I 26 f am getting married to the loml next year in august, we’ve been together for 5 years and finally decided to tie the knot. I don’t have a relationship with my biological father but am pretty close to my step dad who came into my life when I was 15, he has a daughter who I’m not very close to as she was 20 when he started dating my mom and blamed her for her parents divorce. Just to clarify my mom didn’t cause my step dad and his ex wife to break up they’d been unhappy for a while but had been staying together for their kids and once they’re son turned 18 they decided to divorce and he began dating my mom a few months after that. So after announcing my engagement and during the wedding planning I asked him to be the one who walked me down the aisle, he said yes and was happy saying that he was so excited to be able to do this for me. Once his daughter found out I’d asked him she got upset, she called me and said I had to pick someone else because I wasn’t his daughter and she should be the only one he walks down the aisle with and she deserved to have him walk her down the aisle first before me. I said that I was sorry and knew that this was an important thing for her but it was also an important thing for me and that whenever she got married he would walk her down but I didn’t have nor want anyone else to do this for me. This made her even more angry as she started screaming at me over the phone saying that she wouldn’t be going after some home-wreckers daughter, again my mom did not sabotage this man’s marriage and her mom has said this to her several times as well as she is on good terms with my mother and step dad. Her words obviously made me angry because like nobody insults my mother so I called her a bitch and said that it wasn’t my fault that nobody wanted to marry her and I wasn’t going to put my life on pause so she could be happy. I know that it was probably an overreaction and was mean to say but she’s really been pissing me off with her talk about my mom. Now she won’t stop texting and calling me saying I’m an asshole and how I had to take this special moment away from her. I honestly feel bad because I know that she’s only doing this because she’s still hurting from her parents separation. So AITA?
AITA for asking my step dad to walk me down the aisle before his step daughter gets married?
r/AITAH
Comments
What moment are you taking away from your step father’s daughter? The answer: none. Try ignoring this woman as best as possible, and then decide whether to allow her to attend your wedding.
NTA
She just mad, ignore its existence
Wedding traditions are so stupid to me
NTA
I understand why she doesn’t want her dad walking someone else down before her… but she’s not engaged and he wants to do this for you. If she has to be mad at anyone I guess it should be directed at dad. No one did anything wrong though. Def NTA
Nta. i believe your stepfather would be very happy to walk you down the aisle.
Get security at your wedding in case she tries something. Passwords to all vendors etc.
Put her on block and ignore her, but expect her to go to her father & try to guilt trip him. If that fails she may try to turn other family members against you.
NTA
NTAH Remind her she’s only been in his life 5 years more than you. If she wants to be the first he walks down the aisle she better get her ass looking for a man who finds her jealously attractive. Don’t back down. He will ultimately make the choice.
I think she needs her father to lay down to law, including how she is allowed to speak to and talk about his wife. I hope that you don’t have to invite her to the wedding.
NTA, block her.
You need to talk with SD about her behaviour and that you’re concerned about her mental health. Show him the texts, and then block her. She clearly has issues and needs to build a bridge and get over them
Definitely NTA. Your step sister is being unreasonable. He can walk her down the isle then. Congratulations and I wish you the best at your upcoming wedding.
Block her… let her text you crazy shit, then block her. When people ask why, show them the text.
Why are you allowing this toxicity into your life?
Block her.
Go no contact and don’t even bother telling her.
NTA. If you we’re having a joint wedding, sure. But she’ll get her own special day, and honestly, she can make herself look good if she handles it with grace.
If your stepdad is still willing, stick with it.
Block her
ESH. Your stepfather is ruining his relationship with his daughter over you, you don’t care because she doesn’t matter to you, and holidays will be hell forever. He isn’t your father, and you wanting him to be doesn’t change the fact you won’t see him if your mother ends the relationship and he moves on. Starting a marriage hurting other people because your wants matter more than someone else’s grief over the loss of her family is Bad Karma. Get thee ALL to therapy.
As long as he’s willing to damage the relationship with his daughter over this, that’s his choice.
Please just stop this mess
Just ELOPE
NTA.
Don’t invite her to the wedding but don’t let it be known till you actually send out the invites. You don’t need her to ruin your wedding planning for you. You’ll definitely need security there. And the security only listens to you and your husband (your mum and her dad might given in to her demands).
Don’t block her but mute her. If you block her, she’ll explode in you even more. If you mute her, she won’t know that you’re not even reading what she’s sending. See if you can send her calls to voice mail. If you can’t mute her, send her a lengthy message setting boundaries with her before blocking her. Let her know that him waking you down the aisle first won’t take away the special moment she’ll have when he walks her down the aisle in the future. Sound hopeful about it so it distracts her from her jealousy. But definitely don’t let her know that you’re not inviting her.
Have a heart to heart with your step dad telling him everything. Ask him if he really wants to walk you down the aisle. I think it’ll make you feel better hearing it again. And ask him to set boundaries with his daughter (I intentionally didn’t call her your step sis because she’s not very sisterly). Tell him it’s unacceptable behaviour and that no one’s allowed to talk about your mum like that. If he doesn’t set boundaries, that’s a red flag…….
Good luck and CONGRATS!
NTA Do you and just ignore her. I would have a designated bridesmaid to accidentally spill red wine on her if she shows up in a white dress.
Not even.
Block her ass. Enjoy your wedding!
What is wrong with her and don’t say she’s reeling from the divorce. That’s not an excuse for her behavior. Even if your mom had been the cause she needs to accept that her parents don’t love each other. She doesn’t get to choose for them. Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA it’s not your fault she’s not married yet. Walking you doesn’t ruin his ability to walk her. Dad’s walk multiple daughters down the aisle and the order only matters to brats.
Just block her and go on with your life.
NTA. she’s jealous, it’s up to the step dad. I hope this doesn’t ruin it for you, and fighting with her will only make it worse. people make so much drama around weddings.
Blocked. Problem solved.
The AH is the father
What someone can only walk someone down the aisle once in a lifetime? What if she had a biological sister, would he only be allowed to choose one? She’s just jealous and looking for an excuse to feel wronged. It takes nothing away from her.
NTAH.
Block her!!! She is obviously unhinged and hasn’t accepted that her parents’ marriage failed to the fault of no one outside the marriage. She needs to see a psychologist.
She deserved what she got from you after what she said about you and your Mom.
Do not invite her to the wedding or any wedding related events.
Updateme
Stop worrying about this. You’ve already asked him! Don’t discuss this further with her.
Nta. You aren’t taking any moment away from her. She still can have her dad walk her down the aisle and have a special dance or whatever she wants, too. You having a moment with him takes absolutely nothing from her. Block her negativity and forget to send her wedding invite
NTA, but why don’t you just block her? She needs to talk to a professional about her unresolved feelings about the demise of her parents’ marriage, but if stepdad doesn’t have a problem with your request, that’s something she needs to pay attention to
Block, block, block. NTA.
Nope. Don’t invite her to the wedding
NTA for wanting your step dad to walk you down the aisle.
YTA for the way you responded to her attack, given the fact that you recognize and are sensitive to what’s driving her behavior. Ignore her and move on.
NTA. Her reasoning is ridiculous. You could ask your stepfather if her claim is a family tradition on his or her mother’s side. If not, tell your stepfather you would be honored to pop his aisle-walking cherry.
NTA.
She isn’t actually involved in any of this. She’s just trying to insert herself. She doesn’t have a boyfriend. She isn’t getting married. She doesn’t get to tell you how your wedding should be. She doesn’t get to say who walks you down the aisle.
Your stepdad DOES need to have a conversation with her. He needs to tell her that when he walks her down the aisle it will be just as special to him as his walk down the aisle with you. And he needs to tell her that he loves her and has never considered you to be a replacement for her, just a really great bonus child.
She has a right to her feelings. You all just need to tell her that you know how much her dad loves her and that you love her too.
So he can only walk one of you or has to walk her first bc it’s like a virginity thing?
I’m so lost at her reasoning.
NTA she’s just irrational in her issue here. He can walk you both down the aisle . It’s not up to her it’s up to him.
NTA. SD has an infinite number of bridal walks down the aisle. He won’t use them up if he walks you down the aisle. Your stepsister is lashing out because she’s still holding on to a child’s hurt that their parents divorced. Stepsister needs to face her anger. She’s not mad at you. She doesn’t want to share. You happen to be a convenient punching bag.