My sister (29) lives with me (27m) and my fiancé (25f) in a tiny one bedroom apartment that is rented by my fiancé and I. We allowed my sister to “temporarily” move in because she said she needed a change of pace and we agreed to let her have an air mattress in our living room for a bit. It’s been 5 months since she moved in and things have been getting increasingly tense lately.
Tonight my fiancé had a friend of hers over my sister has never met before and while my sister was at work I texted her asking if she could stay out a little longer, maybe swing by a store or something on her way home so we could have a bit more privacy. She gets off work at 8 and usually arrives home around 8:30-8:40. I asked her just to come home a little after 9 instead. She readily agreed in the texts and ended up getting home around 10:30 right as our friend was leaving. The instant our friend was out the door she was accusing me of wanting her out to avoid meeting our friend and that I didn’t want her around. I told her that’s not true and that she could have come home sooner than 10:30 because we had both agreed on a bit after 9. She’s been upset and crying in her car now for about 20 minutes and personally I’m just fed up with the dramatics but if I’m the AH then I’ll apologize.
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My sister (29) lives with me (27m) and my fiancé (25f) in a tiny one bedroom apartment that is rented by my fiancé and I. We allowed my sister to “temporarily” move in because she said she needed a change of pace and we agreed to let her have an air mattress in our living room for a bit. It’s been 5 months since she moved in and things have been getting increasingly tense lately.
Tonight my fiancé had a friend of hers over my sister has never met before and while my sister was at work I texted her asking if she could stay out a little longer, maybe swing by a store or something on her way home so we could have a bit more privacy. She gets off work at 8 and usually arrives home around 8:30-8:40. I asked her just to come home a little after 9 instead. She readily agreed in the texts and ended up getting home around 10:30 right as our friend was leaving. The instant our friend was out the door she was accusing me of wanting her out to avoid meeting our friend and that I didn’t want her around. I told her that’s not true and that she could have come home sooner than 10:30 because we had both agreed on a bit after 9. She’s been upset and crying in her car now for about 20 minutes and personally I’m just fed up with the dramatics but if I’m the AH then I’ll apologize.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the AH because this is “technically” her home as well now and I asked her to leave for a little bit just to have some more relaxed time with our friend.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. I suspect she’s feeling sensitive because she knows she’s overstayed her welcome and you don’t want her living there anymore. Maybe that’s what the conversation should be about?
NTA – you asked, she agreed and is now upset?
Also, 5 months on an air mattress, in your one bed flat? She’s out stayed her welcome. You both need to get firm and give her 30 days to move on. She’s taking advantage.
NTA – Five months for a change of pace? The pace is too slow at this rate. It’s time to have a conversation and set a time limit.
Your request was reasonable. She should respect your need for privacy in your home.
NAH
Idk why you would take in a third person in a one bedroom because they need a change of pace. This seems like a crowded and stressful situation for all involved. Time to figure out how to end this asap or move to a bigger place i guess.
NTA, but this can’t continue.
You will get on much better with your sister if you are no longer sharing this tiny living space with her.
I’d be getting tetchy and wanting my own space even if your fiancé hadn’t brought a friend over. It’s just too small.
An air mattress in my living room, for a friend or relative who is desperate for somewhere to stay? Yeah, OK. For a night. Or two, or three. A week at most.
Five months? No. I’d want my living space back. She’s got to move on.
Well yeah, it’s true, you don’t necessarily want her around anymore and it’s time to discuss when she’s moving out as you’ve been kind enough but you’re entitled to your privacy and the crocodile tears and the guilt trips aren’t going to work. She should feel bad she’s encroaching on your personal space
Girl is reaching 30 and still acting like the world revolves around her.
NTA don’t apologize. Let her cry in the car. Maybe it’s time she started to feel less comfortable and be inspired to find her own place
It’s simply time for your sister to move on. You need to communicate this
No offense, but is this a common occurrence? You may need to suggest counseling if this is her attitude most of the time.
It’s not normal
YTA for letting her move in in the first place. Sad you made your fiancee put up with this- not very respectful. Can’t even relax in her own living room.
Pretty telling that your sister, a guest in your home, starts drama and now is crying – boo hoo!
NTA
But you need to tell her she has a month to move out, the tension can ruin the relationship to your fiance, but also your sister. 5 months with no rent should mean she has a saving and if she doesn’t that’s on her
Why apologize? She’s crashing on your floor, and crying over a simple request. Tbh I would have said “yeah, I don’t particularly want to introduce you to anyone. I’m tired of stepping over you, find a place to live besides my floor.”
NTA. Your sister needs to grow up
NTA
But why couldn’t she come back? What was so wrong with the friend that she couldn’t meet? Oooor was it a 3some type of friend?????🤔🤔
She clearly has to get out. It’s not healthy for anyone in this scenario
She needs to go. Five months is way too long for anyone. Tell her that she needs to start looking for somewhere else to live asap. NTA, but your sister is. Even if you didn’t want her to meet the friend it’s none of her gd business.
NTA and it’s time for sister to get a home of her own. A change of pace is not an excuse to live in the living room for months on end.
You’re TA if you keep letting her live with you. Tell her you need a change of pace that includes living alone with your fiancee in your tiny one- bedroom apartment that you never should have let her move into in the first place, because it’s gonna be hell getting rid of her.
She sound like a bratty little girl, who has overstayed her visit!! Time for her to move, look for a room mate,,,, get outta your “living room”!
NTA except to your fiancée. Your sister has been living in your tiny home’s living room for 5 months? Because she needed a “change of pace”? Tell her she needs another change of pace – one that gets her out of your house. You ask for space for a couple hours & she’s sobbing in the car? Do you really need this drama in your life? Sleeping on an air mattress in the living room is a weekend at most. 5 months is ridiculous.
The apartment is rented by I.
I’m sorry to correct grammar but does that not sound grating to your ears?
NTA. Are you charging your sister rent? If not, maybe you should consider it. If possible, put that rent aside, if you don’t need it, and give it to her a little down the road for a first months rent and a deposit.Give her a Headstart. She needs to be out on her own.
NTA Your sister is incredibly selfish.
She knows she has stayed more than long enough for a change of pace.
She is crying crocodile tears to manipulate to feel sorry for her.
Time to have sit down and talk it out,the living arrangements is not working anymore.
She needs to either find another place to live or you all in need to find 2 bedroom place together and split everything 3 ways.
NTA. She needs a wake up call. She definitely senses she’s outstayed her welcome but is playing victim to the next steps in front of her. A little push to remind her she’s an adult who’s able to move and climb up out of this situation herself certainly does not make you in the wrong. You and your wife are kind for taking her in and supporting her, best of luck to all of you 💛
NTA, she has had 5 months to save up. Time to leave. Let her know she has 30 days to find a new place to live.