I 14M and my brother 14M are both pretty active and play sports. During the summer my brother plays Golf at a country club which only he has a membership to. Whereas I play tennis and run by myself. My brother and my parents have a routine since this is the second time he’s had a membership. He asks if he could go to golf and play and they drive drop him off and pick him up. I have no problem with this because it’s something he’s really interested in. During this summer I really needed to play tennis since my coaches told me I would secure a spot if I practiced really hard over the summer. I have made it clear to my parents that I really need lessons.
They found lessons where I can play with other kids and get guidance in the afternoons. They found it but then forgot about it.
Fast forward to July, my dad needs open heart surgery. I immediately understand this is not the time for lessons and that I can wait and just run by myself for the time. However during this period my brother is occasionally getting the privilege of being dropped off and picked up from golf. I was a bit jealous but I thought maybe it was just easier somehow.
As soon as my dad is home, I tell my mother that I would really like to do this clinic in the summer and she says she’ll sign me up. Throughout the rest of July and august I kept reminding her that I wanted to do this clinic but nothing came of it. Meanwhile my brother goes almost everyday to golf and they bring him and pick him up.
Fast forward to August my dad goes into the hospital for a week because of his liver. It isn’t as severe and my brother is still frequently being taken to golf.
Throughout the summer I have asked MULTIPLE times to be signed up and nothing happens.
A week ago I found out I dislocated or did something to my hip, I need an MRI and might need surgery. I cannot use my legs for the near future.
Going back a bit the only chance I had to play tennis this summer was playing against a wall by myself and once my neighbor took me to play for an hour. However we were not able to play again due to my injury.
As summer is coming to a close, I have less of an opportunity to play and will have to wait till winter to frequently play tennis. I missed out on a great opportunity and I feel it was possible especially because my brother was able to golf when he wanted no matter the circumstances.
Some info,
The golf course is 15 mins away My tennis would be 25-30
My lessons were 1-4 and I understand my parents have work and that’s understandable. However my brother was being dropped off and picked up during the day by my dad so I would’ve been able to get the same treatment.
I am serious about tennis and they know this.
My parents are a bit upset and personally I am as well but I don’t know if I’m being spoiled or if I have the right to be upset.
AITA?
Btw please don’t be too harsh on other people in this story, u can be harsh on me however.
Comments
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I 14M and my brother 14M are both pretty active and play sports. During the summer my brother plays Golf at a country club which only he has a membership to. Whereas I play tennis and run by myself. My brother and my parents have a routine since this is the second time he’s had a membership. He asks if he could go to golf and play and they drive drop him off and pick him up. I have no problem with this because it’s something he’s really interested in. During this summer I really needed to play tennis since my coaches told me I would secure a spot if I practiced really hard over the summer. I have made it clear to my parents that I really need lessons.
They found lessons where I can play with other kids and get guidance in the afternoons. They found it but then forgot about it.
Fast forward to July, my dad needs open heart surgery. I immediately understand this is not the time for lessons and that I can wait and just run by myself for the time. However during this period my brother is occasionally getting the privilege of being dropped off and picked up from golf. I was a bit jealous but I thought maybe it was just easier somehow.
As soon as my dad is home, I tell my mother that I would really like to do this clinic in the summer and she says she’ll sign me up. Throughout the rest of July and august I kept reminding her that I wanted to do this clinic but nothing came of it. Meanwhile my brother goes almost everyday to golf and they bring him and pick him up.
Fast forward to August my dad goes into the hospital for a week because of his liver. It isn’t as severe and my brother is still frequently being taken to golf.
Throughout the summer I have asked MULTIPLE times to be signed up and nothing happens.
A week ago I found out I dislocated or did something to my hip, I need an MRI and might need surgery. I cannot use my legs for the near future.
Going back a bit the only chance I had to play tennis this summer was playing against a wall by myself and once my neighbor took me to play for an hour. However we were not able to play again due to my injury.
As summer is coming to a close, I have less of an opportunity to play and will have to wait till winter to frequently play tennis. I missed out on a great opportunity and I feel it was possible especially because my brother was able to golf when he wanted no matter the circumstances.
Some info,
The golf course is 15 mins away My tennis would be 25-30
My lessons were 1-4 and I understand my parents have work and that’s understandable. However my brother was being dropped off and picked up during the day by my dad so I would’ve been able to get the same treatment.
I am serious about tennis and they know this.
My parents are a bit upset and personally I am as well but I don’t know if I’m being spoiled or if I have the right to be upset.
AITA?
Btw please don’t be too harsh on other people in this story, u can be harsh on me however.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I’m upset about not having the ability to play tennis this summer.
2: I feel spoiled and that since a lot went on this summer I should be more patient
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You cannot use your legs for the near future??
That’s alarming!
So is your dads health problems
Your hobby is twice as far each way. That’s significant.
I do understand that was important to you.
For now, please focus on being able to use your legs again and find an activity that is closer to home.
INFO: you wrote that your parents are a bit upset – can you tell us why? Your original question suggests that you may have voiced your feelings about missing out on tennis all summer but your retelling of the story omits that completely. If you did not say anything, why are your parents upset?
I don’t think any of you are assholes, it sounds like a chaotic summer.
It sounds like there were a lot of other things going on that kept your parents from adding something new to their schedule. It’s hard to do that when dealing with work and a lot of health issues.
I think you feeling frustrated is valid but I also don’t think that your parents were deliberately denying you something. Your brothers golf was already set and built into the schedule so it was easier to continue. Yes, they could’ve handled things with you better, but they’re only human. They only have so much bandwidth of things that they can juggle at once, and it’s possible that if it had been a normal summer, they would have been able to get you into tennis lessons.
I hope your dad is doing ok and your surgery goes well.
Respectfully, you’ve taken no action for us to judge. Emotions don’t make someone an ahole. Emotions are almost always valid and it’s how we act on them that determines if we’re at fault. NTA.
From how you’ve described things, it does sound like your needs and wants are being overlooked given everything else going on. Your parents may be falling into the trap of continuing existing patterns given the health issues. It’s easy for them to get your brother to golf because it’s mostly a pattern they’ve been in. This is not an excuse, merely a perspective, that may be wrong given my limited insight.
I’d ask for a time to speak with your parents about your feelings and wants. Ask what can be done to change and increase focus on your tennis training. And what the plan is for rehabilitation of your hip.
Sounds like you’re an afterthought to you parents. I completely understand how it feels as my mother did this with me. Your mom kept saying that she would sign you up and and then just forget. Then your brother gets to play about daily at seemingly no inconvenience to your parents. NTA. I know your feelings are hurt and you are not being supported in a sport you love. But your brother gets to enjoy his love of golf. Sorry you’re going through this.
Can you have conversation with your parents? Maybe a close family member you can confide in? Best to you. Hope your injury heals well and quickly. Don’t give up on your tennis. Try to find a way once you’re healed.
NAH.
Surgeries are really expensive. Your brother may have a discount on country club dues, or golf lessons for kids or free, or some other arrangement. Tennis lessons are expensive.
Have your parents been open with you about your family’s finances (at your age, they might not be). But my gut feeling is that it’s a financial issue and they don’t know how to have that conversation.