My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and honestly I love him so much. However, I am type 1 diabetic and I feel like he just completely disregards that. Obviously, I understand that my own medical issues should not be his burden but I feel like he should know how to help me in a life threatening situation – which he doesn’t. It makes me feel so unsafe sometimes. For example, he still asks me what insulin does which leads me to believe he wouldn’t know how to treat me if I was suffering from severe hyperglycaemia. Baring in mind, I have explained the disease to him multiple times. Also, I feel like completely disrespected as every time I’m with him and I have a hypo he either just lays there, takes my phone of me as a joke – which I need to monitor my blood sugar – or tries to tickle me etcetera. It makes me so angry that he doesn’t even acknowledge that when this happens I feel like I’m about to pass out. I’m conflicted because I don’t know if my feelings are valid or if I’m being dramatic.
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and honestly I love him so much. However, I am type 1 diabetic and I feel like he just completely disregards that. Obviously, I understand that my own medical issues should not be his burden but I feel like he should know how to help me in a life threatening situation – which he doesn’t. It makes me feel so unsafe sometimes. For example, he still asks me what insulin does which leads me to believe he wouldn’t know how to treat me if I was suffering from severe hyperglycaemia. Baring in mind, I have explained the disease to him multiple times. Also, I feel like completely disrespected as every time I’m with him and I have a hypo he either just lays there, takes my phone of me as a joke – which I need to monitor my blood sugar – or tries to tickle me etcetera. It makes me so angry that he doesn’t even acknowledge that when this happens I feel like I’m about to pass out. I’m conflicted because I don’t know if my feelings are valid or if I’m being dramatic.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m being quite cold and distant to him which I feel like I might be the asshole for because my medical issues are my problem not his but I also feel disrespected by him so i honestly don’t know.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Gentle YTA to yourself for staying with someone disrespectful to your needs.
NTA – You two don’t sound compatible at all. The fact he’s treating a lifelong condition which such disregard is a major red flag. Health must always come first, and if you outright feel unsafe with him as you’ve said then I think you should seriously consider whether this relationship is right for you.
So when you have a hypoglycemic episode, he takes away an essential tool for you to get out of that episode and additionally delays your ability to address the symptoms?
Girl, I don’t wanna give you a NTA verdict even though you clearly aren’t the asshole here, because I need you to realize that what he’s doing is fucked up and dangerous to you. No sane person messes with someone in a medical episode instead of helping them. Nobody who loves you doesn’t pay attention when you talk about your vital medical information.
Please take these screaming red flags seriously. You are unsafe. What would you tell someone else if this was their post you were commenting on?
YTA for continuing a relationship with this clown.
NTA
Your feelings are 100% valid. You’re not asking for much just for your boyfriend to take your health seriously. It’s not dramatic to want him to know how to help in an emergency. He’s being immature, not you.
NTA. I’m disabled myself. I don’t expect anyone to help me when I’m in trouble, except for S/Os. They knew what they were dealing with at the start.
NTA you’re not being dramatic by any means. I hate thus idea people can get away with disrespectful behaviour if they’re “only joking”. Someone who loves you knows you and does what they can to care for you. You’re right to feel afraid and disrespected if your life partner doesn’t care to protect you life let alone your quality of life!
Def NTA here. Dude needs to wrap his head around you having T1D. It’s not just a “burden” thing, it’s a friggin’ life-and-death thing. If he can’t be arsed to educate himself after a year, you gotta question wtf is he really there for. I get love, but safety and respect are right up there too. Stand your ground, sis. 💪🏽🙏🏽
Break up with him. I was going to say that all he needs to know is to how to call emergency services… however he takes your medical device and then physically incapacitates you. That is abusive. You don’t know that he actually would call emergency services for you. He is unsafe to be around.
NTA at all! So in a life threatening situation, he take your phone, try to tickle you and doesn’t care at all…
You need to have a serious talk with him and re-think this relationship entirely!
What will you do if you have a crises and can’t do anything to save your life but he’s just there laughing and taking your phone….
Are you dating a 5yo? One of my relatives has diabetes and she had a couple of episodes that could have ended pretty badly if someone was not in the room with her to help.
It’s your life you’re talking about here, not you being dramatic over some silly thing like fx him leaving the toilet seat up.
Nta, but you will be one to yourself if you don’t leave him.
You may think you love him, but if he “completely disregards” your life threatening medical condition then he doesn’t love you and may be a danger to your health.
Love is things you do and he isn’t.
Also have type 1 diabetes. If he is unwilling to learn the very basics of living with someone with this disease, ie- helping treat/recognizing a dangerous low! He should have that knowledge by now.
1000% NTA. Not only are your feelings valid, but he is completely dismissing you and your illness. When you choose a partner, you choose all of them, including their disabilities. He is choosing to pretend that your type one diabetes is not his problem. You are his partner and he should be with you 100% including learning about and understanding your diabetes to the best of his ability so that, should he ever need to, he can help you. The fact that he is dismissing you when you are feeling hypoglycemic is only a sign of what’s to come if there was a bigger emergency. He would either completely dismiss it, or freak out and not know what to do leading to the potential for a bad outcome. This would be a dealbreaker for me in a relationship, and you deserve someone who is going to be not only mindful of your diabetes, but educated about it.
I mean not only is he not helping, it sounds like you would be better off in those situations if he was not there. So… I can’t imagine anything else being so great about him that it’s worth wondering if you’ll die because you needed his help.
NTA. Time to find a better partner!
NTA
Every partner has a responsibility to make their partner feel safe, protected and understood.
Hes not doing any of that.
Personally I’d talk to him and ask him if he is aware of how he is making you feel.
If he doesn’t change, you not only need to be distant… you need to leave him
I’ve been married 40 years… And if he’s doing this now, he will be doing it in 40 years.. leave him alone.. and it’s ’bearing in mind’
I’m T1 and everyone in my life understands that this condition DOES NOT PLAY! It’s lifelong, life threatening and life changing. What’s it going to take for him to take this seriously? Heart failure? Kidney failure? Coma? Death? WTaF? Next in AITA my bf filmed me having a diabetic seizure and put it on TikTok he’s a wonderful bf usually 🤦♀️
NTA. He thinks it’s funny to leave you vulnerable and take away your means of monitoring during lows. This is not someone who loves you. DTMFA.
>Obviously, I understand that my own medical issues should not be his burden
That is not how partnerships work; your ‘understanding’ is way off.
Yup.
Break up time OP.
Love is great, but you are not receiving trust or respect, and it’s unlikely to change.
Your emotions will be better spent on a new person.
It’s like you are trying to fill up a bucket that has holes in the bottom.
Pointless to patch, and better off replaced.
Wow, I have type 2 diabetes and I really hate that your boyfriend treats you like that. I made an info sheet from info from the NHS on possible complications and what to do for my flat mates at Uni. NTA
This isn’t a “AITA” question. This is a “why can’t I see my boyfriend is going to be the cause of me dying bc he doesn’t care that his actions might cause my death?” and/or “should my boyfriend be tried murder or manslaughter when I ultimately die bc of his actions?” WAKE UP. He took away your means of monitoring your bloods when you were having a hypo and tried to make it worse for you with tickles. That’s intentional. That’s actionable. That’s not love. That could have resulted in your death. GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN. My brother is a type 1 diabetic, diagnosed over 20 years ago and I’ve been the one that found him unresponsive bc he couldn’t get to his orange needle during a bad hypo when no one was home. I can’t even f@&king imagine someone messing with him when he was having a hypo. This isn’t a healthy relationship and you are in danger. Your boyfriend is going to kill you and that’s honestly seeming like an experiment he’s already trying on you. Please tell your parents what he’s been doing.
NTA.
Your bf sucks. I’m T1D and even my nephew (who was 10 at the time when I taught him) knows what to do if I ever go hypo and even knows how to inject me with insulin and check my blood sugar (with a cgm). Heck, to this day if we’re out and about, he’ll grab my phone and check my sugars for me at random ‘just to make sure I’m level.’ And he’s been doing this since he was a child…
NTA. As someone who was in the medical field I can’t express how important it is for the people in your life to know how to administer life saving treatment. If you needed something like an EpiPen you would expect the people in your life to know how to use it because there could be times when you can’t. It sounds like he either doesn’t know or is willfully ignoring just how serious your medical issues are and you are absolutely valid for feeling unsafe. I would maybe try sitting him down and explaining that you could potentially die if something were to go wrong and if he doesn’t make changes in his behavior maybe move on. The tickling you during an episode is honestly so wild. I hope everything goes well for you.
Your feelings are totally valid and you need to tell him how you feel. It may be that he’s not the right guy for you. I don’t care how much you love a person, if they don’t take your disability seriously and respect it then they are not showing love to you. If you explain how serious and life threatening it is and he still tries to take your phone and tickle you when you’re hypo again… then he needs to be dumped. He probably doesn’t really get it and is just ignorant and inconsiderate but if he keeps up this sh after you stress how important it is, then he’s got to go.
He TAKES YOUR PHONE? Oh HELL no. This man does not mind putting your health and your LIFE in danger. He either understands fully well what he’s doing and cares that little, which is so fucked up, or he is willfully CHOOSING not to understand, and is that any better? You not only deserve better but you REQUIRE better. Please, for your life, leave this child. My best friend had T1D and I would be tempted to physically attack her spouse if he did anything like this. I’m fuming for you. You are NTA but you’ll be TA to yourself if you stay.
NTA. Leave his ass.
I know that sounds harsh but this is basic life and death stuff.
I bet you have friends and family who carry quick carbs on the sly just in case you need it. I bet they’ve thought about what they might have to do if you needed emergency glucagon. Your boyfriend should be just as aware and attentive.
The mother of my boyfriend has type 2 diabetes. I know exactly where she keeps extra sugar or sweet drinks. I know that about her flat, her garden and her car. I know which sound of her blood sugar app is a hypo- or hyperglycaemia warning.
If you like people you pick up on those things in no time. Because you don’t want them to die.
And taking your phone away or tickling you, when you’re hypoglycemic is not funny at all. You are right not to feel save!
That man is endangering you and you are right to distance yourself. You are not a burden and you deserve to be with someone who respects you and is willing to learn how to support you with your health.
NTA. Probably not worth continuing if you can’t trust him with your basic safety, that leaks into many other areas in life. He sounds like a kid that refuses to grow up enough to be a safe partner, choosing fun and ignoring issues to avoid any sense of seriousness.
NTA, but being distant doesn’t solve the impact of his disinterest and mockery on you. Making clear that it’s a dealbreaker does.
OP you are dating a psychopath or at the minimum a sociopath. Please break up
NTA. Your feelings are absolutely valid, and by not taking your disability seriously he’s repeatedly showing he doesn’t care about you.
NTA obviously, but lady… he’s literally going to be the death of you.
What do you mean he takes away a vital medical device when you’re actively going through it?!
What do you mean he tickles you (can be considered torture) while you’re dealing with it?!
Save yourself and leave. Please.
Takes your phone off you = abusive.
ESH you’re with him a year and he is not interested in your disease. He takes away your phone because he thinks it’s funny??¿? Seriously? This is the honeymoon period of your relationship FFS move on
NTA – leave him. Clearly isn’t mature enough for a relationship, you need to know you’re with someone you can count on always, and this guy isn’t it.
I do agree with all the other comments BUT in the likelihood that you are both just young and immature and that you probably won’t leave him based on some Reddit advice… How about sending him loads of really scary YouTube shorts about bad things happening to people with a hyper or hypo glycemic episode! Maybe he might grow up and take it more seriously!
I read a memoir once and the woman who wrote it remembered thinking about her boyfriend that if she ever got cancer he’d leave her.
She married him anyway. They had two kids. She got cancer. He dumped her.
Don’t waste time with someone you KNOW doesn’t have your back. NTA.
NTA at all. girl he is completely disrespecting you and your condition. its something that is life or death and he’s taking it as a joke which is disgusting. he doesnt take the time to educate himself about it in order to help you so i think you should let him know about ur concerns and the change in him u want to see. dont stick around w him and continue staying distant because that won’t solve anything
NTA. Is your boyfriend a teenager? He sounds quite juvenile.
Your condition is very serious and almost certainly will lead to some life threatening situations. My sister in law is T1D, and she went to camp every year as a kid with other T1D kids. She’s now 40, and 8 of her friends from camp have passed away for various disease-related issues. She is on the transplant list for kidneys and a pancreas. Her 2 year old daughter once had to call 911 to save her life when she was comatose. Maybe you need to smack the boy upside the head with some hard facts like those to make him understand that this is no laughing matter. Or just dump him for being completely obtuse and insensitive plus ignorant.
NTA
He doesn’t respect you and care for your needs. You’re not safe with him if he actively sabotages when you’re taking care of yourself (checking blood sugar). Honestly he doesn’t need to fully understand beyond “she’s not okay atm” to pause everything else including teasing you and just be supportive.
I’d expect anyone who is around you regularly to be interested in understanding and knowing what to do if you need help. I had a student I was tutoring once a week who was T1D and I only found out when he had low blood sugar in a session. I felt insecure about how to handle it and was a bit mad he or his parents hadn’t disclosed it (he knew what to do but if he had passed out I would’ve had no idea why).
I can’t imagine dating someone and not wanting to know what’s going on with their health and how to care for them. He doesn’t care about you. I’m sorry.
updateme
NTA. Ok, he’s endangering your life. He’s totally ignorant and inconsiderate. How dare he take away your phone and joke about your health. He’s totally immature. Have a long talk with him and if he can’t grasp how serious this is, leave.
My oldest daughter is type 1.
You love someone who thinks your illness is a joke and could be the death of you or at the minimum could seriously compromise your health.
YTA for thinking that is love.
How old is the immature twerp? 5?
I am type 1 when I got diagnosed my friends and people I live with independently educated themselves so they can be of help, he is immature and borderline dangerous. Do you want to be with someone like him?
Sit him down and have a serious conversation about how your disease can LITERALLY KILL YOU. He either needs to start taking things seriously or you need to get rid of him. God forbid you actually die because he thinks it would be funny to hide your insulin or some other stupid shit.
NTA.
First of all how are you even asking yourself if you’re being dramatic?
Second…. Pick one he either doesn’t care about you or he is literally medically mentally way behind of his peers. If it’s the first you know what to do, if it’s the second then you start researching how to live with someone with special needs.
Your boyfriend should not be treating you for severe hyperglycemia. If you are hyperglycemic to the point of symptoms, you should be going to the hospital. He should know what to do for a low though
Drop the guy before he kills you. Seriously.
It is very serious, and he should take it seriously! My husband is lactose intolerant and I’ve adjusted my diet to make sure he’s more comfortable..it’s not life threatening for him, just bloating and painful..but I don’t want that for him. I went to a 4 day festival for the eclipse in 2024 and our camp neighbor was a young (19) type 1 diabetic girl, I had just met, but I regularly asked if she needed food or juice, or shade..I don’t have the condition, she just mentioned it in conversation, but I understand it Isa life threatening condition..she was fine all weekend, I still talk to her.. if he loves and cares for you..he should care about your health
I’m legally blind, this is the literal equivalent of my fiance letting me walk in front of a car for giggles. Taking your phone when you need to check your stats!? Girl why are you with this waste of air?
NTA
It’s time to leave this relationship.
You NEED to be able to both safely monitor yourself and have the assurance that your person can help you in a crisis. You have neither.
Your bf is the AH.
Please leave this man before he kills you with his immaturity. Nta
This is not just him failing to learn. When something has been explained to you multiple times and you still don’t get it, it is because you aren’t trying and you don’t care. He does this because his feigned ignorance literally gives him the power of life and death over you, and this is a game to him. Is this really someone you want to continue a relationship with? Above all things you should be able to feel safe with your partner/spouse. This man has shown you that he is not interested in being a safe place and person for you. You’re definitely NTA but you’re deluding yourself if you don’t admit that this is a relationship breaking kind of issue. Your life and your health and your safety matter. You deserve someone who considers those things to be immutable facts, not someone who sees them as optional.
NTA you asking this is crazy. You say it’s your disease not his but it truly is something he should care about & be willing to help you with. My husband is vigilant about my shellfish allergy as was my family growing up. My friends are watching out also. For him to do the tickling (annoying at anytime) and taking your phone is not acceptable. A year with this jerk doesn’t excuse his ridiculous deadly behavior
Oh dear, NTA. My family member has diabetes and from a young age even i knew that when she had a hypo she needs sugar / no annoyances if it was really bad. This goes beyond not understanding medical stuff, this is almost malicious incompetence in potentially life threatening situations
In short, he’s stupid.
NTA and he’s dangerous to your safety and wellbeing.
NTA and as T1D myself… this relationship is unsafe and borderline abusive. He is messing with your medical equipment when you need it and that’s not just a red flag but a blaring siren that he isnt good.
Two points to consider:
Are you ready for this guy to accidentally kill you with insulin instead of giving you glucagon (or vice versa) because he wasn’t interested in knowing the difference between highs and lows and how to help you in an emegency? Or “as a joke” give you red can coke instead of diet “just to tease you” or to “see if you know the difference. ” (That tickling thing is weird.)
Dating is an audition for a place in your life, ideally a forever place. Your life is always going to include calculations, medications, extra planning ahead, walking down highs, waking up low in the middle of the night, occasional hospital stays, and some days of just feeling crappy because type 1 sucks and sometimes no matter what you do you’re all over the place and just have to wait it out. He’s showing you who he is. BELIEVE HIM. End it now before you invest even more time waiting for a change that will never come. You don’t love him, admit it. You love the idea of him, or who you wish he was… but he’s not passing the audition.
My friend and my cousin are both T1D. Both have awesome husbands and friends who carry candy in our purses and follow their CGM app when we are out drinking. Its just what you do and its no big deal if you actually care about a person.
Taking your phone was abusive.
Before reaching that part, I was gonna say just that it took staying over at my place maybe twice before my partner was hanging out in the kitchen and asking me to explain how I fix my coffee (both the pot and my cup) so he could be able to offer me a cup on future mornings. Since then, when I have had migraines and such, he has asked (sometimes mid episode and sometimes outside episodes) “hey so how can I help?” It only took one migraine for him to start asking that (though it took a while for me to give him useful answers, because migraine) and those aren’t even life threatening, just shitty.
Doesn’t take a goddamn rocket scientist to think to ask you “hey so how can I help?” This jerk is just more interested in his own entertainment. NTA.
Also, as to where you should set your bar – it ain’t up to a partner to read labels and count carbs and shit for you BUT anyone who is close enough to spend time in your living space should be cool with memorizing where you keep your emergency meds and juice etc etc. They should be willing to poke you (literal or verbally) if they hear a device alarming and you aren’t doing shit about it, or if your behavior is strange in a medical way, willing to grab you a snack and a drink from the other room, and willing to discuss with you “so what is a 911 level event?” so they are prepared to place that call.
Keep in mind that a perfectly healthy person in your shoes would still want a partner that cares enough to ask what is wrong, how can I help when they are having a shit day. It isn’t asking too much for a partner to grab a pack of jelly beans when you’re low.
I was going to suggest that maybe he could read The Diabetes Solution (my non-diabetic spouse found it and got it for me, so I’m spoiled for having a loving, caring partner) to better understand your situation, but it sounds like he’s probably not much of a reader, and also not a good partner.
You deserve someone who understands that this is your life, and something you’ll have to live with every day, someone who can be here FOR you and WITH you instead of turning a bad situation into a joke only he thinks is funny.
NTA. I don’t think he takes you seriously. I’m sorry, you deserve someone who is willing to learn about all parts of you, especially medical conditions. Diabetes can be dangerous and even life threatening, which I’m sure you are well aware. He should want to educate himself and, thinking long term, he should be able to recognize and help you in times you are in crisis or unwell (i.e. DKA, hypo/hyperglycemic episodes, etc.). I firmly believe if parts of you are a joke to someone, YOU overall are a joke to them.
Something to think about, can you picture him taking care of you years from now? If you’re hospitalized? What about if your diabetes becomes resistant to insulin and you end up needing surgery, wound care, etc.? Will he take care of you if you lose a limb to this disease? When you’re really sick or stressed out and you need extra sugar checks/care, is he going to step up? Is he going to take it seriously if he walks into the room and you’re unresponsive?
Someone who loves you will never see your medical conditions as a burden.
Yes.Stop playing “I’m being distant” games break up move on.
NTA. Switch the situation in your mind. If he was the one with the medical issues and you weren’t, how would you want yourself to act? I personally would want someone to understand I’m not “normal” and know what to do in an emergency. I would also want to be able to be serious at times about my health but when it’s not serious be ok to joke about it and to tell when I want to be serious when I say I do. Think about that and dont accept anything less from anyone. If they cant do your bare minimum then they dont love you near enough to be your priority over your health.
Ummmm it’s time to dump this man. He will literally end up killing you through incompetence.
This is abuse. Period. End of discussion. End of relationship.
This isn’t just “not knowing how to handle your disability”. That can be fixed through learning. This is “overtly refusing to learn the bare minimum to keep you safe”. NTA and there’s no reason for you to stay with someone who just doesn’t care about you on such a fundamental level.
A diabetic alert dog could handle.this better… a dog would be a better partner than this man…a dog….this is serious.
NTA. Please break up with this man. When I first met my husband I ended up in DKA on like our third date on a fluke. This man drove me to the hospital, stayed with me, and then came back to see me everyday and brought me stuff like flowers and books to read. Today, he has my dexcom readings on his phone and checks it through the day just to know where I’m at. When I’m low at night he expects me to wake him up so I’m not dealing with it alone and possibly unsafe. He’s even manually checked my blood sugar for me in my sleep before to confirm my dexcom! I could go on and on. He does it all because he loves me. He cares about me. This man doesn’t care about you. Find one that will.
Massive red flags!
NTA
He’s given you several reasons why he’s not a good bf. It’s okay to break up with someone who doesn’t respect you. Takes away the tool you need for your health???
Nta. But what’s your breaking point? When you wake up from a diabetic coma because he jokingly thought it would be funny to hide your meds? Honestly, in what situation where you come close to dying do you wake up and see you are a place holder? Break up with the guy who doesn’t know how to read.
You deserve to be loved in the same way you love others.
You aren’t TA. He should be taking any medical issue you have seriously. It’s a huge red flag that he wouldn’t know what to do to help you in an emergency.
My dad is a type 1. By the age of 8 my siblings and I knew the signs to look out for and what to give him if he was hypoglycemic. Your BF just doesn’t like you enough to care.
Whenever you start a paragraph with I love him, however or but…..that should tell you something.
Are you clearly and plainly telling him or asking him what you need from him for support?
NTA
But you realise this isn’t safe relationship right? Get away from him. He thinks it’s ok to take away life saving equipment exactly when you need it. His actions could lead to you needing hospitalisation. He doesn’t care about your safety and is actively putting you in danger. Please leave him. Don’t ever stay with someone who doesn’t take your health condition seriously.
I have Crohn’s disease. Occasionally I suffer from extreme pain. The first time my partner witnessed this he stayed right by my side, kept offering assistance, offered to sit me somewhere so he could run and get the car so I didn’t have to walk further. He was concerned and trying to help in any way he could. That’s exactly the opposite of what your bf is doing. Your life is at risk with him.
NTA – You’ve been dating for a year. He absolutely should be sharing the burden of your medical issues!!
This is enormous red flag behavior. You are not physically safe with this boy. Run. Break up, yesterday.
NTA.
My dad was T1 diabetic most of his (and all of my) life. I have had to walk him into having juice over the phone while calling my stepmom to race home because I was over an hour away. Absolutely he should know your doses and how to recognize high or low sugar issues.
NTA, you’re absolutely valid. The fact that he doesn’t seem to care is bad enough, the fact that he finds it funny/acceptable to inconvinience you and add to your stress/burden, by TAKE YOUR PHONE/TRYING TO FUCKING TICKLE YOU, when you’re dealing with a TIME SENSITIVE, AND VERY POSSIBLY LIFE! THREATNING! MEDICAL! EMERGENCY!, that’s! downright, purely DISGUSTING!/VILE! RUN!
How can you love someone who doesn’t care about your health?