AITA for asking my partner to stop having friends spend a night or up to 4 nights in a row with them?
For background my partner and I have been together for 6 years now. Recently a few new friends have started coming around which is typically fine I have never had issues in the past. Recently the friends have been spending the night constantly which is putting a strain on our communication as the friends become top priority when visiting. I’m considering asking my partner to refrain from having them overnight and setting up something during the daytime.
I always set stuff up during the day leaving the nights for either myself or things for us to do together. Maybe I’m immature in all of this but it does feel like this is disruptive to everything.
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AITA for asking my partner to stop having friends spend a night or up to 4 nights in a row with them?
For background my partner and I have been together for 6 years now. Recently a few new friends have started coming around which is typically fine I have never had issues in the past. Recently the friends have been spending the night constantly which is putting a strain on our communication as the friends become top priority when visiting. I’m considering asking my partner to refrain from having them overnight and setting up something during the daytime.
I always set stuff up during the day leaving the nights for either myself or things for us to do together. Maybe I’m immature in all of this but it does feel like this is disruptive to everything.
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> Conversation pertaining to the issues. I might be the asshole because this wasn’t an issue until very recently and the issue is being downplayed.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your partner should be considerate of your wants and feelings and frankly, your social battery! I get it, they (im assuming) pay rent/their share too of the living space. But there’s definitely a compromise to be made here.
Overnight guests should by mutual agreement only. NTA.
NTA. Is there a reason every invite seems to include an overnight stay? Do they live far? Is this a lot of drinking during game night for example? Uber exists for just such a situation
NTA. I think your partner views your place as a great crash pad for friends. For you, it’s exhausting having a constant rotation of people in your space. It’s gets old after awhile entertaining people you barely know.
It’s your place too, and he needs to ask you before saying yes. Takes two yeses, not just one.
YWNBTA to bring this up. If you haven’t said it makes you uncomfortable then your partner has no way of knowing. I would say anyone with empathy should be actively checking in with a partner before having people over in the first place. If that isn’t happening then you may have a larger partner problem. Has your partner directly asked you about guests and have you directly told them no?
NTA
Completely displacing. And you’re always ‘on’ being a host.
You deserve to relax and have peace at your home.
So annoying to deal with guests 4 days a week like that.
NTA. You’re not being immature, your boyfriend is. Having friends over four nights in a row without discussing with you is pretty inconsiderate. It’s especially inconsiderate if these friends live locally.
When you live with someone, you need to considerate of the other person. Overnight guests, even if well-mannered, will cause disruption to your daily routine. In this case, it’s also taking a toll on your relationship, because your boyfriend is disregarding you in favor of his friends.
Every relationship is different and every couple has a different dynamic. Figure out what you’re okay with, and have a talk with your boyfriend. You may be fine with friends visiting during the day, but they need to leave by a certain time. Maybe you’re okay with friends staying overnight once a month. Regardless, you both need to agree on what’s okay. When you’re cohabitating, overnight guests should always be a “two yes, one no.”
You live there too, and he needs to be respectful of that.
You have small kids, your partner is a sex offender and he’s bringing over new people to sleep the night?
Are they his kids too?
NTA. You’re not asking your partner to stop seeing their friends, just suggesting a different arrangement (daytime visits) that works better for you.
How much work does he put in as a host?
Jesus, this is WAAAAY greasier than you’ve mentioned. You married a SO even though you have small children? And the SO is having “new friends” spend the night? YTA for exposing your kids to this.
What is the reason for them staying the night? Is there alcohol or drugs involved? If there is, obviously you don’t want anyone to drink and drive, but if it’s the case, could it be suggested that these individuals take turn hosting?
I would absolutely not be okay with what’s happening for you and I really hope your partner will be mature and responsible about it.
I’m concerned though because even having to come on Reddit to ask if it’s okay to talk to your partner about it seems a touch concerning
Also, do you participate in whatever is happening or do you end up staying in another room during the waking hours they are there?
Do you live together? If you do, you have every right to make this request.
If not, maybe reword it to explain that you’re feeling neglected. It’s his house, and he can let people sleep over if he wants. But if it’s making you feel like you’re not a priority, you need to communicate that.
NTA. Very reasonable to put limits on things. Sounds like you don’t mind people sleeping over. It’s the frequency that is the problem.
ESH. After reading previous posts from you and seeing you have kids, YTA for exposing them to the shady shit your spouse is doing. Your partner is TA also for having people over constantly. Someone needs to call CPS on your ass or you need to take the kids and LEAVE