I 23F, blocked my long time friend A, 23F of 10 years after she used her work computer to look up my health insurance information without my consent. The worst part is she took a photo of it, sent it through messages which her boyfriend of one year has access to. Some context: from my POV, her boyfriend is leeching off of her. She’s spent thousands of dollars on dates, including a motorcycle that was impounded by police because he didn’t bother getting his license or permit. He has used her credit card to buy drugs, has driven her car while intoxicated, and uses everything she owns, including her laptop that he uses to read all of her private conversations. I fear he is isolating her from everyone around her and it’s working.
When I saw the photo, she laughed it off, and I was scared but pissed. I asked her why she would do that and she said she was just curious. I asked her how stupid she could be, not knowing what HIPAA was if she works at a doctor’s clinic. She never responded and left me on read, I assume to run to our other friend B. No real apology or accountability. After two weeks, I blocked her.
I confided in B and C about the situation. C was incredibly understanding, not understanding what possessed A to do this. B on the other hand loves to play devil’s advocate and has always had animosity towards me. B said that A only had good intentions and that she was only being “playful” and trying to “connect” with me as a friend. I found bs and explained that if A wanted to “connect” with me, she could have been an adult and communicated with me, asking for permission before risking her job, committing a HIPAA violation and possibly leaking my information. I told B, what if my SSN was on there? What if A’s boyfriend saw it as an opportunity to take credit cards out in my name? Days pass, B wants to hang out. I agree, but informed her that I had blocked A and that we were no longer friends. I told her that she and C were welcome to stay friends with A, but that I want to hang out separately. B leaves me on read and doesn’t reply for days. When she does, she responds along the lines of, “I’m sorry that I hurt you but that if you didn’t want my opinion, you should’ve said so and next time, I’ll keep it to myself. It’s clear we both have very different opinions about things.” IDK, it felt like she was pushing the blame back to me instead of taking accountability.
This week, C and I were supposed to hang out. She flaked the first day, claiming she took an extra shift but then ghosted me completely the second time. After a few days, she apologized, and asked if I’m free this weekend. I said, “depends, have you heard from B?” She replied, “Yeah, I went out with her yesterday, why? Did you want to do something with all of us together?”
I realized that B (who mentioned in her “apology” text that C mentioned a jewelry stand and that we should all go) had gone with C to that same stand the day C and I were supposed to hang out. After B dropped C off, she texted me with the apology message. I’ve been trying to spend time with both only to be ghosted and left behind. I feel like they used the opportunity to discuss things behind my back.
Now, I feel like I’m being iced out. I’m starting to feel like they’re planning some intervention/ambush to get me to forgive A. The trust is gone and I feel hurt. I’ve tried being honest and setting boundaries but now I’m wondering if I’m being excluded for standing up for myself. Now I’m wondering:
AITA for blocking A over this? And WIBTA if I distanced myself from B and C too?
Any thoughts?
Comments
Nta
NTA. Blocking A was completely justified, what she did wasn’t just a breach of trust, it was a serious legal violation, and if B and C can’t respect your boundaries or see why that’s a problem, you’d be right to distance yourself from them too.
If you blocked her why are you still complaining about her like an idiot lol move on already
Please report her to her workplace. She obviously has no idea about medical confidentiality and she is incredibly unprofessional.
NTA and turn her in for violations.
NTA, they showed u where their loyalty stands with.
NTA. Also Report A with receipts of the Violation to her work place. Get new friends that don’t think breaking privacy laws are fun ways to get to know someone is okay. You’re better off without that entire group. But absolutely report A because that’s an actionable consequence. Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t learn her lesson from it, what matters is she does it to no one else.
NTA just atop reaching out to them and block them. And call the doctor’s office and report her. They will investing her and then she will be fired.
NTA
You’re not wrong for protecting yourself. Distance is sometimes the only healthy choice. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
NTA OP. Far from it in fact. What she did to you was more than just unacceptable when the true picture is that she’s attempting to commit fraud with your name.
No you were not the asshole
Report this, block them all, and freeze your credit.
NTA but get better friends. Actual friends.
Why in the world would she send a screenshot of your medical info to her bf?!?!?
It was an absolute HIPAA violation and she needs to be reported, but it goes even further in that now her not so trustworthy bf has your info! This is some serious shit, and you should probably report her to the police as well as her employer.
nah youre def not the ah here like at all
she straight up broke the law and then laughed about it like wtf
how is that even remotely ok
and her bf sounds shady as hell like i wouldnt trust him near my info either
blocking her was the safest move you could make tbh
you gave her a chance to explain and she just ignored it so nah you did nothing wrong
as for b and c yeah it kinda sounds like theyre slowly cutting you out or just not taking your side when they should
b’s “apology” wasnt really an apology lol it was just her making it your fault for being upset
and c ghosting you to go hang with b after that whole thing yeah that stings
you’re not crazy for feeling iced out
sometimes ppl just show you who they really are when things get uncomfortable
you stood up for yourself and they didnt know how to handle it
not your fault at all
id say trust your gut and keep your distance if you feel like thats best
protect your peace fr
You ALL, yes including you, are.acting like children. Seriously this is teenage girl.drama.
If you don’t report this woman to her employer you are both a fool and an AH. If she does this to you, she likely will do this to others. She needs to be stopped.
None of these women are your friends you need to catch in to the signals they are sending you. Their message is clear, none of them want your friendship. Take the message and move on.
Report her ASAP. She could be doing this to other people. Don’t worry about your ex-friends. You’re Better off without them.
NTA
These aren’t your friends. I find it bizarre that A took a picture of your insurance card and I would be very concerned about what else she took pictures of in your personal file. I would report her and let her employer take care of it. She shouldn’t be working there and she’s a liability to the company.
NTA for blocking, but you need to report her. This was a serious breach, and if she has so little respect for her “friend,” what is she doing to her other clients?
I work in insurance, and what she did is a huge violation. There is absolutely no reason to pull up anyone’s information because you are ‘curious’. She needs to be reported and fired. I can guarantee if she did it to you, she’s done it to others. NTA. Ditch all of these ‘friends’.
NTA. All the advice about reporting her is very good advice. Glad you have done that.
In addition since you have a concern about your SSN being compromised I would suggest you contact at least the three major credit reporting agencies and set up logins. Then put a hold on your credit reports. This will stop them from opening credit in your name.
They will try to upsell you on additional services that you don’t need. The basic account is free and allows you to freeze your credit report.
NTA. But you should report what she did to her employer. That is an extremely serious violation and needs to be addressed.
You need to report the HIPAA violation. There’s government guidelines for a reason. A has access to information and is not being responsible to patient sensitive information. Please report.
You should report this to the medical office supervisor. A will likely lose her job. But, that’s on her. I’ve worked in medical offices for years, and trust me, HIPAA is reviewed with staff a LOT. She knew better and still did it. You should probably tell your insurance company about the breach and lock your credit.
This reads like bad Chat GPT to me…
You need to find yourself a new friend group. A, B & C aren’t suited to be lifelong friends.
It’s not easy breaking away from friendships that you made during school.
But you’re at that age where old friendships die and new friendships blossom.
People grow older and change from their school days.
Many people do lose those friends, but their lifelong friends end up being those whom they meet in their 20s, 30s, and beyond
NTA. I’m so glad you reported this! B & C are fake friends. They don’t realize how serious this is and they’re brushing it off and blatantly disrespecting your boundaries.
C is a chump and A & B are TA.
There are reasons for this law. NTA
NTA I think B’s opinion is alarming.
I know a lot of people are saying to just ditch them and yes this is good advice, however:
I assume you have other good friends. If not you might be lonely and it will be hard, but stick tonyiur beliefs.
Do not be afraid to forgive. After time if they come back, the hat in hand and sincerely apologize, it is ok to forgive them and let the back into your life. People make mistakes and time and distance can heal and bring perspective. There is no need to cut them off and harden your heart to them forever.
Keep tabs on your friend and her boyfriend from a distance. This may become an abusive relationship and she may need you to help her get out and be safe. If you know it is going on do not be afraid to reach out to her if you know that she is being abused. What she did is wrong, but if you don’t help her in a time of great need, that would be wrong too.
Report her.
NTA. Report A, IMMEDIATELY. You should also talk to a lawyer about informing the police or whoever needs to be informed about that. “B on the other hand loves to play devil’s advocate and has always had animosity towards me” between this and the stuff with C I’m not sure any of these people ARE your friends. Stay away from all of these people because they obviously do not have your best interest in mind. It’s better to be alone than a bad company, you will make new friends
NTA. What A did can and should get her fired from her job. I believe she looked up everyone she knows, like it was nothing more than a google search and she was curious. I also think her boyfriend may have had a hand in this, since there is a ton of valuable data in medical records that a criminal addict can sell.
I see from your other comments you reported this to your insurance company, which was the right move. You should consider reporting her to her job as well. Better still, in most states, the attorney general’s office handles HIPAA complaints, and you can find the complaint form online. I am convinced her crime has other victims, and boyfriend may already have started using the data to get cash for his drug habit. (There is a reason why he is staying off the grid, not registering a motorcycle. She just isn’t telling you.)
We had a local incident where a celebrity was hospitalized in one of our area medical centers. A bunch of staff looked up their records just out of curiosity. The celebrity was not their patient, they had no business viewing the charts. All were very publicly fired en mass.
Medical software has audit trails built into it. Her office will be able to find the incidents of her looking you up in their system, when you are not even a patient there, and looking up anyone else. She used their access to EMR, which exposes her employer to a HIPAA violations and fines.
As for B & C, to me it feels like they have sided with A. If either of them do actually want to stay friends with you, they are not showing it, not taking the lead. Right now they are super upset that the friendship circle is broken, and are wrongly pointing to you as the reason it broke, instead of where it belongs, on A. Someone like A will get around to violating every single one of them, if she hasn’t already. B & C may just need to learn this the hard way.
Dude, totally NTA. HIPAA is no effin’ joke, that stuff’s high-key illegal. And no “curiosity” or “playfulness” justifies it. If she wanna “connect”, there are ways to do it that don’t involve invading privacy and breakin’ laws. B just sounds biased and C’s flakey af. You standing up for yourself doesn’t make you the bad guy. They’re the ones sucking at friendship. Would say you gotta yeet the whole damn friend group tbh. Keep looking out for #1. Stay strong! 💪🔥🚀
Did you report her for violating hippa? If not, you should.
YTA for not listening to these people. You said you reported this to your insurance, which is good. However, the HIPPA violation needs to be reported to HER boss or nothing will happen. If the ex friend or boyfriend commit identity theft, you need to have a paper trail. I might even think of calling the police if you have the proof.
You’re not taking this serious enough.
NTA—ditch them all and report her for the HIPPA violation. These aren’t your friends
NTA- but just go ahead and report this to her employer
A should be reported, and if B and C don’t make the cut of being friends. Time to branch out with better friends. NTA
Call her job and have her terminated for violating your HIPAA rights. Its a gross misuse of her position and violated your privacy. Dont let that shit slide. Forget A,B,C. “Friends” like that don’t deserve your trust or your friendship.
Nah man, NTA. This ain’t about “good intentions” or trying to “connect”, it’s a straight-up breach of trust and, tbh, illegal. Plus, the disrespect she showed by just laughing it off and not apologizing? Nah, total garbage move. U gotta protect your privacy. And if B and C don’t git that, maybe it’s time to consider if they’re worth the headache. Stand ur ground, bro, ain’t nobody got time for fake friends who don’t respect boundaries. Peace. ✌️
None of them are your friends if they justify that behavior. Eliminate them all from your life and report her. If she is doing it to the people she is supposed to love then imagine what she would do to a stranger. She should not have that job. Ever.
Report the bitch
NTA. Call a lawyer, asap.
You need to file a formal HIPAA complaint.
So somebody broke the law in a way that personally violated you. And you’re wondering if you are the asshole? I have to ask. Do you not understand the law or just not respect it? I suppose there’s an equal possibility you just don’t understand or don’t respect yourself
What you need to do is report her to her employer and possibly get a lawyer. She committed a crime with the hippa violation and made it way worse by sharing with her sketchy boyfriend. Lock down your credit immediately.
If A,B, C can’t see the wrong in this situation I wouldn’t trust any of them. Find new friends.
Have you filed a complaint? Chances are she has done it to other people.
NTA
and if they try anything, just email her employer and let them know what she did. Maybe after she gets fired the other two will understand how serious a violation that is.
Updateme
This sounds like middle school dipshittery. OP needs to either end contact with them or accept that this is their normal. These people have no boundaries and the mentality of school children.
Fyi your insurance information is not covered by HIPAA. It’s not encrypted. It’s something that can be misused. People can’t steal your identity or get services with it. They can’t access any private info with it. It’s something like your physical address. Your grocery store or mechanic will have it on file and it would be annoying if someone got hold of it. But they can’t find out anything more about you.
NTA
Stop playing nice. B isn’t your friend. They’re A’s friend and will blindly defend that moron at any cost. You need to go to the clinic A works at immediately with the text messages and tell them what she did. This is a tremendous violation and she’s involved with a junky thief.
What you actually need is to dump this whole circle that enables this dumpster fire of a person to rampage through you lives and uses her boyfriend as an excuse for her own shitty behavior.
I lived this situation. My childhood friend that I knew even longer than you guys destroyed her whole life and future after being in a toxic ass relationship like this for 7 years and then dated several men that progressively got worse. She got kicked out of college, lost her dream job, lost every job after that and has been in so many domestic violence related situations that she looks like a war veteran.
It’s time to call it. She is the only one who can help herself and consequences for shit like this is how the ball starts rolling.
I’d end the friendship with A, B and C.
You do not connect through medical insurance information and there is nothing playful about legal or medical documents. They are about a non-playful as it is possible to get. This is illegal, invasive, and a betrayal of privacy. She also left you vulnerable by exposing your information to someone known to be untrustworthy.
This is not someone you want in your life. Furthermore you do not want anyone who condones or is permissive of her behavior.
Im glad to see you reported it to your insurance company that’ll help protect you from fraud, might make it a pain next time you need something approved, but better than untangling someone doing surgery on your insurance.
As others have said you also need to report her to her employer and if she has any sort of license for her job to the licensing board as well. What she did was illegal and who knows if you were the only one she did it to.
Let’s put it this way, your friend of ten years is being abused and taken advantage of by a guy who you think is trying to isolate her and you want to just let it happen?
Maybe you could try and help her get rid of this leech?
YTA for not understanding exactly what HIPPA covers. Your insurance information is NOT covered under HIPPA. dHdealth plans made by a medical professional are but just your insurance in formation is not. You are just wanting drama and attention if this is even a real post.
Unless she knew which health plan you have under a company, had all the relevant information, and you had created a log in at that insurance company, you can’t just go online and get a copy of your policy, etc. Even at a doctor’s office, you had to have provided the initial infomration.
Report A to her place of work for the violation. She can and will misuse her access to private information further. Fuck these “friends” man. Not good humans.
NTA and this person needs to face some consequences. Formal complaint time.
I would have just reported A and then blocked her. shrug
NTA. Girl throw the entire friend group away, and report A to her job. If she did it to you, she may have done it to others
You need to report A for accessing your info. Lose the other two friends.
NTA. At 23, you just don’t need any of this drama in your life anymore from people you met back in middle school. Sometimes you have to accept that nobody is on the same path. People will come into your life for a while and then you all move onto a new path. As people grow and change, it’s hard to all stay on the same path forever.
I would have reported the first friend for violating my Medical information directly to her workplace, because if she’s doing it to you then she’s probably doing it to others.
Also, it sounds like she’s an abusive, toxic relationship, revolving around drug abuse, so I don’t think she can make a friendship work that’s healthy right now.
This is all pretty clean cut so if your other friends are on her side and don’t see how this is wrong, then you have clearly outgrown them all and are far more mature than they are.
You can still appreciate the friendship you had with people in the past without continuing it into the future. It sounds like it’s time to go out and make some new friends who can fit into your life better now.
Report A, get her ass fired because she’s an idiot.
Let B and C know you did that.
Tell them all to get fucked and get new friends.
These are people you knew when you were kids. Time to grow out of these shitty, juvenile relationships.
NTA and you need to report A for the HIPPA violation there’s no excuse for what she did.
nta and report her.
You need to report this violation. If she’ll do it to someone she calls a friend, and do casually shares it, what will she do to others?
Drug dealers accept Credit Cards now?! What a time to be alive!
NTA but PLEASE report A to her job and your insurance company.
You should report this to her employer not just insurance
Why did she text you that pic?
NTA- I worked in administration for over 10 years and even accessing our own medical records is grounds for instant termination. Report her, she doesn’t deserve to be a healthcare provider.
A would lose her job over this. This is a really big deal.
NTA. You should have reported her though
Did she end up getting fired?
A’s employer needs to know about the HIPPA violation for another good reason. Because you can sue their ass off.
!updateme
What A did is a sackable offence x2 looking up your record and then taking photos.
Personally I would nuke A by speaking to the company and explain you are really unhappy.
I can bet good money you’re not the only person she has done it too.
You should should report her immediately. There is no reason for her to look up your insurance – she was up to something devious
Oh my god. Report her to her workplace. Immediately.
Then cut your losses with all of these “friends.” These are not people you want in your life.
Updateme
I’m so sorry – all of your friends have really let you down and have showed their true colors. Sadly you have no choice but to give them some space. They may come back to you after A betrays them as well. There are lots of amazing people in the world. You can make new, nicer friends.
updateme!
Nta but you need report hippa violation
NTA but you did ruin her life in the career. That’s going to follow her
Sending it to the junkie bf is what it was about. He most likely put her up to it. He’s going to do something with that information to get drugs/alcohol. Be careful and watch your back OP
NTA but you need to report this not just for you but for other patients.
Looking it up because she was curious is one thing. But photographing the info has nothing to do with curiosity. For me, I’d have to wonder if she was getting desperate to keep pleasing her scumbag bf and was on her way to identity theft. There are ZERO other reasons why she’d need a copy of your info.
NTA definitely report everywhere that you can. I would be concerned about identity theft/access to your banking information, etc. as well as your privacy being violated. People that don’t understand the seriousness of this breach are not your friends. Best of luck.
NTA – for blocking A. May want to consider letting her work know. If she did it to you, probably did it to others. As far as C – then I would have a talk. I have made plans with you a couple times. You stood me up twice. I don’t and won’t be stood up again. If you want to stay friends, then you need to BE a friend. You can’t make plans with me and dump me for someone else. I am not a contingency plan.
NTA Every electronic health record (EHR) logs every access by someone who logs in. Date, time and who. If she works there she technically is allowed access BUT she has to have a legitimate reason and she did not. If I were you I’d report her. You have her replies to you and hopefully screenshots of her sharing the info. She absolutely knows this is a huge violation and didn’t care and still doesn’t . Actions have consequences. Period.
You have really crappy friends, and you need to report A to her employer. Who else is she doing this to, and for what purpose? Don’t just protect yourself — protect the other people who A may be abusing.
HIPAA exists because of shit like your “friend” is pulling. I promise it’s not just you she’s doing this to. I know everyone else said report to her work and the state, but I would also report federally. Yes, I know it’s in shambles, but it can’t hurt to report there too.
Also find a new friend group that’s made up actual adults and not a bunch of mean girls still stuck in middle school.
First, report that ex-friend to her workplace. Then, ask your other two friends how they would feel having their personal health information emailed to her shady bf. Tell them to volunteer to do that.
If that doesn’t wake them up, you need new friends anyway.
As an aside… Drug Dealers are taking credit cards now days?