Hey Everyone, I (34F) and husband (40M) and have two boy ( 7 & 10). Married for 11 years.
My husband gets his hair braided for the last 3 years with the same braider, she does a great job. My hairstylist is also great but he does not offer braiding services. So I asked my husband if his hairstylist does hair for women too and he said “yes and why”. I showed him a picture of what I wanted, its a simple low maintenance, hair parted in the middle with 1 braid down each side. They are typically called French/Dutch braids. I figured since I’ve seen her work I wouldn’t have to worry about the quality of work. I haven’t gotten braids in years, but this summer is unbearable and its been crusty and muggy at work. I’ve been wearing twin braids because thats all i know how to do :/.
He immediately got defensive and said “It’s weird for me to get my hair done with her, and that I should get my own stylist.” So I asked him why he got so defensive, and he said that’s how he relaxes and chills, and doesn’t want me involved.
He also stated that I always try to interject in things, so I asked him for an example. He said that I started using his XBOX, when he bought it last year, mind you our kids play on it. I’ve played on it randomly, maybe a total of 1 hour each month lol. He plays maybe 4-6 hours a week. Thats when I got upset, because we argued about the Xbox a month ago and I told him ill just get an Xbox for me and the kids, so I dont have to hear the comments, and I haven’t played since.
Any advice yall can share? I really dont understand this way of thinking. I personally dont mind sharing things or recommending my hairstylist to people. Also, this is pretty new, because last time we had an Xbox and a Playstation and we would play together, so I dont understand why it’s “his way” of relaxing and it cant just be something we either do together or separately.
Btw, I truly dont mind him playing games, i usually watch a show or get some work done on my side hustle, so ill give him his space. Sometimes ill watch him play if he’s excited about a game and wants to show me the cool features.
Just want outside perspective. Is anyone the asshole here?
Thanks yall
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Hey Everyone, I (34F) and husband (40M) and have two boy ( 7 & 10). Married for 11 years.
My husband gets his hair braided for the last 3 years with the same braider, she does a great job. My hairstylist is also great but he does not offer braiding services. So I asked my husband if his hairstylist does hair for women too and he said “yes and why”. I showed him a picture of what I wanted, its a simple low maintenance, hair parted in the middle with 1 braid down each side. They are typically called French/Dutch braids. I figured since I’ve seen her work I wouldn’t have to worry about the quality of work. I haven’t gotten braids in years, but this summer is unbearable and its been crusty and muggy at work. I’ve been wearing twin braids because thats all i know how to do :/.
He immediately got defensive and said “It’s weird for me to get my hair done with her, and that I should get my own stylist.” So I asked him why he got so defensive, and he said that’s how he relaxes and chills, and doesn’t want me involved.
He also stated that I always try to interject in things, so I asked him for an example. He said that I started using his XBOX, when he bought it last year, mind you our kids play on it. I’ve played on it randomly, maybe a total of 1 hour each month lol. He plays maybe 4-6 hours a week. Thats when I got upset, because we argued about the Xbox a month ago and I told him ill just get an Xbox for me and the kids, so I dont have to hear the comments, and I haven’t played since.
Any advice yall can share? I really dont understand this way of thinking. I personally dont mind sharing things or recommending my hairstylist to people. Also, this is pretty new, because last time we had an Xbox and a Playstation and we would play together, so I dont understand why it’s “his way” of relaxing and it cant just be something we either do together or separately.
Btw, I truly dont mind him playing games, i usually watch a show or get some work done on my side hustle, so ill give him his space. Sometimes ill watch him play if he’s excited about a game and wants to show me the cool features.
Just want outside perspective. Is anyone the asshole here?
Thanks yall
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I asked to use my husband’s braider instead of finding one myself. I may be the asshole because I dont understand what is wrong with sharing an XBOX, instead of trying to understand.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want you to use his hair stylist. I mean, if this was the only example, I’d be suspicious! But since he doesn’t want you to use his xbox either, I guess that’s just how he is. So find another hair stylist, no big deal, keep your husband happy. Maybe ask your husband to ask his for a recommendation?
NTA, husband probably said something the at braider, he is afraid you will hear. You got to talk about your hair is worked on. Often some of it drifts into “locker talk”
No comment here about electronics. My family everyone has their own computers, game systems, tablets and phones and would not think of using someone elses. I understand that is not the norm. Oddly we share the one TV we have though.
Sounds like he’s fucking his hairstylist and doesn’t want you to find out
NTA. Your husband is overly protective of weird shit. Make an appointment with THE (not his) hairstylist. Do not discuss it with him. He doesn’t own them. Buy yourself an XBOX.
NTA , nor is he exactly, but strange non sharing behaviour in an adult. As for not wanting you to go to his hairdresser that is downright odd. You don’t think anything is going on there? Or that he may be talking about you in a way you wouldn’t like?
When he says you insert yourself into everything, is that true? Because if so, it is irritating and might call forth his present behaviour . Not that l am condoning it, but it does explain things a bit.
NTA. Does he message friends on discord on his xbox? Could he be badmouthing you to them and the hairstylist?
NTA,… your husband is just being insecured
NTA. Your husband is weirdly territorial and doesn’t know how to share. If you’re looking for a particular service, and your spouse has a trusted provider of said service, it’s not weird to ask for a recommendation. When my husband needed a physical therapist he went to mine, when he needed a dentist he went to one I recommended.
NTA. It’s kind of weird your husband won’t let you patronize the same stylist he uses. Does he not want her to be successful??
Is there any reason that he might not want you two to meet and talk?
NAH. I think your husband just want something that’s just his. You all probably share so many other aspects of your life he just wants a place that’s just his like his barbershop.
Maybe he’s told them he’s single. Take the kids with you when you go.
He’s sleeping with the hairstylist…
he probably talks a bunch of shit about you to his braider and doesn’t want them to meet you. i feel like people YAP with their stylists lol they probably know too much
Nah… Different upbringings can contribute to different ways of dealing with sharing things. If he was forced to share frequently as a child, he likely enjoys having his own things that he feels should be his and his alone, especially if he’s worked hard for them or uses it as a form of relaxation, and to have them be “borrowed” or pressured to share can bring up resentment from the past. Same with the hair braider. He might feel it’s “his thing” and you’re now encroaching on that.
Personally, I tend to need space and seperate activities from a partner, so that I don’t feel smothered, and the braiding might very well be the breath of air he requires, and your request would make it seem like you’re trying to take that away from him. Logical? Not really, but human emotions are complicated.
I’d say find a different hair braider, I’m sure there’s several decent ones in your area, and I’m sure he’d appreciate it.
Your husband is an AH. You are NTA. He is not the fucking gatekeeper to his stylist’s client list!!! If it would be weird that’s his problem, not yours.
He’d die if he heard about how me, my husband, his parents, sister and niece all get our hair done the same day by the same lady. She also does nails. Will come to the house and set up shop and we all roll in and then out. You don’t have to get your hair braided at the same time, he needs to chill. You’re his wife!
NTA. As someone who grew up constantly having my privacy invaded and my things taken from me and messed with, I can understand your husband to SOME extent. I used to be more protective of my belongings. Less so people. It’s better now that I learned healthier coping mechanisms and what not, and live with people who respect my privacy and space.
It’s silly he acts like you’re hogging the console. Is he fine when the kids use it? Is it just when you use it that it is an issue? Because if it’s just you, that makes me think your adult brain may see something he doesn’t want you to. Whereas children will just game and not usually look around at messages or contacts.
Has he always been like this or is it recent?
I know a lot of people vent and talk to their hair stylists to relax. So I can see why he might prefer space in that regard. Those reasons aren’t absurd to me. It’s more just his defensive behavior about some things but not others? Like, when I used to be worse, it was about EVERYTHING. Not just a few things. That’s what stands out to me here.
Is he friends with his hair stylist outside of getting his hair done? Could they be gaming together? It could really just be he has bad sharing habits. It’s hard to say from all this.
Either way, NTA. I’d say he isn’t one either, but that is only if he can communicate better why he is behaving like this. Right now, imo, he is being a bit of the AH in how he’s handling it and not reflecting on why he is like this.
NTA, why is he acting so weird about the hairstylist? I find that really suspicious.
NTA. But my guess is that he complains about things about his home life to her (not necessarily things that are that deep even) and that’s why he doesn’t like it.
It’s possible it’s the same thing on the Xbox… does he do game chat or is discord available on Xbox? (I play strictly PC, so I don’t know how Xbox works, exactly). If he’s chatting with team members, it’s possible he may have let a few complaints slip.
Could me stuff as innocuous as “she left the gas tank empty again!” But people may not necessarily want their spouse seeing their vents.
The hairstylist thing I get because a lot of people talk to their hairstylist about their life and the issues they are dealing with. It’s possible he talks to his hairstylist about you and he probably thinks it will be awkward for the hairstylist to do your hair after he vented to them about you. Now the Xbox thing is weird. I have a PlayStation and I don’t mind if my partner or child plays it.