I (40F) lost a job that I loved at the end of June. I got one month of pay as severance. In July, I got hit with Covid and then pneumonia, so I spent most of the month sick. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with major depression since the job loss (I also have bipolar disorder, though I’m on meds and have been stable for a while).
I work in the tech industry, which is very competitive. I’ve been applying like crazy, but I’ve only had a few interviews. I’ve also been trying to stay in management roles, though now I’m starting to apply for analyst positions. I’m also working on getting my substitute teaching certification as something to do.
Financially, I cashed out my 401k, which after fees left me with about $20k. I paid off some big bills like insurance for 6 months and several credit cards, so we still have about $8k in savings. I also get unemployment, but in Missouri it’s only $288 a week. My husband has been working a lot, so we’re still covering bills, but things are still going over. (I made about 60% more then him) The thing is, we’ve always lived below our means while I had a job, so we’re not in crisis yet.
Here’s where the conflict comes in: my husband is pissed at me. He thinks I’m not doing anything at home and that I’m “milking unemployment.” He’s even suggested I take a customer service job or fast food, which I don’t want to do unless we’re truly desperate. I’m scared about being out of the industry too long, and I don’t want to completely derail my career. It has taken over a decade to get where I was at. He works retail so doesn’t understand how hard things slip if away for to long.
I’ll admit between the depression, being sick, and the bipolar swings, I haven’t been great about housework or keeping a normal routine. Some days it’s hard to even function. I do clean up trash and take care of some things, but the house is cluttered and not where it should be. I’ve also been angry at the world, the constant rejections are wearing me down, and honestly, I’m on a fuse lately esp when things are brought up and I fully admit to.
On top of that, I have a girls’ weekend coming up that was booked way before lost job. I already paid for transportation and activities (non refundable), and I’ll only owe about $400 for the room and also the food while I’m there. My husband thinks it’s irresponsible to go when I’m not working. I see it as a chance to breathe before I totally burn out, but I get why he’s upset.
My husband says I’m being too picky, that I should just get any job, and that I’m putting too much stress on him. I feel like I am trying I’m applying, I’ve made financial moves to keep us afloat for several months, and I’m planning backup options. But he sees it as me not contributing.
So, Reddit AITA for being unemployed and depressed for 2 months, not taking any job just to have one, and still going on a girls’ weekend?
Comments
NTA. Losing a job you loved + getting sick + depression? That’s a lot all at once. Two months is nothing in tech job hunting there can easily take 6+. You’ve already made smart financial moves and you are applying. Your husband is stressed, sure, but it doesn’t mean you’re slacking. The girls’ trip might even help you reset a bit before diving back in.
NTA – but if you can’t see why your husband might be a little concerned, y’all need to talk more about this in a loving partner kind of way.
You’re not the asshole you lost a job you loved, got sick, and you’re battling depression while still applying and planning ahead. Two months isn’t a long time to be unemployed, especially in tech.
It makes sense you don’t want to derail your career with a job that doesn’t fit unless you’re truly desperate. The girls’ trip might look bad to him, but wanting a small break before burning out is human. You’re trying he’s just scared and stressed, and it’s coming out as pressure on you.
EHS
You could take a related job like IT
You could go to school to gain new skills
Depression feeds on itself, depressions feeds on loneliness and isolation, depression feeds on inactivity, so the cycle of suck keeps spinning the more you’re you’re stuck in the suck, the harder it is to get out. But you know all this, set a planned routine with morning exercise and blocks of time.
Your husband is probably frustrated with you and his inability to help you.
I was once unemployed for ten months before I finally found a job. Tech is tough, but you will find a job.
That said, normally one should treat job search as if it were a full-time job, and it sounds like you’re doing that. So tell your husband to back off: You’re doing what you need to do.
Can you borrow the money for the trip? Now is not a good time to lay out $400, but you can use the break.
You’ll come through this just fine! NTA.