Disclosure: I used AI to make it vague, fix Grammer and hide identifying information.
So, my MIL (mid 50’s) has always been a bit… much. She’s a lifelong hypochondriac, constantly convinced she’s dying, despite doctors telling her she’s fine. Over the years, I’ve learned to smile and nod while she goes on about her “spells” and “energies.” But recently, things went off the rails.
She started seeing a soothsayer who convinced her that her workplace was full of “dark energy” draining her life force. She was advised to resign immediately and “devote herself to healing.” Against all logic, she quit her stable job, cashed out her pension
Turns out, a few months ago, she met another soothsayer who told her her “life force was being drained by bad energy” and that only a cleansing ritual—for a fee—could save her. Long story short: she gave away nearly her entire pension and savings to this scam artist. Did not tell anyone while going though her “cleansing”.
But here’s the kicker: my husband knew. She told him, swore him to secrecy, and he agreed because “she was embarrassed”. Months ago. And he said nothing. He claims he didn’t want to stress me out and that his mom was “just going through something.”
Fast forward to now: she’s broke, has no savings, no income, and is suddenly turning to us—well, me—for help with groceries, medication, rent, everything. And when I found out? Only because she confessed when she had no money left.
I absolutely lost it. I told my husband it’s insane that he kept this from me and that I feel like I’ve been blindsided into being responsible for someone else’s mess. He says I’m being “heartless” and “it’s not her fault—she was manipulated.” But I say she’s a grown adult who made a choice and hid it while expecting us to clean it up.
So now I’m scrambling to keep our own household afloat and make sure she’s not starving, all because of a decision I had zero say in.
AITA?
Comments
You know the old saying, you aren’t marrying a person, you’re marrying a family.
NTA
Honestly, to me this is divorce worthy.
Your husband committed “financial infidelity” and now expects you to pay for it.
If I were in your place, I’d be contacting the lawyer and looking for a way to get out of this marriage ASAP. Otherwise, you’ll have his mother take and take while you’re breaking your back to support her. Fuck that.
Why are you scrabbling and not your husband?
NTA. I’d be outta there so fast. Let mom’s baby boy take care of her.
Why is it up to you? Divorce him and he and mama can figure out how to pay the bills.
She needs to be looking for resources to fix her own mess. You are in no way responsible and I would serious consider divorce over this. Help her by sending links to food banks and public assistance.
NTA. He’s choosing his mother’s comfort over keeping marital promises to you. He has broke the marriage vows. I would at least divorce for financial infidelity.
Like you said: He knew. He enabled her to do this. He made a series of choices to lie and steal from you. If his mother didn’t confess, would you still be in the dark?
I presume that there is no way of pursuing the scammer?
this is divorce conversation level to me. your husband lied to get what he wanted from you. would be a no go
NTA
Just get divorced and let your husband support the person he actually confides in.
NTA – Hiding a financial exorcism and then handing over the bill? That’s not “bad energy,” that’s just bad planning.
Your MIL is a master idiot, and your husband is her apprentice. NTA
NTA
Exactly whose fault was it if not hers? SHE made stupid life choices. SHE allowed herself to be put in this position.
Personally, this is her and your husband’s mess to fix. Not yours.
If he takes income from your familial home, then there needs to be a CTJ meeting on how he expects you two to stay together.
Mom needs to put her big girl panties on and go get another job. Does it suck? After 50, oh definitely. But she just has to start over like thousand of other people who lose their jobs. Will she take a pay cut from what she was getting, most probably. But it was HER CHOICES that led to this.
There is nothing wrong with being broke, needing help, working entry level work as long as you are doing your best to pay your bills.
She just wants to be taken care of and your husband is enabling her.
Why are YOU being forced to support her and not your husband?
NTA
This is divorce time.
No way I am supporting stupid people who do stupid things.
NTA and stop all that you are doing for her. Your husband knew this and kept it a secret while letting you take care of him and his mother. You are their work horse. They sound like they plan to scam you!
your mother in law is a goddamned moron
divorce & move on
Nta
She’d be on her own after that
NTA — Listen, you cannot trust this man with finances. If you are in the US, get a divorce, NOW while you can. You owe them nothing, you cannot destroy your future because someone older than you made really bad choices. Your husband is participating in trying to use you. When you have nothing left to give, do you really trust them to be there for you?
If your husband is so concerned about her, he can support her. Does he not work either? It isn’t clear why all of her fuck up is on you. NTA.
Seems absolutely fake. Pensions are setup like an annuity – you get a certain amount every month. You typically cant liquidate the full pension. Also – why no Social Security? Even if this is not the US almost every country has government provided accounts for the elderly. Lastly – why can’t she sell her house?