Okay, so I (27M) and my best friend (27F) have been friends since middle school. Something we did back then that never really went away was text rolepay (rp) because we play D&D, it was just a staple of communication in our lives, etc., idk. It’s a fun hobby, I don’t want to stop, but recently, we’re writing a really interesting plot point rn and she keeps referencing it/bringing it up/talking about it in public around people who aren’t our friends. It’s not the most appropriate subject matter. We work together, and the kind of place we work at is basically one big room, and it gets quiet, so all our coworkers can hear us. And I get it, I’m doing it so I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I also understand that this is a very juvenile pastime and a weird one for someone who’s almost 30 to have. I get a sharp twinge of embarrassment every time she mentions “the rp” or “npcs” or asks a plot related question in public, at work, or when people are clearly listening, like she wants them to overhear. I’m happy she thinks it’s cool, but it’s not something I’m really keen on letting people, especially essential strangers, know that I do.
ETA: I’m not ashamed of my hobby or whatever, but just like anything you do in private, I want to keep it private. The sentiment of “don’t be ashamed of your hobby” is nice and all, but if your hobby is something like LARP-ing you aren’t always the first to volunteer that icebreaker.
AITA?
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Okay, so I (27M) and my best friend (27F) have been friends since middle school. Something we did back then that never really went away was text rolepay (rp) because we play D&D, it was just a staple of communication in our lives, etc., idk. It’s a fun hobby, I don’t want to stop, but recently, we’re writing a really interesting plot point rn and she keeps referencing it/bringing it up/talking about it in public around people who aren’t our friends. It’s not the most appropriate subject matter. We work together, and the kind of place we work at is basically one big room, and it gets quiet, so all our coworkers can hear us. And I get it, I’m doing it so I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I also understand that this is a very juvenile pastime and a weird one for someone who’s almost 30 to have. I get a sharp twinge of embarrassment every time she mentions “the rp” or “npcs” or asks a plot related question in public, at work, or when people are clearly listening, like she wants them to overhear. I’m happy she thinks it’s cool, but it’s not something I’m really keen on letting people, especially essential strangers, know that I do.
AITA?
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> I’m embarrassed by my friend in public, and I may be the asshole because it might be unwarranted, and I’m being a bad friend by being upset by it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
This is a you issue, not a her issue. You need to deal with your own insecurities and need for social approval. In the real world, people find passion attractive. You enjoy this hobby, it’s not hurting anyone, and it’s creative. Most people will think it’s at worst a bit quirky. Many will think it’s interesting. Time to do some soul searching and figure out why you’re so worried about other people judging you. But no, this isn’t on her.
Have you spoke to your friend about how it embarrasses you to discuss your private D&D text role play at work? Because until you do, nothing will change.
Edit: For some reason if I respond to a comment, the response appears twice.
Response to OP’s comment.
Simply bring it up. Let your friend know you’d like to keep your private hobby private. You’d like her to stop make inferences to it at work. Not all confrontation has to to contentious. It’s okay to politely tell her to knock it off.
NTA just because you do something in your personal time doesn’t mean you want it discussed in front of colleagues in work, and not because you are ashamed of it or anything.
NTA- it’s okay to want to keep your personal life private. People can be judgemental, and mean, and it’s totally reasonable to prevent jerks from getting ammunition .
I think people should be able to be unashamed loud nerds in every environment- but jerks are real and people make up their own stories about what fun is cool and what fun gets shunned.
I work in animation- an industry one would imagine is a nerd haven- and people still get their undies in a twist around people who draw furries, or MLP.
leaning NAH for now because it sounds like you haven’t discussed with her yet that it makes you uncomfortable? she’s TA if you bring it up & she dismisses your feelings or tells you to get over it
NTA
But I will say, you don’t need to be embarrassed about that stuff at age 27, people really don’t care what hobbies you’re into, it’s not high school anymore. Adults are usually pretty accepting.
You’d be surprised how many grown adults are actually quite nerdy, a random slip up saying a gaming quote, or something, in front of someone can easily make you a new friend these days.
NTA But I want to point out that you’re not actually embarrassed at your friend. You are embarrassed at yourself and feel shame for what you perceive as your childish hobby. Relax. You should try to feel more comfortable with yourself and the things you enjoy. It’s a good fun hobby. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Don’t be ashamed for having a fun hobby that keeps you off the streets…lol. But I would set some work/ play boundaries with your friends. Because y’all should be working not discussing game strategy. Your friend may have autism a little and it may pass her by that this is not work talk.
NTA, you should just talk to her. but this isn’t 2008 where you’d get made fun of by the “cool kids” for being a DM. I used to play dnd (my late teens to mid 20) and was so embarrassed because it was looked at a a nerdy loser thing but that shits main stream now.
Not saying you’re not entitled to feel how you want, you are! But you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about
NTA for not wanting to have boundaries at work. However you should stop thinking of it as juvenile. I am twice your age and would be more interested in your conversation than the guy in the next booth over talking about the local sports team. It might seem juvenile because we were kids when we started playing it. Just like video games and comic books (sorry, graphic novels), they have all matured. Gary Gygax was in his 30’s when he created the game. I bet some of those giving you the side eye were remembering when they played.
NTA ~ Have a calm, clearer conversation with your friend about how you feel. You’d rather not discuss it at all, at work. Even if she thinks you’re being “silly”, she should still respect how you feel.
NTA. Me? I’d NOT do it with her anymore, and if she asks why, say, “Because you won’t keep it private. So I’m not going to do it anymore.”
NTA, I keep my private life and my work separate, unless I become genuine friends with a co-worker. Even then, there is a layer of separation between me and them.
If I were you, I would frame it that way. That at work and around other ppl, you prefer to keep your hobbies separate and would like to not discuss personal stuff.