(14F) always wanted a sibling. But my parents had issues having a second child, my mom had 2 miscarriages, the first time I was too young to understand whats really happening but second time I was 9 years old and I saw how much my parents suffered and I felt horrible for losing my sister.
My mom is now pregnant again, but unfortunately they have been told there was a risk of baby having down syndrome and about a week ago my parents told me it was confirmed through a diagnostic test my sibling has Down syndrome. They told me they are considering terminating the pregnancy and I should be ready for this possibility. I felt horrible about losing a sibling again but I have been searching non stop since then about caring for a person with Down syndrome and learned how hard it actually is and how it comes with a lot of other health problems and how theres a very high possibility of them never being independent.
I then started wishing they would decide to abort it but today they sat me down again and told me they decided to give birth. I felt so disappointed. I didn’t say anything but okay. My parents could read through me and asked me if I was unhappy about their decision. I thought I had to tell them the truth because if i don’t say it now it might be too late forever. So I told them about all the research I was doing and I wished she had decided to terminate. We had a long talk and at some point I said I know I always told them I would love to have a sibling but I dont think I will ever be able to bond with this one.
After hearing that my mom started crying. My dad started comforting her and told me to give them a little space.
He then came up to my room and told me I hurt them especially my mom deeply with all the things I have said and I should have supported their decision. I asked him if that was actually their decison or my mom’s decision because it feels like the latter. He told me his decision is whatever my mom’s decision is because she is the one that is pregnant and I should have supported her decision and I owe her a huge apology for not doing so.
I think I had every right to share how I actually feel especially after they asked me in the first place but AITA?
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(14F) always wanted a sibling. But my parents had issues having a second child, my mom had 2 miscarriages, the first time I was too young to understand whats really happening but second time I was 9 years old and I saw how much my parents suffered and I felt horrible for losing my sister.
My mom is now pregnant again, but unfortunately they have been told there was a risk of baby having down syndrome and about a week ago my parents told me it was confirmed through a diagnostic test my sibling has Down syndrome. They told me they are considering terminating the pregnancy and I should be ready for this possibility. I felt horrible about losing a sibling again but I have been searching non stop since then about caring for a person with Down syndrome and learned how hard it actually is and how it comes with a lot of other health problems and how theres a very high possibility of them never being independent.
I then started wishing they would decide to abort it but today they sat me down again and told me they decided to give birth. I felt so disappointed. I didn’t say anything but okay. My parents could read through me and asked me if I was unhappy about their decision. I thought I had to tell them the truth because if i don’t say it now it might be too late forever. So I told them about all the research I was doing and I wished she had decided to terminate. We had a long talk and at some point I said I know I always told them I would love to have a sibling but I dont think I will ever be able to bond with this one.
After hearing that my mom started crying. My dad started comforting her and told me to give them a little space.
He then came up to my room and told me I hurt them especially my mom deeply with all the things I have said and I should have supported their decision. I asked him if that was actually their decison or my mom’s decision because it feels like the latter. He told me his decision is whatever my mom’s decision is because she is the one that is pregnant and I should have supported her decision and I owe her a huge apology for not doing so.
I think I had every right to share how I actually feel especially after they asked me in the first place but AITA?
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> Things I have I told my mom regarding her decision to not do end pregnancy, my dad told me I owe her a huge apology for being unsupportive
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m going to give you a soft YTA, and here’s why – every case is different.
You don’t know how this is going to turn out, and you don’t know if your family will have to deal with the worst-case scenarios you found online. You’re right to be concerned – your parents are obviously concerned – but your comments basically dismissed your potential sibling-to-be completely…and that was unnecessarily hurtful.
YTA. Don’t fall into rabbit holes online. And telling your mother that you wouldn’t love the new baby is cruel. You haven’t even met the baby yet.
Okay this a split choice here, first off I’m
Considered disabled as I’m closer to being autistic than normal on one scale and the opposite on the other.
It is your parents choice and they want to keep the baby, there is good things but the child will have a much tougher road ahead, they have to understand this will really cause them to have to be there gir this kid twice as hard, and may have to find a caregiver In the future, not saying it’s not possible to live and be fine, it’s harder in some people than others.
You are entitled to your opinion and your parents should respect that and they should respect yours, also your dads line of his choice is your moms is b.s me and my current girlfriend of two years have raised her kid together and we don’t agree on everything because of our difference in raiding, but we don’t agree on have agreements on punishments and behaviors, I’d suggest you show your parents some of these comments later on.
Everyone Sucks Here.
O.P you get 2.5 out of 5 Aholes because of how you both talked about it to your parents, but I feel like your leaving out certain parts of the conversation.
Parents are split, mom I would give a 1.5 because I don’t think she really knows how hard life will be to raise a child with Down syndrome.
Your dad I’m give him 4 out of 5, he clearly can’t think for himself and agrees with whatever your mom says, if this was to be reversed and you were older and pregnant and you said this to them, would he agree with you, since it’s your decision or would he agree with your mom against you?
NAH. They asked if you were unhappy with their decision and you told them the truth. But it’s understandable that your mother is hurt.
NTA. You’re 14. You were asked a question and answered honestly, if insensitively. This being said, you might just be surprised by how much you live the new baby when he or she comes. Try to be open minded! Wishing you and your family well.
NTA. They asked you how you were feeling about all of that and you just answered their questions. Plus, i think you have the right to voice your opinion, since there is a possibility that you will be the one taking care of her/him in the futur, if your parents are not able to do it for a multitude of reasons…
You are 14 years old and certainly entitled to a 14-year-old’s opinion. Your parents are dealing with a very difficult decision that you can’t possibly begin to understand fully. They know that. I’m not sure what exactly they wanted to hear from their 14-year-old but you were honest and you were not rude, so you are NTA.
This is going to affect you greatly because your sibling will likely need life-long care and that responsibility may fall to you when your parents are gone.
My bet is you that if your parents continue with a healthy pregnancy and birth you will absolutely bond with your sibling though. Good luck to all of you.
NTA for sharing your true feelings bc your parents are here to support you, too. pregnancy is tough, the hormones are wild, and there’s been a lot of tough news and stress for your mom (and dad too).
None of that invalidates your concerns and feelings. I don’t think it was particularly fair for them to ask how you’re feeling and then demand that you put your feelings aside to accept everything.
all that said, I think you may be underestimating the potential to bond with your sibling. this kid is going to love the shit out of you. you’re going to be their hero. All you have to do is exist and open your heart. I’m not saying it will all be easy, but seeing how much you already care – all the research and thought you put into this unborn child, the worry you’ve had over your mom and dad… you’re a good kid. don’t forget that.
So, they shouldn’t have asked if they weren’t ready for a possible negative reaction. But before you judge this baby, go befriend someone with Down syndrome. They are actually pretty awesome. Watch the movie Up Syndrome too.
YTA that’s a lot to deal with a child with a disability among other things that could potentially happen and on top of her having other miscarriages they probably tried to include you in the conversation so that you wouldn’t just be left in the dark but for you to make her feel bad about it after everything is very shitty you’re still a child so you wouldn’t even be able to fathom losing a child, being pregnant etc yet you might want a sibling but that’s also a big age difference and them starting all over again when you’ll be out of the house at college in a couple years don’t be selfish
NAH.
You’re allowed to express your concerns. You’re being very mature about it, from the sounds of it, actually. You’ve done your own research, you’re allowed to have reservations.
They also originally brought out the idea of termination, so it’s only natural for you to bring yourself to terms with that idea, think “maybe this is the better option” and then to feel conflicted when they 180 that idea. Had you bought it up first, I’d say YTA. But you didn’t, it was a topic they planted.
Having lost pregnancies before, its understandable for them to want to keep this baby regardless. You said it yourself, you were too young to really experience the first. Is it possible they’ve had more that you’ve just not known about? Try to see it from their perspective – their previous babies weren’t their choice to lose. They’ve been through the grief, and now they’ve got to come to terms with whether they can pull the plug themselves this time.
It’s ok for them to say no to termination. Its OK for you to feel worried or confused. Its never easy, for anyone, to find something like this out about their child.
There’s further conversations to have here – worst case, your sibling won’t be able to live by themselves. When the time comes and you both lose your parents, what’s going to happen? These are all hard conversations. You’re all going to feel emotional. But if you all keep a level head, then you should all be able to come together.
I don’t think you are the AH because I believe no adult needs to consult a 14yo about this kind of decision. However, I think they just wanted to check if you were ok, which obviously isn’t the case so I understand why they asked you all of this.
I understand that you feel confused about their decision and that you fear what Down Syndrome can mean for your sibling and for your family.
I think you need to keep on researching, get into the bright stuff too. Because it exists. It’s not only difficulties. Society makes it really hard for people with Down Syndrome, but it wasn’t always like that and it’s starting to change.
In my country, a lot of people with DS are actually quite successful and bring pride and joy to their loved ones, just as you would. And for the average people (I mean those who don’t become stars etc), well you should watch tv documentaries with real families, you might see that it’s not as different as you think.
I don’t judge people who terminate pregnancies over this, I think it’s very personal. But just to remind you of the bigger picture :
It’s your mom’s body. She suffered pain and loss before, she’s been carrying your sibling with all her love and hope, and she decided it was more than enough to welcome her child. She can’t give up on her baby right now, and even if you don’t understand her choice, now that you’ve said your piece, you need to support her.
If you find it too hard to keep to yourself, you could try a therapy or talking about it with friends, just to vent.
I am not judging you, it’s ok to feel scared and to disagree. Maybe you would’ve done things differently in her shoes, but it’s the choice of your parents and yes, of your mother, and you need to make peace with it and stand by them so you can all keep on living your lives as a loving family. You sound pretty sensitive and intelligent, I am certain you will find a way to cope and be present.
And you know, I sometimes think that people with disabilities can’t find a better family than a family who knows and welcome them. I am sure it will turn out better than you expect.
I hope you will feel better soon
Quick PSA based on reports.
Things that are a rule 11 violation:
AITA for breaking up with/not being friends with someone?
AITA for not wanting a kid?
AITA for not wanting to adopt my dying relative’s kid?
Things that are not a rule 11 violation:
AITA for trying to break up my friend’s relationship?
AITA for not supporting my mom having a kid?
AITA for not wanting my bff and ex to be friends?
Some of those are rule 7 violations, but rule 11 does not ban literally anything and everything to do with relationships, friendships, and/or reproduction. It’s about relationships and reproduction you are directly involved with.
ESH. your parents shouldn’t have involved you in this at all. They should have made their decision and then told you the outcome, either to help you understand TFMR or that you’ll have a sibling that needs special care. Your reaction is not great.
Many people with Down syndrome can live independently with social supports. I’ve done a lot of research on it lately because I’m waiting for confirmation if my infant daughter has it. If she does, it wasn’t detected before birth. I would not have terminated even if we knew, but knowing would have given me more time to prepare. Unfortunately Down syndrome is one of those things that you won’t know your siblings abilities or needs or complications until they’re going through life. As things arise. Knowing the diagnosis tells very little about the outcome.
Your sibling will be different but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to form a bond and love. With such a significant age gap you’ll probably be moving out when your sibling is barely more than a toddler.
There’s many people with Down syndrome who are on the higher end and actually end up going through school, college, working in their field very independently. I feel like if you’re going to do research, research pros and cons. I’m going to give a soft YTA just because of your age so you may still be a little naive. I’ve met people with Down syndrome and they are easily some of the most likable people so just try to be a little more open minded. The more you grow to love your sibling, the less this is going to matter. Congratulations to Mom and I hope all turns out well.
NTA. You are a child. Your parents asked if you were unhappy. You answered honestly and explained why. It is NOT your responsibility to lie about how you feel.
NTA they really don’t need to be getting their feelings hurt by what a 14 year old has to say about a difficult situation that hasn’t even happened yet. This is going to be a huge life experience that you’ll all be navigating together, expecting you to be 100% positive about it is unreasonable. I promise you, whatever they’re feeling right now is not your fault.
NAH
OP, you’re 14 years old and you researched the care an individual with Down Syndrome will need for their entire life. That’s very mature of you. And yes, what you said to your parents was harsh (reality), but they’re the ones who mentioned terminating the pregnancy first. You did not.
Your parents want a second child and while they’re the ones who have to make the decisions about going through with the pregnancy, you’re not wrong that they’re undermining the lifelong care the child will need for the rest of their life. Not to mention, you’ll probably get roped into helping with caring for your sibling (even while your parents are still alive). They have to decide what’s best for them (please don’t allow them to pull you into their parenting responsibilities).
Either way, good luck to you and your parents.
NTA please make sure you stress to them that you are not in ANY way to provide care for this sibling. I have seen the decision to bring a special needs child into a family quickly turn into placing babysitting and caregiving on the older sibling, leading to the elder having to go no contact just to get some space. Make sure they understand you will not be providing care as they age so they need to start planning to never retire since at 70 they’ll be taking care of a 40 year old child. Make sure they understand they need to leave a big savings account to put your sibling in a home once they pass away. I deal daily with downs patients and the amount of parents who forget that one day their baby will be a 40 year old completely dependent on the system always boggles my mind. They prefer to pretend the older siblings will happily sacrifice their futures.
Seems you are the only one with a brain in this household.
NAH
You are 14 and you are allowed to express your feelings but your parents are also allowed to express to you how that hurts. It is how we grow as people, it’s how they help you develop into a person that understands how your words affect others. For what it is worth, I am really sorry your family is going through this scary thing. I have known people who get testing with a diagnosis and ends up the baby is born with no genetic issues. I also know a couple of people with down syndrome and they are the most joyful people I know. Whatever happens I truly hope you and your parents can have open conversations about things even when it’s a hard subject.
They wanted you to pretend that you were ok. You were right to share how you really feel.
NAH but please talk to some actual experts about Down syndrome, don’t just read on the internet. The phenotype is hugely variable and also hugely changed (massively improved outcomes, particularly to longevity and independence, due to medical screening and interventions, and increased education) even in the last decade or two.
NTA. They asked you for your opinion and you were honest. If they wanted agreement, they should have just told you that they had made a decision and that they didn’t care how you felt.
This baby is going to be your responsibility as well. You’re going to be the babysitter and at least, a sometimes caregiver.
Hopefully, your father will be a true partner to your mom, but that’s about a 40% chance ( and I am being generous here). Many men believe that child care is the sole job of the mother. You know how involved your father is with you. With a child who has a disability, some men don’t want to be involved. So the mother ends up being a married single parent. But your mother has you to help pick up the slack from the void that your father leaves. So, there’s that.
YTA for saying you couldn’t bond with a sibling that has Down syndrome. Why would you not be able to bond with them? Just because a person has a disability doesn’t diminish their value as a person or make them unworthy of love.
You told them the truth! The rest is up to them. Whatever happens at least you know you voiced your concerns. Be a teenager now, the future will present itself!
If your sibling has a severe disability, which requires care, your parents may expect you to be the one to take on that responsibility once they are physically unable to do so any more.
NAH. Your feelings are legitimate because this will not be easy in any way, shape or form. However, I do feel you should apologise because your intentions are irrelevant here. You hurt your mom and if you love her I think you should say “Sorry, my intention was not to be hurtful. I am just concerned because of how scary it all seems according to the research I did.” As for your thinking you won’t bond with your sibling. That one is really impossible for you to predict because babies are adorable and right now your thoughts and feelings are blinded by your fears. Give it time. When your sibling is here you will likely feel completely differently because you will have had time to adjust and having him/her looking at you, reaching out for you and touching you will melt your heart. Now go and show your mom some love, she needs it.
NTA. They asked you how you felt and you were honest with them. That’s that. BUT, having a sibling with Downs doesn’t mean they will never be independent. It’s a spectrum. People with Downs get married, have families of their own, and can live totally independently. Don’t be frightened by your research. Take it one day at a time and just see. Maybe talk to your mom, apologize for upsetting her and say you were trying to be honest because you are scared about the future and what could happen. They can’t be upset at you for that.
NTA
ESH. I dunno why your parents were telling you what they were thinking as they were thinking it in regards to such an important decision. If they were considering abortion that’s fine but why tell you until a decision is made? Honestly they should have just kept the whole pregnancy to themselves until they made a decision.
Also you could benefit from being a little more open minded. Down syndrome isn’t some horrible awful thing. Some of the kindest, sweetest people I’ve met have down syndrome. And you CAN become independent with down syndrome. You can’t say now whether or not you will love/bond with your sibling. But it also seems like you’ve made the decision you won’t without even giving them a change. So there’s a good chance you won’t just because you’ve decided it won’t happen. You’re really closing yourself off from what could be a wonderful, close, loving relationship with the sibling you always wanted. I can’t call you an AH for that since you’re on 14. But seriously open up.
NTA
You are 14 years old and they asked for your opinion.
It’s not exactly terrific parenting to ask your child for their opinion and then turn on them and get upset because they gave you their honest opinion.
And it’s your parents’ job to be supportive of you, but twisting it to say that it’s your responsibility to be supportive of your mother’s decision sounds kinda like there’s a whole lot more responsibility coming down the pike for you.
You don’t mention how old your parents are, and I don’t want to be hurtful to a young teenager, but the reality is that most kids will outlive their parents.
And I suspect that part of your mother’s reasoning for being upset here is that – knowing you always wanted a younger sibling – she thought she would be able to pass down the care of this child to you later in life.
If you did your research, you know that Down’s is not a life sentence to misery.
But it’s also unlikely that your sibling will ever be able to live independently, and your parents need to plan ahead for the long term care of this upcoming baby.
I don’t know whether or not you have college plans, or whether any funding for college has ever been discussed, but this is an excellent time to start focusing very closely on your schoolwork, so that you can earn scholarships…
Because the timing of you potentially heading off to college and your sibling needing a great deal of intervention and therapeutic assistance to reach their highest potential are going to overlap, and both of these things are costly.
Good luck – and you are absolutely not in the wrong for being honest with your parents.
I’m amazed at how mature you sound. NTA. Your parents should have never put you in this position.
NTA
I’m not going to touch on down syndrome/information regarding for the care of someone with down syndrome because I personally don’t know enough, but also because that’s not the aspect of your story you’re asking us about.
In no way is a child supposed to carry the emotions of their parents. It happebs way too often and when your emotions aren’t what they want from you somehow you as the kid end up being the bad guy for not performing the way they want you to.
Yes, at the end of the day it’s your mom’s decision, but as the sibling of the child she’s carrying you will inevitably be looked to for additional provided care and, ultimately, full care of your sibling (as needed) when your parents are either too old or dead to care for your sibling should they not be capable of full independence.
Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t be shamed or guilted for having them. If they didn’t want your honest thoughts they shouldn’t have asked you. It doesn’t matter if this entire pregnancy situation has been hard on them because no matter what they shouldn’t be looking to you for support or for whatever “happiness” over their decision to keep the pregnancy may be lacking in their own marriage. Your father is the one who she should be seeking support from, not you.
Yes, it sucks for your mom that the excitement you might’ve once had over a sibling doesn’t exist now that she is finally pregnant, but you’re 14. Old enough to know what it means to have to be an additional caregiver for a sibling, old enough for your parents to expect your help. But young enough to still deserve your own life outside of your parent’s choices, outside of helping them raise another child.
Regardless what your parents ultimately decide to do with the pregnancy, they shouldn’t be looking to you, as their child, for support.
> I hurt them especially my mom deeply with all the things I have said and I should have supported their decision
NTA. You don’t support anything by lying. Tell your father that your home needs to be a place where it is safe for you to tell the truth, even about tough issues.
Tell your mother that you are sorry she is hurting, and even if you don’t agree with her decision, you will always love and support her.
Why is it unfortunate that the baby has Down Syndrome?
You’re coming across as selfish and ableist.
YTA
NTA. You should never have been faced with this at your age. As others have said, Downs syndrome has a great spectrum when it comes to possible disability. With that being said, I hope your parents plan well for the future of this child. If they are not able to be independent, parents often expect other children they have to care for the disabled child in the event of their parents deaths or ill health as they age, and that isn’t fair. There needs to be a plan in place. Possibly, if some of this kind of worry is taken off your young shoulders, you might feel differently about developing a good relationship with your sibling.
Soft YTA, they asked for how you were feeling, not if you thought it was a good idea. Your parents are very excited to have a child but when you get the news you tell them you wished they killed it. These parents have suffered a lot of trauma from two miscarriages, the least you could do was congratulate and hope that things would turn out fine. Obviously this is a stressful topic and very complex.
However it’s very sad to see people who think someone shouldn’t be given the gift of life because of a “defect”, this child has an endless array of possibilities. Thinking they shouldn’t live because they have a mental problem is heartbreaking. Your mom had every right to be sad that you didn’t want a sister/brother who might be different.
That said you shouldn’t worry about how your parents will raise this child. Many people with down syndrome can do great things and sometimes can even be smarter than a regular person. I hope that you come to peace with having a sibling, and treat them with as much love and respect as you would a sibling without down syndrome.
NAH. They let you know what they were doing, and you let them know how you felt about it. You are still a child. You didn’t say anything too intentionally hurt your mom.
It seems that you and your parents have pretty good communication. If you and they want that to continue, they should accept that you told them how you felt even though it hurt.
Your parents handled this poorly. They really should have made a decision before telling you, and been there to support you with information and emotionally. It’s not surprising in absence of that support you turned to the internet for information that helped you navigate this emotionally difficult situation and what felt like a terrible outcome.
Because you’re 14, I’m saying NTA.
Kinda an asshole move to blame your mother and trying to instigate something about whose decision it is, but you’re a child and probably don’t know how insensitive you’re being…
YTA. You’ve already decided that you don’t want this sibling because they’re not perfect.
Do you want a sibling, but only if they fit the image you’re looking for.
You are not wrong to voice your opinions and concerns. But have you looked at the statistics for different levels of impairment associated with downs? Your sibling may be high functioning and able to have a reciprocal relationship with you. And if you’ve never spent time with a DS child, they are the most loving humans you will ever meet. They are pure and innocent much longer than typical children are.
I think some counseling might be a good idea for you and maybe for your entire family. There are organizations that support families in your position.
Best to all of you.
YTA due to your ignorance about Down Syndrome and people with disabilities. That being said, you were a victim of trusting things we see online is a trap we have all fallen into. Sounds like you got sucked into a rabbit hole of all the negatives about Down Syndrome. People with intellectual disabilities are not less than everyone else. We all come with our own set of problems and what’s important is learning how to cope with them. I would suggest looking into celebrities or advocates with Downs and trying to learn more about the positive sides. Or, just wait until you actually MEET this baby before you form an opinion of them that is solely based on a disability.
NAH, they brought you a literal kid into the conversation that serious and expected you to have the same opinion. They are making a decision that will affect all of your lives and already mentioned that they were considering a abortion themselves. Its very possible if anything happens to your parents in the future that you’ll become responsible for that sibling. Its a big choice for your mother but its her call, but it affects you and your father too.
NTA
I’m in my 40s, have 2 kids, pregnant with a 3rd. We were at risk and did testing – and knew we would abort if testing showed DS or other disorders. I couldn’t ask my existing children to limit their life to caretake for a sibling if I could prevent it, and in the US that need for caretaking is almost inevitable. With cuts to HGS/Medicaid, DOE, etc getting assistance will be increasingly difficult.
Generally, I find their decision to have a DS child to be selfish at best unless they have appropriate assets to ensure life-long care AND provide you with a similar level of support as previously planned for things like college. Very few people do. What is their plan if full time care is needed?
More specifically, they asked your opinion and you gave it. While you may have been a little melodramatic about ‘never bonding’, the general statement that this is a problematic situation that will require more involvement in your side than a non-DS sibling would likely be and that is a very large issue for bonding as a normal siblings would bond, is very fair.
Already your parents have involved you in more decision making and discussion because if their condition than is typical.
NTA because when they die, you will be stuck with your siblings care and it’s not fair to you.
NTA. They asked, you answered. No apology necessary.
NTA
And, please don’t apologize for speaking your truth.
NAH, I honestly think the mom’s crying and their asking you really is them admitting their own remaining uncertainty about the decision. As the adults they shouldn’t be putting you in a position to validate their choice, and not asking questions you know you won’t like the answer to, or at least preparing yourself emotionally for negative response, is kind of a basic adult skill they’re not using correctly here. As a child, however, you also need to understand it’s not your choice at all. It might have been a more honest but less argumentatitve strategy as the kid to just say “well, it’s not my choice.” But again, NAH.
NAH.
I think your response was well thought out, kind and a lot more mature than your parents are giving you credit for.
Your parents want the baby, even if your father has some reservations. You really don’t have any say over it, despite them asking your opinion or them telling you about the potential of and now diagnosis.
You can ask how things are going to look (if they know/have any plans) when baby is born. Are there any DS family groups you can all go to? Is there any support groups for you?
They can be upset and that’s valid. But this is going to be a huge adjustment for you too.
Nta. You are only 14. They asked for your opinion and you gave it.
Yeah, here’s the thing — at 14 you do not know what it is like to have to make that kind of decision. It’s not your body. They weren’t asking for input.
YTA
NTA , but also ultimately not your decision. You really don’t know what you’re walking into. Down syndrome babies are always delightfully happy and easy to love. But yes, this brings lifelong responsibilities of a lesser or greater degree. Give it time, for now there’s nothing you can do. Tell your parents that you will not be a third parent or caregiver for your sibling. If you change your mind later, that is fine. For now you’re allowed to have expectations for your own life. In this case, there is no right or wrong way to feel. You are definitely NTA.
If you don’t want an answer you won’t like;don’t ask the question.
NTA.
NAH.
I don’t think they should’ve told you. 14 is EXTREMELY young. You are physically and mentally growing and you don’t have the ability to process all of this at your age.
Either way, this is a very sensitive topic and your parents are wrong for reacting that way. Going through an abortion is hard too.
NTA. If the fetus has Downs, there will be even more significant changes to your life (Google “glass children”) for the rest of your life, and you didn’t say anything until you were asked.
People with DS can live a long happy life and being you a lot of joy! But, yes, they often need care for all of it without being able to live independently. Have a frank conversation with your parents about their long term care plans- are YOU supposed to take in your sibling after they pass away? Then, this decision isn’t just about them. Do they have the means to support long term
care? After 14 years having parents to yourself, it’s going to be a huge adjustment for you to have a sibling- let alone one that will need a lot of focus and support. I suggest therapy.
NTA. OP, tell them now that if they move forward with this, you will NOT accept the burden of taking care of the disabled sibling when your parents get sick and die. That you will not be parentified and help them with the many things they’ll have to do when you’re supposed to be focusing on school.
Make it perfectly clear so they are left with no doubts. I’m sure it hurts your mom to hear it, but everyone will suffer a lot more on the long run than she is suffering now if she has this baby.
And then in 20-40 years (if you’re lucky), your parents will be dead and you’ll probably still be here, having to pay for their bad decisions.
This is why we shouldn’t involve children in adult decisions. NTA for having an opinion but stay off dr google. Your sibling is going to be her own person and her disabilities are going to be her own. Reading every horror story on the web is not a great idea.
NTA.
You have the right to your opinion and at 14, your parents shouldn’t be relying on you for unwavering support, you’re still a kid too.