My wife has a habit of using her phone while driving. It’s usually on city speed roads, but occasionally happens on the highway too. Most of the time, she’s checking messages. I’ve expressed concern, especially when our kids and I are in the car, but when I bring it up, she often gets defensive and says I’m trying to control her or tell her what to do, and that I should worry about myself.
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My wife has a habit of using her phone while driving. It’s usually on city speed roads, but occasionally happens on the highway too. Most of the time, she’s checking messages. I’ve expressed concern, especially when our kids and I are in the car, but when I bring it up, she often gets defensive and says I’m trying to control her or tell her what to do, and that I should worry about myself.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my wife to stop checking her phone while driving, especially when I and our kids are in the car. She got defensive and accused me of trying to control her and tell her what to do. I might be the asshole because I brought it up more than once, and she feels like I’m nagging or policing her behavior instead of trusting her judgment. I’m wondering if I crossed a line by pushing the issue, even though it’s a safety concern.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA…It’s dangerous and illegal. She’s putting your children’s lives, your life, her life, and everyone else’s life in danger. This shouldn’t be an ask, this should be an outright demand.
Are you seriously asking Reddit this? Of course you’re NTA.
Absolutely NTA. What she’s doing is quite dangerous – and I might add, also decidedly illegal in some (most?) european countries.
Maybe it’d help if you concentrated on the safety aspect even more than you’re already doing? Also, you ARE worrying about yourself here, and with good reason.
Good grief. Where I live it is illegal to be on your phone doing anything, while driving. If you get caught there is a fine you pay and a point is added to your driving record so your insurance premiums go up. In this case I think google is your friend. You need to google the number of accidents in your area that happened while using a cell phone while driving. Also google how many fatal accidents there were. Given the proof of what can happen if you are driving, texting or talking on a phone, maybe then she will understand your concern. I’m sure she would be devastated if she caused an accident where your children were killed because she felt compelled to answer a text message. Messages and calls can wait until you are no longer driving. I miss the days before cell phones.
NTA: What kind of question is this? It is illegal to use a mobile phone while driving in 24 states as well as many other countries. You can get arrested for being on your phone while on the road.
ntah, i’ve had to threaten leave the car in the middle of a task to get my so to stop with the phone ugh bruh! like what, you want to kill us!?? 😅🤣😮💨
NTA. This isn’t a AITA question, she’s putting everyone in the car at risk and doing something illegal. There’s no justification, just bad choices (and hopefully some shame behind her defensiveness).
YTA if you keep letting her drive your kids around like this! She’s being reckless and selfish.
If she needs to be on her phone, you drive. Or get set up with a good Bluetooth system that lets her listen to her messages and dictate them back if she absolutely has to.
NTA.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine too. It’s alarming how many people use their phones while driving. It’s the leading cause of car accidents, followed by drunk driving. Talk to your wife and explain that she might have a phone addiction that you can help her work through. Show her how her behavior puts both of you and other drivers at serious risk!
NTA.
Show her this
https://youtu.be/v4dl2quJTzA
NTA. my mom does this too and it makes me scared for my life every time she does. she’s gotten into two accidents with me in the car – none with life-threatening consequences – and still doesn’t stop. i don’t drive with her at all anymore if i can help it. you’re a good dad to those kids if their safety is your first concern.
if it were me, id show her statistics or videos about the dangers of distracted driving so she can understand why it’s so dangerous. worst comes to worst, maybe don’t let her drive the kids places if it’s feasible?
Is this illegal where you live?? It is where I live!
It’s not illegal where you are? Yikes. To save your kid’s lives, you will have to ban them from driving with her. Is this drastic? Ask her if she wants a police officer to sit down and talk with her instead. NTA
This has to be fake.
Using phones and driving has surpassed drunk driving for fatalities.
Tell her that, she’s safer driving drunk than what she’s doing.
Nta
Nta don’t get in the car with her. Don’t let your kids get in the car with her. Shes telling you her texting is more important than all your lives
NTA, get off your damn phone while driving.
Context needed: Is phone use hands-free? If it is, it’s probably fine, if somewhat rude to the rest of the people in the car (making you all hear her messages). If not hands-free then yeah, she’s 100% TA. And completely irresponsible.
NTA
Line the inside of the car with brass netting.
NTA. Simple solution. No one rides with her.
NTA. Using your phone while driving is illegal for a reason, because it’s dangerous and frankly stupid.
NTA. You’re safer on the road at 3am with the drunks than at 7am with the idiots texting and driving. At least the drunks are trying to pay attention to the road.
NTA. Is she just playing the messages aloud or actually looking at the phone? If the latter, I wouldn’t ride in a car with someone who does this. I think statistically speaking it’s more dangerous thank dwi. And no way would I allow my kids in the car with her.
NTA. She is.
But you are worried about yourself because your a passenger. And others. Do people really think they might be an asshole for not wanting to die in a preventable car crash? Don’t be so timid about this
NTA tell her you ARE worrying about yourself! I refuse to be in a car driven by someone distracted by their phone, and with children no less?
Is she serious? All attention needs to be on the road. Yes, alls good until it’s not. She’s being irresponsible.
NTA. Tell her that you’re not expressing concern about yourself. You’re expressing concern about your children.
Let her know that her behavior increases the risk of your children getting hurt, and that parents need to put their children’s safety ahead of their own desires.
Is this her car or yours sir?
You’re literally worrying about yourself if she’s driving. Your wife is thoughtless and very selfish.
No you tell her that it’s not about her it’s about the safety of your kids and other people. Tell her that it’s 100% fine to do it if she’s in the car by herself, but with other people? Your kids? That’s a different story. Risk your life when you’re by yourself not in the car with innocent people.
What is so freaking important on her damn phone that she chooses to put her children and other innocent people on the road at serious risk by her selfishness? This would be a dealbreaker for me. There. Is. Nothing. On that phone that cannot wait. She has no right to endanger the public with her inflated ego thinking she’s either invincible or can do as pleases regardless of the potential and very real consequences. I work in a field where I see the aftermath of these “accidents”. Lives are lost and destroyed and ironically, it’s usually the distracted driver who suffers the least. It’s not about you trying to control her. It’s about her utter disregard for others, including her own children, and choosing to distract herself when clear thought and full attention is required. As I said, this is dealbreaker territory in my opinion. She has no right to continue this behavior. NTA.
NTA.
Take her keys away. She’s endangering the lives of others.
NTA You are worrying about yourself and your children. Your wife is a dangerous driver. I would not get in the car with her.
NTA
Give her 3 choices
She’s a MONSTER! OP, please give educational videos and make her watch them.
Nta
NTA.
You are worrying about yourself. She’s going to get you killed. Take her phone and put that thing in the trunk. This way you get from point A to point B without the aid of a body bag or an ambulance. (Or causing some other soul to use either one of them.)
If she kills someone and it can be proven that she was on her phone when the accident occurred, it could be vehicular manslaughter.
Talking through your stereo. A-OKAY. Initiate the call before you start driving.
Looking down at some shit if you are not at a RED light. Never cool
NTAH
Your phone will still exist once you get home. Prioritize your family.
I saw a sign outside a church in the USA – Toot your horn if you love Jesus. Text whilst driving if you’d like to meet him
.
No. It is impaired driving and dangerous.
NTA.
She’s getting defensive because she knows she’s wrong and expects you to be okay with her behaviour. “Why do you never take my side?” type shit. She is also saying that you’re trying to control her because that’s become a catch all for red flags, making it impossible to argue against because then they can twist your words to make you sound more controlling. If having a conversation isn’t possible, then take away her ability to endanger you and your kids. If she picks up her phone while driving, tell her to pull into a parking lot and call a Lyft for you and the kids. Stop getting in the car with her all together. When she says you’re trying to control her, tell her that she is free to make whatever choices she wants but those choices can not endanger you or your children.
While your kids are in the car is unconscionable. Worth butting heads over. That’s her brainlessly endangering your kids. That’s a mark of an unfit mother
NTA she’s defensive because she knows shes doing something wrong and doesn’t like that being pointed out. Shes endangering her kids and tbh if its not being used for maps her phone should just be away entirely.
I am more afraid of texting drivers than I ever was of drunk drivers.
Those are the people who kill motorcyclists. She’s horrible inconsiderate and dense
This is why I’m so glad it’s illegal in the UK for even touching a phone when driving!
This would scare me if she was driving like this with me let alone with kids in the car
I can’t believe she went to “you’re trying to control me”. If she can’t grasp and separate the safety issue, then OPs got bigger problems.
NTA and if you want to hammer the point home, show her this. It’s a road safety video from the UK that shows you exactly why you shouldn’t text and drive.
https://youtu.be/sKU7b6UaJsY?feature=shared
NTA. The reason you’re telling her this is that you are worried about yourself.
NTA. Nothing good comes from using a phone while driving. Some people may never live the consequences, but it’s really not worth the gamble.
110% NTA. This is about as reckless with the health of people she loves as smoking while she pumps gas or teaching the kids to juggle chainsaws.
What your wife is doing is completely irresponsible and in many places, illegal. And if she does it when your kids are in the car, you’d be justified in literally grabbing it before she can check. Tell her you can fight about it when you get home. She has no leg to stand on so just keep doing it and ignore whatever tirades she subjects you to until she changes. Sucks, but better than endangering your children’s lives.
Well at least when she kills your children you’ll know you didn’t offend her too much. Of course YTA. Why are you still allowing her to drive your children around?!