I have been into building gaming PCs since college. It’s my hobby, and I recently finished building a high end setup that cost me around $3k. My wife doesn’t care for it but respects it’s something I enjoy. Her dad came to visit us last month. He’s very old school and thinks video games are for kids. He kept talking about me, When will you grow up? and Imagine what you could do if you put this effort into your career.
This morning I came home from work and found my entire setup Pc, monitor, keyboard are gone. My wife’s dad admitted he unplugged everything and took it to the dump because he thought it was holding me back. I was furious. That’s thousands of dollars and years of hobby work gone. So i talked to my father in law and said that, your not welcome in our home again until you replaces it or at least apologize to me. My wife interrupt our argue and give us space. After that, my father in law never came back to our house, and my wife is not happy about it, and she wants us to have a nice talk over what happened.
So, AITA for banning my father-in-law over this?
Comments
NTA- get him and your wife to both admit it in a text, then file a police report.
Don’t let him in even if he “apologizes”. He needs to replace it and it’s really sad that your wife isn’t “happy” about it. If my dad threw away my husbands pc, including everything else like the monitor, I’m not sure if I’d speak to him for a long time unless he replaced it COMPLETELY. It’s a complete lack of respect and a huge invasion of privacy. Disappointed in your wife I’m ngl.
NTA, it’s clear your father in law doesn’t respect your boundaries and of your wife continues this way by defending him I recommend having a serious talk with her and possibly counciling
NTA. I’d be in j-a-i-l if something like this happened to me. Your wife should replace everything from her pocket (assuming any funds are separate) that’s missing if she’s going to side with the father in law.
I’m surprised you didn’t sue him in civil court for this. Your wife is just as complicit here, she allowed it to happen.
I couldn’t imagine having a spouse that let this disrespect happen to me in my own house.
Thats a felony. Pretty sure he wouldn’t want you committing felonies against him.
NTA. Okay, so that’s messed up. First off, if you’re a grown adult then he has literally no right to parent and/or lecture you. That’s extremely foolish of him to do so. Moreover, I suggest putting and stating a clear yet strict boundary on your father-in-law on what he can or can’t do with your property before speaking to you about it first. As 3k for a setup you made yourself is quite the hard-earned money invested, it makes the situation even worse. Hope this helps^^
NTA but your wife sure is. He can’t have done that without her ok IMO. She owes you an apology as well. this is next level disrespect.
Should have a very long talk with wife. She let him steal your dream toys. She is complict.
>”AITA for banning my father-in-law over this?”
Yes, if that’s ALL yer’ gonna do. Get the cops involved.
NTA, your wife is just as bad as a mama’s boy if she is siding with her dad over you about this. Unless there is some crucial context missing, they are both waaay out of line.
If this is real. I be dammed if you have a “nice talk”. People are nuts lord.
Why on earth haven’t you filed a police report? You have absolutely no backbone
He burglarized your house why did you not call the Police?
I’m not into gaming but respect your hobby and feel he was horribly wrong to do that. He stole something of great value from you. Will you call the police? What he did was simply unbelievable. I’m so sorry for you.
I’d call the cops and report the theft of my $3000 computer.
NTA. Call the police and report the theft. FIL can figure out what he did wrong while he sits in jail.
You demonstrate strength by projecting what he did set you back not destroyed you.
What’s more important, your gaming PC or your father in law? Granted what he did was wrong and I get.you(with some questions) but that doesn’t mean HE understands and he made ought need to be taught….by you. And you….might need to listen to him because its not just about you and your wants, its about making sure that you take care of what hes worked his entire life to raise, your wife whom he hopes will be the mother of HIS grandchildren and he wants to know youre gonna take his investments in his daughter and her ability to find a successful suitor seriously
What he did crosses a huge lime but did he do something that destroyed your life or set you back? You demonstrate strength by projecting what he did set you back not destroyed you.
What is her perspective? In what way does she think that there is anything to discuss?
NTA, he belongs in prison.
Basically you and your wife want the same thing. You just want the talk to include an apology. Which it should. Regardless of what it was, he junked something with a multi thousand dollar value… whether it was a gaming system, or an expensive suit or a set of golf clubs… it was a valuable item he basically stole from your house. Thats crazy
No matter what, FIL would never be allowed in my house. if wife objects, she can move in with her Dad.
NTA, sue him
I’d tell your wife her options are a) support you in getting the money back and act as a united front, b) not support and replace the computer for her father understanding the strain her lack of support will have on your marriage, c) move in with her parents if she can’t do either of the first options, d) nuclear option, tell him and her you’ll be filing a police report and legal action for stolen and damaged property.
Updateme
NTA, what he did was stealing. He owes you a new gaming system.
You paid for it and that is destruction of property. I’d also be quite upset if the wife also didn’t see a problem with her father’s behavior
NTA apologies to OP + replacement are in order, go to the police if he doesn’t pay up
NTA ignore for a moment it’s a gaming PC
Your FiL essentially stole and threw away 3k. He should at least pay you back the cash
And I know reddit likes to scream “SO IS BAD!” But honestly did your wife know he was going to do this? Obviously I don’t know but is her acceptance of your hobby a genuine acceptance or a reluctant one?
NTA, and frankly I would be getting the authorities involved. That’s a lot of money just gone. I would be a lot more irate than you. Does your wife know the dollar amount for the equipment lost?
Fake and AIDS
Definitely file a police report and point out to FIL how “mature” it is to touch things that aren’t yours…
NTA – police report, felony theft and destruction of personal property. Apology AND pay it all back (with interest) and you can drop the charges… then file a restraining order.
I’d do a lot more than ban him from my house. How about prison time?
A nice talk with a judge present. 3k is small claims territory. I’ve heard judges are great at keeping things civil and friendly.
If not? That 3k is mine one way or another. NTA
I smell a divorce coming. Good luck, Op! Stick to your guns & sue your FIL for damages!
This is going to get so downvoted, but if this is real, there is a good chance there is a lot more to this story. Unless your FIL is a psychopath
Have him arrested. That’s theft.
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Sue him and file a police report. I have built PCs before too and know how expensive it can be. Not mentioning it takes time as a lot of times parts aren’t available especially video cards the last few years.
He has no right to control your life of hobbies.
NTA
I’m not in any way suggesting you kick his ass. If you did I would totally understand. He way overstepped. Is this even real?
Not allowed back until he shows up with $3500 cash.
Again not recommending this. Not saying I would do it. The entitled total lack of respect it’s mind boggling though.
Please expand on your father in law’s imagine what you could do if you put all of this effort into your career comment.
Because if you’re marginally unemployed, and spending thousands on a gaming computer while your wife supports you, I’m in his side.
But I’m betting this is BS.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
If you go over to the in-laws bring a tiddly-winks set and say it’s the only gaming system you can afford now.
Fake ass post
Is this your wife or his daughter we’re talking about? Because it sure sounds like she thinks she’s his daughter
Your problem is a wife who thinks losing 3 grand because daddy said it’s childish is your real problem. Ask her if he tossed three grand worth of HER things out if she’d be telling him it was Fine. If the answer is No then it’s time for a LONG discussion about her double standards and what she believes your relationship should be.
NTA
Fuck that guy!
Nta. Hell, no you don’t need to apologize/talk it out with him. You are both adults and your father-in-law acted like a child. It’s kind of ironic that he said video games are for kids when he acted in the way he did. I wouldn’t talk to him unless I get my money back for that. Since you and your wife share a home, technically you can’t ban him from the house without causing major marital issues so if he does come over, I wouldn’t even acknowledge him.
That’s theft he’s lucky you don’t call the police likely close to 3 grand I’d assume and now even more expensive to replace. If I had a father in law that did that head be in the hospital or jail. Does he fish or golf? Maybe you should drag his crap to the dump. Allowed at your home he’s a fn thief he had absolutely no right. None and that she isn’t 100% backing you up isn’t just a red flag it’s time to leave.
Ban him? You should sue him for every damn penny.
NTA, but you need to file a report. This is theft, and you need to take legal action against your FIL. Scare the shit out of him and make sure he realizes that he can’t fuck around like this.
He took something you owned and left with it. He is not going to be logical. Call the police. File the police report. Let him explain to the police how he stole something and they will come back with a a check or hold her dad accountable .
NTA , sounds like he’s a real pos, I’d never let him back in my house, a mans house is his castle and he violated it, I’d file a police report for felony theft
Your wife must have let him into the area where your setup is because how did he get to it? Doing something like throwing away YOUR stuff in YOUR house is disrespectful and yeah your wife letting it slide shows she just sides with dad and not you. She can be upset all she wants, file a report on him as that just isn’t right regardless of how he thinks he handled his sense of “getting rid of what’s holding you back”.
Nta your fil is and you should report it as theft and a felony for destroying property. Plus if your wife doesn’t understand what he did than I personally would rethink my marriage
INFO:
Are you able to pay the bills? Like, is the $3k from a personal slush fund? Not money earmarked for something for the family?
Is the time you spend building these taking time away from your family? Time that you would be spending with your wife?
Neither of these excuse what your FIL did. That was still unnecessary, not his business, and destruction of property. Just one of the first things in my head with gaming is often people spending time gaming instead of with their family.
All of that said, not sure I’d trust him back in the house even with an apology & 5k. Guys a dick.
Edited for clarity.
I don’t believe a single bit of this
Even divorce would warrant this xd How the hell did your father-in-law get to your setup in the first place?
NTA
He’d be replacing that shit or I’d be filing charges.
My son just got one last year that he’d been saving for and researching for two years. I’d be livid and ban their ass too!
yes, he needs to pay you back and say he was sorry. until them dont let him back and not to see any kids until then. meanwhile the wife just let him do that or what she in on it too. cameras going forward…
Small claims court? Police? That’s grand theft.
Let him know since he wants to play adult games with, you will play. He has 48 hrs to come up with 3k or you are reporting it stolen and you will ask DA to press charges.
NTA. your wife and her dad are though. i’d have immediately called the cops.
NTA and personally I’d have his ass in court at the next available time.
Eta call the cops and report the theft.
NTA. That’s so arrogant. I wouldn’t let him back in until he replaced everything AND apologized for his actions.
NTA, you two can have a nice talk once he puts $4k in your hand and a delivers a nice, sincere apology admitting his error and theft.
NTA. phew
This is fake as hell. It did not happen.
NTA. Take him to small claims court.
NTA You have a wife problem. She allowed your FIL in to the house and let him do it.
You can ban him all you like but your wife is probably going to continue to let him into the house.
You not only have the financial loss to consider but how can you trust your wife or her father again? If you take civil or legal action against him she’s going to take sides and it seems she’s already picked one ….and it’s not you .
Obviously fake.
New account, no history.
Just a karma farmer.
Dude definitely wouldn’t be coming back to my house after an apology.
What are his hobbies? Does he like working on his house, like an old-school fella? Maybe burn his house down, see how he feels about it. (Jk, but NTA obviously. Fuck that guy.)
NtA but your wife is OK with what he did. You sure she didn’t help?
I would ban any family member who stole. That’s what he did. He stole it and trashed it. He’s disrespectful in your home and your wife allows it.
Ban them both.
Ummmm, wha….? He tosses out YOUR stuff because HE thinks its holding you back?!?!?!
I dont care if he tossed your magic deck of cards.
That wasn’t his to throw out.
In YOUR house??!?!?! He’s lucky he got to walk out unscathed. I would probably have taken a hammer to his car…..
There’s no way that’s real.
NTA
He crossed the line. I’d be livid.
I read this same story a month ago. OP is new new member with low karma
NTA. He literally stole your possessions because he did not like what you do in your office time.
Dude, a grown man entered your home and robbed you. He then looked you in the eye and admitted it.
The only consequences he suffered was not being around a man who he has zero respect for.
Your not the asshole, but if you leave it at this you are a coward and a doormat.
No. Wasn’t his property. Not his right to do anything with it. It was a boundary that should never have been crossed. What else would he feel justified in disposing of?
NTA. How the hell can you have a “nice talk” with someone who basically stole from you? I haven’t looked at your profile, so I don’t know where you are based, but if it’s applicable I would contact the authorities, and sue him. Your wife openly allowed her father to disrespect you, in my book she disrespected you also.
This story was on here before but it was the MIL
Doing that is theft so i dont know why you havent gone to the cops…
“Sure, Honey. We’ll have a nice chat – right after I file this Police report.”
I would have just called the cops. I can’t imagine being so entitled that I thought I could make that kind of decision for a grown ass adult. He has 0 respect for you, your family or your home. Your wife needs to get her shit together because you honestly should be no contact after that.
Umm wow! What right does he have to come in your home and throw away anything of yours, and your wife allowed it ! I would have snapped! That would be like you going to his home and taking something of his and throwing it away, then telling him it was because you didn’t see the need in him having it ! WTF!! you could actually take him to a small claims court over it , that is basically theft of property! Taken without your consent! You’re definitely not the asshole here , he would never come back to my home and if my wife had a problem with that, she could go too !
Should have knocked his ass out for robbing you and filed charges. Never welcome in the home again and good luck seeing the grandkids.
NTA, your FIL crossed a major boundary.
The least your FIL should do is pay to replace your computer with one of equal vakue/design… if he doesn’t, then hes nit taking accountability.
He disrespected you in your home.
Man, your wife should be backing you up. He’s lucky you aren’t suing him. I would.
Actually, he’s lucky you didn’t bludgeon him….
Maybe ban the wife too😡
You have a wife problem.
Banning him? I’d be calling the police and prosecuting him, lol.
F that. Definitely not the AH. That’s disrespectful.
That’s enough to bring grand larceny charges. Your wife is lucky all you did was tell her father he wasn’t welcome.
Oh gee I don’t know?? This shit can’t be real. Call the cops.
Holy fuck, police report or attorney. Make sure you get that money back.
if someone from my family touched my partners things disrespectfully in the home i share with my partner…id be throwing hands. expect more from your wife
YTA. He did you a favor. You’re married. Stop gaming, geek.
Bruh, Id take him to small claims court, that was not his stuff to throw away. He needs to replace the lost value.
Call police and file a report. He stole from you. Might be able to force his hand on a replacement. If wife doesn’t go on your side that’s divorce worthy in my opinion.
File a police report, that’s theft. And then get a divorce because what the actual fuck.
Three thousand? Itemize that, report to police, and SUE.
Ridiculously fake story but people fall for it everytime.
NTA. “or at least apologize to me”.. WTF. He better pay the cost of replacement include the cost of data loss and the cost of the time it took you to build it. I would say about $10K after all is said and done.
Your wife should become your ex wife ASAP
NTA. Call the cops and have him arrested for theft. Also sue him for the cost of replacing the system.
If you have receipts or photos,please report the theft to the police. Wife won’t be so ‘meh’ when her daddy’s in jail.
Are you high? Sue the fucker.
NTA. He’s lucky you didn’t call the cops or sue him. I’d have done both if it were 3k worth of my stuff.
She can have her nice talk once he brings everything back or gives you the money for a new setup, otherwise he can fuck off.
NTA
NTA, but can you sue him to get back the $$$$?
NTA. He stole from you, period. A gaming pc set up is worthy of a police report. No contact until he fully remimburses you and offered an apology is the minimum.
It’s funny how gamer culture thinks it’s totally reasonable to alienate family and blow up a marriage over gaming/accoutrements.
This is literally a hill to die on. Either go through with it and start putting nails in the coffin or grow some balls and get over it. Did you really marry your wife, vow to spend the rest of your life with her, to throw it all away here?
You know why your wife wants you to make up with her father? Because it’s her fucking father.
Wow, I’d get the AH arrested for grand theft.
Damn, the audacity! Who throws away other people’s property??!! Oh right, criminals. Call the police, press charges.
He stole it. I would report it to the cops. Perma-band from house/trespassed.
Very light on details here.
Were there ever any discussions before this about the PC and how it’s holding you back or was this out of the blue?
Does your wife agree that the PC is holding you back? Seems like she sides with her father.
I am saying what they did was right but this kind of stuff doesn’t just happen out of the blue. There has to have been a lead up to this?
Not at all.
How big is your house? How much do you make a year?
Brother, have him arrested for theft. Tf
NTA, Contact the police, consequences for his actions might help your father in law grow up
NTA tell him to compensate you or you will be filing a police report. And let him know he just took money away from his daughters family for what it will cost you to replace it if he does not.
Didn’t happen.
Fuck that, he’s replacing your ENTIRE setup.
Someones never punched that guy in the mouth. Where the hell does he think he gets off doing this?
I wouldn’t let your FIL come around again, as you said, until he replaces everything at minimum. The apology needs to happen too, but forget letting him off the hook with an apology unless you can stomach $3k+ just being eaten up in your budget to replace this.
I’m also extremely disappointed that your wife isn’t more up in arms about this. Imagine if your mother came around and decided to throw out a bunch of stuff related to her hobby and topped it off with a lecture about how much better it would be if she put that into supporting you or her family. I can only imagine the words my wife would have for anyone that dared to touch her BookTok collection. 😅
Either way, sorry for that, OP, but I think it’s both of them you need to have a talk with and not just your FIL. :/
This seems like a bot post.
Change your locks if he has a key.
I’d sue him
NTA. I believe that would qualify as Grand Theft, Theft of personal property, Destruction of Personal Property depending on where you live. I would sit your wife down and let her know that you expect her support. If she accepts your hobby(which I don’t believe for a second) then she should absolutely be on your side.
Make him pay. Report the theft. Sue him. NTA but your wife and her family are definitely TAs here
YTA because more needs to be done. You should send him a bill for the exact costs by certified mail, and then let him know you will contact the police and charge him with theft and also sue him in small claims court, if he does not pay for what he destroyed.
NTA. He had absolutely NO right to go into YOUR house and remove YOUR property. I wouldn’t have been so nice about it if it were me. I would have had him arrested.
You need to speak to the police
He can come back when he replaces what he threw out. He either owes you all the parts or the money. Until then ,your wife can visit at him at his house. Also, you “could” threaten to report property damage to the police
I hope you plan to take him to court for that money, teach the old fuck a lesson: don’t steal
NTA,
It’s not really about the gaming pc, it’s really about the blatant disrespect that the father in law feels entitled to dictate what someone else should/should not have in his house.
Dude plain and simple “don’t touch my shit” police would have been there that night if I was in your shoes.
Yes, YTA for posting this fake story.
I’ll take bullshit that never happened for 500 alex
NTA If this is real, you need to file a case with the police and give him a bill to replace what he dumped. If he refuses, sue him.
Where was your wife while this was happening?
He’d be replacing it and also never coming back. I’d fucking sue his ass.
Your father in law sounds like a piece of work…you should go over to his place when he’s not home and start throwing 3k worth of his shit away…. he’d probably be upset about that though.
I would have reported it stolen and called the police on him. It was not his business. Everyone has an outlet, his generation was hanging out at the bar playing pool, or shooting hoops….He had no right and that is grand theft by the way.
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NTA and I suggest small claims court. He deliberately destroyed your property. There are reasons this is illegal. Your wife’s feelings are not important in this, this is between you and FIL.
NTA. I’m just petty enough that I’d find a way to take away something of his of equal value or do an equal amount of damage to something he owns. Not that I’d suggest that to anyone else…
Fake: it’s always the same story; I’m a grown up who likes gaming or other nerd hobby and spends a lot on it having it destroyed by FIL, niece etc.
He’s lucky you didn’t shop him for theft.
Nah, 3k and lifetime supply to a data deleting broker pls
Nta. Sue him.
There’s no way this is real. Or there’s no way OP is a real person asking if they’re an asshole for banning their FIL for doing that. If this is real then sue him
I think I’ve heard this nonsense before.
AI generated?
NTA. your personal space, your stuff.
he needs to pay up…. not get away with just ‘an apology’
does your wife complain to her dad about video games?? i mean, wth is he ticked with your hobby??
(😈 what’s his hobby?)
Screw that. Your wife should be on YOUR SIDE he disrespected you which means he disrespected HER, he needs to replace all of it. It doesn’t matter what it is he still invaded your home took your things that YOU payed for and threw it away in YOUR OWN HOME. I hate this way of thinking that people aren’t allowed to play video games because “it’s for kids” what the fuck qualifies as an adult activity that isn’t work? What the hell is the point of working on a career if you can’t enjoy the fruits of your own labor? Let people enjoy things!
Sounds made up.