I’m 17, and my mom runs a home bakery. Weekends are her busiest days because of parties and events, and she makes me do basically everything: cutting fruit, making and printing cake decorations and toppers, delivering cakes, helping with big quinceañera orders, cleaning, translating (my mom doesn’t speak good english so i help her with english customers), handling social media- you name it.
I want to be clear that I’m proud of my mom and her business. I think it’s amazing that she’s her own boss and works hard to provide. But she doesn’t know how to say no, and we make more than enough money for her to decline a few orders here and there to lighten the load.
My younger sister, 14, doesn’t help at all because my mom says she’s “useless” and can’t do anything right. So I end up doing everything, every weekend. On top of that, I have school during the week, and weekends are basically constant screaming battles. Even if I make a small mistake, my mom yells at me. Whenever I try to explain how stressed and overwhelmed I am, my parents accuse me of being ungrateful and selfish, which makes it feel even worse.
I sometimes just tell myself, “just survive senior year, then you’re free,” because I’m looking forward to moving out for college and finally having my own life. I just want to enjoy my weekends like a normal teenager without being stressed, exhausted, and yelled at all the time.
AITA for feeling frustrated and wanting a break from helping my mom so much?
TL;DR: I’m 17 and do almost all the work for my mom’s busy home bakery every weekend, while my younger sister does nothing. My mom yells at me for mistakes and calls me selfish when I ask for a break. I want normal weekends and to survive senior year without constant stress and yelling. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I’m 17, and my mom runs a home bakery. Weekends are her busiest days because of parties and events, and she makes me do basically everything: cutting fruit, making and printing cake decorations and toppers, delivering cakes, helping with big quinceañera orders.. you name it.
I want to be clear that I’m proud of my mom and her business. I think it’s amazing that she’s her own boss and works hard to provide. But she doesn’t know how to say no, and we make more than enough money for her to decline a few orders here and there to lighten the load.
My younger sister, 14, doesn’t help at all because my mom says she’s “useless” and can’t do anything right. So I end up doing everything, every weekend. On top of that, I have school during the week, and weekends are basically constant screaming battles. Even if I make a small mistake, my mom yells at me. Whenever I try to explain how stressed and overwhelmed I am, my parents accuse me of being ungrateful and selfish, which makes it feel even worse.
I sometimes just tell myself, “just survive senior year, then you’re free,” because I’m looking forward to moving out for college and finally having my own life. I just want to enjoy my weekends like a normal teenager without being stressed, exhausted, and yelled at all the time.
AITA for feeling frustrated and wanting a break from helping my mom so much?
TL;DR: I’m 17 and do almost all the work for my mom’s busy home bakery every weekend, while my younger sister does nothing. My mom yells at me for mistakes and calls me selfish when I ask for a break. I want normal weekends and to survive senior year without constant stress and yelling. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I may be the asshole because I’ve expressed frustration multiple times and asked for breaks from helping my mom with her bakery, which she sees as ungrateful or refusing to help the family.
Some people might argue that I should just accept the workload since it’s her business and I’m part of the family, that’s why I think they might consider me the asshole.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re doing way more than your fair share, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed. It’s tough when your efforts aren’t appreciated and you get blamed for asking for a break. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish it makes you human. Hang in there!
NTA But this is complex. My kids always say they do everything, when they barely do 0.1% of the household work. Although there are situations where kids are abused and are actually doing everything. So I tried to get my daughter to help with my business and I’d pay her. She didn’t meet the deadline on multiple jobs. I stopped asking. Did the work myself. It’s hard when running your own business and all the salary goes to your kids and they don’t help with the business when they can. Although I do support 6 kids.
My thought would be to have a clear contract with days off and a pay rate. Then your mother can charge you back for food and rent when you turn 18, for example.
NTA, parents are allowed to request help, but at the end of the day, you shouldnt be doing everything in a bakery you dont own. You didnt sign up for it, and you dont deserve to be forced to do it all.
Please get a work permit and request a fair wage. Set a limited number of hours per day so you have some free time.
To be clear, even in the things you’ve listed, that doesn’t sound like the majority of the work, or even half of the work that goes on at a bakery let alone “everything”…
That doesn’t mean you’re not overworked, or shouldn’t be looking to set a boundary or whatever… just feels like you’re probably ignoring just how much work your mom is doing while you self aggrandize a little…
Idk, probably nobody is the asshole here? You’re 17 you’re supposed to be annoyed at your mom, especially in a situation where you’re working for her.
I would insist that my younger sister needs to help out, too. It’s not fair that SHE’S not doing anything to help while you spend every weekend helping out. Your Mom needs to take the time NOW to train her. You, meanwhile, need to be preparing for college by getting all of your documents together. You’re going to need a copy of your birth certificate, social security card, immunization records, parents’ tax return, etc. to apply for college AND the FAFSA (financial aid) BEFORE you get in a big argument with your parents. Do they KNOW. AND. APPROVE. of you going off to college, or are they going to want you to attend locally and STILL help out in the bakery? Are you receiving any wages for your work? You need to be saving money for moving out.
I feel so sorry for you. I know your mom see your sister as useless. But maybe you can ask your mom if you guys could really start getting her to help now. This will be a good way to make sure mom has help when you go to university next year. If she can have plenty of time to practice now, your mom’s business won’t skip a beat when you leave.
Let them know, you will still help, but you really want to be able to enjoy your senior year.
Info: Are you getting paid? How many hours do you work?
NTA. You should have down time on weekends when you’re 17. It’s normal, natural, and healthy.
Parents are supposed to provide food and housing for their kids, you shouldn’t have to earn it.
I’m sorry dude. You will be 18 soon. Leaving my parents house was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, try and make it happen as soon as you can!
Tell your mother that you are glad her business is thriving but that she is not allowing you to live your life by expecting you to help her, sacrificing YOUR life to her business.
Ask her to plan on your help for, say, 2 hours, on ONE weekend morning, not both. If you help her early in the morning, you then have the rest of your day free.
If she gets upset, remind her that she would normally be paying someone to help her and that you have been doing it all for free. It’s time for her to manage HER business and stop taking too many orders on weekends so that she can manage most of the work on her own.
NTA