My gf just moved in my house about a month ago and only plans on living with me for the summer before she goes back to college. She pays no bills or contributes to any chores around the house. Last night her friend texted her saying she needed a place to stay for a week or 2 because of things going on in the home in their life. She immediately told them yes because I have a spare bedroom, next my gf finally told me what’s going on and I said that it was fine that her friend could stay but I would have appreciated if she would have at least asked me first before telling them that they could. She got so upset with me and told me that she lives there too and shouldn’t need to ask if a friend in need could crash with us for awhile. I feel she has no respect for me or my house but says that I’m the asshole for saying she should have asked me first. Am I the asshole?
AITA for being upset my gf told her friend she could live with us for a week or 2 without asking me?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Communication is key in a relationship, regardless who owns the house.
Ages?
You’re not wrong for feeling upset your home should be a shared decision, not a surprise invite. It’s about respect, not just hospitality. A quick convo could’ve saved a lot of tension.
What’s the age gap here?
NTA, even if she pays for half the house the respectful thing to do is get your OK first. Inviting guests over for 2 weeks is definitely something either person living in the house can veto.
I would not let this stand. Rescind the offer. tell GF to tell friend she can’t come. Then going forward, she needs to get your permission before she invites anyone. That’s not a control thing, that’s just how it is when you live with someone.
If she doesn’t agree, kick her ass out too.
NTA within just one month of your freeloading girlfriend moving in she brings along a freeloading friend to stay. Be on your guard. You’re going to have two freeloaders living there contributing no money and not doing any chores. Does your girlfriend at least contribute fairly towards groceries? What will the freeloading friend contribute?
This is a bad bad idea. How long have you been with your girlfriend for? How old are you both?
NTA
RED FLAG ALARM!
RED FLAG ALARM!
ABORT MISSION!
RED FLAG ALARM!
I don’t know how to put this. Let me try it this way: Your gf is a freeloader without any respect for you and now she’s trying to gaslight you.
Or step by step:
Honestly, I’d tell her to leave.
RED FLAG ALARM!
RED FLAG ALARM!
ABORT MISSION!
RED FLAG ALARM!
NTA. You know that 2 of the most important things in the relationship is communication and respect. After that, everything will follow. However you can’t control everything but can you can control your emotions and reactions. So, both of you need to talk.
When she pays half the bills and does her fair share of the chores she has rights. She should have discussed it with you first. Don’t let her disrespect you like this. Stand up for yourself or she will continue to take advantage of your kindness. Tell her she must pull her weight and contribute. The best of luck to you.
nope better get that straightened out right now. I would be concerned about her attitude, it would not set well with me at all.
update me
NTA
Your girlfriend is acting like shes completely entitled to do whatever she wants. You just asked her to run it past you as it YOUR FUCKING HOUSE. Shes just there for the summer. And your right, shes doesnt have any respect. It would be common courtesy even if you where married and shared paying the expenses to ask your partner if X could stay for some time?
I take it her friend isnt going to be paying toward staying either so your have 2 people to support. What happens if the friend asks her to stay longer and doesnt tell you?
Shes walking over boundaries here mate. She can have tantrum, but you need to let her know that if she wants to stay with you, she needs to show more respect and if she cant do that your help her pack.
NTA this house is your space too, you two share the place just cuz she lives there doesn’t mean it’s her now. This was honestly pretty immature of her
Not the AH. It’s your home too, and big decisions like guests should be a team call. Communication is key!
NTA. Whoever does that to me will be kicked out asap 🤦🏻♀️ not your place not your decision
NTA. You’re being very kind allowing her to stay and not pay bills.
Girl here, and I would never dream of inviting someone to stay at my boyfriend’s place without asking him first. The fact that she’s not contributing financially makes this even worse. NTA, and you need to have a serious conversation about boundaries.
NTA.
Is her name on the lease? Is she paying anything? No, she’s only a guest for a relatively short stay. Even if she were paying her share, letting someone else move in is a one no two yes decision.
That she got so upset by your comment should give you pause for thought. When people show you who they are, believe them.
She should have communicated with you first. It’s about mutual respect in a relationship.
You may want to start reconsidering your gf choice. If she’s not communicating now, what do you think is going to happen if you eventually marry her? Not the AH.
NTA. Communication is key in any relationship, her decisions shouldn’t outweigh yours in your own home.
NTA paying bills or not she should have asked you first. Also if she’s only there for the summer til she goes back to school she definitely should have asked seems likes she is a house guest too.
NTA. As someone who went through something similar, letting friends crash without discussing it first is a huge red flag. When my ex did this, it turned into 3 months of an unwanted houseguest eating our food and hogging the bathroom. Basic roommate etiquette means discussing these things first, especially when she’s not contributing financially.
NTA, if you two are a unit, you make decisions together. No unilateral decisions by either of you. Your girlfriend was definitely disrespectful.
NTA. Your gf crossed the line, imo. If you are the one paying the bills-you said she contributed nothing-then at the very least she should’ve cleared it with you first.
NTA.
Is the friend hot? Maybe you could leverage a round of skully or a three-way out of this at least…
Is your surname “doormat” . ? No? Then rescind the offer and remind her (GF) of the facts .. she is a guest and has no rights over the house , shows no respect and contributes nothing .. be clear
NTA. Communication is key in any relationship. As an owner, you have every right to be involved in such decisions.
Kick them both out before they’re staying there long enough to get swash squatter’s rights and take the house from you seriously, this could get really bad, and the fact that she has no respect for you or your place. Do not let the friend move in and get her out of there
is her friend hot? wow play ur cards right and u might get lucky
Nta
It is your home and your gf doesn’t contribute. Even simple common courtesy dictates she should have asked first.
Don’t get suckered into into supporting gf’s uninvited guest. If she wants almond milk or her favorite cereal, it isn’t you responsibility to buy it.
Your GF is terribly entitled with you and your house.
I’d reevaluate if she’d be better off spending the summer somewhere else.
Nope. Your girlfriend shouldn’t ask you but discuss it with you first. Updateme
I mean, you’re just looking for the same courtesy you would expect from a roommate splitting the rent/bills. But that being said, if you were a true asshole, you’d start a fling with the friend and then break up with your current gf and kick her out.
Even if she contributed equally she should have spoken to you first, as you both inhabit the space. Her entitlement and lack of consideration, as well as her response when you respectfully said something about this, are huge red flags.
Women think with their emotions. The only way to get to them is through their emotions.
Start hitting on the woman she invited over and this ends her doing something of this nature for ever.
Hit on her friend, they’ll both leave 🎉
I barely understand how she could invite a guest without even asking you. But to go off and say she has every right to because she lives there? That is off the charts entitled and disrespectful. She contributes zero but acts like she owns the place.
They would both need a place to stay because who is that entitled?
And you’ll be paying for everything during their stay? Throw her out along with her gf.
“You can’t just invite someone to stay with me, without discussing it first”
yooo. wake up and get rid of your freeloading entitled GF. she is using you. it is your house and she is staying there it is not her house to decide anything. stick to your guns. and ps. her friend will be there all summer mooching of you. please update us
NTA this is some pretty egregious behaviour.
NTA. This is the kind of person you break up with immediately.
She just showed you who she really is and you need to pay attention to that!!!!
Time to kick her out and her little friend too!!!
My money is on that they won’t leave when they say they will
You are a nice boyfriend. Me, after she asserted her rights in my home, I’d tell her if her friend shows up at my door I’ll turn her away. All because she took it upon herself to disrespect me and my home. It’s no longer about her friend staying, this is about the way she’s making me feel in my own home.
If she lives there like she claims then she should step up and pay something towards the bills otherwise she’s just being a freeloader, definitely Nta
Brother you are not. You should have told her she contributes nothing to the bills so technically she is still a guest in your house
It will not be “A week or two” this will be all Summer while you pay for the house, electricity, water, ect. I bet she’ll dump you on the way out to college. Tell her friend no and if she doesn’t like it she can go too. Spend the money and talk to a lawyer about your rights here. Once her friend moves in there might be a problem getting them out.
Kick both out. Last thing anyone needs are people with no boundaries in their lives. Wtf is a gf/bf in this day and age? Nothing.
NTA.
Tell her you don’t mind because you always thought her friend was really hot.
She absolutely needs to ask you first. My wife and I are married and neither of us would ever invite someone to stay with us for 2 weeks without discussing it first
There’s no way I would date someone like this major red flags
They both need to pay the
Dick Tax.
2 weeks is not that long. If you like the girl put up with it, if not you know what you got to do
Dude, run. This is how 14 years of abuse started for me. She won’t stop disrespecting you.
Hmmmmm…. are you feeling like you are being used? Or maybe she thinks she is paying the rent with sex? It all sounds very temporary.
………. Next Reddit Post
My GF of 3 months, had her friend move in to MY home without permission for what was supposed to be two weeks. Its been 2 months…
Neither my GF or her friend do any chores or anything and so I am asking how do i ask my GF’s friend to leave without causing anger?
“No. you do not live here. You’re a temporary guest. But regardless if you do or not. in a relationship you communicate and ask before you agree to let someone stay over. The fact that you can not see this, and think you alone have any right to decide whom to invite into a home that you don’t even live in permanently. shows me that we need to have some serious discussions before taking any next steps in our relationship.”
NTA
You’re definitely not the AH here. your GF doesn’t live with you. She’s staying with you, like a guest. Temporarily until she returns to her “permanent” housing. But even if she was staying. in a relationship you communicate before inviting people into a home that you share with someone else.
Need ages before I make a judgement.
She moved into YOUR HOUSE a little over a MONTH ago…and she thinks that she can invite people to stay without asking you because “she lives here too” …
Op…my dude…see this for the red flag it is…
NTA
if you’re smart you’ll never let your girlfriend stay longer than an weekend again. THIS “she lives there too and shouldn’t need to ask if a friend in need could crash” is a red flag waving. She’s there for the summer and that’s it, just an extended house guest, her entitled statement shows you either her maturity level or your pecking order in her life. NTA
NTA. I would never invite someone else to live in a place that I didn’t own or pay rent for myself.
NTA. She’s definitely an asshole here for not asking you and knowing your opinion
NTA I’d serve the friend with a 30 day eviction notice the day they move in and your gf with a 90 day one or whenever the summer period ends for you just to cover your ass.
NTA. Your girlfriend is showing signs of entitlement. If i were you i would tell her that i changed my mind and that her friend is not welcome to stay. You gotta send a message.
NTA. Your gf is at BEST entitled. At worst she has no respect for you or healthy boundaries. It is absolutely not acceptable for someone who is contributing nothing to act like they own the place. She lives in your house yes, on your dime no less. She has absolutely no reason to be upset about you request that she consult you before inviting someone to live in YOUR house.
NTA. She’s manipulative. More problems are coming with the friend crashing at your home. Be prepared to feel like a 3rd wheel/visitor in your home.
NTA
It’s your house, your girlfriend is staying there temporarily. She DOES NOT live there. She certainly doesn’t get to let people crash there. You’re in the right.
I’m married, and my wife and I would still discuss if a friend was gonna be staying before okaying it
You need to get rid of the girlfriend and her friend. Your girlfriend has no respect for you. It’s your house.
Run away. Let Gf be a summer fling and then end it. This is a big red flag and one you’d be a fool to overlook.
NTA STA
Nta. You need a new gf. This one has no respect for you or yalls realtionship. She just moved in and is already acting like this. Do better.
NTA. She doesn’t live there, she’s staying there. When you live somewhere, you contribute. Also equally, as a guest in your house, the respectful thing to do would be to ask. I pay rent at a place I live in, but I have a room mate so there is no way I would have a house guest without clearing it with them first.
NTA. Even if your GF had permanent legal residency at your house, having a guest, especially for an extended period of time is ALWAYS a two “yes” situation. She’s taking liberties that aren’t hers to take.
Would she agree that you don’t need to notify her in advance when you change all the locks?
Hmmmm, I see you described the friend as a “them” v “her” or “him”.
You are NTA but I see a big “L” on your forehead because you’re GF is not an “ex”….
When she goes back to college, change the locks and block her.
NTA. it’s probably going to be a lot longer than two weeks. Let your gf know that that is all. Be prepared to kick the friend out (and maybe even your girlfriend).
Fuck her friend and show them both who’s the boss. She didn’t ask permission so you don’t need to either.
lmao, bud
She pays no bills
She has been there a month
It’s temporary
She does not get to pull the “I live here too” card when it comes to whether or not other people can stay at your place. Period.
This isn’t a matter of opinion, it’s a reality of liability. I’m assuming you rent? Your name is the only one on that rental agreement, man. Anything that goes wrong, it’s on you. Nosey neighbor wondering why there are two extra people staying at your place? YOU are the one that has to explain it to the landlord. YOU are the one that is on the hook for this place.
And not only that, but yeah, it’s your home. That’s your safe space from the world.
Your girlfriend sounds like she has very little respect for you, man.
I hope you wake up to the reality of what behavior like this means right now, before it’s too late. She sounds like the kind of person that likes to fuck around and find out, except she does it on other people’s dime.
NTA. The least would be to communicate before agreeing but considering she’s only just moved in herself and doesn’t contribute to any bills or do any house work then it’s way out of line. Your girlfriend seems to be using you a little as she should at least being doing her fair share around the house if not more since she’s not paying for anything. I would reconsider the set up of I were you.
NTA…
The friend can stay, the GF needs to go.
NTA. You’ve got a little preview of what it would mean to “move in” with this woman.
NTA. Overnight guests should always be discussed with roommates.
It’s your freaking house not hers. Absolutely NTA.
What is wrong with you? It’s your house, she doesn’t pay anything and she invites her friend to stay for a week without telling you. Then you ask her to tell you in advance and she gaslights you and instead of seeing this bright red flag you’re asking reddit if YTA. You better find some self respect soon or she will lose what little she has for you.
NTA. You are paying for everything. You make these rules. Tell her no.
NTA that chick is using as a crash pad and f*k buddy
You need to limit time this friend is staying to 1 week and get your sht straight with the girl
NTA. She doesn’t have any respect for you and your house. It’s amazing how generous she is with somebody else’s resources. She pays nothing, her friend is going to pay nothing which means YOU’LL end up paying more to accommodate them. Nah, put them both out.
NTA. It was your place first and she JUST got there. Not really her house yet too in my eyes. Plus she could’ve ran it by you first before instantly saying yes. Its a sucky situation and I get wanting to help a friend out very heavily, but you cant proceed to help a friend while hindering your own relationship in the process by not communicating. She was inconsiderate for that. If you did that with a male friend of yours, hell even any friend I am CERTAIN she would have an issue. Certain.
You better be gettin head from both of them
She asked cause she knows you are weak and wouldn’t say no, plus she knows you will be dumped when she meets Chad back in school
NTA.
But she doesn’t live there too. She’s just crashing for the summer. Rent free.
She’s a guest herself, so she had no right to invite her friend.
Don’t let the friend come. Tell your girlfriend she’s simply a guest and doesn’t get to make decisions like that. If she wants to have a say then she needs to pay rent. And as a long term guest or tenant, she should absolutely be doing her share of chores!!
Bro tell her no. If she says anything end it and kick her out.
She does it because it the kinda dumbass who allows that kinda disrespect.
NTA, girlfriend needs to start paying her share of the bills too.
lol
If she doesn’t contribute to any bills then her living there means jack 💩 since she’s only there for the summer so she’s not really living there then is she? If it’s not too late put your foot down and tell her friend to find else where.
In her mind what’s yours is now hers and she doesn’t feel the need to ask for your permission even if it’s good manners. Next she’ll be offering your car to the next friend in need that messages her. You’re not running a shelter.
NTA, co-habitation requires co-planning. She’s upset because she’s seeing your asking her to include you in decisions about your shared space as your wanting her to “ask permission”. If she’s college-age, it could be an over-correction from less independent days and wanting to assert her adulthood; idk if you’re similar in age or what, but it might be worth letting her know that you weren’t telling her to ask permission for things like that, but that you just want to be included in decisions about your shared space.
NTA. At least as things currently stand, the space isn’t actually hers to give. She does need to ask – she’s pretty much a guest herself, and it doesn’t sound like your invitation included a +1.
Break up and kick them both out! Soon you’ll have tenant and will have to get a lawyer to get rid of them. Don’t do it!
Kick them both out
Its one thing to invite the friend over and tell you but to suggest she shouldn’t need to ask who stays in your house.
Things happen and at the moment she offered to a friend in need and can apologize to you after and see if you are ok. However, even if the house belonged equally to both its still yours. She cannot just bring whoever she wants whenever she wants
Try this: “I’m rethinking this relationship after you failed to communicate with me. I think both of you need to leave my home, right now.”
NTA. Tell her if she does not think that communicating about these important things is necessary, she can move right out again. It will safe you a lot of stress in the long run.
Why isn’t she contributing to any bills? She thinks you are a doormat.
ah the answer is a hard no. Imagine if you did the reverse she is a spoiled baby
Yeah, this is an issue. You handled it correctly. Your gf did not. You are neither engaged or married and she’s taking liberties she don’t have.
As a matter of fact, even if you were, this is something that should be discussed. I’d be really upset if my wife invited ppl to stay without a discussion. (She’d be upset vice versa).
On a side note: Your gf needs to get involved in cleaning, cooking and laundry at this point. She’s getting a free ride and thats the least she could do (contribute).
Sounds a bit like you’ve spoiled her. Time to unspoil her. Take it from a married guy that dud the same. You’ll regret it later if you stay together….
NTA. Been there less than a month… she should have asked first. She sounds very entitled.
NTA. The “just get more mad back at you” is the single most common card in every woman’s deck. It’s one of those things you kind of have to learn to deal with the hard way via trial and error. The only advice I can give you is that woman amplify and reflect emotions. If you approach her when you’re upset and criticize her, even when justified, she’s not going to hear any words, she’s just going to amplify and reflect negativity. They are all very similar in this regard. You have to control your own emotions, because she is simply never able to, and spin it in a positive light. There’s a rule in the man o sphere. “Don’t argue with women. It means they win”. You lose simply by participating. It’s your house, and she doesn’t respect you. Put your foot down, as lovingly as possible, and don’t participate in a drawn out argument. God luck!