My husband 53m and I 40f have been married for two years, I’m his second wife and we have no kids together, but he has one (28f) from his previous marriage. His parents have a beach house that everyone spends time at and we’re usually all there around the same time due to school break schedules. My SIL 50f and BIL 50m (husbands brother) were there, along with my husband and I and a few other people including my husband’s kid (28f). We were all sitting around the table drinking and playing games when my SIL starts calling her husband “Daddy”. Understandable, they’ve got two kids together, she probably uses this term around their house. A few minutes go by, and I hear her yelling at MY husband, calling him “Daddy” trying to get his attention. I immediately mention to her that I find that weird and to please not call him that. Later I find out through my husbands daughter (28f) that on a different occasion SIL was talking to (daughter 28f) and said “I love (OP) but your dad, he’s my person”.
AITA for thinking something untoward is going through SIL’s mind? Should I confront SIL and ask her to clarify what she means by using these terms?
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My husband 53m and I 40f have been married for two years, I’m his second wife and we have no kids together, but he has one (28f) from his previous marriage. His parents have a beach house that everyone spends time at and we’re usually all there around the same time due to school break schedules. My SIL 50f and BIL 50m (husbands brother) were there, along with my husband and I and a few other people including my husband’s kid (28f). We were all sitting around the table drinking and playing games when my SIL starts calling her husband “Daddy”. Understandable, they’ve got two kids together, she probably uses this term around their house. A few minutes go by, and I hear her yelling at MY husband, calling him “Daddy” trying to get his attention. I immediately mention to her that I find that weird and to please not call him that. Later I find out through my husbands daughter (28f) that on a different occasion SIL was talking to (daughter 28f) and said “I love (OP) but your dad, he’s my person”.
AITA for thinking something untoward is going through SIL’s mind? Should I confront SIL and ask her to clarify what she means by using these terms?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Confronted my SIL and said not to call my husband daddy. She may have not meant anything by it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Affairs between in laws are not unheard of and they are all close in age. I would be suspicious and asking a lot of questions especially to my husband.
Info: have you asked your husband about this first ? Perhaps l, she always has addressed him this way ?
Right now you only have hearsay for the daughter. Before confrontation with the SIL, ask your husband. Just casually being it up on conversation, that your curious as to why she calls you daddy ?.
Uhhhhh
GIRL sil literally admitted to wanting your husband, absolutely not. And her calling your husband daddy is weird af, and I don’t understand why bil doesn’t have a problem with that, and your husband needs to immediately establish boundaries with her, he should be the one telling her to stop, not you.
NTA. Have you asked your husband why she would do that? This sounds like an affair happening or she’s hoping for one.
INFO That’s creepy, and you asking once isn’t AH behavior. Has she been calling him that for long? How does your husband feel about being called a sexually charged nickname by his brother’s wife? Have they previously been romantically or sexually involved? Has she been asked to stop before you asked her to? Has she continuted to call him that after she’s been asked to stop?
Updateme
Definitely not cool, talk to your husband, let him know your concerns and that you feel this is not appropriate.
If what his daughter says is true the SIL has designs that are way out of bounds and improper.
The hell??!! NTA. That’s just gross and she needs to back way off.
Your SIL sounds like what my sister and I would call a Goat Face.
( we grew up on a farm and our mum raised goats. Male goats will pee on their own faces/ beards to attract all the female attention).
Your SIL ( or Goatface) is flexing her dominance with the males in the room. She calls her husband by an endearment then tried to get away with calling yours the same.
I’m betting she does this with her friends hubbies too.
Good for you for nipping it in the bud, but I also agree with others here, you need to find out off your husband why she thinks this is ok to do and if it’s usual behaviour.
You’re not an AH but you are putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. You’re showing that you need to worry about your husband and that you and your husband are not on the same page. People like your SIL often take that as a sign that they need to simply wait until you’re not around or that they can exert control over you by continuing to flirt with your husband.
You need to talk to your husband about this. Tell him how uncomfortable you are that your SIL sees him as her “person” and that she flirts with him openly. If your husband denies that’s what is happening, remain calm and state firmly that it is what’s going on and you feel worried and humiliated.
The point is, HE needs to be the one to deal with this. You can’t control other women. If they want to flirt with your husband, they will. You can’t fight all of them off. But you can communicate clearly with your husband about your boundaries. If he loves and respects you, he will not want you to feel uncomfortable and he will refuse to participate in flirting.
For example, he could say something like “I’m OP’s person” or “sorry, but I’m taken.” That could sound light-hearted/jokey but it would also make it clear that your husband is not available.
As long as your husband is not encouraging her, you have nothing to worry about. People will judge her.