own house. I almost want to say he’s TA for not having your back.
NTA you can wear whatever you want in your own home. They’re guests and they should behave as such. Your husband should have supported you and not let his own parents disrespect you like that in your own home
NTA. It’s your house you can whatever you want and it’s your body you’re the only one who can comment on you body! They’re already old enough to mind their own business! Too much unnecessary comments
Your in-laws are mad they got kicked out for being creepy instead of mad at themselves for being creepy. That’s a them problem.
NTA. Your house, your rules. If they can’t show basic respect, they can leave. The fact that they made those comments in your own home and then acted like you were the problem is wild. Also, your husband should’ve had your back way more—brushing it off isn’t cool. You weren’t “embarrassing” them; they embarrassed themselves by being inappropriate.
Fake, no way your in-laws are that creepy
Your husband is a problem. He shouldn’t have invited them to stay for dinner after that. He should have politely told them you were just sitting down to dinner so they would have to come visit another time. He’s not setting any boundaries at all.
NTA , they must apologise to you and what your husban is doing in this situation ask him to step up
As is frequently said here “you don’t have an in-law problem, you have a spouse problem.” As soon as your FIL made that comment, YOUR HUSBAND should have walked them back to the door and said “no one speaks to my wife like that, go home.” Or words to that effect. How often do your in-laws put you down and he just ignore it, or tell you to ignore it or that you’re over-reacting, and make excuses for their bad behaviour and his unwillingness to stand up for you?
Turn up at their house at 5.30 am with your hair fixed and all dressed up.
Bang obnoxiously loud on their door. When they answer point out their lack of appropriate dress “gee MIL, watch out you do t trip over your tits! I can see why you’re so hung up on me wearing a bra- just in case mine end up like yours huh!, FIL are you wearing jocks? Wow I guess gravity isn’t kind on old ball sacs…”
Then stay for breakfast.
Two can play at this game!!
Your husband is a contemptible, weak man, who is unworthy of anyone’s respect. He is so weak, he allows his parents to disrespect his wife and his household. So it’s up to you to stand up for yourself. Tell him his trashy parents can’t come over for a month, and after that, only with an invitation. And when they do come over, make plans to go out with your friends.
AI / ragebait / karma farming
NTA. Your husband and his parents suck.
Ew, how can you remain attracted to a man who is such a fucking spineless wet wipe? If my FIL had commented on my tits my husband would have bodily thrown him from the house, not meekly invited them to dinner.
Your in-laws are cunts for sure, but the real problem you have is that you’re married to a fucking invertebrate.
NTA. No one has the right to make comments on your appearance or your body in general. It’s rude and disrespectful. The obviously don’t understand basic human respect
NAH. When company comes over, put on a bra. Not hard.
Yes why would both of them say that? They showed up at your house unannounced and then insulted you then ate your food while your AH husband said nothing…. you have a husband problem.
They embarrassed themselves actually. And you have a husband problem, not an IL problem. I would wear the exact same thing next time they come over for dinner, and everytime he looks at your chest tell your husband ‘Hun, can you remind your dad that my tits aren’t on his menu?’
NTA
Family needs to call or text before them come over they’re not the exception they’re the reason the rule exists.
So first and foremost tell your husband that they DO need to call and if they just show up, they won’t be let in.
Second, you’re allowed to wear whatever you want in your home, they’re not shouldn’t be comments about it or leers!
Op, you and your husband need marriage counseling and need to come up with house rules for guest and that includes family .
The second FIL made that comment he should have been shown the door , and this should have the night that that they were firmly told they need to call first and been invited.
You aren’t the AH, but your husband is.
Never mind them, YOUR HUSBAND owes you an apology. He didn’t have your back at all.
Your husband wasn’t much help here. You two need to stand together. The dropping in is bad enough, but they insult you in your own home and he offers them dinner? Dinner you cooked? He is the problem.
NTA
Husband needs to grow a pair or sit down.
Should’ve caused that scene you were trying to avoid…
Nta. It’s your home. They were not asked over. They invited themselves. They insulted you. Your husband is a weakling and they are nasty pieces of work.
They embarrassed YOU then tried to turn it round!
NTA. Your husband is though. He should have told his parents that since they showed up uninvited to mooch a meal; they shouldn’t expect to find you wearing a dress & pearls.
I would also like to add that if my FIL was staring at my chest at MY dinner table, he would have been asked to leave. That is some creepy s**t.
Okay that’s a problem. But before we get into that let’s talk about some practicalities. It is a fact as a guy that you’re checking them out. Now we try hard not to do this. But it happens. I’m not excusing it but what’s the point of lying about it.
However if something specifically happens to draw our attention, like you showing up without a bra that time, then we’re going to have a devil of a time for the next hour trying to avoid looking.
I’m not excusing it. I’m just saying that this much more likely to happen.
Now of course it’s inappropriate to leer at you. And when you think about it the best thing would have been for them to just go home immediately. I mean the situation was already as you see beyond repair. Best try again another day.
Honestly their best play would have been to just leave. And in lieu of that as soon as he realized that he can’t avoid looking he should have just apologized and said look now that I got my mind on it I’m having trouble looking away. So we’re going to go now.
That would have been a way to tell if it’s things.
But they went the exact opposite of that. Namely blaming the person who was getting leered at for making a big deal of getting leered at.
This was something. This was not nothing. And their handling of the situation is abysmal.
You need to talk to your husband and say are you reevaluating where I stand? Do I no longer Merit being defended by you my husband? Is in fact the comfort of your parents more important than Defending Your Wife.
Read him all of this that I just wrote. He needs to get his fucking act together. And then he needs to whip them into line. This should come from him. He should explain to them and no uncertain terms that this is intolerable and that they owe you a real apology and none of this shit happens again and how dare you blame the person that you leered at.
You’re all big people. The sky won’t fall if they admit that they’re wrong. If they do it properly you’ll accept their apology and you guys can move forward. Although for the next couple of times you have them over you might want to consider wearing some kind of medieval breast plate.
Talk to him. Get him in line. Get Him to get them in line. And then accept their sincere apology when offered.
That’s option A. If your husband doesn’t like that then you can go for option B.
And option B can include pretty much anything you want including freaking out if they ever show up.
Your husband is a smart guy. I think he’ll choose a vowel
That whole dinner would be on the floor before I’d have sat through that bs. NTA but every single other person here is.
Oh hell I would have dropped the top down so they’d know they should definitely call before showing up.
NTA, but your husband is just as bad as his parents. He should have been the one to put his foot down and tell them to leave. He’s the one who should be telling them not to stop over unannounced. He shouldn’t be the one inviting them to stay when they’ve insulted you.
Your inlaws are creepy and horrible, but they raised your husband and they apparently raised him with no spine.
NTA but your husband and in laws are. Your husband does not respect you.
In defense of your husband, my own husband is the product of a traumatic childhood and he is like a deer in the headlights when his father starts yelling. He completely checks out as a defense mechanism.
OP, I think you should talk to your in-laws directly, the next time they call.
“I was hurt by the comments you made about my body the last time you visited. From now on, please don’t drop in unannounced. Please call beforehand if you want to come over.”
And then you have to be the gatekeeper when they contact you about coming over. “No, now is not a good time. How about Tuesday at 6 pm?”
If they knock on the door unannounced, don’t answer it. This will be hard, but you have to train them.
Be the mamma bear.
Karma farming fake shit.
When they stayed for dinner why didn’t you leave? Your husband is a pussy.
Your husband is an A$$! Why put up with such people? Put your foot down about both him and them!