AITA for being mad that my husband ignored me and left me to handle a dangerous situation alone?
This past weekend, my husband really wanted to go to a card show two hours away. I agreed to go with him, mostly because I planned to meet up with a friend nearby for lunch.
My friend ended up running late, so I was stuck just waiting around at the event. I started texting my husband because I was irritated — nothing major, just venting a little and hoping for some sympathy. Instead, he completely ignored me. No response at all.
I eventually texted him that I was going to sit out in the car and wait for my friend. When I got out to the parking lot, I noticed a couple arguing near my car. I got in quickly, hoping to stay out of it, but things escalated fast. The woman started throwing the man’s cards all over the ground and my car, the man started aggressively talking to me through my car window, saying things like, “Bitches, you know what I mean,” and then the woman started physically attacking him — hitting him until he was on the ground behind my car, blocking me in.
I texted my husband explaining what was happening and that I felt unsafe — still no response. I even called him, and he didn’t answer. At that point, I decided I needed to call the police. It wasn’t until I had made the decision to call the police that my husband finally called me back. I rushed him off the phone because I was going to call the cops.
For context: my husband was still inside the building, probably only a 3-5 minute walk from me. He’s also a very physically fit person — he lifts regularly and is a pretty big guy. Him coming out would have actually made me feel safer. But he stayed inside, looking at cards, instead of coming to check on me.
After I gave my statement to the police and the situation was cleared up, I went to have lunch with my friend and tried to pretend everything was fine. But it wasn’t. I kept bringing it up because, to me, this was a big deal — and my husband was treating it like it was just an unfortunate thing that happened, not something that actually impacted our relationship.
Over the next two days, everything he did irritated me. Normally, I do a lot for him — I make his lunches, do his laundry, make dinner, all the little things. But after what happened, I didn’t want to do anything for him. Because in that one moment where I really needed him — truly needed him — he chose not to be there.
When I finally tried to explain why I was so upset, he apologized a little but mostly kept saying things like, “Well, we can’t repeat the situation, so I can’t fix it.” What I really wanted to hear was something like, “I understand that I broke your trust by not being there for you when you needed me. I promise I’ll never do that again.” Instead, he got defensive, and I basically just shut down and stopped talking to him for two days.
AITA for being mad that my husband completely ignored me and left me alone during a dangerous situation?
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Backup of the post’s body: AITA for being mad that my husband ignored me and left me to handle a dangerous situation alone?
This past weekend, my husband really wanted to go to a card show two hours away. I agreed to go with him, mostly because I planned to meet up with a friend nearby for lunch.
My friend ended up running late, so I was stuck just waiting around at the event. I started texting my husband because I was irritated — nothing major, just venting a little and hoping for some sympathy. Instead, he completely ignored me. No response at all.
I eventually texted him that I was going to sit out in the car and wait for my friend. When I got out to the parking lot, I noticed a couple arguing near my car. I got in quickly, hoping to stay out of it, but things escalated fast. The woman started throwing the man’s cards all over the ground and my car, the man started aggressively talking to me through my car window, saying things like, “Bitches, you know what I mean,” and then the woman started physically attacking him — hitting him until he was on the ground behind my car, blocking me in.
I texted my husband explaining what was happening and that I felt unsafe — still no response. I even called him, and he didn’t answer. At that point, I decided I needed to call the police. It wasn’t until I had made the decision to call the police that my husband finally called me back. I rushed him off the phone because I was going to call the cops.
For context: my husband was still inside the building, probably only a 3-5 minute walk from me. He’s also a very physically fit person — he lifts regularly and is a pretty big guy. Him coming out would have actually made me feel safer. But he stayed inside, looking at cards, instead of coming to check on me.
After I gave my statement to the police and the situation was cleared up, I went to have lunch with my friend and tried to pretend everything was fine. But it wasn’t. I kept bringing it up because, to me, this was a big deal — and my husband was treating it like it was just an unfortunate thing that happened, not something that actually impacted our relationship.
Over the next two days, everything he did irritated me. Normally, I do a lot for him — I make his lunches, do his laundry, make dinner, all the little things. But after what happened, I didn’t want to do anything for him. Because in that one moment where I really needed him — truly needed him — he chose not to be there.
When I finally tried to explain why I was so upset, he apologized a little but mostly kept saying things like, “Well, we can’t repeat the situation, so I can’t fix it.” What I really wanted to hear was something like, “I understand that I broke your trust by not being there for you when you needed me. I promise I’ll never do that again.” Instead, he got defensive, and I basically just shut down and stopped talking to him for two days.
AITA for being mad that my husband completely ignored me and left me alone during a dangerous situation?
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You husband is inside where it’s loud, looking at cards and discussing them. What did you expect him to do? Come out and fight the guy off and maybe get stabbed or shot?
If you were that concerned for your safety, you would have called the police first. Then sent your husband a message, “come out now! 911 911”
NTA, he left you alone when he needed u…then didn’t even say he was sorry…yeah i don’t get it and once trust is broken it is hard to get back good luck.
If I was at an event that I wanted to go to I may not even be looking at my phone. And it pisses me off when people expect me to. I hate the fact that because there are cell phones people expect you to constantly answer them or check them.
You’re the problem
He was at an event and because your plans didn’t go the way you wanted you wanted your husband to stop and attend to you.
Why did you run towards the couple arguing?
Why not go inside with your husband instead?
I get that you went to your car but you admit they argued next to your car. If they were fighting right in the open they obviously don’t care for the theatrics.
If you felt unsafe you should’ve called the police instead of calling and texting your husband.
What did you want him to do?
Come out and yell and maybe get into a fight himself?
YTA
YTA
First, it wasn’t your situation. You could have left any time and not gotten involved in someone else’s DV and just phoned the police straight off.
But no, you decided to approach the arguing couple and get in your car to watch then expected your husband to what? come out and get involved too? That’s a great way to get your husband hurt. The police was the right answer.
If the fight was now behind your car, you could have exited your vehicle and left the area to call the police.
Your husband was at a card show he really wanted to go to and you clearly did not so instead of letting him have his fun, you pulled an emergency excuse to ruin it.
Well, I can understand why you’re upset. He should have responded sooner when you said you felt unsafe. But I can also understand why he didn’t respond before the scary incident happened. Before you saw the couple arguing, you weren’t texting him because you were scared; you texted him because you were irritated and you kept complaining. Imagine if you’d gone to an event you were looking forward to, but your husband kept texting you to complain and expecting you to pay attention to him instead of the event. You might stop looking at your phone too.
YTA
Phone signals are spotty, at best, at those sort of events. There’s no way for you to know that he was seeing and ignoring your messages or that they were even alerting on his phone. And then you chose to punish him without really talking about it (unless there’s more to the story you left out).
I get that it was upsetting for you and you wanted comfort after the fact. But it doesn’t sound like you communicated that to him. You wanted him to have dropped everything and come running outside? And then what. Get involved in a physical altercation with strangers? Be real.
YTA- he didn’t leave you to handle a dangerous situation alone. You put yourself in an awkward situation. Nobody was coming at you. You just happened to see a random couple fighting. Get over yourself. It’s not that serious. If it was you would have called the cops first. You just wanted attention and are using this to punish him for not giving it to you. You were never in any danger.
YTA You should have called 911 and let the cops handle it.
ESH your communication skills are abysmal
YTA. Why did you approach a DV situation as it was escalating?
NTAH
Your husband is the ASSHOLE
Stop doing all those little things for him. He doesn’t appreciate them or you. Have a serious conversation with yourself if you want to deal with his indifference in 10 to 15 years.
Because he is either going to be a supportive partner or he will not.
And right now, all signs are pointing to he won’t be there for you if it is inconvenient.
He is a grown ass adult. He can make his own lunch and wash his own clothing.
You couldn’t just let him go to the card show. You had to tag a long, then text him out of bordem, then claim to feel unsafe from an altercation that had nothing to do with you, and want him to leave the card show. He just wanted to look at cards.
YTA.