I’m 45m and she’s 41 f, we’re married with no kids or pets. One lazy Saturday morning while I’m sleeping late before going to gym, she wakes me to ask if I want her to make me breakfast.
Her: do you want me to make you breakfast?
Me: no, I’ll make something later when I get up
Her: why can’t you just let me make you something?
Me: Boiled eggs
She then goes to kitchen and comes back and starts using her phone in bed. A few minutes pass, more than enough time for the eggs to be done but she’s engrossed in her phone. She doesn’t move from the bed. I eventually get up and go check them.
Her: where are you going?
Me: to check the eggs
I get to the kitchen and I see it’s three eggs in the pot. I normally boil 2 for myself so it’s apparent she put one for herself. She shouts from the bed: can you make me an egg with some toast?
I’m pissed because she was waking me up earlier than I wanted to get up by offering to do something I didn’t want and something that I ended up doing despite her volunteering. When she was in bed on her phone I didn’t say “hey don’t forget the eggs” because I’d feel like I was bossing her around. And I don’t think she did it as some ploy to get me to make her breakfast, I think she genuinely intended to make it but got caught up doomscrolling.
AITA for wanting to ask her to not make me breakfast anymore? She means it as an act of love but it became a task of annoyance.
Comments
NAH.. shes trying to show love but it ended up backfiring because you didnt actually want breakfast and she got distracted. Just be honest and tell her you’d rather handle your own meals, clearer communication will save both of you the frustration
Dude, the last thing you want in a marriage is to ask your wife to stop doing things for you. Just enjoy it and kiss her.
This seems like a very innocent distraction on her side that ended up pissing you off, that’s unfortunate. Just forgive and forget, its sweet that she wants to cook for you!
You seem more angry than the situation warrants.
Why can’t you let me make you something? “Because I don’t want anything”.
Problem
Solved
No body is really the asshole here. Let her ruin some eggs and a pot.
Is this situation similar to other things she does?
If it’s annoying you and you don’t say anything about it she is going to repeat her behavior. If it annoys you tell her don’t offer to make me breakfast if you’re not going to finish the task.
She is the AH. Never wake someone up!
Is it still an act of love if it’s unwelcome? The impulse is loving, yes, absolutely, but surely the result should matter too. A lot of us find it uncomfortable to train on a full stomach, and I think she should have respected your preferences.
Make sure she knows you appreciate her when you tell her that you prefer to handle your own morning nutrition. NTA.
Talk to her about it. It’s a simple little thing that hopefully can be talked about & dealt with easily enough but ya gotta communicate & hear each other. NTA.
Get counseling?
NTA. BUT, I would stay in the moment and avoid “anymore” or “ever again” language. Take each day and offer as new.
Learn from this that you should have stuck with your first answer (No). Next time you want to sleep in and she asks to make you breakfast, say, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I just want to sleep in today” (kiss kiss snore snore). You get the idea.
I guess you should have asked her how the breakfast was coming along since she’s suddenly focusing on her phone. Irritating to say the least. Supposedly you’re mates for the long haul. Shouldn’t be that big a deal.
You didn’t have to eat them, just make sure that the boiling pot is safely turned off. You could have gone back to sleep after making sure the house didn’t burn down while she was staring at her phone screen.
Now you don’t want her to make you breakfast ever again? I feel you’ll regret that. The same way I hope you regret turning this into a big deal
You’re talking to the wrong person.
” No thanks. I don’t want breakfast. I want to sleep some more. Or sex. Are you waking me up for sex? Don’t wake me up for eggs. Wake me up for sex. Not eggs. I’m going back to sleep.”
Sounds like my FIRST husband.
Him: do you want X?
Me: no thanks, I want Y at the moment.
Him: Are you sure?
Me: yes, but I appreciate you asking.
Him: are you absolutely certain?
Me: yes, I just want Y
Him: how about A or B
Me: no thanks
Him: hmmm, A or B sound good
Me: (in desperation) ok. I’ll take B
Him: you’re absolutely certain you don’t want X or A?
Me: (thinking he really wants A). Ok, A
Him: and you have really excluded X
Me: (shouting) I DONT REALLY WANT ANYTHING BUT Y!!!!!!!
Him: why are you so mad? I was just trying to be nice.
Me: 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Nta
She seems like a genius to me ! 🤣 NTA.
“Why can’t you just let me make you something?”
“Why can’t you just let me sleep in?”
This seems like a meeting that should have been an email. “Honey, I’m not hungry, I just want to sleep more right now. Xx”
NTA. My response to “why cant you just let me make you some eggs” would have been “because I’m clearly not hungry. I was asleep. You woke me up to ask me this. Why would i want eggs while i was asleep?”
Just exhausting! We have a rule on weekends don’t wake the other up unless the house on fire.
You could tell her that you don’t like breakfast especially if you’re going to the gym.
You’re NTA but I would advise you to not tell her that. It’s just going to cause more problems than it solves. Just make sure you absolutely refuse her next time she offers.
NTA. That’s just rude and selfish of her, tbh. Sounds like she’s either really oblivious to what she’s doing, or she’s doing it on purpose.
Anymore ever? How about talking about no wakeups on one day per weekend? And communicating directly that you’re disappointed she got wrapped up in her phone and you ended up taking over breakfast duty. Seems there is much more going on here that a fumbled breakfast and an unwelcome wakeup
If I’m asleep, I’m not hungry. If I’m hungry when I wake up, I’ll get food then. Don’t wake me up to force me to take care of a need I don’t currently have because I’m asleep.
For future, you also didn’t have to check on the eggs or remind her to check on the eggs. It’s her project, let it be. Especially since you didn’t want the eggs on any particular timeline anyway. Just go back to sleep. (and ask her not to wake you up in future “If I’m still sleeping, assume the answer to breakfast is no”.)
NTA. Her eggs would definitely have lots of shell pieces in them. I am petty.
NTA but I think the bigger issue is her waking you up! That screws up your REM cycle even if you fall back asleep (so you will need more sleep.) This might need marriage counseling to deal with the bigger issues.
You need to ask her to not wake you up unless you sleep through your alarm. This needs to be a hard line. Like in joking way “honey if you keep waking me up before my alarm I will need my own room.” If it continues “I need a life partner who respects boundaries.”
My bet is she wants you up to do things or give her attention and breakfast is just her excuse. Adults should know how to state their needs and request what they want. Something like “sweetie I need time to hang out with you on the weekends” or “sweetie we have a ton of work to get through this weekend. I need your help doing XYZ and I would like you to do your share of the normal household chores. How do you think we should schedule our time this weekend?”
If it is that she gets distracted while cooking, ok. Still the key issue here is not who cooks breakfast. The real issue is her waking you up. (You can make many things that you premake then heat and serve for breakfast.)
My wife never eats breakfast. If she is awake, I always offer. Just being a good partner.
Sounds like there are better ways to be taken on a lazy Saturday. And be in a good mood
She didn’t want to make you breakfast. She wanted to wake you up. You’ve got a problem. NTA.
Ugh your wife is being obnoxious here. You were way too nice about this 😅 Nicer than me!
I would have said, “because I’m asleep”.
If I felt I had to deal with the eggs, I would have just taken the eggs off the stove and gone back to bed, and said “I’m just turning off the stove, not making anything.” And if she asked why, say, “it’s not time for me to even be awake yet. Please let me sleep”.
Or, I would have not even gotten up to get the eggs. If they start to burn, say, “what is burning?”