So I found out about an amazing Omakase sushi restaurant in my area a few weeks ago, and booked a reservation for my birthday dinner for just me and my parents. Yesterday, my father asked me where we were going, and I told him about the restaurant, explaining that it has a fixed menu that the chef decides. My father became very upset and said to me that because my mum is a picky eater and does not eat raw fish, I was extremely selfish in choosing that spot for dinner, as she likely would not be able to eat much of the food that is served. I said that while I knew that to be true, because it was my birthday, I should be allowed to be a little selfish and choose a place that I really want to go to (mind you that the eating window is only about an hour, so its not like it was going to be a proper sit down event). I ended up cancelling the reservation and choosing another place that she would be more comfortable with, but I am still a little annoyed that I had to make a compromise. On one hand, I feel immature because, of course, I should have been more considerate and chosen something that we could all enjoy. On the other hand, I know that if I were in a situation like that, I would grin and bear it because I would know it would make the other person happy. AITA?
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So I found out about an amazing Omakase sushi restaurant in my area a few weeks ago, and booked a reservation for my birthday dinner for just me and my parents. Yesterday, my father asked me where we were going, and I told him about the restaurant, explaining that it has a fixed menu that the chef decides. My father became very upset and said to me that because my mum is a picky eater and does not eat raw fish, I was extremely selfish in choosing that spot for dinner, as she likely would not be able to eat much of the food that is served. I said that while I knew that to be true, because it was my birthday, I should be allowed to be a little selfish and choose a place that I really want to go to (mind you that the eating window is only about an hour, so its not like it was going to be a proper sit down event). I ended up cancelling the reservation and choosing another place that she would be more comfortable with, but I am still a little chuffed that I had to make a compromise. On one hand, I feel immature because, of course, I should have been more considerate and chosen something that we could all enjoy. On the other hand, I know that if I were in a situation like that, I would grin and bear it because I would know it would make the other person happy. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action that should be judged: Choosing a restaurant for my birthday dinner that my Mom could not eat at.
Why that action might make me the asshole: Because its inconsiderate to choose a place to eat that one of the guests could not enjoy as well.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: who’s paying?
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NTA, it’s your birthday and your mom and dad suck. Tell them to stay at home and take some friends who appreciate you.
Normally I’d say the person celebrating the event should get to pick wherever they want, but if you’re planning a dinner with three people picking somewhere one of those people can’t eat much of the menu means YTA. Go to omakase with friends or other family members, omakase would mean that one of the two people celebrating with you can’t eat.
Fyi, the word you’re looking for is miffed. Chuffed means you’re happy.
NTA after seeing reply to comment for info. It’s your bday and you even offered to pay.
If you are paying, then sure pick where you want and invite whoever. But if you expect your parents to pay, well, then you might be an AH!
As someone who LOVES omikase, YTA
There are three of you booked. It’s a fixed menu. Your Mum doesn’t eat sushi/sashimi.
Either choose a place the THREE of you will enjoy, or take different friends to this particular restaurant! It’s no fun for anyone if you sit there watching your Mum struggle through a meal.
ESH, you for choosing a restaurant that 1/3 of the people there won’t be able to eat anything and your dad for jumping straight to name calling.
I don’t understand the “modern” concept of “it’s my wedding/birthday/special day/whatever, I should be able to decide everything, disregarding everyone else’s feelings”. For me, days like that are an excuse to spend quality time with people you are close to. Not an excuse to impose your will on others.
Assuming your parents are paying they should both be able to eat there. That said, my mother wouldn’t touch sushi with a ten foot pole but we go to places that serve teriyaki and other cooked dishes. Next time simply check the menu.
I’m going to go with NTA. In my family you would be NTA, so it may depend on your family dynamic I guess? When this happens in my family, we just do a Maccas run on the way home, and laugh about it. But the birthday person always gets to eat the food they want on their birthday, even if it’s Indian and their grandma’s idea of spice is white pepper.
NTA. One year for my birthday, my SIL and MIL proudly told me we were all going to Olive Garden for dinner. I just gave them a blank stare and said, “it’s my birthday, shouldn’t I get to choose?” Their faces fell like it didn’t even occur to them. They’re not JNs but I’m not unhappy that we all live in different states now. Anyway, I picked sushi because that’s what I wanted, and also knowing that SIL didn’t like it. I just said “they have cooked food too, like chicken teriyaki.” Basically I gave her the same consideration she gave me.
I wish you had kept the omakase reservation. I bet it would have been amazing! If you can, you should definitely treat yourself and go.
ETA NTA
I would have cancelled dinner altogether and just not spent time with them.
I had SO many birthday where I would ask for simple things: I don’t want to go to this particular restaurant because I used to work tehre, but could we go to the same brand but on the other side of town? Get in car, show up at the one I explicitly didn’t want to go to. When I realized what was happening, i once tried to jump out of the car. I then left and got screamed at for hours
I asked for no singing for 10 years in a row. I always got signing.
I hate my birthday now and don’t bother. No one respects the birthday person. It’s not funny or cute to insist on going places that they hate and playing “pranks” that they have explicitly said no to.
I just wish I would have learned sooner to just leave and sit outside.
YTA – If you’re going to a restaurant (and not even paying!) you make sure people can at least eat at that restaurant
Soft YTA. When you’re planning something like this you consider the people that you want there and choose an appropriate place. I recently celebrated a birthday with 7 friends, including one vegetarian and one with a corn allergy. I sent both the menu ahead of time to make sure they could eat at the restaurant I chose. If either had said no, I’d have chosen somewhere else because it mattered to me that they be there and enjoy themselves.
Since this was just you & your parents, you clearly wanted them there, so you need to choose a place they can eat at. Go to the Omakase place with your friends who will also enjoy it.
Every sushi restaurant I’ve ever been to has had a really good selection of cooked foods and bento boxes that didn’t include any sushi or uncooked foods. Any of you could’ve looked at the menu and found something everyone could’ve eaten.
YTA even if you were paying. You can go there with friends, that’s a really mean way to treat your mother. Unless she’s been doing the same to you all your life.
As the birthday person, you should get to eat what you like for dinner. That’s fair and reasonable. But if the dinner is just you and your parents, and the point is celebrating together, YTA for picking a place where one of the two other participants can’t eat. Nevermind that she gave birth to you. Can you not go to that sushi restaurant with friends — so everyone in the group would enjoy it?
YTA.
Just go the the Omakase with friends who enjoy the food.
With your parents pick a place everyone will enjoy.
Don’t invite someone to come along to an outing they will hate.
NTA, it’s your birthday!!! Be selfish!!!!! I am a vegetarian, and while day to day I only go to restaurants I know I have a good option at, on other people’s special occasions I’m not going to argue. Hell, I treated my partner to a steakhouse for his birthday last year. If any one of my family members wanted to go to a place I couldn’t eat at for their birthday, I would eat before and go. And I’m sure if she or your father would have called in advance they could have arranged for her to not be served/pay full price but still be there, or potentially for her to even have an altered menu. I’ve heard of set course restaurants around me that can easily accommodate diet restrictions with advance notice.
Happy birthday OP, I hope you’re able to find some other people to go to that restaurant with you.
I guess I don’t understand why you’d want to take your parents to a restaurant where your mother wouldn’t be able to eat most things.
Alright. IATA. If I wanted Omakase so badly, I could have chosen to go with my friends. It was selfish knowing that 1/2 two people couldn’t enjoy the meal. Appreciate all the insight. Tomorrow – chicken tenders. Next week – Omakase with my buddies. Thanks all!
YTA. You can celebrate your birthday wherever you want, but inviting someone to a meal you know they can’t eat is just flat out rude and kinda mean. If you want to have a birthday dinner there, don’t invite your mom. You are just making her uncomfortable and having her watch you eat. Not to mention the chef would be cooking in front of you and having to watch your mother reject his food. You would be basically setting everyone up for an uncomfortable meal. You can go with your dad or friends if you really want that place to be your birthday restaurant. If you want to have a dinner with both parents, going somewhere else is the best option.
YTA
YTA. You said it was just you and your parents and you picked a place one of them would obviously not like making you obviously the AH. You could have gone solo or brought a friend who you knew would like it.
NTA I dunno what your house has always done but mine was birthday person got to choose anywhere. It’s not like your mom is allergic she doesn’t like it. I’m picky, I wouldn’t eat much but I’d go there for someone I loved to celebrate their day
YTA. Just because it is your bday doesn’t mean you should be thoughtless about the other party goers. You can go to the sushi place any other time.
NTA Wait wait wait, the people saying YTA must not have ever been to a sushi restaurant. I don’t eat raw fish (or cooked) and I go to sushi all the time. There is a ton of non fish items to eat and you can still have an amazing meal. And If she’s just picky, that’s on her.
kinda YTA. you expect your mom to be just happy for you to eat your fave food that she can’t eat? do you expect her just sit there watching you eat?
do you think the chef at the omakaze sushi will appreciate that she just ignores the sushi he make or not even order?
I know some sushi chef takes prides in the sushi they make. I got yelled at once cause I asked for more wasabi 🤭🤭🤭
I lived in Japan, and I don’t like fish. I always order ebi furai maki whenever we go to a sushi restaurant, since it’s fried shrimp so it’s cooked.
If you want to take your parents to enjoy sushi, make a reservation at a sushi resto where they can enjoy the food as well. but if you only take them to the place where the cook will only make raw fish sushi, then you’re so inconsiderate.
YTA. Absolutely YTA
YTA. You invited two people and one could not eat the food. Why does this even have to be explained?
Yta because it’s a fixed menu. You can still get sushi as lots sushi places have options with chicken, beef, and other cooked meats. I don’t like sushi but my husband does and there has never been a place that didn’t have something I couldn’t eat.
NTA
I think, as kids, we all experienced many instances of our families choosing restaurants with cuisines we had zero interest in eating. And so we stuck to the one vaguely kid-friendly item they had on their menu. Chicken nuggets or mac & cheese or some shit.
If it didn’t kill us to go through that once in awhile as a kid, it wouldn’t kill them to go through it now.
I get it being your birthday and wanting to have what you want. 💯 with you on that one. But dinner with your parents, I’m going to guess they are paying and 1/3 of you won’t eat the food. That’s pushing it a little far. If you were going with 6 people and 1 wouldn’t eat it, I’d say go for it.
To keep the peace, best to choose a different place everyone can enjoy. Go with someone that will enjoy the food when you go. Because keeping the reservation and doing what you want is going to end up with mom not eating, possibly complaining, dad and you trying ti get her to eat something and dinner won’t be about you and your birthday like it should be, it would be about her trying or refusing to try new food.
Nah. You’ve changed the reservation. It sucks. And yes grin and bear it would be the right choice. However no one would have left happy.
Clearly YTA. Take your parents to an Olive Garden. Take your girlfriends to this Sushi restaurant. Prettttty obvious
yta. People who (presumably) love you are taking out time and money to spend with you, and you pick a place knowing that they won’t eat there. That’s about as self centered as possible.
YTA. You obviously don’t care that much about your mother. If you want sushi, take a few friends and treat yourself. Don’t completely exclude one person from your three person party.
YTA. Find someone else to go with. If the person you’re celebrating with can’t/won’t eat the food, why bother going? Go with someone else or on your own. Very selfish of you and not very kind.
You are very shellfish for organising a meal which one person you wanted to attend couldn’t eat.
You are the raw prawn in this story. YTA
YTA don’t choose a restaurant that you know the invited won’t eat at. It would be different if it was a dozen people and you didn’t know dietary preferences but you were very aware
Sorry but you are the TA
As someone with ARFID who seen as a picky eater, I know what your mom must go through.
Their own child not giving a damn enough for their own mother to make sure there is something she could eat for definite.
I get you want to be a bit selfish on your birthday, but to actively choose to do so when you knew it would bring misery to someone else.
If your birthday meal is something to honour yourself about your birth, how about honouring your mother who wen through the months of discomfort, and then the pain on the exact same day on all those years ago. Does she too not deserve some of the honour?
YTA
Sure you can choose to eat where you want, especially on your birthday. But it is an asshole move to then knowingly invite people that find nothing to eat there – and especially even more so if you are not even paying yourself.
Dude is your birthday but guess who was in excruciating pain for hours so you could be here?
YTA have some consideration for your mom if you get along with her, is a celebration for the 3 of you and unfortunately there is going to be a time when your parents are not going to be there on your bday. If you want to try that restaurant so much you can go with friends or on your own another day.
half yta. while i think it’s perfectly fine to want to choose a certain place for your own birthday, if you’re going to invite someone to an event that you’re planning, you should still accommodate them and their needs to a certain point. how awkward would it be if your mom was just sitting there for an hour watching everyone eat when she couldn’t?
esh.. and also not economically logical. you re gonna pay for domthing that s nit gonna be eaten?!
also your mom… picky eating in your 60s is embarrassing
I would say that given the size of the party, you and your parents, should have thought about a more inclusive place, and could go to the sushi restaurant another time, either on your own or with somebody who likes sushi.
Really depends on the size of the group whether the “my birthday, my choice” should apply. I don’t eat birds, if it was somebody’s birthday and they invited me and one other person to KFC. I might be asking why they are arranging a party at KFC when 1/3 of the guests don’t like KFC. On the other hand if I was one of ten guests invited to KFC and everyone else wants to go. Yeah, their birthday, their choice. I do not need to go.
YTA. Omikase, first off, is expensive. You are trusting a chef to make your meal in front of you and if your mom is anything like me, she does not like giving up control of her menu. Raw fish is just a whole other thing on top of that.
Have your birthday with your parents where everyone can eat.