I (41F) am the youngest of 4 sisters – fake names, oldest to youngest: Amanda, Irina, Nancy and me.
We try to stay in touch as much as possible, moreso since our mother, died, 3 years ago.
Since we all live in different cities, it’s very difficult to synchronize our schedules so that we can get together, all four of us. I try to be the glue for us all.
Irina is the only one who lives in our hometown where our parents’ graves are also located (relevant later).
Nancy is closest in distance to Irina and she has a habit of making random visits to Irina at least every two weeks. Due to this, Irina and Nancy have a close relationship.
I visit Irina over weekend 3-4 times a year and almost always Nancy also comes by.
Amanda is closest to me, we videocall at least 3 times a week and talk about everything, but she lives the farthest distance wise. We visit once per year.
In the last 8-10 years, Amanda has became quite religious, with visits to monasteries, even regular pilgrimages, lasting 1-4 days, never accompanied by any of the sisters.
Irina and Nancy on the other hand, were a bit indifferent to religion, sometimes they were mocking Amanda on it, which is why I was surprised in the last two years when I heard that they also went on a pilgrimage once a year, only the two of them.
I never commented on this topic, I let them say and do what they want, but I was always their pacifist on the rest of the topics anyway, I really didn’t need to get involved in this topic also. On the religious side, I was more indifferent, I don’t like to show off what I believe in, that’s between me and my God, I don’t think there’s a need for a pilgrimage for that.
Also, in my country there are hundreds of monasteries to which pilgrimages are made and most of these monasteries are located in beautiful areas, religious tourism is even practiced because of this.
Now that the scene is set, let’s get to the issue.
Yesterday I went to visit our parents’ grave and I also paid a short visit to Irina, as she lives very close by. We were discussing, trying to set up a weekend to visit her when she mentioned that she was going on a pilgrimage in two weeks, so that weekend was out of the question. I paid no mind to that until this evening.
Amanda videocalled me earlier and among other thing she mentioned that two weeks from now she goes with the girls to this 1-day pilgrimage. I ask “what girls?” and her answer was…you guessed it…our sisters.
I made up an excuse and quickly hung up the call but then I sent her a message telling her I was extremely upset that they excluded me. Not that I necessarily WANTED to go but they could have at least ASKED me, shown me that they were thinking of me. Is the thought that counts, right? Maybe I would have agreed to go just to spend a day together with them, the four of us. Maybe I would have accepted just for the scenery, as I have mentioned, these monasteries are located in gorgeous areas.
So AITA for being upset on NOT being invited?
Edit: paragraphs
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I (41F) am the youngest of 4 sisters – fake names, oldest to youngest: Amanda, Irina, Nancy and me.
We try to stay in touch as much as possible, moreso since our mother, died, 3 years ago.
Since we all live in different cities, it’s very difficult to synchronize our schedules so that we can get together, all four of us. I try to be the glue for us all.
Irina is the only one who lives in our hometown where our parents’ graves are also located (relevant later).
Nancy is closest in distance to Irina and she has a habit of making random visits to Irina at least every two weeks. Due to this, Irina and Nancy have a close relationship.
I visit Irina over weekend 3-4 times a year and almost always Nancy also comes by.
Amanda is closest to me, we videocall at least 3 times a week and talk about everything, but she lives the farthest distance wise. We visit once per year.
In the last 8-10 years, Amanda has became quite religious, with visits to monasteries, even regular pilgrimages, lasting 1-4 days, never accompanied by any of the sisters.
Irina and Nancy on the other hand, were a bit indifferent to religion, sometimes they were mocking Amanda on it, which is why I was surprised in the last two years when I heard that they also went on a pilgrimage once a year, only the two of them.
I never commented on this topic, I let them say and do what they want, but I was always their pacifist on the rest of the topics anyway, I really didn’t need to get involved in this topic also. On the religious side, I was more indifferent, I don’t like to show off what I believe in, that’s between me and my God, I don’t think there’s a need for a pilgrimage for that.
Also, in my country there are hundreds of monasteries to which pilgrimages are made and most of these monasteries are located in beautiful areas, religious tourism is even practiced because of this.
Now that the scene is set, let’s get to the issue.
Yesterday I went to visit our parents’ grave and I also paid a short visit to Irina, as she lives very close by. We were discussing, trying to set up a weekend to visit her when she mentioned that she was going on a pilgrimage in two weeks, so that weekend was out of the question. I paid no mind to that until this evening.
Amanda videocalled me earlier and among other thing she mentioned that two weeks from now she goes with the girls to this 1-day pilgrimage. I ask “what girls?” and her answer was…you guessed it…our sisters.
I made up an excuse and quickly hung up the call but then I sent her a message telling her I was extremely upset that they excluded me. Not that I necessarily WANTED to go but they could have at least ASKED me, shown me that they were thinking of me. Is the thought that counts, right? Maybe I would have agreed to go just to spend a day together with them, the four of us. Maybe I would have accepted just for the scenery, as I have mentioned, these monasteries are located in gorgeous areas.
So AITA for being upset on NOT being invited?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I was wronged being excluded and I am upset by this. AITA for feeling excluded?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH
You aren’t the AH but neither are they. You aren’t entitled to every event they plan and they aren’t entitled to every event you plan either.
Especially because it’s only a day trip. If it was gonna be a full length trip, I think it would be at least rude to not tell you where they’re going for such a period of time.
While it would be nice for them to mention it in passing and offer an invitation, they’re not required to.
I don’t know if being upset would make YTA, tbh. No one is harmed from you simply feeling your feelings. They left you out and that sucks, they may have their reasoning but I think whether you’re judged to be TAH or not is dependent on your response to the situation. Maybe just start by asking the sister you’re closest with why they didn’t tell or invite you on the trip.
NTA but YWBTA if you make a big deal about not being invited and then they invite you and you decide that you would rather not go…
I had a friend who I was going through a rough patch with. I would ask her out all the time as that was her request. She would say no. After about 3 months I stopped asking her to hang out, and she got mad at me about a month after. I told her, “ What is the point of me asking a question that I know will be a no? Do you think it’s fun being rejected all the time?”
If you want to spend time with your sisters, plan something you enjoy together, don’t get upset at someone for know your likes and dislikes.
YTA
Soft YTA-it is not something you’ve shown interest in, so it makes sense they wouldn’t invite you.
YTA you sound like a lot
INFO: You’re NTA for being upset, but what did you actually say to her? Presuming she called you something along the lines of an asshole for something you said in that text that isn’t shared here. YWBTA if you ripped them over text instead of just talking to them and explaining how it made you feel.
I think you need to take a step back and realize that you’re sounding a bit… childish? This is very baby sister coded lol
It sounds like your sisters have finally come to some type of agreement or understanding and these pilgrimages are ways for them to bond.
You mentioned 2 of them are close and 1 of them is closer to you. Are the 3 of them not allowed to have their own experiences outside of you? You don’t even sound like you discuss religion with them and you said you wouldn’t want to go.
Edit to add: YTA if you don’t let this go.
Well, kinda YTA. They know that’s something you’re not interested in. Instead of getting upset you should have told them that actually sounded interesting and that you’d like to be invited to the next one to spend time with them.
If I were going on a pilgrimage, I would not be likely to invite someone who thinks their relationship with god is private and doesn’t need a pilgrimage. You feel excluded precisely BECAUSE you don’t take the pilgrimage seriously; to you, it’s a day out. But they see it differently. If you want a day out with your sisters, plan one! But don’t co-opt their religious rituals to satisfy your FOMO.
YTA
NTA. Did she respond?
YTA
How are they supposed to know you want to go if by your own words it´s not something you are typically interested in?