I am a 24f and my fiancé is 27m our relationship was great until 1 night he wanted sex and I didn’t and I went to sleep and I woke up to him touching my private area and I freaked out. Since then he has been all over me constantly I can’t even get dressed without him jumping me for sex everytime I say no he goes into a massive mard and becomes arrogant and makes me feel very guilty. I then will have sex but he just then expects more and more and more and again I say no and it ends up with him being very grumpy. This has caused me not to want to have sex with him. I find him the most attractive man on this planet but being intimate with him has become very very difficult. A week ago my uncle very unexpectedly passed away and it’s absolutely broken me my wedding is in 4 weeks and it kills me knowing my uncle isn’t going to be there. My fiancé knows how devastated I am over this. I went out for my hen last night and woke up to him wanting sex I said no because I’m not coping with life and he goes into a massive paddy making me feel guilty again and then continued to tell me we’re not a relationship and the only way he feels wanted is through sex I asked him to please not have this conversation right now because I mentally can’t cope. Anyway he thinks I’m an asehole for not wanting to have sex and I’m just crumbling
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I am a 24f and my fiancé is 27m our relationship was great until 1 night he wanted sex and I didn’t and I went to sleep and I woke up to him touching my private area and I freaked out. Since then he has been all over me constantly I can’t even get dressed without him jumping me for sex everytime I say no he goes into a massive mard and becomes arrogant and makes me feel very guilty. I then will have sex but he just then expects more and more and more and again I say no and it ends up with him being very grumpy. This has caused me not to want to have sex with him. I find him the most attractive man on this planet but being intimate with him has become very very difficult. A week ago my uncle very unexpectedly passed away and it’s absolutely broken me my wedding is in 4 weeks and it kills me knowing my uncle isn’t going to be there. My fiancé knows how devastated I am over this. I went out for my hen last night and woke up to him wanting sex I said no because I’m not coping with life and he goes into a massive paddy making me feel guilty again and then continued to tell me we’re not a relationship and the only way he feels wanted is through sex I asked him to please not have this conversation right now because I mentally can’t cope. Anyway he thinks I’m an asehole for not wanting to have sex and I’m just crumbling
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> I had conversation with him to try and explain how I felt
And I don’t know if it was the correct choice
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Don’t go ahead with the wedding. For both your sakes.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Y’all need to postpone your wedding immediately and get some couple’s counseling before setting a new date. Right now, you are incompatible and it will end in a really shitty divorce, guaranteed. Save yourselves from that outcome.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy? It’ll be a lot easier to split with him now than once you’re married.
Cancel the wedding. You won’t be happy and this will save you from the heartache. Sex isn’t the foundation of a relationship and it sounds like you don’t love him as much as you think.
He is assaulting you and gaslighting you into feeling guilty about it.
Your relationship sound awful.
NTA- If this is how he is behaving and disrespecting you before your wedding he is not going to improve.
He is coercing you into sex when you have clearly stated you are not in the mood.
“AITA for my Fiancé not understanding consent and boundaries?”
No, my friend. You’re never the asshole for that. I am sorry that he has betrayed your trust, but I would be grateful that he’s done so before getting married. I would not continue being with someone like this. It often leads to bad things further down the line. Plenty of other men understand consent, to get to the point of marriage and it’s starting to slip? Red flags everywhere.
He is coercing you into sex, and it won’t stop at coercion
Of course you are NTA but you have to get out
No means no. The fact that you woke to him touching your private areas, AFTER saying no, is a huge red flag. It doesn’t matter that you’re engaged or in a relationship. Your body is your own, and he is not respecting that. Behaviors such as these only get worse with time.
Him saying he only feels connected through sex is also a red flag. Guy needs to learn that there is such a thing as non sexual intimacy and also needs to respect you dealing with the stuff life is throwing at you. To me, he is clearly only thinking of himself.
NTA. His behaviour is not okay. A no is a no. I’d be postponing the wedding.
You’re not an asshole for saying no to sex, especially when you’re grieving and he’s being pushy. His reaction is the problem, not your boundaries. Take care of you right now, and don’t let him make you feel like you’re the bad guy. You’re not.
there’s a word for him forcing himself on you when you don’t consent, OP, and it’s rape. do you want to be with a man who does this? (even if you HAVE consented to sex before, if you don’t consent during the moment, then it’s rape.)
This is how my ex was.
It got to the point it turned into violet sexual assault. He even choked me unconscious beforehand once.
Please please don’t marry this dude
Yes hi, back up to the part where your fiancé practically ASSAULTED YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, all because he wanted sex and you didn’t. HELLO?!
You’re NTA for not giving him sex/being a fridge towards him (as you said), but you absolutely WOULD be TA the if you continue to stay in this relationship after the red flags he’s thrown up. This is a man that knows you’re going through it emotionally due to mourning a loved one, but all he can about and with is his penis. That’s not someone that loves you, not truly. He certainly doesn’t respect you enough to respect your feelings and not make you feel bad for not wanting to have sex.
This is SEXUAL ABUSE. Cancel the wedding and leave this man. Do not marry him, it will just get worse.
He is raping you. This man does not care about you in the least, it’s all about him. Is this what you want for your future? A guy that doesn’t care how you feel mentally or physically? Dump this prick.
NTA.
this is not okay. what happens when you say no and he won’t take that for an answer? cancel the wedding. you deserve someone who respects your sexual autonomy and doesn’t coerce you. this won’t end well, run before it’s 5 years down the line and you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror because you feel disgusted within your own body because of that “man”.
Get out while you can. He is actively sexually assaulting you and it isn’t going so magically get better after the wedding. NTA x1000
Do not marry this man!! NTA
So, you said no and then he molested you in your sleep. He harrasses and coerces you and lays on guild trips and punishments when you say no, and tells you weeks before you’re wedding that you don’t have a relationship if you don’t prioritise his hard in over your feelings, wants, and grief.
Dude is a predator. Do you want to be married to someone who doesn’t give a shit if you want it or how you feel, so long as you bend over for him, or face the repercussions?
I left someone because of this and am now blessed with someone where we respect each other’s needs and boundaries. It is healing. Run away, be glad you didn’t marry him.
All it took was once for an ex to do this to me and I cut him off. Woke up with his fingers where they shouldn’t be the first night I had him over. My dad used to grope me in my bed and I don’t play that shit anymore.
You don’t want to have sex with him anymore because he sexually assaulted you and is now using coercion. Both of which can fall into the category of rape. Please cancel this wedding and seek some therapy. This is not a good union. His behavior will only escalate once you are married.
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
NTA!
And get the hell out of that relationship!
Don’t marry this man.
It’s even harder because the death was done by my uncle himself and I have very bad ptsd with previous deaths the same way and I can’t even think about anything else but that
NTA but this will progress to marital rape.
I’m sorry but he’s not going to change. It’s a leap but if you don’t pretty much comply he will go looking elsewhere.
He is wanting sexual gratification and has no interest in yours. I am unsure if he has ever taken the time to pleasure you properly with foreplay yet I can almost read into this to know that he believes that sex is over once he cums!
Someone touching you without your consent is sexual assault. Someone emotionally manipulating you into sex id sexual coersion and is abuse. He’s not a sade person to be around. This isn’t a healthy relationship. This will only get worse. You need to look for support in real life and get away from him.
🚩🚩🚩Girl DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! He doesn’t respect you. You’re just a place he feels entitled to stick it.
Do not marry this man. A man who doesn’t respect your boundaries, especially when it relates to sexual intimacy is not a good man. I don’t care if he’s your fiance or husband, he committed SA.
NTA unless you marry him.
Do not marry him. It will get so much worse when he thinks you’re “his” legally.
He’s totally disrespectful of your rights to control your own body. What he’s done is considered sexual assault. Don’t put up with this.
I feel so bad you’re marrying this bloke!
NTA