I (23) and my SIL (25) for context have known each other for 2 years. Since I met her she’s called me her best friend, her sister, and really seemed like she wanted to have THAT bond. So I tried and went along with it. In 2023 I was diagnosed with a rare pain condition as well as having seizures frequently. Come December of 2023 I had my first stroke, droopy face and all, and went to the ER where doctors failed to help me. Since then my lovely husband has been my acting nurse as I now do not trust medical professionals. This weekend we went out of state for a birthday and celebration of life. While at the party my husband got into a fight with his father, which prompted us to leave back to the hotel. Upon arriving his parents came up to the hotel room and they began arguing again, and even about more random things. My SIL called my husband 3 times and then called me right after since he didn’t answer. My husband told me to pick up but since they were in an active argument I chose against having her interrupt it. For context his family is very close and they all tell each other everything. I began to message my SIL explaining that they were fighting, she responded asking if everyone was okay, and I explained that it was not physical and just an argument. She then asked “what’s happening?” So I sent her a snippet of the conversation via voice recording (NO VIDEO) and said “they’re just arguing about random stuff now mane” to show her what was going on. Literally to show her lol. For whatever reason, she decided to show her dad (my FIL) that I sent a recording of “him” to which he ended up screaming at my husband confronting him about it…. It turned into a huge blowup, because of course I’m sure she didn’t give any context to our conversation. Anyways after explaining – his parents weren’t angry and chalked it up to miscommunication and actually stated they wanted to pretend like the whole thing didn’t even happen. I blocked her at that point. On everything. Obviously now looking back recording the conversation was “weird” or whatever, maybe my brain just works differently and I didn’t see it as that big of a deal as it was only going to my husbands sister, who was at the hotel with us, waiting for us. After this my husband informed me that his sister would make comments about me while I was sick asking “why is she acting like that? She needs to get over it.” I just don’t understand why she felt the need to forward the voice recording, because even if it was to be “gossip” or whatever, she is aware that her dad mistreats them, so wouldn’t you want to know how he’s treating your brother? If you want to be that close and have THAT bond, then why try to throw me under the bus? Why pretend to believe me about my illness when you really didn’t? Why spend time with me? Why hang around me? Am I the asshole for blocking her and not wanting anything to do with her after this?!
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I (23) and my SIL (25) for context have known each other for 2 years. Since I met her she’s called me her best friend, her sister, and really seemed like she wanted to have THAT bond. So I tried and went along with it. In 2023 I was diagnosed with a rare pain condition as well as having seizures frequently. Come December of 2023 I had my first stroke, droopy face and all, and went to the ER where doctors failed to help me. Since then my lovely husband has been my acting nurse as I now do not trust medical professionals. This weekend we went out of state for a birthday and celebration of life. While at the party my husband got into a fight with his father, which prompted us to leave back to the hotel. Upon arriving his parents came up to the hotel room and they began arguing again, and even about more random things. My SIL called my husband 3 times and then called me right after since he didn’t answer. My husband told me to pick up but since they were in an active argument I chose against having her interrupt it. For context his family is very close and they all tell each other everything. I began to message my SIL explaining that they were fighting, she responded asking if everyone was okay, and I explained that it was not physical and just an argument. She then asked “what’s happening?” So I sent her a snippet of the conversation via voice recording (NO VIDEO) and said “they’re just arguing about random stuff now mane” to show her what was going on. Literally to show her lol. For whatever reason, she decided to show her dad (my FIL) that I sent a recording of “him” to which he ended up screaming at my husband confronting him about it…. It turned into a huge blowup, because of course I’m sure she didn’t give any context to our conversation. Anyways after explaining – his parents weren’t angry and chalked it up to miscommunication and actually stated they wanted to pretend like the whole thing didn’t even happen. I blocked her at that point. On everything. Obviously now looking back recording the conversation was “weird” or whatever, maybe my brain just works differently and I didn’t see it as that big of a deal as it was only going to my husbands sister, who was at the hotel with us, waiting for us. After this my husband informed me that his sister would make comments about me while I was sick asking “why is she acting like that? She needs to get over it.” I just don’t understand why she felt the need to forward the voice recording, because even if it was to be “gossip” or whatever, she is aware that her dad mistreats them, so wouldn’t you want to know how he’s treating your brother? If you want to be that close and have THAT bond, then why try to throw me under the bus? Why pretend to believe me about my illness when you really didn’t? Why spend time with me? Why hang around me? Am I the asshole for blocking her and not wanting anything to do with her after this?!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel as though I should have possibly confronted SIL about the situation before blocking her. I am unfortunately the victim to gaslighting so I honestly never know when my actions are actually appropriate or not
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. No-one comes out of this well.
There is something as too much communication.
The snippet of audio you sent was about her father.
And all the drama, following each other to hotels..
Everybody should just grow up. Hisghschool is over.
ESH
NTA. Your SIL is a snake in “sister” clothing. You blocked her after she proved she’d rather sabotage than support you. Keep that energy and that block button firmly in place.
NTA. If someone’s playing both sides and stirring drama during your health struggle, block button deserved. Peace fake sister vibes.
NTA. You trusted someone who claimed to be close to you, and she broke that trust. Sharing the voice recording without context caused drama and stress during an already tense situation. Then hearing she doubted your illness behind your back just confirms she wasn’t genuine.
Blocking her was protecting your peace, not being petty. You’re allowed to walk away from someone who pretends to care but doesn’t act like it.
ESH. Recording an argument and sharing it with anyone not immediately involved is a bad move (the exception being recording when you are concerned about someone’s welfare, and sharing examples of violent or coercive/controlling behaviour with police or support services to assist the victim). You also seem to have quite black and white thinking about being besties or being enemies, rather than muddling along together the way most people do with extended family. But she shouldn’t have shared the video either, and that breached your trust. But your husband isn’t being helpful either by sharing the comments that seem unsympathetic, as they were probably down to misunderstanding or lack of information, and everyone can sometimes phrase things awkwardly.
NTA, but you arr putting yourself into their long standing family dysfunction bumy blocking her instead of just quietly stopping communications. Strategy. You are stuck with this family until hubby has enough, and you are not the AH for sending the recording though you are right it is weird and looks bad, but you may be foolish about who you sent it to. Other than hubby, they will always choose their unit over you. I am shocked your in laws listened to the whole story and let it go, but that may be my own experiences with unhealthy in-laws. SIL showed her colors by talking about you behind your back. Arms length. Pleasant but guarded.
NTA she’s causing drama for no reason knowing that you have a health problem at the moment. Plus it’s your choice as to who you talk with
NTA she is creating useless drama.
NTA, more like former SIL haha
NTA, but I would recommend unblocking her and just keeping her at a distance from here on out, to avoid even more drama.
NTA. I really don’t think there is anything wrong with what you did. I personally have dealt with miscommunication getting around the family about conversations I have had. I often say I should have hit the record button.
I think it’s fine limiting your interaction with her as you see fit. You have your priorities in the type of people you want in your life. Just understand that she is your family now and your actions will have repercussions down the line. You get to decide your actions now and in the future.