Hi all, I recently took a few of my mates on a planned day out to Bournemouth beach. I ended up being one of the drivers, and I drove a total of 120 miles (60 miles each way) in my own car, with my mates as passengers.
After the trip, I asked them if they could chip in for petrol, and they seemed really surprised. One of them said something like, “I didn’t think you’d ask for petrol money,” and it kind of caught me off guard because I didn’t say anything beforehand. I assumed they’d clock that a long drive like that might need a bit of help with fuel costs.
For context, I wasn’t trying to make money off it, i was just looking to cover the petrol since it was a full day out and I was driving the whole way. Now I’m feeling unsure. I don’t want to seem stingy, but petrol’s not cheap and it was a decent distance.
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Hi all, I recently took a few of my mates on a planned day out to Bournemouth beach. I ended up being one of the drivers, and I drove a total of 120 miles (60 miles each way) in my own car, with my mates as passengers.
After the trip, I asked them if they could chip in for petrol, and they seemed really surprised. One of them said something like, “I didn’t think you’d ask for petrol money,” and it kind of caught me off guard because I didn’t say anything beforehand. I assumed they’d clock that a long drive like that might need a bit of help with fuel costs.
For context, I wasn’t trying to make money off it, i was just looking to cover the petrol since it was a full day out and I was driving the whole way. Now I’m feeling unsure. I don’t want to seem stingy, but petrol’s not cheap and it was a decent distance.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took:
After a planned beach trip, I asked my mates for fuel money. I drove them 120 miles in my own car (60 there, 60 back), and once we were home, I asked if they could chip in a bit for petrol.
Why that might make me the asshole:
I didn’t mention anything about fuel money before the trip. I assumed they’d naturally offer or expect to contribute since it was a long drive and I was doing all the driving, but I never said anything outright. When I brought it up afterwards, they were surprised and said they didn’t think I’d ask. Now I’m wondering if it was wrong of me to only bring it up after the trip.
I wasn’t trying to profit off it, it was just to cover some of the petrol. But now I’m second-guessing whether it was fair to ask at all, or if I should’ve made it clear from the start.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA They actually should have offered to pitch in or cover you for something else (food, drinks, etc) without you having to ask. That’s just common courtesy.
NTA for asking. Were your friends raised by wolves? Who doesn’t at least offer to pay for petrol when someone drives them someplace?
NTA. However, in future, if there is an expectation of sharing costs, have these conversations before the trip.
Kind of TAH. Not an AH asking for gas money but you should have told them up front you expected gas money from them, not spring it on them after the fact
NTA for asking but probably should have mentioned it beforehand.
It’s mild, but YTA for asking AFTER the trip has happened. If you want to get your friends to cover gas, you let them know ahead of time that that will be part of the cost of the trip. Asking afterwards makes it feel like you’re using guilt that they have already gone to get them to chip in, when, knowing ahead of time, they might have opted not to go.
YTA for asking AFTER the fact. When planning something like this you should ask before you all go if they can help out with $$ not after the fact.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they should feel entitled to you paying for gas but if someone is running tight on funds they would then have the option to decline going. Also means there’s a set expectation and everyone is on the same page from the get go.
Back in the 1990s in the UK my friend group always chipped in for petrol. It was considered crazy expensive then too and noone expected a free lunch. So no, NTA, and they should have assumed they’d be pitching in even if it wasn’t specified up front.
NTA. It’s sad they needed to even be asked. If someone else were driving me that far, I’d be more than happy to offer money.
NTA- I don’t even think you need to mention beforehand. Think it is sort of an unwritten rule especially for that long of a distance. Hopefully this sets a precedent that if one of them drives you somewhere you chip in for petrol
It’s not a problem if you ask for gas money,but you should said so in advance that’s all
My dad’s rule is that the driver shouldn’t pay for fuel and I totally agree because their vehicle is getting the wear and tear on it.
NTA
It’s common sense that they should help with gas, but I agree that this is a conversation to have before the trip.
NTA but I would assume that this is the normal for your friends since they were so surprised. I always chip in for anything. It’s the courteous thing to do. But I was asked, not offered, to drive my BIL 500 miles (mostly on the way) to visit his family. During the trip, he neither offered to chip in for gas or buy some fries when he went to get food while we gassed up. It’s awkward to ask and you hope they are decent people but honestly, if you don’t you probably won’t get it with your friends. My friends will always pay for this or that so now you know how your friends are.
NTA – It’s only common courtesy to offer fuel money on road trips where you’re a passenger. If the driver refuses the money, that’s fine. But the offer should still be made.
NTA.
Your friends are though. I remember a long time ago, I drove 3 friends for a day in the snow, probably 8 hours behind the wheel in all. On the way home, I went to refuel, which I was going to split 4 ways. But they wouldn’t let me pay. They felt the driving and wear and tear was enough, and the 3 of them split the cost.
This was the eighties. The one who told me I wasn’t paying died recently (I had long lost touch with her, but a friend told me). I still treasure the memories of us. I wonder when you are my age, you will still be annoyed by your tight friends instead of warmly remembering the day you had together?
If they didn’t pay for gas, they should have bought you a fancy lunch or paid for your activities for the day, literally pay for anything and it would have been cool with me.
NTA
Maybe TA. You should have mentioned beforehand, but they should have chipped in money regardless.
Should’ve mentioned it before the trip.
NTA, BUT… this is the kind of thing you should generally discuss ahead of time. Also, the total amount that you spent on gas to drive 120 miles was probably only about 10-15 pounds, which isn’t a lot. It’s not like you were driving all the way up to the northern Scotland, where the total cost of fuel would’ve been in the triple digits. So your friends were probably thinking that it was a relatively short drive and that the cost of fuel wouldn’t be an issue. But they are still savages for not offering to pay.
NTA. If they were half decent friends you wouldn’t have had to ask. It’s common sense. Anyone saying you needed to state this ahead of time is out of their minds.
You go on a trip together, you split the costs. Gas, room, parking, whatever. You can always take a bus if you want to save on money.
Friends??????
YTA
You should have asked them before you went.
NTA. You asked if they’d chip in. You didn’t demand they cover the whole cost, or make big deal out of it. Seems pretty normal, unless you all give each other lifts and the costs even out over time.
For the Americans on the thread: gas in the UK costs almost twice what you pay in the states (google tells me our current price is equivalent to about $5.79/gallon) and our cars and insurance are also a bit more expensive than yours. So 120 miles would be about £20 of fuel plus the wear on the car, and probably saved them at least £10 each compared to any other form of transport (uber, train, coach). It would be pretty normal to offer to split the fuel costs, or at least to pay for the driver’s meal or drinks, when we’d travel with mates – and didn’t require advance agreement.
Very soft YTA. If you wanted them to contribute you needed to have let them know beforehand. Plus you would have had to pay for the gas yourself if you had just been driving yourself down there and not giving a ride to anyone else. So ultimately it didn’t cost you anything extra to give your friends a ride.
NTA to start with.
INFO: was there any money spent during the trip? I mean like snacks, beer, or did any of the mates offer anything other than good company? My point is that they might feel that they paid their share by bringing beer, paying for parking, providing snacks for the road, or buying lunch, etc.
If none of that happened, then still NTA. And probably still NTA if some of that did happen (never hurts to ask).
You said it was a full day out. That probably means lunch. If you paid for your own lunch, your friends owe you for gas. If you didn’t spend money on anything other than petrol because they paid for it, you’re still not really TA, but, for the context of the question, you would qualify as TA.
INFO
How old are you & your friends? Have this kind of arrangement happened before?
If they are young & totally oblivious to how this normally works, they might not yet know this is how most civilized adults split it (reminds me to teach my own kids about this)
If you’re all 25+ and have been in similar situations, they are then inconsiderate aholes who should have at least offered. Or offered to buy you lunch or something.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that you’re wrong for not asking for money before the trip, as most decent people offer during/at the beginning of the trip to cover gas/petrol or your portion food/some other shared expense or similar value.
OP- I’d let it go this time, but keep this in mind if you have future trips with this particular group of people and tell them before the trip that they will need to pitch in and how much.
You should have said before hand that you wanted gas money
INFO: Did your friends ask you to drive or did you offer when planning the trip? Either way you should have discussed before the trip that you expected cash for fuel. If you offered and then sprung it at the end of the trip that is 100% AH
NTA
For Canadians, the considerate ones would offer to pay.
It’s not bad form to ask for gas after the fact- aside from the wear and tear on your vehicle, you having to drive while everyone else got to relax during the driving, you may have spent extra time picking everyone up etc – paying for the gas should be a normal offer.
You would only be an asshole if you demanded it after the fact- there is no contract so that would be wrong. But you didn’t so all good there.
So next time there is a long trip, don’t offer to drive and don’t offer gas. Go by their rules. If they ask about you driving, just say by the responses you got last time you assumed everyone was taking turns and covering everything. Totally fair as it’s apparently their rules.
Good friends who weren’t trying to be cheap would immediately step up, sorry they suck, at least about this.
NTA.
My friends give me shit for offering gas money (and vice versa), so I pay for parking or the first round of drinks. Your friends suck for not even offering to cover something else.
Cash , grass or ass. No one rides for free
More info needed. Have you and your friends gone on similar trips before? If so who drove and who paid gas? What’s happened in the past will affect the expectations. Probably NTA but in the future you should make sure it’s clear up front. Just saying “I’ll drive if everyone can pitch in for gas” that way no one is surprised later.