I 30/f, was out drinking with my friend group, who are all between 25 and 32. One of my friends, 27/f, is kind of the unofficial planner of the group, brought up the idea of doing a beach trip for the Fourth of July. It was casual, like she just asked, “Would you guys want to do this?” and we all responded with, “Sure, that sounds fun.”
She didn’t give us any actual details. Then later that night, she went ahead and booked a cabin. The next day she sent us all a request for our share of the cost.
I didn’t pay right away because I had a few questions. Mainly, I wanted to know where everyone was going to sleep. The link to the cabin she sent us only had two bedrooms, each with a queen bed, and there was one pull-out couch in the living room. She invited 8 people total, so that would leave 2 people completely without a bed.
I asked if my boyfriend and I could pay extra to have a room to ourselves. She got irritated and said she couldn’t guarantee anything. Then another friend said she was fine sleeping on the floor if she had to because she was just excited to go. Someone else chimed in and said it wasn’t a big deal, and that we “could figure it out when we get there!” It felt like they were implying I was being difficult.
I’m a healthy 30 yr old, but I am not sleeping on the floor on what’s supposed to be a vacation. That just sounds miserable to me.
So I politely declined the trip. The planner accepted my decision but was clearly annoyed and even called me a high-maintenance princess and laughed it off sayin how ridiculous I was being.
So now I’m wondering, am I the asshole for backing out?
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I 30/f, was out drinking with my friend group, who are all between 25 and 32. One of my friends, 27/f, is kind of the unofficial planner of the group, brought up the idea of doing a beach trip for the Fourth of July. It was casual, like she just asked, “Would you guys want to do this?” and we all responded with, “Sure, that sounds fun.”
She didn’t give us any actual details. Then later that night, she went ahead and booked a cabin. The next day she sent us all a request for our share of the cost.
I didn’t pay right away because I had a few questions. Mainly, I wanted to know where everyone was going to sleep. The link to the cabin she sent us only had two bedrooms, each with a queen bed, and there was one pull-out couch in the living room. She invited 8 people total, so that would leave 2 people completely without a bed.
I asked if my boyfriend and I could pay extra to have a room to ourselves. She got irritated and said she couldn’t guarantee anything. Then another friend said she was fine sleeping on the floor if she had to because she was just excited to go. Someone else chimed in and said it wasn’t a big deal, and that we “could figure it out when we get there!” It felt like they were implying I was being difficult.
I’m a healthy 30 yr old, but I am not sleeping on the floor on what’s supposed to be a vacation. That just sounds miserable to me.
So I politely declined the trip. The planner accepted my decision but was clearly annoyed and even called me a high-maintenance princess and laughed it off sayin how ridiculous I was being.
So now I’m wondering, am I the asshole for backing out?
I can see why it might look like i am the asshole. I said I was in, and she booked the place based on everyone’s interest. I didn’t express any concerns until after it was already set, and that probably made things harder on her. I also know not everyone sees comfort the same way I do, and maybe I should have been more flexible or upfront. But at the same time, I don’t want to spend money on something that sounds miserable to me.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I can see why i might be TA. I said I was in, and she booked the place based on everyone’s interest. I didn’t express any concerns until after it was already set, and that probably made things harder on her. I also know not everyone sees comfort the same way I do, and maybe I should have been more flexible or upfront. But at the same time, I don’t want to spend money on something that sounds miserable to me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your friend should have communicated the details well in advance before booking anything. It’s not your fault she didn’t do that and couldn’t properly accommodate everyone. You’re not high-maintenance
NTA. If you didn’t have a say in the trip, you have no obligation to commit. Group trips get harder as you get older, especially when it comes to sharing costs like this. You’re all adults, there is no reason to go on a trip that doesn’t suit you. That’s great someone else was OK sleeping on the floor, but you don’t have to do (especially PAY for) anything you don’t want to.
I feel like you had time to discuss this pre booking
She jumped the gun on booking a place without discussing it with the group. She also failed to book a rental that accommodated everyone who she invited. Common sense says everyone should have a bed to sleep in. Yes, some people are more spontaneous, and more flexible than others. But no one should blame you for not wanting to sleep on the floor. NTA.
NTA. If you invite 8 people, you don’t book a cabin with 6 beds. Just say you did her a favour, now the number of beds match the number of people.
Whenever I’ve booked something like this, we review the housing options together and sort things out in advance. You agreed in theory — but if she books something unaffordable without discussing it, or something so small that people have to double up or sleep on the couch/floor — then she’s taking aa gamble that others are willing to do it. Hope everyone learned a lesson and that future trips are planned more smoothly and with consideration for all.
The “planner ” jumped the gun…we can hope that she will learn to converse a bit more before obligating an entire group.
Her second failure was not even renting a proper space. Again…a little conversation goes a long way.
Making plans while drinking, without following up when sober, never goes well. I once bought tickets to a concert while drinking with friends, only to realize I already had a commitment the night if the concert. Fortunately was able to sell my ticket but, lesson learned.
The planner should have double checked before booking imo. Someone backing out was inevitable, it just happened to be you. NTA.
Who books a cabin that only sleeps 6 for a party of 8 people without providing specifics to those 8 people?
Someone’s TA here and it isn’t you. Since she booked it she should be one of the 2 sleeping on the floor.
I’d back out too. People with beds should pay more. Planner should sleep on the floor and lay more since she got the credit card points and is ok with “figuring it out later.”
NTA plans need to be confirmed before booking.
NTA. What adults book a house that doesn’t have enough beds for all the adults going? Sorry, but I’m not sleeping on the floor or a pull out. Time to grow up and stop being cheap. If you can’t afford a bed for each adult, you can’t afford to go on a trip.
NTA. She booked a cabin without finalizing details, and she booked a 6 person sleeping space for 8 people. She didn’t even get votes on what type of accommodations to book. She just booked it and assumed everyone would be ok with what she selected without getting opinions.
NTA. At least I’d do what you did in this case. It could come across as tacky or arrogant that you wanted to pay for the extra privilege of a private room, apart from and more comfortable than, the average friend attendee could get. At this point I’d find a polite escape plan.
NTA. You agreed to the idea of a beach trip but she’s asking you to pay for something (the cabin) that you didn’t approve of. She needed to check in with the attendees about the housing!
NTA, get new friends
She never guaranteed anything.
Including your payment 👍🏻
NTA you didn’t ask this woman, she decided to do this on her own. A beach trip is only fun if you’re comfortable, and that means sleeping well. Your friend’s acting a bit presumptuous.
NTA. Why would someone book a place for everyone to stay without a discussion of budget, sleeping arrangements etc.?
NTA. As planner in chief of my friend group, nothing gets booked until I have verbal confirmation from every individual that they’re okay with it, prepared to pay their share, and, it should go without saying, SOBER AT THE TIME OF AGREEING TO THE THING!
Not TA at all!
My cousins and I book a cottage every summer. We book a five bedroom cottage because there’s five of us.
Maybe she’s trying to keep the cost down, but you don’t book a 2 bedroom cottage for 8 people without checking in with everybody.
NTA. One time I got invited to a wedding in FL. Mind you im in CA. I had the farthest flight out of everyone in the wedding party, guests, etc. the bride got a mansion Air BnB for the long weekend (Thursday-Sunday, with the wedding on a Friday). Since I was the farthest travelled, I came close to last, she walked me to my “room” and showed me an UNINFLATED Air Mattress because all the other rooms and beds are taken. She did let me know that some of the guests are leaving early on Saturday so I could take a bed for the last night. Needless to say, we don’t talk anymore.
NTA that’s not a group trip, that’s how can I get my friend to make this trip cheaper for me. You never committed it had a day in the planning, I personally would’ve said no too.
Yeah more details should have been provided, I personally wouldn’t mind the floor if I were paying like 50 bucks a night if the people with the bed were paying 200, I have a feeling all costs were expected to be split even which definitely wouldn’t be fair…
8 adults with 3 beds and 2 bedrooms… Does not compute.
NTA
NTA, and depending on the rules of the cabin, she may be breaking the rules for staying there by over-occupying the cabin.
Nta. I’m too grown to pay to sleep on a floor.
“The planner accepted my decision but was clearly annoyed and even called me a high-maintenance princess and laughed it off sayin how ridiculous I was being.”
—It is quite obvious you were going to be the one to sleep on the floor.
“Someone else chimed in and said it wasn’t a big deal, and that we “could figure it out when we get there!”“
—It is quite obvious this person was going to support you being the one to sleeping on the floor and prferedf to break the news to you then instrad of now.
The entire set up with zero consulting on ANY topic is outrageously stupid and inconsiderate. They don’t care because they all know they consider you to be subservient to what they wish to do and will always be the person to sleep on the floor or whatever demottion they assign to you.
These people are not your freinds.
Nta this sounds like a group of teenagers honestly. And I think it was super rude of your friend to just plan and book without anyone’s input.
NTA, 30 is too old for anyone to be expecting that you would be okay “just figuring it out later”, which usually means a few people will have to sleep on the floor. That’s one thing if you’re cramming a bunch of 17yo into a beach house for a summer weekend, but everyone in this scenario should be expecting a proper bed, if not a private room. If anyone who expects to get a real bed after paying for a stay in a rental is a “high-maintenance princess”, then please fit me for my crown.
NTA. Don’t change your principles for anything or anybody.
In my 30s. Absolutely would not pay to go ANYWHERE if i didn’t have the promise of a bedroom and a bed. wtf. You’re a grownup. This is college shit. And usually because it’s a dirt cheap lodging and you’re broke.
NTA
I have children your age and we’ve planned a few trips together. I am the planner and I always run the whole thing by the group before I book anything. I would never book a place that didn’t have enough beds. We have two grandchildren and I make sure even they have beds. No one wants to sleep in the living room.
NTA. No way am I paying for accommodations when I don’t know exactly what the accommodations entail. Only a young person or a fool would agree to that.
NTA wild that she’d book the cabin without discussing it first. No talk about budget, about what accommodations people might want, about people’s comfort needs, nothing. OP she spent your money without permission, and then got mad when you wouldn’t just now down to her shitty planning.
NTA I don’t even want to stay at the same airbnb with friends. I’m not sharing a bathroom or kitchen. I need my own space. If I wanted to go I’d probably book a different aribnb or hotel nearby rather than asking 7 other people to cram into one other room and a pullout couch. I don’t understand the have a herd of people in a small space to save $200 mentality. It’s never worth it.
The person that took it upon themselves to plan is a shitty planner. NTA
NTA. Never assume people will stick to plans they made when drunk. Also- she shouldn’t have booked the cabin before okaying it with everyone.
So a night out drinking with friends, the planner says “ hey, we should get a house for the 4th” and people happily agree. The NEXT day she is requesting money from others because she booked a 2 room place for 8 people. That is bold! For all the planner knows, you have a bad back due to sitting upright so fast from the “I booked a place and send me money now,”
NTA – you asked to pay more for a bedroom and then everyone is we will figure it out when we get, which really is code for you are not getting a room and will be on the floor. Your vacation dollars should be spent how you would like to spend them. There should have been more of a discussion about the place.
Hope you had a great 4th!
NTA — “figure it out when we get there” suddenly everyone shows up as early as humanly possible, lines up at the door, and jumps into the best rooms, lol. I have a group I regularly travel with and we always save the prime room for whoever organized it and did all the work, and everyone has a bed and roommates pre-chosen if not the actual room besides the planner’s first choice. But we’ve had extras along who were memorable in that they were immediately a room asshole.
ESH. She shouldn’t have proposed it without providing details of the accommodations. You shouldn’t have agreed to it without knowing what the accommodations were.
NTA – if all it takes is wanting to sleep in a bed to be a “high-maintenance princess” then I’d say you dodged a bullet.
I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the ’planner’ to throw a rough plan and $ estimate before final booking.
~ok, go Thursday after work, 3 nights, about 300/night for 🧉ON THE BEACH 🍹2 bed maybe with a couch too. Count going??~
First of all, who asks their friends when they’re out drinking if they want to go do something and everyone says yes and they go book the place? That’s ridiculous. You wait until the next day and then you ask if everyone is serious and they have an opportunity to ask you all the questionslike that you have. And decide. There’s nothing wrong with you asking questions and wanting to sleep in a bed. This is one of those situations where you realize that these are people you might want to go have a drink with but you definitely want don’t wanna go on an adventure with them
Was she drunk when she booked this? “Sorry, I’m busy.”
NTA…