I, 23f am happily married to my husband 31m. We have a toddler, 1m, who we love deeply. He’s all we ever talk about. Last fathers day I made him a keychain with the imprint of our sons foot on it and a mug with their photos on it. He didnt use either for a few months, so much so, he didnt even move it from where he placed it (in the bedroom). I felt bad about it cause i felt like he didnt like it. Then, when i put the keychain on his keys, he lost it 3 weeks later and has continued to blame me for losing it.
I was excited for mothers day! I loved the idea of getting to spend the day together and was excited to see flowers and a coffee, at least. I didnt get either. It wasnt until i eventually caved and asked him to buy me a coffee that he did (i ran out of creamer). Later that night i eventually asked him why he didnt get me anything. I told him i dont want anything extravagant i was just hoping for something to remember this by. Like a silly drawing on a homemade card or a craft or something. He told me it was because he didnt know what to do or what to get. And for the flowers; he wanted to take our son to grab some, but he changed his mind after he saw him sleeping. It felt like an excuse to me. I told him that, that i felt like he didnt even do the bare minimum and that bothered me. To which he complained that his keychain is still missing and that i havent even bothered looking for it.
Its been a few weeks, and its still on my mind. It felt like he didnt care about me.
Our anniversary is in two days and now I dont even know if its worth even getting him a gift because i doubt he’ll do the same for me. Im not materialistic but i am sentimental so stuff like that matters to me. Am i over reacting? Should i still get him a gift?
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Backup of the post’s body: I, 23f am happily married to my husband 31m. We have a toddler, 1m, who we love deeply. He’s all we ever talk about. Last fathers day I made him a keychain with the imprint of our sons foot on it and a mug with their photos on it. He didnt use either for a few months, so much so, he didnt even move it from where he placed it (in the bedroom). I felt bad about it cause i felt like he didnt like it. Then, when i put the keychain on his keys, he lost it 3 weeks later and has continued to blame me for losing it.
I was excited for mothers day! I loved the idea of getting to spend the day together and was excited to see flowers and a coffee, at least. I didnt get either. It wasnt until i eventually caved and asked him to buy me a coffee that he did (i ran out of creamer). Later that night i eventually asked him why he didnt get me anything. I told him i dont want anything extravagant i was just hoping for something to remember this by. Like a silly drawing on a homemade card or a craft or something. He told me it was because he didnt know what to do or what to get. And for the flowers; he wanted to take our son to grab some, but he changed his mind after he saw him sleeping. It felt like an excuse to me. I told him that, that i felt like he didnt even do the bare minimum and that bothered me. To which he complained that his keychain is still missing and that i havent even bothered looking for it.
Its been a few weeks, and its still on my mind. It felt like he didnt care about me.
Our anniversary is in two days and now I dont even know if its worth even getting him a gift because i doubt he’ll do the same for me. Im not materialistic but i am sentimental so stuff like that matters to me. Am i over reacting? Should i still get him a gift?
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Honestly meet his energy. He will either notice and change or not notice and it will be up to you to meet your own needs.
Get him a replacement keychain and let that be the last gift you ever get him. He is a self important asshat. He whines like a baby over a lost keychain but can’t bother celebrating you? Smh. You have a long sad life in front of you. Sorry.
If he lost the key chain you put on his keys, what happened to the keys?
I don’t understand why you moved the key chain.
ESH
I understand how you feel. Someone else said match his energy. I don’t know. I did that with my husband and instead of him changing in a way that make me happy. I changed into someone I hate. Good luck. It sucks having someone emotionally incapable of being thoughtful
This is something that you were going to have to tie up your boot straps and prepare for battle for. Dead serious. And it starts with you conveying your expectations.
You tell him straight out that this Mother’s Day was his one and only foul ball in the Mother’s Day game. Going forward he will make an effort to show appreciation and respect for your place in his child’s life.
He will not Weaponized and competence. He will not play dumb. He will be an adult and if ever in doubt about what he should do, he should ask another woman for suggestions.
Because some behaviors are just as destructive to trust as being slapped across the face. And being ignored for your effort as his child child’s mother is just that.
He doesn’t have to spend a boatload of money, but dammit he better bring the respect.
Look, I know it’s not very romantic, but if you have specific expectations in a marriage it’s best to spell them out. Though I figure most men should at least be able to manage a card at the bare minimum. I probably wouldn’t buy him an anniversary gift (but my husband and I do not exchange gifts for the majority of the holidays).
If he has a history of not being thoughtful about these special days why are you expecting things to change?
These special occasions are very meaningful to you but they’re not meaningful for him.
This is who he is.
You feel like he doesn’t care… because he doesn’t. Why are you even with him? Prepare to be crapped on until you wise up and leave.
NTA, but this sound like a guy who is still trying to hide that he is a dad. Most fathers would take the mug to work and use the key chain but he didn’t. I don’t think he lost the key chain I think he ditched it. Sorry but he sounds like a jerk, don’t get too excited for your anniversary.
If he wanted to, he would.
NTA. This is your first Mother’s Day and he couldn’t even get you a card & flowers?!?!? If he didn’t know what to get he could’ve asked. He’s just making excuses and his actions show he doesn’t care. I’m sorry for you. Happy Belated Mothers Day!!!!
Rule #1. Always get a card and flowers. Especially for your wife’s first Mother’s Day. I would make the same excuse for Father’s Day to him.
This is coming from a husband also.
NTA I’m being worthy of being celebrated. He is not celebrating you at all. He is completely unworthy. I would rethink this relationship. It’s not going to get any better. Next year you’ll hear that you are not his mother.
Your husband is 31 years old.
He’s had A DECADE to learn how to Adult, including making AN EFFORT for his wife/mother of his child.
You came here upset that your 31 year old husband made zero effort for you on Mother’s Day. Less than zero; he was chockful of excuses.
Don’t accept excuses.
You’re early in your relationship. Tell him he better Step Up and start making an effort.
Then watch his actions, his attitude… NOT his words.
Give him 6 months to prove he’s worthy of you sticking around for the duration.
If he can’t muster the effort — make some decisions that include leaving him. No need to stay UNHAPPILY MARRIED.
Ridiculous.