My husband just let my 12 year old drive our car with our 7 year old in it. It was on a country road and there was no one on it. But my 7 year old was in the car and he didn’t tell me that is what he was doing. Like we could have discussed it before hand. We have recently been having a lot of problems and I have been upset with him a lot for various reasons (one of those is that I dont feel like I can trust him) so I know he was doing this to strengthen his bond with his children. And also probly just to give me a sort of big eff off. What do you think? We are in Alberta so at 14 he can get his license.
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My husband just let my 12 year old drive our car with our 7 year old in it. It was on a country road and there was no one on it. But my 7 year old was in the car and he didn’t tell me that is what he was doing. Like we could have discussed it before hand. We have recently been having a lot of problems and I have been upset with him a lot for various reasons (one of those is that I dont feel like I can trust him) so I know he was doing this to strengthen his bond with his children. And also probly just to give me a sort of big eff off. What do you think? We are in Alberta so at 14 he can get his license.
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> Because I got mad at him and asked him if he had lost his mind and he told me that I am the one who has lost my mind
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NAH.
Incredibly normal experience for a young child. I steered well under 12 and started to hit the pedals when I could, from dad’s lap… One year when I was around your kid’s age he pulled over at the start of my uncle’s dirt road and let me drive the mile back to my uncles. I thought that was so cool. I also credit it towards my good driving, I never felt uncomfortable about driving because I was taught to safely and confidently drive from a young age.
NTA this is something he should have ran by you first and your 7 year old should have NOT been in the car
NTA – I assume hubs was in the car? I wouldn’t be livid about allowing the 12 year old to drive on a safe road, I did that around the same age, but definitely needs somebody watching. You should totally be livid if he wasn’t in there.
That being said, I more than understand why you’d want to be included in that. Vehicles are incredibly dangerous and anything involving “learning them” should be a shared understanding
INFO. You’re not an ahole for having emotions. BUT how did you actually react to him telling you/you finding out? That would determine who was the ahole.
the first time I drove I was 10 in a gate community, my mom, dad, older sis 15 and lil sis 2 was in the car lol
I am from Brazil and the age to drive is 18, but my dad always felt the need to teach us in case of emergency. at 14 i used to drive to places near my house. I have never caused an accident, now i am 28. I drive very safely and responsible.
i think it is pretty normal and cool that my dad taught me young.
so, being livid for this AITA
By the time I was 12 I could drive stick, and I was doing it on public roads. This is not unsafe (especially compared to what I was allowed to do), and more harm will come from you reacting than from the kids having an adventure with their dad.
Girl chill. Let boys be boys. It’s hugely important that boys bond with adult males. Trust your husband.
I’d say NTA. Starting at 12 seems a little early to start teaching but not ridiculously young. I feel like you start teaching a teenager to drive in an empty parking lot not a road where someone can come around a corner and suddenly be there. I suppose it depends on how rural this road is. Another child there can cause more distraction. I don’t know if you need to be livid though but this does seem like a good conversation to have as a couple. Teaching children to drive is a milestone to pass together as a family. You always need communication in a relationship to be successful so I hope you two can get back to that!
Holy shit , such an overreaction. Yeah, you’re the asshole. He was supervised with a parent in the vehicle on an empty road.
YTA
That is about the age my kids starting driving in country roads. Wanted them to be comfortable and not afraid. They couldn’t go over 10 miles an hour…but still. They thought it was the best!
I was like 8 the first time I drove, and it was a regular road. By 12 I could drive a stick, and back a trailer. I showed all my kids how to drive by the time they were 12. Really not seeing the issue as long as dad was in the front seat alongside. NAH
YOR. What on earth is this world coming to? You really think that at 16 kids are getting permits and being allowed behind the wheel of a car for the first time ever and being told to figure it out?! This is the second one of these types of posts on a couple weeks- that parent was also told she was OR for the same reasons.
It’s easier to start showing them how it works when they’re small enough to fit in your lap and just steer. Most of us learned on country roads, parking lots, or in fields by the time we we 12, starting when we sat on laps and just helped with the steering wheel.
This is how teenagers DONT crash with you in the passenger seat.
If the road was indeed free of traffic, and if your husband was sitting next to your child (the driver),
and if your child was driving slowly, it doesn’t sound like the situation would have been all that risky to anyone involved.
If you want your husband to let you know that he will be letting your older child drive before actually doing it, I think that is a reasonable request. It doesn’t make him wrong for doing so, if it was spontaneous on his part, of course.
If you prefer that your two children not be in the car, I would say that is also a reasonable request.
But you seem to think that your husband was deliberately endangering your children to hurt YOU.
It’s obvious that you need to sit and have a serious chat with him about the state of your relationship.
Some autonomy should be the norm for a parent, though. Again, if the danger was minimal/nonexistent, you need to acknowledge that and not expect to control everything he does as a parent.
If husband was being careful, YTA, tbh.
I believe the law would agree that ynta.
12 yo driving a small child their first time operating a vehicle is insane.
Thanks for your insights everyone! I think if he had told me beforehand and we talked about it I may have agreed and seen his point and supported him. Its more that he did it behind my back that bothers me. But yeah I definitely got very angry at him in front of the kids and told him he had lost his mind to which he responded that I am the one who had lost my mind.
I understand lots of people learn to drive early…
heck I used to drive, alone, a couple blocks to my driver’s ed classes, when I only had a learner’s permit and wasn’t supposed to drive without an adult in the car with me…
but that doesn’t excuse a father deciding to teach a child without first tossing the idea out to their spouse and partner.
And having the 7yo in the car at the same time shows poor judgement.
It sounds like the relationship has bigger issues, and whatever people think of this particular situation… OP is NTA for wanting to know BEFORE the lessons started.
That is just basic respect for your fellow parenr.
It may be NAH, if the husband was just being a bit thoughtless, not checking with OP.
But given the context that OP suspects her husband did it to spite her, and the younger child being in the car… I suspect the husband is a bit of an AH.
YTA. This isn’t an uncommon thing. I grew up in the middle of nowhere and could drive a stick by his age. So could the other kids out there.
YTAH! Having one of your kids drive for fun on a country road with him sitting beside them is no big deal. You are making something fun into fn drama! If this is the kind of stuff you’re pissed about or want to discuss beforehand, no wonder you’re having problems in your relationship! Lighten up omg!!
YATA. This is a great memory that your kids will have, but you might have just ruined it. There’s a great song and video I hope you watch.
https://youtu.be/dQe3DKDQRRs?si=gLQyv6GVhKdEdn05
Yes, as long as you hub was careful and supervised, you are over reacting and, therefore, YTA (since that was the question asked)
My dad taught me and my my brother to steer his car when young and later to drive when not older enough for our licences. I let my daughter sit on my knee and steer from when she was young. Now she is 15 i take out to somewhere deserted and let her practice. I believe she will be a much better driver when it comes to learning to drive on the road when she is 17 as she won’t be both learning to control the car and drive in traffic at the same time.
It’s also a great bonding experience – many dads love to teach and it’s great to have a kid that wants to learn.
Some will think this is made up but it isn’t.
I started driving a car by myself at 5, im not exaggerating its the truth. In Montana a kid who lives on a farm can get their adult license at 14.
My dad had a rule about driving. He has MANY MANY MANY John Deere tractors and he said I had to drive a tractor in road gear by myself and he would put me in a car. The mistake he made was his ground rules, and he never expected me to call him on it.
So at 5 I drove the tractor in road gear and went to the car i wanted to drive and his rule is once you pick the car, thats what you had period, no exceptions allowed! Well, the car i chose had “3 on the tree” only car folks will know what that is or Google it yourself. Anyways, I tore out 5 clutches and it took a while but I learned to drive on my own in a car that no 5 year old should’ve been allowed to drive but I knew not to ask for a different car plus I had to help replace the clutch but it took 1 summer and I had achieved the goal and my mother JUST FOUND OUT 43 years later. If she knew HALF the stuff dad let me do, she would die of a heart attack literally but the stories are wonderful and dad gets in trouble but who cares, it was a blast!!!
YTA-I drove before I was 12 yo in a city with 5 million residents.
YTA and sound neurotic, your poor husband
NTA even if it was completely safe he should have spoken to you beforehand and shouldn’t have had another kid in the car while driving. Even with a license where I’m from you can’t drive with passengers until a certain age.
NTA, however otherwise safe he was or was not being, there was absolutely no need to have the 7 year old along.
YTA – Yeah, you are overreacting. This happens all the time all over America. I get that you cant separate your feelings about the other things but he was right there and it was a safe spot. Unless he tried to hide it from you and you left that out of the story this is a nothing burger
You’re overreacting about this, maybe he should have spoken to you about it first but this isn’t some crisis, relax.
NTA I think this is something that requires two yesses. Roads have trees, ditches, animals, etc. Even if no one was around, something bad could have happened.
Shouldn’t have happened with the younger kid in the car.
NTA. The comments are absolutely wild so far. “Everyone does it” has never been a valid argument for an activity being safe and reasonable. No, your 12yo child should actually not be operating a piece of heavy machinery, let alone with a 7yo child also inside it. There’s a very good reason for the age limits on learner’s permits.
Yea. Over Reacting BIG TIME
Drive my first car with my dad at 6. On his lap because I couldn’t reach the pedals.
Drove around our property on the 4 wheel mower too from 6 onwards.
country kids
Yta ur overreacting just keep ur keys safe thats all
Yta most people start driving before they can legally. I was driving in fields when I was younger than your kid. You’re mad at your husband for other things and overreacting at this one
NTA. The issue isn’t that he was driving, it was that a young child was in the backseat.
I left home at 12. Operated a skid steer at 8. If your kid can reach the pedals and has half a mind to listen to a bit of instructions from dad this is a rather nominal thing in the grand scheme of life. YTA
NAH
However, yes, some kids can drive at a young age….
I did not drive until I got my permit….
My sister was 15, and her BF was 16 he had his license barely and decided he was going to teach my sister to drive…. in his dads mercedes…. granted, he did bring her to a quiet cul-de-sac, but that was the problem. The first thing she had to master was turning the wheel, not going straight…. she crashed…..
My mom, when we both got our permits, hired a driving school… I made sure to learn cul-de-sac driving in the car where the teacher could take control if I had a problem…. fortunatly for me, I did not…
My point is that depending on where and who and whether your kid has good nerves, either it could be a great exp or a disaster… as it was, it was a great exp…. if it had been a disaster, your husband put both your kids in danger….
On the other hand, he went behind your back to do it…
Nta only because the younger one was in the car. Maybe it needs to be a dad and older kid thing only. Keep the little one out of it til the older can legally drive.
YTA. Idgaf about all the stories on this thread about the everybody learning to drive before the age of 10. Hell, even my dad was handing me the wheel at 12. That’s all irrelevant. And I could care less about your other kid being in the car. Your husband was there. I assume he would make sure everyone was safe. No. It’s you mentioning your current history with arguing with husband. This is making you nitpick. Which is only leading to more arguments. You’re literally looking for any little thing to be mad about. If your marriage wasn’t on the rocks and you actually trusted each other, you wouldn’t be here, because you’d have this magical thing called trust. Yeah, definitely agree there should have been some discussion before he let the 12yo drive. But, again. Do you truely believe your husband would have let your child take the wheel without making absolutely sure it was safe to do so? Do you not believe he would have taken over if he thought things were no longer safe? Do you not think that, God forbid, an accident happened, your husband wouldn’t have stepped in to protect his children? Or are you so blinded by your anger, and whatever pointless argument started this whole thing to begin with that you only think your husband is capable of being petty? If it’s the last one, get a divorce and stop dragging it out for your children’s sake. But I’m pretty sure it’s not.
YTA – country road, no one around, probably going 20 MPH but thinking hes doing 100. yeah me my cousin and just about everyone I know did the same thing. we started when we’re 8 or 9. our grandfather had a old yellow jeep that was for just us kid. BTW no seat belts and all of us lived.
adding
sounds like you have control issues – careful if you make it so that your husband cant do anything right he will stop trying.
YTA. You state that in Alberta he can get his license at 14…so yeah…12 would be about the age I’d expect some sort of driving lessons to begin.
If there was no one else on the road I don’t see the problem. YTA
If the kid was sitting in his dad’s lap and using the steering wheel and your husband was controlling the pedal the I don’t see a problem. One of the best memories I have of my dad and my childhood was him letting me sit in his lap and drive.
But if the kid had to complete control of the car by himself that is absolutely crazy.
Meh….kids been learning to drive on back road since cars have existed…..
YTA is too strong, but your kid is growing up, he’s with his dad, and starting to learn new things that will benefit him as an adult. This sounds like a pretty benign thing to get wound up about.
if you were in the US that would have been an awful thing to do. he would have ended up in prison and you guys bankrupted if the child without a divers license caused an accident and injured someone. parents have gone to prison for this, and insurance would have paid $0
YTA
Have some faith in your husband
This is pretty common in rural areas. Is it possible that you are so upset bc you are already aggravated with him? NTA but it’s also not a big deal – except maybe that you missed out on his first time driving.
Slight YTA – you said yourself things have been tense. Could you be nitpicking slightly? Ask yourself if you would have been mad about this at a time you were happier
NTA- being denied a child’s first is already kinda shitty. Then to find out your 7 y/o was in the car too? Dad needs to grow up. I know I t’s fun being the fun parent, but he needs to show some responsibility once in a while.
My dad did this with me too and one of my fondest memories. You should lighten up, imo
I guess maybe it can be a situational thing. My father in law was born in 1962 on a farm in rural southern Illinois. He was driving a tractor at 6, a small farm truck at 8 or 9, could operate a combine at 12, could drive a semi beside the combine at 15. So when he got a driver’s license at 16yo, it really wasn’t a big deal, as he’d been driving some kind of motorized vehicle for about a decade already. At 9 or 10 years old it wasn’t uncommon for his dad to have him take the small farm truck into town to the farm store and pick up tractor parts or animal feed or other items for the farm. In those days that was probably a 20 mile round trip. He never had an accident, never got pulled over. That was just how it was. I think the first time I ever drove I drove incase maybe 12 or 13. My step-dad took me out in his car on some country backroads in southeast Kentucky where we were living and let me drive around for several hours. Of course, we went slow and stayed off all major roadways, and he was right there next to me the whole time, but we used to do it all the time. By the time I actually started drivers Ed I had probably already actually been behind the wheel a couple hundred hours. Which might be part of the reason I’ve been a licensed driver now for 28 years with no tickets or accidents.
Did your kids die? No? Then don’t worry about it
YTA
You’re looking for things to cause arguments over.
Go to couples therapy and sort your issues out like adults instead of coming to reddit.
If not for yourselves, do it for the kids. Teach them to talk through problems properly is healthy, you seem like you’re the instigator here.
He’s the father doing typical father things that most kids never got to experience.
Involve yourself in these things and be supportive, stop being a helicopter parent, and making things about you.
See I honestly think YTA now let me explain. You had children with this person. God forbid , but if you are not there who will take care of the kids ?
OK if he is absolutely not fit as a parent then thats one thing however you say you want him to have more contact ? You have turned concern into a tool to control. I wonder if you would want someone even your own partner to do this to you.
Let me put it like this does he need to be consulted when you pick a new brand of baby diapers? I know it appears I’m making light of the situation but I am surely not. If you want someone to step up then let them. Don’t put your – partner? Man? ,punching bag? balls on the chopping block everytime you feel insecure and out of control. He will end up doing less and less just to avoid this under the microscope bs and your children will be the worse for it.
They will have all that anxiety insecurities your exhibit but none of the bravado or attitude its takes to combat it or balance it out. I am very aware I will probably be down voted to oblivion but someone has to say it.
Source – an experienced son & father.
I wouldn’t say YATAH but you are overreacting to it! I think that you need to chill out a little bit more and relax. When was the last time you had someone to babysit your kids and then you and your husband and go out and truly have fun!!! I’m serious like that you go wahoo wahoo wahoo hoo hoo!!! I truly think that you both need to try this and then some. But parents have been teaching their kids to drive since they started making cars and before that they taught their kids to drive the wagons in the old West days! And I understand that you have fears all parents have fears I just hope that things really get better for the two of you.
YTA – In 2 years.. he will have a license.
I drove at 10 on a country road and realized my parents trusted me.
Do you have trust issues with EVERYONE? 😬
(Maybe start with your spouse and kids)