So we went up north for 4th of July weekend and both of children (who are under 3 years old) came back with common cold symptoms however they are both very young and they don’t get sick often. So for their little worlds getting sick is a pretty big deal, especially trying to hold them down and suck snot out of their noses. Anyways, my husband has not been helping out/taking care of the kids at all. I work remotely and am a stay at home mom while my husband goes to an office. So understandably I take care of the kids while I’m working from home. However, when he gets home which is around 4:30 PM every day. He will just sit on the couch either on his phone or watches something on the TV. While I am trying to keep both kids occupied/ entertained, wiping away snot, and making sure they stay hydrated all while prepping and making dinner. His reasoning for not taking care of them is because he doesn’t want to get sick. But if he does get sick, he does have the option to work from home if need be but he really doesn’t want to do that. Anyways, last night, it all came to head with both babies crying while I was finishing up dinner. I plated his food first, and he just sat down and ate it. He did not get the kids in their highchairs or ask if I needed help with anything, just took his plate and started eating. So I blew up at him and literally yelling and begging him for his help with our children. Our daughter didn’t like that I was yelling so she told me to be quiet which I then said to her “I’m sorry honey but Dada brings out the worst in Mama” ( which I know I shouldn’t have said that even if it’s true, I should never bring our children into an argument, let alone talk poorly to them about their dad) but after I said that my husband blew up at me and said if I say that again we will get a divorce, I’m sorry what?!?? After the whole argument with me, literally begging you for help and support with our children. The last thing I said is all you got out of it??? There is still no resolution, no action plan for him to help. And this morning when I woke up I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a little sick. So I feel like it’s inevitable that he will eventually get sick so might as well suck it up and help take care of the children with me. Am I the asshole or crazy for wanting his help?? I genuinely want other people’s opinions on this and wanting to know if this is normal dynamic for parenting and marital relations.
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So we went up north for 4th of July weekend and both of children (who are under 3 years old) came back with common cold symptoms however they are both very young and they don’t get sick often. So for their little worlds getting sick is a pretty big deal, especially trying to hold them down and suck snot out of their noses. Anyways, my husband has not been helping out/taking care of the kids at all. I work remotely and am a stay at home mom while my husband goes to an office. So understandably I take care of the kids while I’m working from home. However, when he gets home which is around 4:30 PM every day. He will just sit on the couch either on his phone or watches something on the TV. While I am trying to keep both kids occupied/ entertained, wiping away snot, and making sure they stay hydrated all while prepping and making dinner. His reasoning for not taking care of them is because he doesn’t want to get sick. But if he does get sick, he does have the option to work from home if need be but he really doesn’t want to do that. Anyways, last night, it all came to head with both babies crying while I was finishing up dinner. I plated his food first, and he just sat down and ate it. He did not get the kids in their highchairs or ask if I needed help with anything, just took his plate and started eating. So I blew up at him and literally yelling and begging him for his help with our children. Our daughter didn’t like that I was yelling so she told me to be quiet which I then said to her “I’m sorry honey but Dada brings out the worst in Mama” ( which I know I shouldn’t have said that even if it’s true, I should never bring our children into an argument, let alone talk poorly to them about their dad) but after I said that my husband blew up at me and said if I say that again we will get a divorce, I’m sorry what?!?? After the whole argument with me, literally begging you for help and support with our children. The last thing I said is all you got out of it??? There is still no resolution, no action plan for him to help. And this morning when I woke up I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a little sick. So I feel like it’s inevitable that he will eventually get sick so might as well suck it up and help take care of the children with me. Am I the asshole or crazy for wanting his help?? I genuinely want other people’s opinions on this and wanting to know if this is normal dynamic for parenting and marital relations.
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> 1 starting a flight and yelling at my husband for not helping. 2 my husband got upset and still won’t help.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH
I was gonna say NTA until you started yelling at him in front of your kids, AND you are doubly the AH for saying he brings out the worst in you. That is a terrible thing to say and he had every right to be angry with you for saying it.
I have two kids that are teenagers now. Our family has had many struggles. Never, ever ever EVER have we ever fought in front of our kids, especially saying things like that.
On his end, Dad duties don’t stop when you get home from work. I understand he doesn’t want to get sick, but there are precautions he can take (handwashing, masking, sanitizing etc) to minimize that risk. Also, he does have the option to work from home, and can utilize it in a situation like this.
NTA
Remind him daily these are His kids too
NTA.
I’d have blown up a lot sooner than you did.
What does he bring to the table? Does he help you ever, with anything at all? If he’s threatening divorce tt sounds like you’d have one less toddler to feed and clean up after.
NTA. Let him go for divorce he sounds like a useless person to have to house anyways. Take his money and then you have one less giant kid to take care of. You husband sounds like a huge AH
“He will just sit on the couch either on his phone or watches something on the TV”
I’d hide the batteries.
NTA. Ask him point blank why it is solely your responsibility to take care of the children. Ask why he does not feel the obligation to take care of them. Don’t let him circle back to making it about you. Just speak in facts and the facts are he is not pulling his weight. The fact is he is their father and responsible for their health. The fact is that you are not his mother, yet you are plating his food. And while it may hurt to hear his threat of divorce, he will really be hurting when he has to pay that child support and take care of the kids on the weekends by his lone self. Good luck, OP.
His excuse is super lame. The reality is he’s lazy and simply expects you to do the messy work of raising kids, sick or well. You need marriage counselling at the very least. Otherwise you’re just going to become more angry and more bitter. Not good for you and your kids. I wish you well. You’re going to have to confront this issue. Why not do it sooner than later. NTA
Did you clearly communicate ‘the kids are sick I need help’ before blowing up?
You wrote ‘I plated his food and then he ate it, he probably did not know you were drowning if you are good at hiding it and looking ok on the outside.
But then again he seems lazy
BTW, what you said is nothing compared to what I have been called in front of the kids…. you seem to be a great person:)
Call his bluff. Say “ok” to a divorce. Because at least then you will not only get him to help (50/50 shared) but you will also get a break. He is an entitled prick that should’ve been making dinner while you tending to the kids. Good luck with that useless prima donna.
NTA
You yelled at him in front of the kids but it’s pretty clear you’re at your breaking point. Others won’t give you a pass for that, but it’s clear that anything more subtle wasn’t getting his attention.
More importantly, to answer your question: No. This isn’t normal.
It’s not normal that you have to beg your husband to participate in normal household tasks or parenting. It’s not normal that he threatens divorce in front of your children. It’s not normal that you work full time AND provide full time childcare (I know it happens, but it’s not normal). It’s not normal that he is contributing nothing while both of your kids are sick, and you are wondering if you’re the problem.
Honestly, before you even got to the fighting part, I was flabbergasted at the concept of your husband coming home after you’ve worked and been with your kids ALL DAY and thinking it’s not his job to do anything. Fine, he’s worried about getting sick. How about he cooks dinner? I can’t either imagine myself or my husband just plopping ourselves on the couch and doing nothing while the other is overwhelmed. That is not what a caring partner does.
NTA, get that divorce.
> I work remotely and am a stay at home mom while my husband goes to an office.
A SAHM is a mom whose only job is taking care of the kids/home.
If you’re working remotely while taking care of two under 3 – then you are not a SAHM. You’re a working mother who’s trying to juggle two demanding jobs literally at the same time.
How well could your handle watch the kids while bringing them to the office? Not well, I’ll bet.
Let him divorce you. You’ll be so much happier without his dead weight.
You’re grown & know you shouldn’t yell in front of kids. Having said that, how you possibly take care of two sick children & work? Your husband should be taking a couple of days off work to tend to the children. This way you can concentrate on your work. Btw seems like you have 3 kiddos.
NTA
It’s amazing we’ve discovered an even more demanding hell beyond being a working mom with young kids in daycare: being a remote working mom who is also expected to be that daycare and still expected to maintain the house as well.
It would be so much easier without this clod.
NTA.
You have a full-time job PLUS taking care of the kids during the day. He needs to step up and do AT LEAST 50% of the child rearing while he is home.
Nobody “wants to” get sick. But little kids get every cold they’re exposed to, because they haven’t been exposed to them before. Chances are he won’t get the cold from them, but if he does it is manageable for an adult and he probably could still work in the office.
If he didn’t want to “catch anything” from his kids, he shouldn’t have started a family. Because that’s just part of being a parent.
NTA, you sound exhausted, he did nothing. I’d take him up on his offer about divorce. He’s already contemplating it.
NTA, but if you know this man brings out the worst in you why are you with him? He needs to do his part too, they are his kids too. Im not saying to get divorced, moreso think about if you mean that and if you do have a serious conversation with him about how you feel like hes not a partner, just another thing for you to take care of and you are tired of it. If he jumps to divorce, then divorce, but try to communicate first. Id have blown up too.
Your husband is the AH. You’re only the AH for what you said to your daughter, but it looks like you know that already. Their both your kids, so he should also take care of them! It’s not because you’re a SAH mom that you have to do everything! I wouldn’t be with someone that treats me with such disrespect
NTA
You are not a SAHM. You are a woman working a job and taking care of sick kids while doing it and doing household chores. On no planet would I be cooking dinner nor plating it for him.
He needs to step up or take him up on the divorce. Nothing is more exhausting than this type of marriage.
NTA.
Go ahead and call your husband’s bluff. File for divorce yourself.
He’s checked out of your home life completely and has no intention of being involved. You’re holding down everything on your own, may as well make it easier by not having to deal with an extra child in the guise of a grown man.
NTA. He seems to have clocked out on the children. He doesn’t have sympathy for their tears.
As to helping you, he should be doing it automatically. He is expecting you to make his life easy. Consider whether he was helpful or not during Fourth of July.
He might be the kind of person who needs to be told a direct action. Pick up X and rock him on your shoulder. Put X in high chair. Give X his food. Pick up Y. Show him out the window to distract him. Et cetera. It’s a pain, but he might be cognitively wired differently.
You might need marriage counseling. He was way to quick to jump to divorce.
His excuse is very bad. Sure if he doesn’t want to help with the sick kids because he doesn’t want to get sick thats fine, but then that means he needs to take other things off of your plate to compensate. So he can make dinner and do other things that you would normally do since your time is going to the kids. If he is relinquishing his responsibility of the kids while they are sick then that means he needs to pick up other responsibilities from you to replace that.
NTA. You don’t exactly shine here with how you handled things. You absolutely could have communicated better and you definitely should not be involving your children in this way.
That said, your husband is a lazy AH and he has absolutely NO EXCUSE for what he’s failing to do.
I want to point something out here: You work from home. You are not a stay at home mom. You are a mom doing two full time jobs at once! Your husband should be thankful that he has someone willing to do this. And he should be coming home and doing his parenting duties after work. It’s no wonder you blew up, you are doing all of the work here.
He doesn’t value you. You need to go to couple’s counseling and re-work your responsibilities. If that doesn’t work then it might be best to separate, for your sakes as well as not exposing your children to this dynamic.
NTA, with the exception of you yelling at him and saying something negative about your husband to your children. That’s the only thing you did wrong, and you were at a breaking point and seem to understand that. In future, keep the kids completely out of the drama, although, I understand that you were exhausted and made a poor decision.
This is not normal. This is not healthy. This is not acceptable. This is just a lot of red flags from him.
He’s being a selfish jerk. You are not fully responsible for these children. He is also the parent and doesn’t get to decide not to take care of his kids because “he might also get sick.” Suck it up, buttercup. He chose to help make these children, and now they have to be cared for, sick or well. His attitudes are completely selfish and entitled. He doesn’t have to take care of his own children, because he obviously feels like it is your job to raise and care for them.
Then, him threatening divorce, that’s another huge red flag and overreaction. Clearly, if you don’t want to cater to him and act like his mom, and allow him to be selfish and lazy, then he doesn’t want to participate in your relationship. That’s a problem. He wants to scare you into doing everything for him by threatening to leave you. That’s not okay.
I think you need to sit down and talk about everything, but also, if he refuses to help, then stop taking care of him. Stop feeding him dinner first. Don’t feed him dinner at all. Don’t clean the house he lives in. Don’t wash his clothes. Don’t pick up his favorite groceries and snacks. Drop the kids on his lap, and grab your car keys and go out for dinner with your friends. You are not his mother. He is a parent and a husband. He has responsibilities to everyone in that household, including you, and he is ignoring them, because he thinks he can get away with it and get you to do everything.
Honestly, if he’s not going to fix his behavior, your life would be easier without him. You’re clearly exhausted and overwhelmed, and he doesn’t even care at all. You begged for help, and he ignored you. That’s not how a good partner acts. That’s not a good relationship. You deserve better.
My husband would never treat me in this way, so no. This is not normal. This is only normal for people who are in unhealthy relationships that lack respect and communication.
ESH. There is no excuse for this:
>His reasoning for not taking care of them is because he doesn’t want to get sick.
That’s just too damn bad. He’s their dad. He should be helping with the kids as well as with the meal prep.
You are TA because you should keep any problems that you have with him with him. You shouldn’t be involving your kids like this:
>I then said to her “I’m sorry honey but Dada brings out the worst in Mama”
Threatening you with divorce is doing you a favor, to be honest, if he’s going to behave like this. I don’t know if you’ve sought marriage counseling, but if that hasn’t worked, then maybe a divorce is what’s best for you.
NTA. Girl, take him up on that offer of divorce. You’ll instantly get back 50% of your time, as he will have to care for the kids 100% alone on his custody time, not to mention you no longer have another adult you have to cook for and clean up after. Your husband is basically useless now anyway, what benefit are you getting from keeping him around? Call his bluff and serve him the papers.
ESH. You know saying that to your kids is wrong and even admitted as such. Bringing your kids into an argument and talking shit to them about the other parent is never ok. Ever. He needs to help out more, but nothing justifies what you pulled there.
This isn’t about them being sick
This is about you enabling him to think that his children aren’t his responsibility
Youre not a sahm. You’re a working mum. You work the same as he does.
Why the fuck are you making dinner and plating his food?!
Stop tolerating and enabling his behaviour
Ntah: but your husband is. Just so you know, he will always be like this if you let him get away with it. You are a single mom that is married, with an adult child. They have TWO parents, not one. The excuse of I don’t want to get sick? What? Do I guess you do? Who will take care of the kids when you get sick, who will take care of him? If you are working remotely you are still working AND taking care of the kids AND taking care of the housework AND him. He comes home snd sits on the couch after work, while you are still working.
NTA. These are his kids too, so when he gets home, child duties need to be more evenly shared between you. The fact that you are working and providing childcare at home is not sustainable. WFH does not mean free child care, it means double duty and extra stress. If you can, I’d look into outside childcare, a nanny, something to allow you to focus on your job. Most employers have that expectation of their staff.
I’d also come up with a plan for how you and SO share these duties and help out more.
NTA
However, I will say that you need to strongly communicate your needs to your husband. Don’t expect him to just SEE that you need the help because, let’s be honest, a man will not see the need unless it is pointed out to him. The fact that you plated his food for him is another problem. Why are you doing that? He’s a grown man and can get his food for himself. That’s one small thing off you and maybe would clue him in to the fact that you need help.
If he can’t notice for himself that you need help, then you simply remind him every few minutes until he helps. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you bother him enough, he will get it and help you.
Good Luck
You both shouldn’t have fought like that in front of the kids, but you are NTA for being frustrated that he’s as useful as a houseplant.
Actually, houseplants create oxygen. Scratch that.
He’s useless.
YTA. He’s acting like king of the mountain, and you ALLOW IT. Take one of the sick, snotty nosed kids and place them on dada’s lap as soon as he sits down, and just walk away.
Why on earth would you allow yourself to be treated like that? If I’m dealing with 2 kiddos all by myself, i’m not doing any cooking (except for the babies) – NOPE, no cleaning -NOPE, no plating his food (sorry, didn’t know he was an amputee/s) NADA!
Start looking for your spine; it maybe under the dust bunnies, put it on and TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF. And if he wants to threaten divorce for that, have the name, and number of a divorce attorney available and tell him you’ll dial for him (since he doesn’t have usable hands…)
If he can’t help with his children, I certainly wouldn’t cook and plate his dinner! Let him cook his own dinner! Stand up for yourself! You’re not the ah he is!!!!
You two need the card game, Fair Play to divide up tasks in a light-hearted manner.
And when he gets home from work, you need to quietly leave the home and text him that you’ll be back after bedtime. He needs to parent. He needs to be able to cook basic meals, even if it means you have to drop him off at cooking class. He needs to buy groceries.
You need to stop parenting your spouse. When he parents, give praise only. Do not criticize. He is not your clone. Kids who are parented by males have less anxiety so the kids win when he does it his way, too.
And you need to tell the kids to ask dad to help them when they need things.
ESH
This marriage doesn’t sound even remotely healthy
“His reasoning for not taking care of them is because he doesn’t want to get sick.”
Nope! Once you have kids you give up that option, you have to take care of the kids and if you get sick you have to deal with it.
NTA
You need to have a calm discussion about what you need and expect. Letting the stress build up and losing it isn’t a good plan. When you both work full time, parenting duties need to be shared equally.
You’re crazy for putting up w this. If you divorce & go for 50/50, he will be responsible for 100%, half of the time. Does he not realize that? These are his children as well. You say you wfh then say sahm. If you are working- even from home- why are you doing all the childcare, all the housework, all the cooking?? Plus you are doing all the caring & all the parenting? And while he sits there like a king (stop plating his food- he’s a grown man), he gets mad because you told your kids the truth- which they can see with their own eyes? And to be honest- what you said wasn’t even harsh. Don’t make more children with him- he doesn’t care about the ones he already has. What kind of man does this?? Literally sits back watching tv while you struggle?’this isn’t a partnership. certainly doesn’t sound like love either. Doesn’t even sound like he likes you (or them)
Geez. As much as I hate to do it to you, OP. ESH.
You know you were out of line for berating your husband to your toddler. That’s a form of contempt and you’re setting a precedent with talking negatively about their father to them. Not only does that put your child in the middle of conflict between the two of you, it going to eventually lead to you making your children your emotional support/sounding board about their father. That’s not right and it’s not fair, OP. Whatever they learn about their father’s personality needs to be based on what they experience from him growing up.
Plainly, your husband sucks because of all that he didn’t do in the midst of the sickness your children were experiencing. Instead of expecting him to help or know what to do, did you ever ask him? Yeah, I know. No reasonable adult would see all that chaos going on and not swing into action. But before you bad mouth him to your kids and before you blow up on him in front of your kids, you need to try to have a conversation with him about what it is you need. You know? Communicate, OP.
Furthermore, y’all need marriage counseling ASAP. Your husband is beyond content letting your carry the emotional, mental, and physical load of your household. You’re a working mom, not a SAHM. So to be clear, he not only expects you to take care of the entire household, the kids, the errands, and probably hand over a good portion of money on the bills, he expects you to take care of the kids alone while they are sick? Again, ALONE? OP, you need to let that man know that you are not his Superwoman.
Ladies, we have got to start having deeper conversations with these men before we marry them. Set your expectations surrounding family life and how you envision the household to run. Let them know that you have no desire to be a married, single mother and that your expectation is that they, as fathers, will learn to be responsible for the same level of care for any future children that you are. Baths, bedtime, getting up, preparing meals, doctors visits, staying home from work when they are sick, permission slips, teacher conferences– all of it! If he balks at being a present and responsible parent? Don’t. Date. Him.
NTA–I would ask him what he is going to do if you get divorced? Who is going to mommy him and when the kids are sick who is going to take care of them because you won’t be there and he will be all by his lonesome
Your husband doesnt like you or the kids. He likes himself.
You would be so much better off if you divorced. Right now you are working ft, taking care of the kids- full time/100%. Doing ALL the housework & cleaning, doing all the cooking. All he does is work ft. If you divorce, he’s got to do all that you do on top of his job @ least 50%. Of the time.
There was a woman on here that was fed up with no help from her husband. She kept threatening divorce & he would laugh. She told him she was going to file & ask for 50/50. He dared her (didn’t think she would). It didn’t take long after for him to come crawling back, begging he learned his lesson. But unfortunately, she learned something too, she appreciated the space & time off. She did in fact divorce him.
NTA now you’re sick. Make it a man cold. Make yourself a little nest in your bed and tell your husband you’re too sick to take care of anything. Close the door and put on noise cancelling headphones if needed. Let him figure it out. You worked, took care of 2 sick toddlers, cooked, then plated his food first??! Enough of that nonsense. Time for Dad to take over.
I have learned over the course of a long marriage that men don’t recognize these things like women do. So you have to ask them/direct them as to what needs to be done. Do it before things get out of hand. I completely understand where you are coming from because I did that also. But once we could have honest calm discussion, and with aging, that is what he taught me. So I do. When I cook, I tell him to please make the tea, etc. With two little ones, that’s too much for any one person to do. A good rule of thumb we developed was that when one person was up and doing something that needed to get done, the other also got up and did the same, just a different task. No one likes to be by themselves doing all the work while the other person just sits idle.
NTA – people view working from as a well in the park. However, formerly WFH, I can guarantee that it is not and is actually quite the opposite
So he wants to avoid getting sick, but is perfectly fine either way you being sick?
His concerns about getting sick, regardless of his alternative work options, are legitimate.
So give him cooking & laundry duties.
You need help STAT, and if you’re getting sick, the whole house is going to go south in 4…3…2… All joking aside, your hubs needs to stop being a selfish lazy prick. NTA.
Stop feeding him first. He sounds like a 3rd child
Nta. point out to husband that if you get a divorce you get child support and every other weekend off. Or 50/50 and he has to WFH half the time and do all his own chores and cooking.
NTA of course but Y T A for making me read “suck snot out of their noses” 🤢
I think you should take him up
on his offer of divorce.
Should you have said that in front of the kids? Nope.
Did he deserve it?
Yes.
Why are you even preparing meals for this man?
Sounds like he’s been waiting to say that, he just needed an argument to put those words to. Sorry he is a dick.
NTA for losing your cool.
NTA. Essentially, you work two jobs. One is your remote job (full-time?) The second is your job as a stay at home mother. This is a job where you are actively working during your children’s awake hours. You are providing your husband with free daycare services. I know that in my lower than average cost of living city, daycare is around $1800. per month, per child at a quality, not top of the line, daycare center, so you are contributing, in addition to what you earn at your paid employment, you contribute $43,200 for the 40 hours your husband is at work. As a stay at home mother, you are either on duty or on call 168 hour per week. Let’s be really generous and assume (LOL) that you sleep 8 hours out of 24, so you are doing your mom job 112 hours a week. Let’s use the unrealistically low hourly rate of 12.00 per hour for those hours and forget the on call hours (which are normally paid.) That comes out to 69,888 annually. So your honestly minimum contribution to your family, using very low hourly rates, is $113,088 per year. Plus what you earn from your paying job.
My suggestion is this. Before you divorce your (useless excuse for a man) husband, the next time he works from home, go to your mother’s for a few days, leave the kids with him, come back when he’s well and and ask how it went. If the house is other than tidy with the children well fed, clean, happy and healthy the laundry is done and the refrigerator full, and your husband is feeling other than relaxed and fulfilled, point out that he has just experienced your normal, day to day life. Ask if he’s ready to be a full partner without being reminded of what needs doing. If he is unable to do that, leave him.
Read “This American Ex-Wife” and learn how much better life is after you divorce. Especially with a 50-50 set-up.
Info: how much does he help with the kids when they’re not sick?
Why’d you have 2 kids in 3 years without figuring this out? Leave him. It will never get better.
Info: What is your remote job and how much do you work on a weekly basis?
If you’re working from home you’re not just a SAHM. It wasn’t cool to say that in front of the kids, but his jackassery outweighs yours. Call his bluff on the divorce. NTA.
NTA next time he says he will divorce you say “fine. That’s actually better because then you’ll either have them 50% of the time or paying me a shit ton in child support. Either way I get help and you’re fucked”
Divorce isn’t the threat men think it is and it’s hilarious
Why did you agree to having 2 children with someone who is unwilling to do ANYTHING to help you?! If he’s worried about getting sick then he can prepare meals and clean up afterwards, help with household chores like laundry and cleaning. If he’s too freaking lazy/entitled to do that then he can door dash dinner and hire a cleaner for a few days to help you.
NTA- for being angry with him. YTA – to yourself for being with someone like this, and ESH- you both knew better than to have this argument in front of the kids.
NTA. But you are to yourself for letting this behavior go too long. He shouldn’t be “helping” you, he should be actively participating in parenting his own children and caring for his family. Go ahead and file for divorce.
NTA — so he is not doing his share of parenting and so emotionally immature that being called out means he threatens you with divorce? Talk about threatening you with a good time.
I suspect your life would actually be far better without him. He is a failure as a partner and parent, so why stay stuck with him?
Put the kids in daycare. Cut wherever from your budget and do it. He cannot afford a SAHM as a wife, why do you have to be one while working with the kids? Get a job out of the house if you have to. He wouldn’t wfh while watching two kids so it’s crazy for you to do it.
Go get a full time job out of the home. Even if all your money goes to daycare.
NTA