Hey reddit! Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (30f) and my boyfriend (32m) have been in a relationship for a little over a year.
I will provide some backround for context: We met each other almost 8 years ago ,there was a mutual attraction (even though I was muck more attracted to him that he was to me) , but the timing was never right. As I was younger then ,and my mental health was much better, I was also thinner.
Up until we got in a relationship I had taken some weight, but since the start of our relationship until today I have gotten a really unhealthy amount of weight. I recognize the problem and I want to solve it , I haven’t made any serious attempt yet to be honest.
My boyfriend always tells me that I am fat and I don’t take care of myself, but whenever I’m trying to , he tells me that I’m insecure and buys me snacks. I’m starting to think that this is a control issue , because he always tries to send me mixed signals and has told me that no one else will love me due to my weight and I will end up alone with 5 five cats.
To the issue: yesterday he went to the grocery store, he bought some snacks and he hid them from me . His thought process was that he would give me to be like I was a child.
I blew up. Not my proudest moment and I understand that I have a problem ,but I am not 5 years old.
I don’t know if I was justified to be mad and telling me that I’m not his child to treat me this way.
So reddit,AITA?
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Hey reddit! Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (30f) and my boyfriend (32m) have been in a relationship for a little over a year.
I will provide some backround for context: We met each other almost 8 years ago ,there was a mutual attraction (even though I was muck more attracted to him that he was to me) , but the timing was never right. As I was younger then ,and my mental health was much better, I was also thinner.
Up until we got in a relationship I had taken some weight, but since the start of our relationship until today I have gotten a really unhealthy amount of weight. I recognize the problem and I want to solve it , I haven’t made any serious attempt yet to be honest.
My boyfriend always tells me that I am fat and I don’t take care of myself, but whenever I’m trying to , he tells me that I’m insecure and buys me snacks. I’m starting to think that this is a control issue , because he always tries to send me mixed signals and has told me that no one else will love me due to my weight and I will end up alone with 5 five cats.
To the issue: yesterday he went to the grocery store, he bought some snacks and he hid them from me . His thought process was that he would give me to be like I was a child.
I blew up. Not my proudest moment and I understand that I have a problem ,but I am not 5 years old.
I don’t know if I was justified to be mad and telling me that I’m not his child to treat me this way.
So reddit,AITA?
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You should be blowing up about the fact that he’s calling you names in the first place. Does he even like you??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because he has a point that I have gained weight and must be more careful, but I don’t think it’s his place to treat me like that
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Oh my god NTA. How dare he. He sounds like he’s fat shaming you but also feeding you the things that unhealthy? This all sounds like really gross behavior. I wouldn’t put up with that shit and neither should you.
This is not really an AITA situation. I hope you read this again and realize that the way that your bf talks to you is very hurtful and not the way you want to be treated. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gained weight or not his comments are just abusive.
NTA.
This dude is covered in more red flags than a May Day parade
The moment someone tells me that nobody else would ever love me is the moment that I leave. The women I love are LOVABLE, and that’s why I love them. Everybody else would too.
Guys like him make living alone with 5 cats sound lovely. NTA. And you should lose weight by getting rid of him.
So your bf “told me that no one else will love me due to my weight.” This is classic abuser stuff. His strategy is to put you down and keep you under his control. Please please please get out.
Why are you even with him if he talks to you like that, and why is he with you if he’s THAT unattracted to you? Goodness, just throw the whole relationship in the trash.
NTA and I think your perceptions are right. He is telling you are overweight and giving you unrequested snack at same time. He is both enabling you and gatekeeping you.
No need for snacks in your residence at all. If you want a snack, go to store buy ONE. Having them at easy access takes inhuman self control not to eat them when trying to loose weight.
NTA. It is completely reasonable to blow up after being body shamed by someone you trusted.
NTA, but don’t stop there.
“No one else will love you” is Jackass for “Kick me to the curb, STAT”.
Only incels say that shit about women and cats
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. He has so many flags they could wrap around the earth twice.
He insults you. He treats you like a child. He is controling and manipulative.
My ex told me similar (I was a USA size 4). He also told me that I’d need to resort to prostitution to keep my lights on as I was “too stupid to make a living” (note, I have a higher education that he did/does). Yeah, I am very well loved and have never turned a trick. You are better without him. Get a cat or five and learn to love yourself!!!
I work at a domestic violence shelter. What is he doing is considered emotional/verbal abuse. Your partner should absolutely never put you down or make you feel like you are unworthy of being loved. You really need to think about if this relationship is worth sacrificing your self image and mental health because the things he is saying to you absolutely will affect both of those.
yeah no if you even gained a substantial amount of weight, it might just be because of a health issue, or more likely, this jackass is making you more stressed and making your body confused.
break up with him and make sure that you’re futureproofed in the event that he tries to spread rumors about you, and make sure that anything important is locked so he cant get to it. when you can save up, move away.
NTA, but you need to treat yourself better
You need to leave, this is abuse and he does not love you.
NTA, and this is some scary controlling abuser stuff. Please leave. You deserve someone who really loves you, and doesn’t pull this shit.
Sounds like you need a different bf if you ask me. You’ll change your eating habits when you want not because he’s telling you.
NTA – kick him to the curb, an s/o should support and love you, this is manipulative and abusive behavior.
I recently lost 60+lbs and when I didn’t like myself, I never felt like my partner didn’t love or accept me and when I decided to make changes, he did them right along with me.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to hit someone as bad as I wanna pop your bf in the face right now. I’d go and buy a shit load of snacks myself and lock them away just to piss him off. Get rid of him. I’m fat 5ft 185lbs and guess what my husband would never treat me like that ever. There is a man out there that will love you for who you are and you deserve that. Take the trash out girl, and be free of the dead weight that man is.
Edited to add: NTA
NTA and don’t worry about blowing up. That is a natural reaction to being abused.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a bum, dump him. Find a man that will appreciate you for who you are.
NTA. He’s manipulating you so that you think you can’t be loved so you never leave him. It’s classic. You don’t need to change if you don’t want to, you just need to change the man
NTA but you’re the a-h to yourself by putting up with this treatment. Throw him back. You deserve better.