Hi Reddit, I (23F) have been with my fiancé (25M) for 7 years. We’ve been living in Clermont, FL for 6 years now. Most of our holiday plans throughout our relationship have always involved his family. Either he goes to visit them without me, or I go along with him. I’ve rarely had the chance to spend holidays with my side of the family.
This Christmas, my sister, her husband, and her 3 kids are planning to fly down to Florida to visit, which is a big deal — they live in Delaware, and it’s a rare opportunity to see them. My fiancé has never met them in person (only on FaceTime), and I’ve only met one of her kids in person myself.
I really wanted both of us to spend Christmas with them this year. I offered to spend Thanksgiving and New Year’s with his family as a compromise, especially since they live closer and we see them every few months. But when I brought it up, he said he “doesn’t know” what he’s doing for Christmas yet.
The thing is, we’re trying to plan in advance because we need to book an Airbnb before everything gets filled up — especially since we’d be going to Disney with the kids and I’m buying everyone’s tickets, including potentially his. I told him I need to know if he’s coming or not so I can plan properly. I gave him a week to decide, and his response was still basically “I don’t know.”
He told me that any time he gets an opportunity to see his family, he’s going to take it — even if that means he never meets mine. That really hurt, and I ended up crying. But when I did, he got upset with me for being emotional and “pressuring” him.
I just feel like I’m asking for something reasonable — one holiday, with my family, after years of only prioritizing his. It’s not like I’m asking him to cut his family off, just to also make room for mine. But now I’m wondering if I’m being unfair or too emotional about it
AITA for being upset that my fiancé won’t commit to spending Christmas with my family, even though we’ve never done holidays with them before?
Edit: sorry forgot to mention my other sister will be there so 3 other adults total for him to interact with. He’s met my other sister we actually all lived together for a few months like 6 years ago lmao. For more info I don’t really have any family other than siblings who live all over the place, a grandmother with terminal cancer who we see often. My mother is deceased father never in the picture, estranged from all other family but my siblings. I know the sister thing is confusing the one flying lives in Delaware, the other one lived with us and I grew up with full time so he’s used to her.
Comments
You need to reconsider a lifetime with this boy who is inconsiderate of you and your family.
Make plans with your family with or without him.
You are not the AH he is. If you two are spending most of the time with his family and he won’t see your family when they are making special plans then he is never going to prioritize you or your family. It will always be himbfirst his family second and you third or less.
NTA He will always put his family first. You will either have to spend it with his family or go alone to see yours. He more than likely will also take any children you may have to his family events. Is that how you want your life to be?
NTA. You BF is selfish and doesn’t appear to have any interest in your family. He does not sound like long term relationship material.
NTA but why are you engaged to this guy? He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings or desires. You really need to reconsider marrying him. His behaviors won’t improve. He is making decisions that should be joint decisions, alone and having the final say.
Also, you are very young. It saddens me when I see young women wasting their 20’s men like this. If you opened your eyes a little you will probably see more problematic behaviors from him that you are ignoring.
Why do you want to marry somebody who doesn’t even want to meet your family?
He does not view you as his family. End the engagement until he starts showing you that he respects that your need for your family is just as important as his need for his. If he can’t compromise on something like this, you will become unhappy and bitter.
Plan everything without him. He can always join if he gets his head out of his ass. Disney always has tickets to be found. If he came to the air BNB, I’m assuming he would share your room, so you don’t need a larger spot if he comes. It is worrying that he only considers his wants and his family. How can he claim to love you and then ignore your needs.
NTA. Go see your family for Xmas. Tell him you have made plans already, he can join you and meet your family or not. If he doesn’t, think long and hard before marrying this asshole, he is selfish and doesn’t seem to understand the word partner.
You may have been with him for a long time but you’re still so young. Relationships are about compromise. Everything is about him and his family and could care less about you, your family or your feelings. Let him go see his family. Tell him to take all his belongings with him… everything he owns.
NTA but you need to reconsider this one sided relationship.
He told me that any time he gets an opportunity to see his family, he’s going to take it — even if that means he never meets mine.
Let me translate that into plain English for you.
“My family will ALWAYS come before you and your feelings– I don’t care if that hurts you.”
WHY on earth would you want to marry a man who doesn’t love and prioritize you.
Welcome to the rest of your life (if you marry him). NTA
Huh.
So you moved out at 17 or something?
No ditch him! He’s not worth your time or love!
NTA. Why do you want to marry someone who puts zero effort into you?
I’m sorry, but he really is a selfish AH.
NTA. This will be your entire life. He will isolate you from your family when you’re married.
He’s showing you how selfish he is. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn’t care what you want?
He’s never going to deal with your people. Go enjoy your sister and start making solo plans to go home once in awhile
NTA.
Not having every major holiday with your family of origin anymore is an adjustment that’s hard, but if you want a partner it needs to be done because it’s not just you anymore.
Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other. That’s the only fair way to do it if everything else is equal, both of you want to see your families, and you can’t combine both families (if you have kids and want them home on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning that will be a whole other factor).
He’s NEVER spending a holiday with your family. That translates into him expecting you to NEVER see your family on the major holidays again, and bear the whole emotional burden of compromise in the relationship. Decide soon if that’s going to be what you want your life to look like.
Just go without him. Find a new fiance while you are there.
No
This is how your future holidays will work. Now is the time to discuss how yoi two, as a new family, will spend holidays. If it is not fair to you, he is not a match
Oh boy, I’m sure you guys are in for a life time of happiness
You dont seem to be grasping what a huge red flag this is. Your fiance ALWAYS prioritizes his family over yours. He doesn’t care about meeting them. This tells me that you are probably the one making all the compromises and sacricing your wants and needs for his.
If you were to have children, they’d probably never see your family. He wouldnt care if they didn’t know your side of the family existed.
I hope you dont marry this person.
A true partner shares your life. He shares everything in your life. This means church, medical issues,work , family. A mature individual knows it isn’t going to be 100% what they want. Your partner seems to be a little selfish here. I don’t know if he is not clued in to what a healthy relationship is or is he just selfish. I think before you give up on this guy you need to have some counseling with him. And then you get to make up your own mind how you want to continue.
He’s not interested. Make of that what you will.
Dear, you are being neglected and gaslighted. He is directly telling you that his family and his needs and wants come before you. I really hope that you do not have kids with him. And even you do – divorce! He will not change. And I suspect that when you start prioritizing yourself, he will divorce you anyway. Please, put yourself first for once!
NTA. He’s telling you where you stand in his life. It’ll always be behind his family. See your family for Christmas and New Years and see his reaction.
Imagine marrying and this is your life
Is most of your family in Florida or Delaware ?
He’s showing you who he is. Believe him. The big thing here is that you need to have an idea of the type of man you want to marry. Then, only date that type! This guy is not for you. Release him to someone who doesn’t have a family.
This is a break up situation. He’s told you he’s never, ever, going to prioritize you. He’s never going to compromise. This is a bad relationship.
Your partner ultimately doesn’t care about you as a person or a partner. Honestly I would reevaluate the relationship and where you place him in your life. This is always going to be an issue especially if you do get married and have children. No personally I probably would not stay with a person like this because ultimately he cares about seeing his family more than he cares about what you want to do. A non-answer or a I don’t know is an answer. Don’t cater your life to him when he doesn’t want to commit to those things. I think you guys ultimately might not be compatible in the way you want your relationship to be. For some people him going and spending his family holidays with his family and you spending yours with yours and not meeting significant people in your partner’s life it’s fine for others it’s not. At this point your partner does not really care about meeting your family or spending time with them and if that’s something that is important to you having your partner there and not just you going and seeing them then this relationship is not going to work because he doesn’t want to see them. You go and have a good time with your family and let him figure out his own thing. If he wants to come he can buy his own ticket.
Dated since you were in high school. I mean I agree with mostly everyone here, I would probably move on from the relationship. It would be hard but this guy sounds selfish and I am sure that bleeds into other parts in the relationship. I don’t think abuse of any kind, cheating, should be the only reasons why couple should break up. There is reasons like being uncompromising and selfish for their own needs that are worth breaking up for. My girl had to face the noise with her family because they always spend Christmas Eve and day with hers but without a question she had to tell them that she will spend eve with them and day with mine regardless how much it upset her mom. It’s because we are engaged and we are a family so we have to find that balance with each others family. So if this guys is in I don’t know the whole time, he legit is saying no and not even brave enough to say something. Legit move on,
NTA. He’s told you clearly that he is okay with NEVER meeting your family, that his family will ALWAYS be the priority for him.
He’s showing you who he is. Believe him and plan accordingly.
You’re not unreasonable. It doesn’t sound like he’s treating you as a partner, but as an afterthought. I’d be hitting pause on the entire relationship. If you’ve been together for at least 6 years, this guy may be your first serious relationship, and this is not how a lifetime partnership is supposed to work.
This should never be a tug of war, nor should you ever have to persuade him to spend time with people you love.
NTAH. Getting together is fusing 2 families into one.
If a partner does not want to consider meeting yours he might be the wrong one.
“He told me that any time he gets an opportunity to see his family, he’s going to take it — even if that means he never meets mine.”.
He’s telling you something VERY IMPORTANT here, HIS FAMILY is ALWAYS going to come first. Are you prepared for a lifetime of that? He will likely also prioritize his family with your future children every holiday. Totally unfair. Holidays should always be split.
Go see your family without him and give this engagement some very serious thought. NTA
You need to reconsider this relationship being engaged for 6 years and still not married…his family is more important than yours..he does not want to met your family period accept that.
Just start making plans without him, also please iron this out if you guys eventually want kids. Because if he’s not gonna want your kids to know your family, that’s really bad. Honestly I would stop going to his family events, if he doesn’t come on this trip. Let him go alone, and you go visit yours. Compromise
Go enjoy your Christmas with you family and realize this will be your life forever if you stay together. He doesn’t see your family as important to his life and never will. His family will always be prioritized. He’s not a true partner. Not someone to build a life with. He’s showing you who he is and what’s important to him, and it’s not you.
Listen to what he’s telling you dear. Very all you want, his family comes first. And I don’t mean to sound dramatic but you will never be ‘family’ the way they are.
Please realize that he has no plan to celebrate Christmas with your family. Move forward to plan the best time with your sister & her family. If he’s there, he’s there. Please seriously rethink marrying him. Believe me if he’s like this before marriage, he’ll definitely be like this after.
Imagine if you ever have a child with him and his family disagrees with how you are raising them… who’s side do you think he’s going to take.
It speaks volumes that he can’t be bothered to meet the few family members that you actually have and that he could not care any less about how you feel about the situation.
Think long and hard about your future because he is showing you exactly who he is and what you are going to get from him
I was married to a person who never took the time to visit my family, I attended reunions, funerals, weddings (including my brother’s wedding, all my grandparents funerals) alone with my kids. My cousins joked that I didn’t have an actual spouse, I just kept using the same sperm donor bc my kids looked alike. My current husband met all of my family the first year we dated.
You need to cut this guy loose and find a person who is going to be there for you.
NTA
After 7 years of enabling this behavior, why are you raising this question now?
Yeah make the plans with your family. Don’t miss out on time you can have with them just because he doesn’t want to. But I also agree you need to think long and hard about your future with him. What happens when y’all are married? Will you just never see your family anymore? If he can’t compromise than is he really worth it? And his cop out on pressuring him is bs, you’re upset and entitled to be upset.
NTA, book the tickets, and don’t get him one, you will be wasting your money.
He has no interest in making riloom for your family.
How you proceed from here is up to you.
I mean, he told you he’s going to prioritize himself over you all the time. Meaning, he doesn’t really care about you or your feelings.
It’s been 6 years. Can’t imagine why you’d stay with someone like that expecting things to change.
NTA, and please think about if this is how you want to spend your married life!
NTA but your fiancé is. Are you really ready for a life where your children will rarely see your parents? You know his will always want to see them every holiday and since they are the only ones that matter….
Updateme!
NTA, normally couple rotate thanks giving with yours, Christmas with mine switch next year. reconsider someone so selfish….
Updateme
You’re with a grade f loser and he’s selfish. Why stay with someone that doesn’t treat you with any respect and manipulates you into feeling inferior to his family.
Your fiancé doesn’t seem to care about your family in the slightest and has no plans to change that. You should decide now if this is the way you want to spend every holiday for the rest of your lives.
YNTA.
Seven years with him since you were young. My guess is that he sees you as a sibling of sorts (outside of sex, of course). You’re too young to be letting him play house with you. While you may have internalized a role common to most ‘wives,’ he’s not there yet. He’s far too immature to be husband material. I understand how hard it is to face the reality that the relationship with the boy from high school has run its course, but it has.and I’m sure that the fiance status is to make you feel better about living with this guy and having sex with him (“Were going to get married.” So it’s OK).
Set the visit schedule now. It won’t get easier as time goes on
NTA
And this is a relationship worth reconsidering. He doesn’t see your partnership as an autonomous unit independent of both families. He sees his family as The Family, and you’re simply joining the tribe. He isn’t collaborating with you about how to manage your partnership’s relationship with both families. It’s worrisome that he’s jumped to calling you manipulative just because you cried from frustration with his refusal to negotiate or engage meaningfully with your family.
This is what your marriage will be like.
You are not unreasonable and he’s a selfish AH. Bet there are a lot more examples of his self-centeredness in the relationship. These are very red flags and you have been with him since you were very young. A normal bf/fiance should be and would be excited to meet the rest of your family.
On another hand, does he have a sister you could run it by? If she came back and had his same attitude, I would definitely think long and hard about tying myself permanently to this family.
Plus, I think that what he said would really hurt most girls feelings. I know it would make me cry!
Gurrrrllllllll. Wake the fuck up and dump this self centered sob. You deserve better.
Make PLANS with YOUR FAMILY and exclude him.
He has already given his permission by not having an answer.
Now follow through every damn time he pulls this nonsense.
Oh yeaaaah nah I would leave him if I were you ASAP don’t waste your time any longer please 🙏🏻
You need to reconsider this relationship. He is telling you he cares more about his family than you. This means a lot to you. You should every other year with each other’s family. He doesn’t care if he meets your family which is a big red flag. You need to dig down deep and see if this is what you want the rest of your life to look like.
Make your own plans with your family and spend the holidays with them. If he comes with you, great. If not? Well, you’ll have this time with your family that you otherwise wouldn’t have.
I would also consider the future you want to have and whether that’s possible with this person as a partner.
NTA
I would reconsider being with a person who doesn’t care about you or your important connections with family members.
Combining your life with another person means embracing and meshing yourself into their family, if that’s what your partner cares about.
NTA but he doesn’t care to meet your family. Ever. He doesn’t see that as valuable. He wants you to be a part of his but on his terms and only his. Please reevaluate your engagement and relationship as a whole. You should 1,000,000% take the opportunity to spend with your sister and her family. This is huge do not give up on it because of him.
NTA: Go with your family and stop visiting his. His family isn’t the only one that matters
NTA, but also, why stay with anyone like this. A partnership can never be one sided. If it is the one side that gets more will always pull for more and more until you break. It needs balance.
NTA. Just go to see your family fot Christmas. You need to reconsider life with this inconsiderate asshole.
You’re going to marry this person?
Make your plans with your family. If he decides he wants to join you guys at a later time, he can buy his own ticket(s).
Wifey, from San Antonio, and I, from Phoenix, agreed to alternate holidays from the very beginning. One year it’s Thanksgiving in Phoenix, then Christmas in San Antonio. The next year we switch. Family events or other special occasions, we play by ear. We’ve been doing that for 48 years and it works. As for future holidays/family events, plan to go alone if he won’t commit to go with you.
Give the ring back. You do not want to be tied to a man like this for the rest of your life.
I’ve rarely had the chance to spend holidays with my side of the family
You’ve had choices. You made choices.
I offered to spend Thanksgiving and New Year’s with his family as a compromise
That is NOT a compromise. That is capitulation.
You have an opportunity to grow a backbone. Take the opportunity.
“Anytime he gets the opportunity to see his family he’s going to take it, even if that means never meeting mine.” Sweetheart he’s told you everything you need to know about him. He’s told you his family comes first even before you. This is not marriage material. This isn’t even boyfriend material. There’s no man in this world worth never seeing your family over.
Why are you begging a man you’ve been with for 7 years to meet your family? This isn’t on him. it’s on you. Go visit your family and make sure you enjoy your time with them.
He didn’t care, and he knows you care too much.
The thing is if you’re planning a future together then it’s not your or his family. You and him become a family first and foremost. It doesn’t look like he considers you a priority as one Christmas is not much to ask. I’d find a boy who will share a life with you.
I’m not just saying this because of y’all’s ages….you’re both too young to get married. Neither of you sound ready for this.
Also, marrying your first boyfriend has a lower likelihood of working out generally.
Also, if you have the money to take everyone to Disney (thousands of dollars), you can fly to Delaware or Florida more often to see your family.
Make plans without him and get out of the engagement. He doesn’t want a real marriage- just a woman who does what he wants.
This is the way- he WILL NOT change. This is what he is offering- and frankly it is pretty shitty. Get out
Think about this. You are planning a life with this person and you guys should be a team and that means compromise on both sides. Sounds like my ex who only prioritized himself which is why he’s an ex.
NTA. BUT your mistake was a huge one. You set a precident that HIS family is more important than yours. If you never in 7 years fought to see your family equally, why would he now see them as equal in terms of family time? You should divide it equally.
Together since you were 16 and living together since you were 17?
NTA
Make your own plans.
And perhaps start working on a plan for you to move forward in your life without him. Imagine if you had kids. Would he be willing to meet you family then? Or would you only be with his family – and perhaps MIL being a massive presence in your child raising??
It’d be a massive deal breaker for me if my husband refused to see/meet my family. Especially after so many years!!
I’m seeing nothing but red flags. Tread carefully! He doesn’t seem to respect you!
Why would you marry an asshole?
Make holidays plans without him. Make lifetime plans without him as well.
NTA but this will be your future. He is selfish. Do you want to never spend time with your family? Do you want to continue putting your wants on the back burner? He is blatantly telling you that what HE wants is more important than what YOU want. He is not willing to compromise in the slightest.
Go meet your niblings and be with your family, don’t you give that up.
Then reconsider this relationship because he has informed you that he intends to and has shown you he will prioritise his family always. This is the reality of being in a relationship with him.
NTA
He’s showing you what your future looks like. He won’t change and maybe it’s time to reevaluate what you want YOUR future to look like.
You’ve been with him since you were 17 years old and have truly not experienced a lot. I would be RUNNING in the opposite direction!
NTA; Your fiancé is, for only prioritizing his family, and being inconsiderate to you and your family.
Break up now, it’ll be be cheaper than later
Is this what you want your life to look like? Doing what he wants to or doing stuff by yourself?
Are your needs getting met except for this or are you settling?
Buckle up. When you are looking to marry a narcissist, this type of behavior only gets worse. If you want to spend your life always being put second that’s on you. I would prefer looking for a true partner that will consider my happiness, just as much as his. Someone that understand the work compromise. Good luck.
He is absolutely telling you how much he values having anything to do with your family. So imagine the future. What if you have kids? He is basically telling you you will never visit your family as a family on a holiday. Though question – why haven’t you gone to visit on a non holiday?
NTA. Understand that your family will always come last if at all if you marry him. You will always come last if at all if you marry him. You will always be the outsider. He isn’t going to change. He isn’t going to change after marriage or after children. So, you can decide if you are OK with his family being number one in your life going forward and your family being closed out of having any type of real realtionship with you and your future children. Or you can decide that you matter, your family matters and that you don’t have to settle for a man who will never respect you, your family or your wishes. Up to you.
This is totally wild to me that you’ve put up with this attitude/behaviour for 7 years. This level of disrespect for you and your family would be unacceptable to me, so no you are not the asshole for being upset about this, Im surprised you’re not more upset. What happens when you have kids (if thats in the plan) are they never going to meet your siblings? Are you going to spend holidays separate from your partner? Doesn’t sound much like a partnership or sustainable in the long run.
You need to consider making long term plans without him if he is so negative towards your family. What if you ever have kids – they’ll never go to your family for the holidays.
Why would you stay with someone who values you so little? Plus this is classic narcissistic behavior. His feelings, his family, his experience is all that matters to him.
What an unbelievably selfish prick. He is showing just how much respect he has for you and yours. None.
WHY are you with someone who after seven years, has never met your family. Actively refuses to even discuss conflicting needs and says he does not care about your family. Don’t marry this man.
NTA.
He is NOT the guy to spend the rest of your life with. He does not care about your needs or your family. Not even a little effort to be fair. This is one of the most basic issues every couple deals with. Spending time with which sides family. And it is zero for you.
This is a huge red flag. There MUST be others that you are ignoring…..
YTA I wouldn’t want to spend time with your family either, that sounds like a terrible time when your guy should be relaxed and enjoying himself. He obviously doesn’t want to go, why are you trying to force him? Let the man be free.
Thank God you’re only 23 and not 33 or 43.
Really want a lifetime of this inconsiderate man? With him since a teen. Haven’t you outgrown him, and his adolescent behavior?
Let me post a better question
How would it be, to be with someone who loves you unconditionally, is crazy in love with your family, and tries to make every opportunity to see y’all get together and is excited or even MORE than you are about it?
What would THAT be like?
Hopefully it will inspire you to ditch this selfish guy and enjoy your holidays with your family
NTA
However, do you want to have a life with someone who will always put his family ahead of yours and your feelings? Balancing is hard, but it’s the right thing to do. This guy sounds selfish and immature.
He’s not husband material lady…far too selfish. What happens when you have children? Your family would never see them. Just my opinion…
Purchase the tickets to Disney for you and your family. Not your BF as it seems he will be with his family. I really hope you take a long look at your relationship & how unsupportive & self centered your boyfriend is. You’re in a partnership & he needs to meet you half way. Holidays should be alternating between the families. Thanksgiving this yr with his—-Thanksgiving with your family next yr, etc.
NTA
If I were you I’d book to go spend Christmas with your family without him. And then use that time to seriously reconsider this relationship.
His behaviour is selfish. And he doesn’t care. You aren’t building a life together, you are just being expected to slot yourself into his in whatever way suits him best.
I don’t know how or why you’ve put up with this for 7 years.
Dude sucks. DTMFA
He told you that you don’t matter, your feelings, your family, none of it.
His priority will be him and his family.
I beg you to get out before you waste more years. If you have a child with him, you will regret that the rest of your life.
His response is jaw dropping and I (at your stage) was incredibly close to my family. I can still remember the first Christmas away from them, it was brutal but my priority was always going to be the family I made with my husband, he did the same thing.
You have someone that finds you useful and good company, but what he’s told you is not love, he doesn’t care.
Please love yourself enough to know he’s not your person.
Please don’t marry him. The rest of your life looks very sad and bleak☹️
NTA. You seriously need to rethink this relationship. When your other half doesn’t want a relationship with your family, and only with his, he’s trying to alienate you. What happens if you have kids? They’ll only be allowed to see his side of the family. Anything in your life that needs compromise won’t happen, and it’s always going to be about what he wants.
I’d think long and hard before deciding on a forever.
Plan Christmas with your sister. Just don’t include him because his lack of a response is his response. If wants to join you, then he buy his own tickets. I would also reconsider this relationship if he isn’t willing to split holidays or even compromise on a solution. Long term, this isn’t going to work if you are the only one putting in an effort.
My god NTA. I had to scroll back up to reread that you’ve been with this loser for 7 years. 7 YEARS! Quit wasting your time with this guy and find someone who values a relationship with you.
NTA. He is telling you he doesn’t care if he meets your family. His family is always going to be more important than you and yours. Rethink this relationship, you’re never going to spend holidays with your family unless you go alone. If you have kids, he’s going to fight to take them to his every time as he doesn’t consider your family important. I’d be done if it were me, but it’s up to you if you want to cater to him and his family the rest of your life.
Don’t get married to this person.
Why are your needs second to his?
What will happen if you have kids, I think he’ll try to block you from taking the kids to see your side of the family.
Really, you wanna marry him?
Listen to some of the other comments here. I’m sure you’re gonna come to the right conclusion.
NTA
This is your future – having a partner who puts himself and his family first, who treats you like a second thought, and tries to convince you that you are being unreasonable when it he who is being unreasonable. Your choice.
This guy is red flags
NTA. Go to Disney without him and have fun.
Honey, sit yourself down and really think about if this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Him and his family before you and your feelings. This is not a 50-50 relationship.
Please please please think about making an exit plan. He is going to control every aspect of your life. Right now it’s your meeting up with family. Next it’ll be friends he’ll not want you to go out with. Then co-workers. Next you know, you’ll be isolated and controlled and alone. I know this sounds out there, but I’ve seen it so many times, and I’m old.
Don’t waste any more time on a man that doesn’t put you first. If you do, you’ll have a long lonely life.
You’re an adult, you have agency. Why aren’t you choosing to visit your family?
Don’t be a passenger in your own life. You aren’t helpless.
NTA ,,, updateme
This will be your married life. No holidays, birthdays, anniversaries with your family because they don’t matter to him. You’re just an extension of his family of origin. Your children will not know your family because they won’t have an opportunity to spend time with them. This is your future. Is this what you want?
You’ve been together 7 years and he’s never met your sister and her family in person?
You’ve been together 7 years and never spent a holiday together with your family?
OP, there are red flags all over this relationship. Your future with him should be in serious question.
NTA. I’d put off the wedding day for a while and take a hard look at your relationship. Or don’t get married without pre-marriage counseling. Showing no interest in your family should be red flag.
nta, he‘a a rude and inconsiderate asshole who only cares about himself. please reconsider this engagement and find someone who cares about you.
F him. Tell him to visit his family and not come back. The. He can see them all the time and you can find a real man. NTA
You’re asking for one holiday with your family. If your bf can’t do that this one time, he won’t do it ever. So, tell him that you aren’t being emotional. He’s being unreasonable. You’ve been at all of his events. You’re asking for this one!!
It’s the same for my daughter and partner.
We have moved. We’ve been in our new home for a few years. Before that, Christmas had been spent at my daughters inlaws’ family. This Christmas, it’s at our new home. After 10 years, it’s our first one together.
NTA
Make plans with a LIFE WITHOUT HIM. I hope you find a wonderful man who would want nothing more than to meet and hangout with your family during the holidays. The fact that he didn’t care about your feelings especially when you were crying. Give him the best gift this Christmas by dumping his sorry ass. Good luck and so so sorry you even have to go through this.
NTA, OP, and I think maybe you should consider that if this is what it is going to be like, then your commitment likely is very one sided. See your family. Don’t give yourself to someone who would have you cut you to off from your loved ones in favor of his. This feels like the tip on some dark iceberg, honey. Best of luck. I am glad you are talking about this now before the wedding.
Your family is important too. I would make plans without him. He’s not a great partner for not putting time in with your family but always prioritising his. It’s disrespectful. NTA.
Wow…it’s like watching an abuse story that starts from the beginning stages and progressing into the next stage. You are so co dependent on him that he has made you believe that your family has no place in his life. Only his family matters. If you justify his behavior by gesturing he is a great, loving boyfriend otherwise…then he has won. You have no one to blame when you have no family to lean on in the future.
7 years you have been together? let me tell you something. I once had a boyfriend, who ended up being my fiancé, in a long distance relationship. I lived in Southern California, he was living in South Carolina. We were together for 8 years. During that time, he met one of my family members, my sister. He always had excuses why he couldn’t join us for holidays. It’s not like he spent time with his family, who lived in Ohio and Florida. He rarely saw them, including his own daughter, they would communicate by phone. There are a few holidays where I dumped my family and went with him on cruises or other trips (just the two of us, sometimes with friends, but not with his family. ) The last straw was one Christmas. I wanted to stay close to home because of personal issues going on in my family, I really wanted to be with them. I begged him to come meet them for this Christmas. He refused, instead, he tried to manipulate me into going on a cruise at the last minute, threatening to take another woman. I told him to go right ahead if that was his desire. He backed down, but he still did not come to visit my family. This relationship did not end well. We broke up soon after that.
NTA, but I recommend you get out of that relationship. You’re very young, you can find someone who will value you, prioritize, you, and make the effort to spend time with your family.
Nta. But this isn’t the person you want to marry. He doesn’t even see you as an equal partner. If he did your family would be a priority also. Why are you accepting the bare minimum?
It’s your life, but just keep in mind he will always choose his family over you. You need to be okay with that.
Your fiancé is a selfish AH. Why are you with him?
Nta. Just run. What a terrible partner
You have been together since you were 16 and he was 18. It’s time to move on to someone who doesn’t act like he’s 18. You’re only 23–don’t waster the rest of your very long life on someone so selfish.
NTA but you would be to your self and future children if you don’t gtfo now
OP is getting a preview of your married life together.
Consider your future with someone who isn’t willing to compromise. It will always be his way
Upset over him thinking you are unreasonable? Girl go back and read your post. Stand up for yourself. Your family is just as important as his and he doesn’t think they are. Since he won’t give you an answer just make your plans without him, including Disneyland. If he whines about it just tell him you gave him a chance and a choice. reconsider this relationship because you are not as important as his family and never will be. You should not have to give up opportunities with your family just to keep his selfish butt happy. NTA
Dump him
NTA – don’t give him a choice.
Tell him times up and plans have all been made, so he will have to go to his family’s, because you haven’t included him in anything, and he will just be at your place all alone.
If he gets upset, just look at him point blank and say, oh it hurts your feelings to be left out? Stop being emotional.
But if he isn’t bothered, and goes to his family’s for Xmas, take that time apart and decided if this is what you really want from a relationship.
You’ve been together over 6 years, from a young age, but sounds more like you’ve grown up and grown apart. It happens, but don’t let it hold you back or keep compromising with someone who will always put you last.
NTA and you were so young when you started dating him. You probably think his selfishness is normal. I am sure he is selfish in other ways. Can you separate and go stay with family in Delaware?
You started dating as teens and yet your fiance has not matured much past that since. He is self-centered, doesn’t care about YOU enough to even understand balancing family time with both families, and passive aggressively sabotages your attempts to plan your much anticipated visit with your family. He won’t be there to support you because he simply doesn’t love you enough. Period. I’d make him my EX-fiance asap and spend all the time with your family over the holidays when they can support your broken heart. And when you next date, look closely for red flags before you are 7 years in….I am sure he’s been flying them from the beginning when you were 16 and too young to notice.
He seems passive-aggressively controlling and unwilling to compromise. Why are you with this guy? Do you want to be in a relationship like this for the rest of your life? NTA.
Make your plans without him.
You are planning to marry a selfish AH. This will be your life. Dump him now, he will never put you first.