When I was 17, I was in a traumatic car accident that completely changed my life.
I had just been discharged from my very first major surgery – a week after I was discharged from my three week hospital admission a friend offered to take me to Sonic to get a strawberry milkshake. (That’s allll I was craving lol) On the way there, we hit ice, spun into a power pole, and the impact sent my head through the window and ripped open about half of the thirty-some staples down my abdomen. I ended up back in the ER and was hospitalized again for several days.
In the years that followed, I went through four more major surgeries, including feeding tubes, challenging recoveries, long hospital stays, etc. As I’m sure you can imagine took a bit of a toll on me both physically and emotionally.
The accident happened in January 2016. I finally received my injury settlement in March 2019, when I was 20 years old.
Upon receiving it, my parents pitched me the idea of putting the money into their long-standing high-yield savings account (earning 4.95% interest) to grow until I was ready to use it. So out of trust, and knowing I didn’t have a real use for that amount of money at the time, I wrote them a check for the roughly $60,000.
It felt like the smart, responsible choice – and I had no reason to question if I would ever see it again.
Well, now I need it. I’m 27. I’ve been dealing with ongoing health issues, am trying to sell my house to survive financially, and finally asked my parents about accessing the money. That’s when they dropped the bomb:
They told me there are no funds left. That the entire amount and then some, was used to pay off my medical debt.
Here’s the part that confuses me: I’ve been on my own health insurance plan and paying my own medical bills and premiums since I was 18. So… what debt exactly? Where did the money actually go? I’ve asked, but I get vague explanations and more guilt-tripping — stuff like, “We’ve done so much for you,” and “You wouldn’t have made it without us.” Or just stating “We don’t owe you anything”.
They don’t deny the money was mine. They admit I gave it to them. But now that it’s gone, I’m somehow being painted as ungrateful for even asking about it. Some family members are siding with them, saying I should just “be thankful” and let it go.
But it was a settlement I fought for due to the physical impact it had on me. I gave it to them to protect it and grow it, not to have it vanish without a trace. And if it was truly spent on my behalf, why was I never told? Why wasn’t I involved in a single decision?
So… AITA for asking my parents to return the $60k I gave them from my injury settlement – or at least explain what happened to it?
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When I was 17, I was in a traumatic car accident that completely changed my life.
I had just been discharged from my very first major surgery – a week after I was discharged from my three week hospital admission a friend offered to take me to Sonic to get a strawberry milkshake. (That’s allll I was craving lol) On the way there, we hit ice, spun into a power pole, and the impact sent my head through the window and ripped open about half of the thirty-some staples down my abdomen. I ended up back in the ER and was hospitalized again for several days.
In the years that followed, I went through four more major surgeries, including feeding tubes, challenging recoveries, long hospital stays, etc. As I’m sure you can imagine took a bit of a toll on me both physically and emotionally.
The accident happened in January 2016. I finally received my injury settlement in March 2019, when I was 20 years old.
Upon receiving it, my parents pitched me the idea of putting the money into their long-standing high-yield savings account (earning 4.95% interest) to grow until I was ready to use it. So out of trust, and knowing I didn’t have a real use for that amount of money at the time, I wrote them a check for the roughly $60,000.
It felt like the smart, responsible choice – and I had no reason to question if I would ever see it again.
Well, now I need it. I’m 27. I’ve been dealing with ongoing health issues, am trying to sell my house to survive financially, and finally asked my parents about accessing the money. That’s when they dropped the bomb:
They told me there are no funds left. That the entire amount and then some, was used to pay off my medical debt.
Here’s the part that confuses me: I’ve been on my own health insurance plan and paying my own medical bills and premiums since I was 18. So… what debt exactly? Where did the money actually go? I’ve asked, but I get vague explanations and more guilt-tripping — stuff like, “We’ve done so much for you,” and “You wouldn’t have made it without us.” Or just stating “We don’t owe you anything”.
They don’t deny the money was mine. They admit I gave it to them. But now that it’s gone, I’m somehow being painted as ungrateful for even asking about it. Some family members are siding with them, saying I should just “be thankful” and let it go.
But it was a settlement I fought for due to the physical impact it had on me. I gave it to them to protect it and grow it, not to have it vanish without a trace. And if it was truly spent on my behalf, why was I never told? Why wasn’t I involved in a single decision?
So… AITA for asking my parents to return the $60k I gave them from my injury settlement – or at least explain what happened to it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action was asking my parents to return the $60,000 settlement I gave them to hold in savings for me when I was 20. They told me it was gone and had been spent on medical debt—without ever informing me or involving me in those decisions. I pushed for answers, questioned where the money actually went, and asked for accountability.
I might be the asshole because:
• I’m questioning my parents’ judgment and financial choices years after the fact.
• I’m demanding explanations they don’t want to give.
• Some family members think I’m being ungrateful and stirring up unnecessary drama by bringing this up now.
• From their perspective, they may truly believe they were helping me or doing what was necessary, and my asking for the money back could be seen as disrespectful or selfish.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your parents probably did not spend it on medical debt. You should find a lawyer and see if there is anything they can do for you.
NTA. Sounds like they spent it. Not on you, btw. And don’t want to admit it. But that’s your money, and with interest, there should be plenty more than the starting $60K.
If they own a house or have any other significant assets, I suggest that you leverage that to get your money. For example, asking them to take out a home equity line of credit, to repay you. Or getting your name added to the deed, along with a legal agreement stating the percentage of your ownership (or whatever an attorney advises to get you what’s yours).
I get that everyone is telling you to be thankful that your parents stole your money from you. That’s BS. They’re just trying to pretend that there was no theft or that it was somehow fine. But it’s not. You can be thankful when they give it back.
Nta. Very clear your parents did some shady stuff with your money, cut them off
Bruh, NTA at all! That cash was urs, not their personal piggy bank. They owe u an explanation at the v least. Stand firm, don’t let ’em guilt-trip you. You’ve been through a lot, u deserve that transparency n respect. If they still dodge the question, might be time to get some legal advice imo. Stay strong, u got this.
NTA. You need to speak to a lawyer.
NTA and do not let this go. Don’t let them guilt trip you. Ask for the bills, account number for the medical provider, proof of payment. Get something . Even if
Your parents are thieves. They feel entitled to the money because your health problems inconvenienced them. They feel they deserve the money. You were incredibly naive to give them the money. Never trust family with money. I doubt you will ever get the money back but I would consult a lawyer. There may be some law about taking advantage of a vulnerable person. A lot of times the first consultation with a lawyer may be free on the first visit. I would look into this. It’s sad they would treat their own injured child this way. People suck!
NTA. And you should set clear boundries right now. Tell them, they have to show you all the bills they paid with the money for your depts. If they can’t you will call a lawer as this is theft. Or they admit that they spend it on other stuff and work with you on a plan to repay you, that will be writen down as they proofed that you can’t trust them and they are lying about it.
NTA.
They stole it from you. However they convinced themselves they had a right, however they try to convince you to drop it, do not listen or or believe them. Get a lawyer, and see if there’s anything that can be done. They will try to guilt you even more, but they burnt that bridge the moment they stole your settlement.
Your parents are evil. They robbed you. Pursue legal action! Those are no longer your parents they are enemies if they will blatantly steal and manipulate you into thinking you are the problem.
NTA.
My dad did a very similar thing to my little brother, and tried to guilt trip him into just accepting it and moving on. We have all cut my dad off now, because it’s just a terrible thing to do, not ok at all.
I’m sorry about your injuries and the loss of your parents.
2 blows, neither good. Try to move on with your life.
Hopefully a partner to share it with.
NTA but why would you put the money in their savings account and not yours. Not sure you have a legal groups to recoup the funds but you may want to at least talk with a lawyer.
INFO: I don’t usually poke holes in people’s stories but something about this one has me really confused… If you’ve been on your own insurance and paying your own medical bills since you were 18 and you received the settlement when you were 20, first, why didn’t you use the money to pay medical bills? $60K doesn’t go very far to pay for the kind of surgeries described in the post, even 10 years ago.
Second, why would a 20-year-old that is already paying their own bills put that kind of money into their parents account instead of opening a similar account of their own and putting whatever was left over from the settlement after paying for medical bills into it so they would have immediate access to it when needed?
See a lawyer. there is a legal concept called a constructive trust. This is where you give money to somebody to hold for you or an asset to hold to you but the understanding is that it’s really yours. You may be able to get your money back.
Lawyer up, OP.
You are not the asshole but honestly beside trying for a civil lawsuit there is not much you can do. I would check with an attorney and see if you have ground for the civil lawsuit. If you do not have grounds for the lawsuit then you have to make a decision as to stay in their life or go no contact with them.
I don’t understand parents who do this. I am a parent and would never think to do this, but I would never think to commingle my funds with my child’s funds. I would start their own high interest fund and make sure it was in their name, that is what my parents did to ensure as kids we were building our credit.
Some parents just suck, and it sounds like yours are in that category.
If they paid it in medical debt, they should have kept a detailed record of that spending. I am guessing they didn’t happen. Money makes people do funny things. They may not have intentionally spend it all in one place, but more used a little bit here and a little bit there until it was gone. I would consult a lawyer. But the big mistake was putting it in their name. It should have been put in an account in your name only. You were a legal adult when the settlement was received.
Absolutely NTA. Get a lawyer.
NTA
You need get a full accounting of bills and what was paid and not paid. Potentially you might have a further insurance claims. Ask them for receipts for this reason. Make sure they understand it’s for insurance purposes. 60K doesn’t sound like enough to pay for all the major surgeries and then after care you would have needed.
Info; what have your parents done for you? Did they give the house or money for it? Did they quit their job to care for you? You said you had health insurance but what about the gap payments (I’m not American so I’m just assuming your private health insurance works like ours where you cover $X.Xx and they cover the rest)?
You’re probably NTA but it’s hard to say without knowing the financial background.
On a side note – I’m really surprised you were able to get a settlement when you obviously weren’t wearing a seatbelt & had pre-existing injuries.
I’d suggest that you tell your parents that you will report them for theft unless the funds are returned by the end of the week. Then do it if necessary.
Please see a lawyer, soon. The statute of limitations starts running when you find out about a potential crime, so you still have time.
NTA. If you met $60k after a settlement, that means your medical bills related to the accident were already paid. They stole your money. You absolutely are entitled to an accounting and, whether you do it or not, you’re entitled to sue them for it. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Time to Lawyer up
NTA. If you net $60k after a settlement, that means your medical bills related to the accident were already paid. They stole your money. You absolutely are entitled to an accounting and, whether you do it or not, you’re entitled to sue them for it. I’m sorry this happened to you.
You need to speak with a lawyer. While you did give it to them, you did it for a specific reason. If you were on your own insurance, you can see your records and what bills were paid on your behalf and those numbers. Technically, they wouldn’t have been able to do that for you if you were over 18 due to HIPAA. (Unless there was a medical POA in place.) This is why when minors receive settlements, they are put in a trust where the parents can’t access it without a Trustee. I don’t know if you have a legal recourse or not, but it would at least help you know where you stand.
NTA.. I would cut off my parents after doing this to me without telling me or involving me or in any way taking into account the fact that the money was mine to begin with. Families do this crap way more often than they should. They knew what they were doing was wrong so they didn’t tell you and now that you have the “gaul” to question them about it, they are making you out to be the bad guy. Are you kidding? that is the definition of manipulation. I would not be able to look at them without getting nuclear level angry. I would lose it on them and walk away.
The fact they cant prove to you where the money went tells you they spent it all on themselves.
NTA, If they spent it on medical expenses for you, they should have all that information in files.
I don’t see you getting the money back in any scenario.
My SIL did something similar to her daughter. She was threatened with prison unless the money was repaid.
In 2019, there was absolutely no way they were getting 4.95% in a interest account.
NTA.
Stealing your hurt child is abject.
But don’t forget the interests ! You talk about your 60k but with interest between 2019 ans 2025, even with a 2% interest (flat, each year), it’s now like 67,5k.
And if it’s still a 5% interest as they told you then, it’s now 80k !
Disown them and never look back
NTA, and they didn’t pay off any debt in your name. They stole it from you. Sue.
Consult with a lawyer, but there might not be much you can do. As a legal adult, you signed a check for $60000 to them. Without paperwork, specifying it is to be invested on your behalf, it might be considred a gift legally.
Demand a forensic accounting of all of that money. Waa there any big purchases or renovations that happened?
Hindsight is 50/50, but am account in your own name should have been opened and money deposited there, and not comingled with parents.
No matter what, you have crappy parents.
They asked you for the money with the full intention of using it for whatever they needed it for. They may have convinced themselves you wouldn’t ask for it back, or if you did they’d have paid it back by then but one thing is sure they had a need for that money and saw green when you received the money. So they made a proposition to you and took advantage.
NTA
Get a lawyer. Ask them for all proof of the payments they made. My parents would be cut off from my life for this.