I live with my partner of 6 years and our 4-month-old baby. My sister is wants to visit our city next month for a week and asked to stay with us. ( What made me curious, because of the recent wedding clash ) She has a fully trained service dog for a medical condition. My baby was recently diagnosed with a severe pet-dander allergy which resulted in wheezing/hives after a brief exposure at my in-laws.
I told her that I’m uncomfortable hosting the dog in our one bedroom because the dander could linger in soft surfaces, the nursery is basically the living room, and our allergist warned that a bad reaction could mean ER. I offered to: pay for a pet-friendly hotel near us, cover her Ubers, and pay for a professional deep clean of our place after her visit so she can still hang out here during the day (windows open/air purifier on). I also said I’d book restaurants or activities that are accessible for her and the dog.
She said asking her not to stay with the dog is effectively excluding her, because the dog can’t be separated from her overnight. She called me ableist and said that I could give my child antihistamines. My mom said, that I should make compromises, what I see as being grunty because of the thing with the wedding of my sister.
From my side it is like this:
I’m not banning the dog from my life. I’m trying to keep the dog out of our tiny sleeping space for one week and throwing money and time at alternatives so my sister still feels welcome and supported.
She sees it as, the dog is part of how she safely exists, period.
AITA for prioritizing the baby’s health and asking my sister to take a hotel while still fully including her in the visit?
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I live with my partner of 6 years and our 4-month-old baby. My sister is wants to visit our city next month for a week and asked to stay with us. ( What made me curious, because of the recent wedding clash ) She has a fully trained service dog for a medical condition. My baby was recently diagnosed with a severe pet-dander allergy which resulted in wheezing/hives after a brief exposure at my in-laws.
I told her that I’m uncomfortable hosting the dog in our one bedroom because the dander could linger in soft surfaces, the nursery is basically the living room, and our allergist warned that a bad reaction could mean ER. I offered to: pay for a pet-friendly hotel near us, cover her Ubers, and pay for a professional deep clean of our place after her visit so she can still hang out here during the day (windows open/air purifier on). I also said I’d book restaurants or activities that are accessible for her and the dog.
She said asking her not to stay with the dog is effectively excluding her, because the dog can’t be separated from her overnight. She called me ableist and said that I could give my child antihistamines. My mom said, that I should make compromises, what I see as being grunty because of the thing with the wedding of my sister.
From my side it is like this:
I’m not banning the dog from my life. I’m trying to keep the dog out of our tiny sleeping space for one week and throwing money and time at alternatives so my sister still feels welcome and supported.
She sees it as, the dog is part of how she safely exists, period.
AITA for prioritizing the baby’s health and asking my sister to take a hotel while still fully including her in the visit?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I offered my sister to sleep in a hotel, so my baby doesnt get hit by his allergy because of her servicedog
(2) I dont see why I should be the asshole, but because I should make it possible so she could sleep with us
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
You’ve already compromised by generously offering to pay for the pet-hotel and outdoor activities.
NTA. It’s time for someone to educate your mom and your sister that there are very strong recommendations against giving antihistamines to a four month old, including that they can be life threatening. Your child’s health and wellbeing should be your top priorities. Absolutely do not compromise on this. Don’t listen to the name calling.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
Your 4 month old human trumps the service dog.
Your baby can’t tell you they feel bad. The baby should NOT have antihistamines. FFS. You’ve offered multiple alternatives. Sis can visit elsewhere.
Source – allergy sufferer and parent to kid with epi-pen allergies
NTA she instantly went to the victim card ignoring the safety of your brand new baby, it’s nothing to do with her conditions and everything to do with the dog, any dog.
Do not bow to this madness! Also be very clear that she will not be staying over at yours, I can see a “whoops something happened with the hotel booking” bs approach in your future
NTA. Baby takes priority over sister, and definitely over a dog (even a service dog). You’re not being ableist, it’s even ironic she calls you that when she is fine endangering your baby’s health. You’re not excluding her, you are telling her point blank that you will not allow a dog in your space because your baby is allergic.
ETA thanks for the award!
Absolutely NTA.
Your 4month old Newborn has a known allergy and you’re the problem?? your family needs to read a medical book about anaphylaxis. If it was me I wouldn’t even be half as accommodating as you’ve been (the dog would simply not be allowed in my house at all. I’d schedule meet ups elsewhere)
NTA. As someone who has two dogs of my own and no kids yet….your family is ridiculous. Also, I would stop offering to pay for your sister’s accommodations. I’m assuming she’s a grown adult? And visiting your city was her idea, you’ve already told her it won’t work for her to stay with you, so now she can either find another place to stay or not come.
Noooooooooo. you are right. And don’t feel guilty. Baby first. Shame on her. tsk
nah you ain’t the asshole. your baby’s health comes first period. like we’re talking ER trips not some minor sniffles. you bent over backwards offering hotels ubers deep cleans most ppl wouldn’t even do half that. your sis calling it ableist is kinda wild cuz you’re not banning her or the dog from your life you’re just not risking your newborn’s lungs. sucks that she feels excluded but she’s acting like it’s all or nothing when you’re literally trying to make it work. your mom pulling the “compromise” card here is off too there’s no compromise when it comes to your kid breathing.
NTA Baby’s health comes before your sister’s comfort.
nah you ain’t the asshole, your kid’s health comes first and those allergies sound serious as hell, you bent over backwards offering hotels, ubers and cleaning so it’s not like you’re icing her out, she’s just mad cuz you’re putting up a boundary but that’s on her, baby’s safety > hurt feelings every single time
My mom said, that I should make compromises
So what’s your sister’s compromise? Basically mom is saying to accommodate your sister and her dog. There’s no compromise in that.
I don’t understand how your sister doesn’t see how you’ve come up with a great solution. The dog can be there during the day, just not overnight.
NTA
NTA. Why is your sister comfortable with risking your baby’s life? Also, you graciously offered decent alternatives.
So a person with medical condition (your sister) wants you to compromise on your child’s medical condition, putting their health at risk and if you don’t you’re ableist? Is she fucking kidding? You’re offering to lay out money (a significant amount I assume) to make a reasonable adjustment that will allow you to all spend time togeather and that’s still not good enough? If you “compromise” now you’ll be doing it forever and your child’s health could suffer significantly as a result. Stop offering to pay for her now, she can pay if she wants to see you all.
NTA
“Sis, what part of ‘your service dog can send our baby to the ER’ do you not understand?”
I call BS, based on all the NSFW posts of OP in the last hour. Apparently service dog hate is the latest fad for AI
NTA- but with a service dog, she can stay at any hotel, even if not pet-friendly.
NTA
The allergy does not care if it’s a pet dog or a service dog. It’s a dog. The allergy will react regardless.
OP tried to find a middle ground for both
Pet friendly hotel
Uber
Etc
Your child is 4 months old and you need to prioritize the baby. Your adult sister is acting like a baby. Quite frankly, your sister needs a service animal for a reason and if anyone should understand the baby’s condition, it should be your sister. Not to sound dramatic but people have died having reactions. NTA but your sister and mother are.
NTA Tell her she is being ableist as she is discounting real allergies and not respecting the severity, just because she doesn’t suffer from them.
Also I would not have the dog in the apartment at all, way too risky. Any aunt who would care more about their comfort than the health of a baby niece is a pretty crappy person and deserves no extra effort on your part.
To be honest even without the allergies I feel like a tiny baby and a one bed apartment is a horrible situation to have a house guest as both may disturb each other and everyone would be in each others space.
A four month old infant should never be dosed with antihistamines, just to placate a sibling who wants to visit. Tell her, no. You will not put her and a dog before your tiny, vulnerable 4month old baby.
Tell her she will have to get a hotel room. No option if she is visiting your city.
She announced that she is visiting, you had not invited her. Her visit is unacceptable if it will CAUSE a health issue with YOUR BABY! WHAT KIND OF NARCISSIST MONSTER IS SHE?
NTA. Your baby has an allergy that if activated could end in an ER visit. The fact that you are willing to let your sister in your house at all is very generous.
Your mother said that you should make compromises but what more can you do? “Where will she stay?” You offered to find and pay for a hotel. “How will she go back and forth?” You offered to pay for ubers. “What if she wants to see you and the baby?” You are allowing her to come over at your expense (both your time and money due to paying for a deep clean). On top of that, you also offer to book activities that her dog can come to. What other compromise does she suggest? Perhaps sending your baby to a hotel for the week?
Your sister needs to check herself and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around her and her dog. You’ve done your best and screw her if she feels excluded.
NTA. You are 100% not ablest because you are doing everything you can to accommodate her dog. She however is incredibly ignorant to think it would be safe to give antihistamines to a 4mo and to prolong exposure to that 4mo known allergy. I would not let that dog anywhere near my house if either of my kids were allergic. All visits would be outside and my kids would still only be allowed non-touching distance
Why would it be okay for the dog to be in your home during the day, but not overnight. You said the nursery is basically the living room. So either you are not being honest about babies allergies or you are putting baby at risk for an ER visit if the dog is there during the day.
Both your kid and she have disabilities here. To borrow a line from the ADA, disabilities should get “reasonable accommodations” and you are being more than generous. She is not respecting your child’s health needs, so she needs to check herself for ableism.
Is it even safe to give a 4 month old antihistamines? I don’t have kids so I’m not certain, but my assumption would be no – so many drugs aren’t safe for babies that little! Definitely don’t sacrifice your baby’s health. NTA 100%
NTA But please don’t let a dog come over even during the day. Dog hair and dander gets everywhere. Your baby deserves one safe place it can breathe.
NTA. Just to be clear pet dander will be on your sister’s clothing. It may be in your best interest to not let her come to your house at all. Maybe you can visit her at her hotel without the baby?
NTA, my kid has a severe allergy to dog dander too: dogs are not allowed in our house, period. We don’t go to places that are dog-friendly, and we don’t go to houses where dogs live. It’s unfortunate that your baby is allergic to your sister’s service animal, because yes, you need to exclude her from any and all activities where your baby will be present. She wants to accuse you of being ableist while actively downplaying someone else’s life-threatening medical condition? Gtfo
If you have an infant with a severe allergy, why would you have her hang out with her dog at your house during the day? Dander is still there during the day and a purifier and open windows doesn’t stop the dog from having dander or your kid being exposed to it?
Your child’s health comes first. Your sister needs to accept that you are not turning her dog away you are protecting your child. The fact that you are offering to help her with the additional costs of staying in a hotel should be enough for her to compromise and make a few minor changes to her visit. It’s not like you are asking her to leave her dog outside somewhere!
So she wants you to accommodate her medical condition, but not the medical condition of the child that lives in the home? The baby is 4 months, and already had an interaction. Antihistamines? Are those even feasible at that age??
NTA. Forget peer pressure.
Definitely NTA. It seems like people really don’t understand allergies. Anaphylaxis could kill your baby, and antihistamines aren’t always enough to prevent that.
I will say, your sister shouldn’t need a pet friendly hotel specifically. If her dog is truly a service dog, it’s allowed anywhere with her
She wants your baby to risk dying so that her dog doesn’t have seperation anxiety? And your mom is on her side? What compromise does your mom envision??
I would ban contact with your side of the family indefinitely. They don’t sound like the kind of people that would bring a dander free change of clothes when they visit to keep your baby safe.
NTA.
I wouldn’t even allow the sister to visit the apartment without the dog because her clothes will have pet hair and dander on them
NTA I’d rescind the invite after she called you ableist and shown a complete lack of concern for your child. If she can’t respect the needs of your family then she doesn’t need to be around you.
NTA, NOT THE ARSEHOLE.
You have a young child with a diagnosed severe Allergen to Pet Dander.
That excludes, pets from your home. Just as for someone with a Food Allergrn, you would exclude, all traces off that food, from the home.
K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid. Person/Child lives in homes, Allergens matter First. All visitors would need to put on shoe covers and change into non Dandered clothing. If they wanted to touch/be near that babe, if it were mine.
And yes, I come, from a background living with Allergens. Just taking Antihistamines, will not stop the Allergies from flaring up, you will still feel awful, just less chance of an ED, visit.
?, would Aunty/Grandmother pay for that ED visit, if it was needed, becauseof contact with pet Dander??
NTA. Your sister is delusional. I bet your pediatrician’d have something to say about giving a 4-month-old Benadryl!
Don’t pay for a hotel room. Don’t accommodate her in any way. She is wrong and you are wrong. The answer is no. Stop discussing it with your family.
NTA
You have gone above and beyond offering compromises.
You are protecting your child. This isn’t an allergy that just gives her some snuffles and runny eyes, it’s one that could kill her if she will need the ER.
Your sister is the one being unreasonable here
NTA to your sister at all, but you would be the asshole if you let her dog in your house
She thinks her medical accommodations are more important than someone else’s medical accomodations?
NTA. An infant is entirely dependent on you to keep them safe and healthy, so regardless of what your sister may think, the baby’s medical accomodations do in fact trump hers.
Ironically she’s the one who’s being ableistic
Withdraw your offers of hotels, ubers, outside cleaners & other costs. Stop behaving as if its your place to bankroll this.
Your childs health is not available for any compromise. Time in her life needs to be restricted to people who understand & respect allergies and allergen regimes.
Shut this shit down now, because the dog is going to be around for a while and those tiny lungs need all the chances to grow strong they can get
Draw on your hand in red marker an accurate size representation of a sick 4month olds lungs, and show them
If you dont make them understand how potentially serious this is, you’ll be posting in a few years wondering why your kid always comes back sick from grandmas
I don’t think you are, but I just wanna ask…when you said a pet friendly hotel you meant for her AND the dog right? Not a boarding facility for the dog? Her comment about the dog being separated from her at night is weird so I just wanna clear that up.
NTA Your sister’s medical condition does not mean she can create a medical issue for your child.
NTA
Even without the child and dog, asking to stay for a week in a one bedroom space is a HUGE ask. And you could justifiably say you don’t have room to host her for that long.
But when you add in the baby with a dander allergy, I would not be letting your sister come over at all let alone letting her stay. Yes, you are putting your child’s health before your sister’s. And that is absolutely what a parent should do.
User is suspect. Bunch of porn activity then suddenly an AITA about a baby with an allergy?
I don’t buy it. YTA, user.
NTA you even offered to pay for the hotel?!?!? How ungrateful can they be you went above and beyond to try and accommodate them.
NTA. You’re making excessive compromises. And maybe still even risking your infant’s health? Wow, you’d think she’d be really appreciative.
I’m sorry, you’d be NTA even if there was no allergy diagnosed and you just didn’t want any pet living with you, to make sure an allergy doesn’t develop. Your child is FOUR MONTHS old. You get to make decisions.
Your mom is wrong, too: this isn’t about making compromises, it’s about your child’s health and safety. Also, is it even safe to give a four-month old antihistamines?? And why would you give your (again) FOUR MONTH OLD CHILD medication that isn’t necessary???
Big time NTA.
You already have 3 people in a 1 bedroom apartment, and your sister wants to stay and become a 4th? What’s the plan? She shares the loungeroom with a 4month old baby? you don’t even need to have the service dog as a factor in order to tell your sister there simply isn’t room. But I just can’t imagine what kind of person would want an uncomfortable lack of privacy as a first choice and be upset by a ln offer of a free hotel instead.
NTA and I don’t see why you’d need to pay for her accommodations. It’s neither of your faults therefore if she wants to visit she can book and pay for her own accommodations
Your sister is nuts, keep your baby safe.
Nta it selfish of her to ask you to put your child health at risk
You are not being ableist. You are prioritising the needs of a minor with an allergy. You’ve tried playing nice.
‘Our home is my daughter’s safe space and home. My daughter has a severe allergy and we have been warned a severe allergic reaction could result in a hospital stay. She is 4 months old. I am not subjecting her to unnecessary stress or discomfort in her own home. I have tried to compromise but as that is not good enough I guess it is best you make your own arrangements.’
NTA She might be used to fighting for her dog’s rights to access spaces this is not one of them, you are going over and above to accommodate her offering to pay for a hotel and deep clean the apartment after her visit.
Her need for a service dog does not override your son’s right to breathe and be safe in his home. Your not telling her to leave the dog at home your simply stating your small apartment isn’t suitable for an extended visit.
I am curious if your living room is essentially the nursery where exactly does she expect to sleep, are you going to be expected to vacate your bedroom for her. I’d think that a paid hotel room would be ideal.
Sounds extremely entitled and definitely the AH in this situation.
You’re in a lose / lose situation. It seems like your sister needs her dog for her medical safety and your baby needs to not be around any dogs for the baby’s safety.
I wouldn’t compromise. A pet friendly hotel near you and hanging out in open air spaces is as best as it’s gonna get. NTA
NTA ask your mom and sister why they are so ok with exposing your baby to a known allergy? Your sister is behaving like a child throwing a tantrum you’ve offered many compromises she declined them all
NTA. She can stay at a hotel nearby. By law, hotels cannot exclude service animals and cannot charge extra. It sounds like she catches a lot of discrimination for her dog, and just now assumes whenever she hears “no,” it’s about discrimination against her— instead of using a little introspection to realize that other people also have disabling medical conditions that require accommodation.
NTA. Her need to exist safely through her dog’s presence DOES NOT outweigh your four month old child’s need to exist safely. You’ve offered plenty of alternatives; sis needs to choose, not make demands.
So just… let your baby end up in the ER, or potentially die? Is that what your sister wants? Screw her. Don’t pay for a damn thing now
NTA.
NTA. Why should you potentially severely compromise your new baby just so she won’t feel left excluded. She is not the center of the universe, your baby rightfully should be. You shouldn’t even be letting her hang out during the day and then deep cleaning.
Just meet her outside and your compromise of paying for her accomodation and transport with pet friendly places and activities is more than enough compromise on your end.
What is your sister doing to compromise besides complaining?
In what way is this abelist- you’ve literally been told your kid could end up in hospital due to the severity of their allergy… And you sister- the babys AUNT doesnt care that their dog could be the reason this happens. She’s been given several other options to keep the dog with her and away from your kids space.
Who said she’s more important than your infant? She’s not winning any aunty awards any time soon
NTA
Why are you even asking this? NTA NTA NTA thousand times over!!
Your baby is 4 months old. Your sister and mother can pound sand! You do not take a risk with a baby that small!
NTA, you’re fine.
Your sister is accusing you of being ableist, yet she is underplaying the risk to your child of her dog. NTA
NTA
Honestly she’s being insane to prefer being crammed what I assume would be on a living room couch next to a baby in a small apartment instead of accepting the offer for a paid hotel (assuming there are nice ones by you that aren’t dirty or sketchy), that was going above and beyond for her. She’s crazy
NTA but you definitely are for trying to be so nice about it. Your sister can pay for her own hotel and transportation and activities. Allergies, especially in a baby, are NEVER something to compromise on. A baby can’t tell you if they feel sick or can’t breathe my husband was born with allergies and asthma and ended up in the hospital several times as a kid because of it. Your baby will always be more important than someone else’s pet especially when that someone is acting S entitled as this I would cancel her visit altogether.
NTA. Frame it like this. No, you cannot stay. My baby might DIE if you bring your dog over. You won’t die to stay in a hotel.
NTA. You have been more than willing to meet halfway on this issue. Your sister is being entitled, and your mom is being enabling. Baby comes first.
NTA at all. I’m sorry you are being made to feel like you are.
NTA
You just don’t want her staying there 24/7. That’s absolutely reasonable considering you have a BABY with a SEVERE ALLERGY. An adult can take some meds and deal with it if the allergy isn’t that bad, but WTF is with your family wanting to drug up a baby? Which still may or may not help!
At this point, I wouldn’t try to accommodate anyone. No one is welcome. Get stuffed.
NTA. You offering the hotel & Uber was a compromise. Your child comes 1st & foremost. Expecting them to live in a 1br home with a known allergen for a week is ridiculous. Not to mention that the pet dander & allergy risk will linger long after sister & service dog leave. The irony of your sister, who presumably has a service dog for physical/medical reasons, completely disregarding the medical needs of your helpless infant child is rich.
You can’t give a 4 month old antihistamines. And you’re being way wrong to allow the dog in your house at all. Your first priority has to be your child.
NTA. My sister visits every few months and it’s absolutely clear that she can’t stay over in our 1BR now that we have a baby. And she doesn’t even have a dog. Your family sounds annoying.
NTA. You have to keep your home safe for the actual human who lives there who has dangerous allergies. You aren’t being ableist, you’re being a protective mom. And if your mom and sister can’t see that, they have a bigger issue. You have offered to cover dog-friendly accommodations for her; does she want to be in your home 24/7 for a week with the dog? That is not feasible! Sounds like she wants to stay in your home so you’re obligated to cater to her…
Tell mom and sis that you choose your son.
Absolutely NTA. This is your kids home, they should be safe from possible anaphalaxis in their own home. You don’t owe anyone your home as a free Air B’nB. It’s gross she would rather you medicate your infant than accept staying somewhere else.
NTA, but you’re offering to be way too accommodating.
No pets in the house is the hill to die on, and she can pay for her own hotel. Your sister is beyond entitled to think her service dog is more important than your child having her home being safe to breathe in.
NTA
sorry I wouldnt be giving my baby allergy meds and I’m pretty sure its not recommended? So her idea is out the window..
Don’t give in. Protect your baby and if she wants to visit id honestly just meet her and the dog outside of your home.
If she cared about the safety of your baby she wouldnt even be risking it.
NTA. Tell your selfish sister that your infants health, life and safety come before her. As an adult she can adjust for a short period of time to put the best interest of an infant ahead her.
NTA. The health of your child – or any other family member (but a baby is more vulnerable than an adult) – comes first. You are being very generous in offering to pay for alternatives.
NTA, and you made a very generous offer. There’s no way I would give a 4-month old antihistamines unless it was an extreme situation, and I can’t think of one. There’s something wrong with your sister that she would ask you to do that. I love dogs and wouldn’t travel without mine because she’s old, needs meds, and I don’t want her feeling anxious at this stage of her life. If I were in your sister’s situation, I would gladly pay for my own room with my dog.
NTA
Allergy severe enough for ER as per medical advise for a baby unable to make any decisions. Why cannot they see that they (sister and mother) are so TA that I would call the police for assault and attempted murder if that dog turned up.
Surely your sister can find another way without her service dog for a short period to see your family for a short while. And rely on video calls as well.
We got another one who thinks she’s in the Oppression Olympics, beating out a baby with a medical condition. NTA
Your sister needs the dog for a medical condition. Your child also has a medical condition. Why does your sister think that her condition should override your child’s condition in the child’s home? Your sister is being incredibly entitled to think that she is more important than an infant, in the infant’s home. A person’s home should always be a safe space for them, so your sister is the AH for trying to pull a power play over an infant. Your mom is also an AH for saying you should make compromises, when you clearly tried that. You are NTA, but your sister is a huge one, and your mother is as well.
Well by all means cave to the loonies, if you don’t mind the risk of your child dying. I mean the dog and sister’s feelings certainly outweigh the life of your baby. (Sarcasm)
NTA. It’s insanely selfish of her to risk your baby going to ER just so she can sleep there, even though you are willing to go above and beyond to cover all expenses coming from doing this ONE thing. She’s a massive asshole.
This is a non-starter. Baby plus allergy equals you and your service dog stay somewhere else.
Period. And I’m not paying for a hotel.
Your child’s health is more important to you than your sister’s health AND you offered to pay for the cost of the alternatives. NTA
You are SO NTA here. Her solution is to keep a 4 month old INFANT on freaking Benadryl an entire week? What if she has a severe reaction while everyone’s asleep?!
Your mother and sister can fuck all the way off.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
NTA – this isn’t some teen with mild allergies who can agree and consent to taking extra meds briefly. This is a baby who can’t even breathe through their mouth yet so nasal congestion is far more dangerous. They are being ableist by not considering others medical needs. You have tried every option beyond risking your babies health and giving them more drugs….you have compromised. You aren’t banning you are limiting and taking on all the financials to help. I wish I had someone as considerate in my life.
Not real.
Why do you need to ask this? Your primary concern is the safety and well being of your child.
Fake, troll. Check the profile. It’s just some guy gooning.
NTA OP
Hold your ground. Your house is not a public place. No is a full sentence
Her dog doesn’t need to be in house at all if your baby is reacting that seriously. You are literally risking her health by letting a dog in the house. Don’t do it. I don’t let people bring gluten into my house because my daughter has celiac. Even a crumb of cross contamination will make her sick. Our families hate it but I don’t care. Remember health is more important than feelings.
If your baby has severe dog allergy, I can’t see how having a dog at your place is an option at. ‘’Just during day time’’ won’t help, obviously. Is this story even real?
NTA.
I say this as someone who is training their dog to be a service animal (a legitimate service dog), does your sister have a legitimate service dog?
If she does, then, by law in the majority of countries, she is allowed to have her dog at a normal hotel.
I take my Harry almost everywhere. But, if a place isn’t appropriate for him to be there – like someone might have a phobia or a lot of children present etc – I either don’t take him with me or I adapt to the situation.
One of my nieces (she’s 6) has been nervous and sometimes scared around dogs for a bit so I adapted. If she wasn’t feeling up to being around him, that was fine – I found a way.
I, as the adult, and as his handler, found a way.
Yes, I’m disabled and require a service animal but that doesn’t mean I get an automatic card for every situation.
Your child is so young and pet dander can be an absolute deadly allergy.
Your sister, as an adult, and as a handler, has a responsibility to adapt to that situation. Whether it’s through medication, extra monitoring, support person etc.
You have come up with what I consider to be a great solution to her being able to visit AND put your babies health first.
You have already compromised.
I’ve never heard of safely giving a 4 month old infant antihistamines. You’re offering a lot to accommodate your sister but sending your baby to the ER is not an option. Her medical condition doesn’t override your baby’s safety and well being. Once the baby is older, I’m sure there are things that can be worked out with the help of your pediatrician but for now, NTA. Your sister’s service animal shouldn’t be in your house at all. Baby’s allergy is no less serious than sister’s condition.
Next time your sister calls you an “ableist” or “selfish” or your mom asks you to compromise. I would tell them what is there to compromise my child’s life or sister’s comfort hmmm 🤔 not a hard choice!!!! This is a baby we are talking about, why does no one care that she could get extremely sick and maybe cause lifelong problems because she’s so young.
NTA
Nice to know that your family don’t give a sh*t if they cause the death of your baby.
Personally, I wouldn’t pay for a single thing for her. Sister wants to visit, so it’s her choice to pay or not.
NTA.
You are offering to pay for a solution that works for both you and her. Your childs welfare is at least as equally important as her welfare.
While I fully support service dogs there are occasionally practical considerations where it comes to things like allergies.
NTA. You make compromises between whether a pet can be on the furniture. Not with a baby’s life. What compromise is there? Let’s only partway hurt the baby?
Clear NTA. This isn’t ableism, this is balance of risk. If having the dog around will put your child’s health and wellbeing at clear and tangible risk, then don’t have the dog round.
YTA to your kid for allowing the dog in the house at all. In other words, NTA to your sister, but the dog can’t be there at all. (And if your sis wants to see the baby, you meet somewhere else and she has to put on a clean shirt and wash her hands before she holds the baby. This could kill your child. Please take it seriously
NTA. Your sister is TA for expecting you to allow your baby to potentially get sick just so she can stay with you
NTA. No, we don’t agree to put our children’s lives at serious risk because a grown adult might have their travel plans inconvenienced.
“Sister, you need your service dog for you to stay healthy/alive, just like my child has to avoid dogs in her living space to keep her healthy/alive. So no, we can’t be the ones to host you, our needs are incompatible.”
Also, stop bending over backwards to solve her travel arrangements for her! Stop offering to throw all this money at it and apologizing! She’s not entitled to be hosted by people on command, and she’s not entitled to you groveling and being her personal travel agent because she’s irrationally and heartlessly pissed that you refuse to let her endanger your child to save her money/convenience on accommodations.
And any discussions about giving your infant drugs to fix this?! No. Hard no. Your pediatrician makes those decisions, your self-absorbed sister and meddling, enabling mom do not.
Like how much of a golden child is your sister that you feel bad telling her no to literally protect your baby’s life?
NTA.You can’t just give an infant antihistamines. You’ve offered to pay for pet friendly accommodation, her ubers and restaurants. Your mom thinks you’ve not been accomodating are unwilling to compromise. Ask your mother if the baby needs to go the er will sister be paying the bill? Or will mom?
NTA first of all, it is YOUR HOUSE. Second a 4 month old shouldn’t be given drugs to convenience your sister. 3rd there are pet-friendly hotels. Your daughter’s health and well-being come first and foremost. Good luck. Your sister is selfish.
When we’re putting dogs above our own children, we’ve gone insane.
NTA
I think that you offered reasonable accommodations/alternatives.
Even if your child didn’t have a pet dander allergy, I think that you would be within your rights as the parent of a 4 month old to tell your sister that you don’t feel comfortable hosting her at your place, since it sounds like you live in a one bedroom apartment.
NTA but your sister is, you already have been told by the allergist that a reaction can mean possibly an ER visit. You are looking out for the health of your baby (4 months old) and you have offered many compromises on your end shes acting like a spoiled ass brat.
My little brother was diagnosed with severe allergies as a baby. He had asthma, pet and food allergies. Our whole household revolved around keeping him safe and many times he would end up in the hospital in an oxygen tent. Trust your doctor. Your child’s health is your priority and your sister is a massive ableist since she wants to start with that crap. Now you know you also cannot trust your mother when it comes to your child’s health, too. NTA and your sister is a massive AH
NTA
Your sister’s health, whatever health issue it is that the dog services, does not outrank your infant’s health, especially in your infant’s home.
You are looking at a childhood of standing your ground so that your kid can continue to breathe. You are looking at a childhood of “yes, but my cat is hypoallergic | eats special food | took a magic bath” and “yes but my dog is necessary | a medical device which you can see because she wears a special vest | a family member | legally allowed everywhere” and “my special ionized water cures that” and “but just get shots and take a zyrtec” and “but my cousin’s neighbor’s best friend’s tarot reader is allergic too and she’s just fine with my Fluffy”. Stand your ground, and start getting used to it.