Ok so never done this before. Sorry for the long text I just need to get it off my chest.
So basically me (18F) invited my best friend (19F) of 2 years to my house to hang out and watch movies. Her parents couldn’t pick her up before late night, so I invited her to stay over for dinner, I was going to cook for her and I supposed that we would have a lil privacy to eat (no one was supposed to be home then, only me) , but my parents decided otherwise and they sat down for dinner with us. Now, I am not going to get into a lot of detail, but my family isn’t really a “happy” one. Before my friend came over, my parents were arguing (screaming, really) with my sis, and the atmosphere was tense. So naturally, during the dinner I was tense af and didn’t act like myself, because I’m a whole different person with my parents as opposed to who I am with my friends. After that we (my friend and me) continued to watch movies and called it a day and I thought it was the last of it.
So imagine my surprise when I suggested going on a trail walk with her on another day and she said she didn’t want to “Make me uncomfortable”, because she had been overthinking about what had happened at my house and she “Refused to be treated like that”. I tried to explain the situation (she was already aware abt my family’s tensions) and I explained over and over that it’s not that I didn’t want her to be there (I had invited her, I obviously wanted her there) but she just couldn’t take it and said she needed some time??? Like?? She also claimed that if I didn’t want her eating with my parents she could have just left, but reminder that no one could pick her up yet and I live far away from where she lives, and there’s no public transport, also NO CHANCE that I would let her walk there, it was dark out and dangerous.
For now I am giving her time and I have apologized to her over text, because we haven’t seen each other face to face yet. However I don’t know if she’s overreacting over a small thing or if my behaviour was truly that terrible, I am very confused and hurt rn and I don’t know what to do.
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Ok so never done this before. Sorry for the long text I just need to get it off my chest.
So basically me (18F) invited my best friend (19F) of 2 years to my house to hang out and watch movies. Her parents couldn’t pick her up before late night, so I invited her to stay over for dinner, I was going to cook for her and I supposed that we would have a lil privacy to eat (no one was supposed to be home then, only me) , but my parents decided otherwise and they sat down for dinner with us. Now, I am not going to get into a lot of detail, but my family isn’t really a “happy” one. Before my friend came over, my parents were arguing (screaming, really) with my sis, and the atmosphere was tense. So naturally, during the dinner I was tense af and didn’t act like myself, because I’m a whole different person with my parents as opposed to who I am with my friends. After that we (my friend and me) continued to watch movies and called it a day and I thought it was the last of it.
So imagine my surprise when I suggested going on a trail walk with her on another day and she said she didn’t want to “Make me uncomfortable”, because she had been overthinking about what had happened at my house and she “Refused to be treated like that”. I tried to explain the situation (she was already aware abt my family’s tensions) and I explained over and over that it’s not that I didn’t want her to be there (I had invited her, I obviously wanted her there) but she just couldn’t take it and said she needed some time??? Like?? She also claimed that if I didn’t want her eating with my parents she could have just left, but reminder that no one could pick her up yet and I live far away from where she lives, and there’s no public transport, also NO CHANCE that I would let her walk there, it was dark out and dangerous.
For now I am giving her time and I have apologized to her over text, because we haven’t seen each other face to face yet. However I don’t know if she’s overreacting over a small thing or if my behaviour was truly that terrible, I am very confused and hurt rn and I don’t know what to do.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was tense and not bubbly as usual at a dinner with my best friend and it hurt her feelings. It might make me the asshole because I am not normally like this and it might mean that I am a fake person.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and yikes
Friend is so self-absorbed that she thinks that your natural human feeling of being uncomfortable with the vibe in your home is about her.
The only thing that you did wrong was apologizing to friend. It should be the other way around.
NTA. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend if she’s making your toxic homelife about her.
NTA. I completely understand your side of things, been there. You put up walls around parents and your friends you let into on a deeper level.
It’s shocking to hear she turned it into a you treating her bad situation and not her just talking about being uncomfortable in the dynamic.
You shouldn’t have to grovel for her to understand your dysfunctional family. She should be supportive and suddenly empathize with you.
ESH except your friend.
Your parents are AHs for not being able to behave like reasonable adults to the point where they’re traumatizing their kid.
But if your family are so incredibly toxic and you’re so traumatized by them that you can’t even relax when they’re on their best behaviour, then stop inviting friends to hang out at your house. Your friend is right that you put her in an incredibly uncomfortable position, having to watch you and your family walk on eggshells around each other. It wasn’t fair to her.
And I get that you say you thought your parents were going to be out, but they live their, it’s their house, unless they’re literally out of town you cannot ever guarantee that your parents won’t come home early, decide to stay home when they had other plans, etc. So again, if they stress you out so much that you’re literally making other people uncomfortable with your reactions to them, then stop having people over to your house. Hang out at your friends’ places or whatever. But don’t subject other people to your toxic family that even you can’t cope with.