I (16M) am bisexual and am dating another boy from my old school in OR. My mom (46F) and sister (20F) decide to work with my mom’s high school friend to move us to a tiny, Catholic town in ID.
This move was beneficial for my mom, as she had bad memories of OR, was neutral for my sister, as she feels more comfortable in a smaller town, but she also moved away from her dads side of the family, and it was harmful to me, as I prefer bigger cities, I don’t feel safe here (due to being part of the LGBTQ community), and I lost all of my supportive friends and my boyfriend, as well as my sense of home I had there. My old friends and I of course still talk and call/play together, but school starting up is making that more difficult.
My mom never supported me being in the LGBTQ community, but she hasn’t really done anything about it other than lash out a few times, such as telling me I’ll go to hell (apologizing later that day), saying it’s wrong, even if I don’t believe in a religion, and just today, saying that I’m a kind and smart person deep down, not, and I quote, “This gay personality you’re pretending to be” which is what prompted me to write this today.
Am I The Asshole for being upset at and avoiding/not talking with them, or am I just being overreactive and sensitive?
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I (16M) am bisexual and am dating another boy from my old school in OR. My mom (46F) and sister (20F) decide to work with my mom’s high school friend to move us to a tiny, Catholic town in ID.
This move was beneficial for my mom, as she had bad memories of OR, was neutral for my sister, as she feels more comfortable in a smaller town, but she also moved away from her dads side of the family, and it was harmful to me, as I prefer bigger cities, I don’t feel safe here (due to being part of the LGBTQ community), and I lost all of my supportive friends and my boyfriend, as well as my sense of home I had there. My old friends and I of course still talk and call/play together, but school starting up is making that more difficult.
My mom never supported me being in the LGBTQ community, but she hasn’t really done anything about it other than lash out a few times, such as telling me I’ll go to hell (apologizing later that day), saying it’s wrong, even if I don’t believe in a religion, and just today, saying that I’m a kind and smart person deep down, not, and I quote, “This gay personality you’re pretending to be” which is what prompted me to write this today.
Am I The Asshole for being upset at and avoiding/not talking with them, or am I just being overreactive and sensitive?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I’m avoiding my mom and sister
2: They just moved here to benefit themselves, which makes sense to me but I don’t think it’s fair.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA! I’m in a similar situation and I believe it is totally warranted to be upset at them. It hurts!
we are born, we suffer, we die. don’t fixate your sexual preferences, as life will move on and so will you. yta {small} for having an edge when speaking with your mother. love her now for you will soon open your wings and fly away.
NTA but tread carefully. It sucks that you have to hide who you are but just remember you won’t have to forever. Keep your head down. Get good grades and go to college somewhere more progressive and then live your best life.
I hate telling a kid to hide who they are but sometimes that’s the safest thing to do.
when I was 15/16 my parents broke confidence with me in a number of ways and I overreacted, affecting my education, career options and frankly the rest of my life. That was 50 years ago.
what you should keep in mind is you have less than two years before you are legal age. Granted by age 14 I was already counting down the days but compared to the 50 years after, those few months will be over before you know it.
I saw your earlier post and wonder if this move is her delayed reaction to that situation
you are NTA, but please don’t sabotage the rest of your life over this, just put your head down and get through it
NTA at ALL!! OP this is the time to work on your future with all of your might so that you can get out and live independently the second you turn 18.
That could mean looking at colleges in liberal cities, getting a job to save money and keep you out of the house, etc.
If your school has a therapist, talk to them. Also explain your situation with your guidance counselor if they aren’t a conservative ahole. They can help you make your “get out of this Podunk town” plan.
Hard NTA
Your mother may not agree with or even like the fact that you’re bisexual but that does not entitle her to treat you the way she does. She can disagree while not being abusive.
NTA
But remember you are 16. So you being right and them being wrong and most of us agreeing to it doesn’t really help you.
Just keep your head down and go to school, study/sports scholarships or whatever that can help in the next couple of years so that when you leave high school you can pick a college in a big city and move.
Also you can wait two more years to start any relationships because doing it there now might not be safe for you. Just be smart about it.
Focus on getting into a good college and gtfo.
Well I would hope there’s no one that doesn’t say NTA