i (19f) live with just my mom. for a little backstory, she had a different deadbeat boyfriend of about five years and he went to jail recently. she would tell him to move out in the heat of an argument but never enforced it. i only mention this cause its telling of her behavior with men, hes irrelevant in this story. i also want to mention that recently a close family member died and that could be attributing to my moms actions.
she had a different boyfriend for majority of my childhood. for simplicity ill call him jay. at that time in the household it was my mom, jay, my cousin, and sometimes me. i would frequently stay with my grandparents during my childhood but i was often with my mom too. when i was around 10 years old, jay went to jail for raping my 16 year old cousin.
jay got out of jail a while ago, but in the recent couple of years him and my mom have had casual contact. i know its always been his goal to be living with us again, because he would say that once im of age he was coming back. i believe it was a condition of his release that he wasnt able to be around me?
fast forward to now, my moms deadbeat ex is finally not living with us anymore and its been a huge weight off her shoulders. however, ever since hes been gone, jay had been bugging my mom to come over. my mom told me she didnt feel like having him over but she folds under pressure so one day he came over and hasnt left since. its been almost a month and hes been here 24/7.
it would be different if he was only staying for a few days but a month means hes moving in at this point. i feel uncomfortable about the situation due to his past, i dont think he would do anything inappropriate to me but its still weird. i feel obligated to wear hoodies in common areas instead of my usual tank tops. my mom knows i dont like him being here, she says my opinion matters too but hes still here. am i overreacting?
edit: i currently dont have anywhere else to stay unfortunately. i also should mention we live near a park, and ive heard my mom say he cannot live near a park in our state due to the children. is there anything i can do with this information?
Comments
NTA at all this is wild wtf… How can you mother let a convicted rapist live under her roof ? That’s crazy I am dumbfounded at this to be honest. You have every right to be more than upset!
I don’t know you but I am very concerned you are not safe. Do you have a favorite member whose opinion your mom values that could talk with her?
NTA Call the police and report it.
Ask all your family and friends if you can stay with them because your mom let a child rapist move in and you are uncomfortable. Even if you don’t really want to live with them, you are letting everyone know that #1- You feel unsafe in your own house, and #2- Your mother has a rapist living in your house. Imagine the backlash on your mom for that.
NTA. Why is she letting this hobo live with you ?
You are being used. Call the cops to get him out!
NTA your mother has zero respect for your safety. This will probably get my account suspended but, The only place that man belongs is in the wood chipper. If she won’t protect you get out of there and find somewhere safe. It’s crazy how many mothers are like this in court on YouTube, trying to defend the actions of their slime ball boyfriends. I saw one from Texas I think grandpa was inappropriate with granddaughter took the plea deal then at sentencing was swearing up and down he didn’t do it, wife and daughter are there defending him even though the judge is talking about the victim impact statement like it’s a horror film. If you stay there and something happens he will probably convince your mom it was your fault and they will victim blame or try and discredit you and make you look like a liar for revenge or attention. The minute he steps out of line I’d get a restraining order, none of this sounds like a reformed preditor.
NTA. The man already assaulted your cousin, what makes you think you’re safe from this sicko? I think it’s time to move back in with your grandparents asap.
No. Leave. Go somewhere safe
Please do whatever you have to, to leave. Immediately. Your mom cannot be trusted to help protect you. IMO, the fact that she let a convinced rapist back into her home, after she already failed a minor that she was responsible for, is unforgivable.
I pray you can get out safely and quickly.
Move out, right now.
Call the DA in you town, city, state!
Report him to the police, if it’s a condition that he not live with you then he’s violating his probation or release terms, same thing with the park. Your mom is a POS for letting a rapist back in her house with her teenage daughter when he went to jail for raping your teenage cousin.
He can’t live near a park, mom lives near a park. Make a phone call and report him. You don’t have to say who you are. Call and say you seen him on Megan’s law and you think his living in the area of the park. Make it sound like you’re a concerned neighbor. Hopefully off to jail he goes. Do it every time until he does go to jail. NTA. Some offenders have a big recidivism (keep committing the crime over and over, can’t be fixed) rate and sex offenders are those offenders with the worst rate.
Contact the prison he was in and / or parole officer/local pd. Tell them a convicted child rapist has moved in next to a park that is against the terms of his release.
Tell the neighbors too. Your mum and he will get pressure legal and social to remove him from the house.
Then start getting your life in order to LEAVE your mum. She isnt a safe person to be around. She puts her who-ha above your safety.
Get a hold of his parole officer or call the local police and ask them if he’s allowed to live near a park. I’m sure they’ll be more than willing to lock him up again if he’s violating his parole.
Can you talk to the parent of your cousin and see if they can help you?
Will he be on probation? Is he a registered sex offender? If so, his probation officer is not going to allow him to live where the victims are
Your mother is not only TA, she is absolute trash. You have to leave. Stay with a family member, and don’t be quiet about why. NTA.
NTA- you should seek help from the authorities and inform the police. I’m really concerned for your safety.
Make sure the bathroom and your bedroom have locks. Do you have a job? Start looking for other living arrangements. If you’re in school, see if they can assist. Do you have family or friends that you could live with? Some in-care home healthcare jobs require overnight staff.
Get creative and ask trusted adults for ideas. Be brutally honest, “My mother moved a rapist into our home and I don’t feel safe living there. I need to find somewhere else to live.”
You should also be brutally honest with your mother that you think it’s disgusting and horrible that she moved a rapist into your home.
Call his parole officer and find out the specifics of his parole. He may be indeed be in violation.
NTA. You’re not overreacting. He might rape you or any other person if given the chance. Your safety is paramount. Is there anyone else you can live with?
Call his parole officer but make sure you’re safe first.
Your mom is a POS that cares more about herself than you.
Flee. There are programs that can help you.
Report the deadbeat rapist for the parole violation as soon as he moves in. And get the hell out of there. A shelter would be better than living with a rapist. Of course this guy likes his victims a bit younger but still.
NTA, I know a female who busted her BF raping her daughter, having lots of pics of her in his phone. Got him locked up. Bailed him out and moved back in. This of course happened over the course of a year. They left the state together I hope the daughter left.
NTA, you need to find family you trust to move in with, your mother does not have your best interest at heart. She invited a man who raped her underage niece back into her home, she’s not going to keep you safe.
Try to report him to his probation office. Tell them a freshly released convicted child rapist has moved into your home within so many feet from the park which is against his release conditions, give them his info. Hopefully they do something. You can search up the probation office phone# usually by searching “county name” probation office. Or try the same but call the local police dept, non emergency #. You might also be able to report this on the megans law gov website
Report him to the police to see if he’s allowed to be living by a park or not. If he’s not let them go remove him. It can be anonymous. For the time being get a lock for your room find somewhere to go tell your mom he needs to go or you will and then she’ll have no one. She’s letting a convicted rapist near you and you don’t feel safe
CAll the prosecutors where he was convicted. They can tell I the details of his release and who to call
Nope.
MOVE OUT!! Your mom is one of those self destructive women with no self respect. Most women, almost all, would never let a predator around her family. Your mom invites them. He wanted to come back when you were older because in his twisted mind it will be ok to rape you then, or at least he can spin the story to say you were willing to you’re his next victim and he’s had his eye on you for years. It’s sick. You’re 19, you are an adult and she can’t force you to stay and be a victim.
In California, sex offenders have to be registered and can’t live near schools. (Not sure about parks.) Since Jay is living near a park, he might be violating the terms of his release/parole.
You need to Google sex offender laws in your state and see whether him living at your home in your location violates those laws. I would definitely call the local parole office and try to find out who his parole officer is. Jay may be providing the parole officer with a different address than your mom’s. Best of luck to you in a very difficult situation. 🙏🙏
I am very sorry that you have had a horrible mother who values her relationships with men more than with her child. But that’s the unfortunate reality. Consequently, you really need to focus on getting a career so you can move out and leave the toxic, dysfunctional family that you have endured throughout your life. Perhaps your uncle can provide you with a safe harbor. 🙏🙏