I am 19(F) and my bf 23(M). When we first started dating, things were really good. We split a lot of things evenly, and I thought we had a mutual respect for each other. But slowly, little comments started slipping in, like “that’s a woman’s job” or “my mom always did that.” At first, I brushed it off thinking he was joking, but it got worse when it came to his laundry. He straight up told me one day, “That’s just what women do in relationships.”
I don’t mind helping my partner, I really don’t. But the way he said it made me feel like he didn’t see me as his equal, just someone to clean up after him. I asked him if he would ever do mine, and he laughed and said no, because that’s not a “man’s responsibility.” That was the breaking point for me. It wasn’t about the clothes, it was about respect.
Now he’s telling our friends and even his family that I ended things over “something as dumb as laundry.” But it’s not dumb, it’s about the mindset behind it. If he couldn’t value me in small, everyday things, how could I trust him to respect me in bigger, more important parts of life? Honestly, I feel like I saved myself a lifetime of being taken for granted, but part of me wonders if people will think I’m petty for leaving over this.
Would you have walked away too?
Comments
NTA. Baby you did the RIGHT thing, objectively. This little boy was looking for Mommy 2.0. But you are a whole person with hopes and dreams and preferences and your gender has nothing to do with it.
Your EX is an immature misogynist and you dodged a nuclear warhead with this one.
The smartest thing you did was walking away. The dumbest was being in a relationship with him.
NTA – if he acts like that he should go back in time into the nineteen hundreds
>We split a lot of things evenly
So he’s not the provider who works and brings home all the money paying for everything and you’re not the homemaker?
NTAH
>AITA for breaking up
To every post that starts with these fours words. No.
NTA, and I absolutely would have been gone. Someone needs to teach this fool it’s 2025.
NTA. It’s not about the laundry, it’s about respect. If he can’t treat you as an equal, walking away was the right move.
NTA. I promise you his side of the story doesn’t sound as good to other people as he thinks it does. I cannot imagine anyone who would think it’s normal to expect their 19yo partner to be exclusively doing their laundry lmao
It’s not about being petty or about laundry, it’s about RESPECT. If he can’t handle that in small stuff, ya gotta wonder bout the big ones. Yea, sure, it’s gonna hurt, but better now than tying urself to a lifetime of feeling dismissed. And trust me, if he was saying stuff like “that’s a woman’s job,” he wasn’t taking you seriously to begin with. Ain’t no room for that bs.
I’m a man of almost 60 years of age now and I make millions of dollars every year from my business interests. My wife does not ever do my laundry. I wore those clothes, if it’s anyone’s responsibility to get them clean, it’s mine. Apart from taking personal responsibility, how hard is it for him to get a washing machine going? Is he that stupid? You aren’t anyone’s slave.
NTA. Ladies and gentlemen, run, don’t walk, the the nearest exit. NTA.
NTA – good for you for standing up for yourself <3
Being an adult means you can care of yourself. These aren’t man-skills or woman-skills, they’re life-skills. Everyone should be able to cook and clean for themselves. Everyone should be able to do small repairs and basic maintenance on their home or their clothing.
So he needs to be able to do these things, and if he’s saying you have to, it means he’s not a capable adult.
And why would you want to be taking care of an adult who isn’t capable of taking care of themselves? You can go find a better partner.
And unless he starts acting like a capable adult, unlike you, he won’t be able to.
NTA. A lot of women don’t notice the red flags until they are decades and kids into a draining non-reciprocal relationship. Congrats on seeing your ex for who he is and bailing.
You are not the AH. Can I have his number so I can call and break up with him too? (Just kidding. Mostly.) The misogyny from your ex is definitely a deal-breaker. On behalf of every woman who has dated a guy who tried to pull that kind of nonsense with her, I salute you.
Nta
Mega NTA. But he surely is. As a man, my wife and I have naturally developed what works for us. But no “job” is solely hers or mine just because of our gender.
It’s great if my wife does my laundry. But if I need something washed I just do it. Or I ask her ahead of time if she minds doing it. If she does, great, if not NBD, I’ll do a load myself. She doesn’t iron my dress shirts. So what? I do that myself. She does it it’s a nice notion. But my stuff is my responsibility, she just helps me just as I help her.
If dinner isn’t started by X time, I’ll just start making it for the family myself. 80% of the time she’ll get up and take over. That’s her jam and it works for us. I typically do the over the top mega meals for holidays or special occasions. She cooks, I clean. I cook, she cleans.
I really dont get the “this is a woman’s/man’s job”. No, it’s an adults job. You’d be doing it all without them so appreciate the time they take off your plate and reciprocate.
Nta, laundry is a basic life skill, not a “gender responsibility”
I mean if dude is working to pay for everything and you don’t have to work then he can go nuts asking you to do the laundry .
If he’s not… then he’s not holding up his end of the bargain.
NTA
I been married since u been born and this man has never said some dumb ish like that girl.
NTA and you are wise beyond your years. Congrats on spotting the red flag and taking action.
Life is too short to waste on that kind of man.
And in a few short months, people will stop talking about this relationship and caring about the reasons that you broke up, so don’t worry about that.
“My mom always did that.” Thats always a red flag to me. NTA. I’m glad you’re out of that relationship.
I am sure his comment that you are supposed to do his laundry goes over well at parties.
Dodged that “mommy dearest” bullet.
NTA
I would have walked out laughing.
Buh-Bye!
NTA
Wanting to leave is enough.
But if it weren’t (it is though!) your analysis is correct. His demands put his sexism and contempt front and center.
But even if he weren’t displaying sexism and contempt (he is though!) laundry is actually important.
He failed to respect you, and his rationale is ludicrous.
You did well.
Life’s too short and you’re too young to settle for a manbaby. Good on you, for pulling the plug
“My mom did that too, when I was a child and helpless. Now that I’m a capable adult, I do it myself.”
Next time tell him to,change your oil and rotate your tires. Then dump him.
He’s been listening to lonely white men bellow in podcasts or social media about being high priority/alpha males. Walmart doesn’t have enough fabric to make a red flag that big.
I told that to my Mom one day, for the next year when she put my clothes away they were all inside out every piece
What do you bring the to relationship?
Over laundry? Little extreme but you’re technically still a teen, so 🤷♂️
NTA. That little boy needs to grow up and learn to be responsible for himself. You dodged a major bullet here.
NTA. This guy has a lot of growing up to do before he’s ready for a relationship.
I am so proud of you stranger ❤️
NTA. Go buy yourself a present.
NTA. Guess he has to live alone and buy new clothes every time they get stinky, like every single man has to (they legally aren’t allowed to use laundry machines)
NTA.
“My mommy does it for me”. Really? Then go home to her and stay there. NTA, don’t date dudes this juvenile. Especially when they’re older than you.
NTA, but damn you dodged a bullet. How long were you dating? I’m wondering if there were any red flags ahead that you saw, or did he just slowly start turning the screws?
Oh yes! I’m right there with you! I thought younger men were over this 1950’s crap and did things equally. Well, surprise, surprise! Women just won’t put up with that crap anymore!
NTA. Lucky you discovered this trait of his early. Bullet successfully dodged.
NTA and people can (and will) think whatever they want. I’m so glad to see a young woman standing up for herself. Good on you for breaking up with him now. Realistically, you and your now ex (yay!) were simply not compatible, so just tell people that when they inquire about the breakup.
NTA. My autistic son has done his own laundry since he was 13. My daughter learned much earlier when she was 9 or so. He still lives at home with me at 24 but he does his own laundry still.
I love that for you. NTA in any way, shape, or form. Hope he learns a lesson from that, and now you get to find a real man.
Another man in the making that expects the GF/wife to work and financially help support the household but is not willing to support the running of the household, the physical and mental work to do it.
Yes I know not all men are like that.
Dgaf about what people say. Nta
NTA! What a loser!!! A real man does laundry. He can also cook and clean. You weren’t dating a man. You were dating a little boy who can’t handle chores.
If anyone asks, tell them the truth. Tell them he expected you, his GF, to do his laundry because he thinks it’s a woman’s job. Their reaction will tell you all you need to know about them.
NTA you dodged a bullet. Trust me laundry was just the beginning of women’s work he would slowly pressure you into doing.
Nta. He’s an idiot. I’m disabled and i do dishes and laundry and sweep and changed diapers when our kids were little.
Run
I’ve been married 40 years. I have never done my husband’s laundry. He’s a grown ass man. He also takes his turn washing dishes, sweeping the floor, etc.
So yeah, it is about respect. And you did just save yourself a lifetime of being taken for granted. Finally a post where a woman is not being walked all over!
NTA
It’s fine to want a house spouse, but unless you earn enough to support a household on your income alone, you cannot afford one. There’s no such thing as “women’s work” in a dual income household.
I hope I am raising my daughter to have a strong confident mindset like yours and knows her value as person.
When he has multiple people break up with him for the same reason, it’ll click for him.
NTA- Good for you!!! Never slave for anyone in any relationship.
Best wishes for a happy life with people who actually appreciate you!!
Is great you figured this out early on and can move on and continue life without too much loss of time.
Your reaction basically saved you from a lifetime of dealing with a mysoginistic man child. Good for you. NTA
NTA You have a good mature attitude on relationships should be IMO. You are right, he did not value and respect you. You were in his mind there to serve him as he wanted. You didn’t leave him over laundry, you left him because he did not respect you.
“If he couldn’t value me in small, everyday things, how could I trust him to respect me in bigger, more important parts of life? Honestly, I feel like I saved myself a lifetime of being taken for granted”
NTA. Imagine doing his laundry with an infant or toddler while he’s expecting dinner
Gross. Tell him to go fuck his mother if that’s what he’s looking for.
NTA He needs to move back home with his mommy.
You’ve heard the term bang maid?
I wish I had been as smart as you at your age. NTAH
I bet you take out the trash, if it needs it. I bet you also oil squeaky hinges if you notice it. What does he do that is so special that you can’t do it?
You are NTAH, but he sure is; good riddance!
NTA. You didn’t want to stay with a misogynist. Seems reasonable to me.
Yea no, youre NTA. I yearn for a future husband that wants to be equal and its not even about that, its about bonding and being together, let’s clean together, let’s do laundry together, and if we can’t do it together, you can ASK me to do it, but dont expect me to wash things you use just because im the woman because I guarantee im gonna be working the same as you.
NTA
He needs to grow up and learn to look after himself.
Its great to want to help out your partner, part of life is sharing responsibilities, if you partner is unwilling to help back, then they aren’t worth the effort
It would have gotten worse.
You are worried that people will “think I am petty”?
Hello, do you hear yourself? Your BF is a misogynist. Anyone who thinks what you did is petty does not deserve your respect. If you are worried about their opinions, then what self-respect do you have?
You broke up with him because he’s a lazy disrespectful misogynist pig. Good for you! That’s not even a little bit petty!
NTA – I can imagine when people ask him to explain the break-up further, they will realize he was the dumb (and misogynistic one). And if people are going to side with him and not even query what your side is, they’re not your friends.
If you got yourself into trouble or some sort of difficulties, would he do everything in his power to make all your problems go away? If so, YTA.
If your boyfriend wouldn’t protect you from everything if you needed him to, then NTA.
Reality is that there are masculine and feminine roles in relationships.
Context matters.
NTA & you’re smart to leave this guy. His demands will only increase on you & if you have kids – holy crap!!! You’ll be responsible for everything along with working, etc. Get out now!!!
How does that make you an asshole?
I have to do all the heavy lifting and stuff at my house. My wife is a sexist pig!
NTA. But here’s the thing, you’re 19. For sure he wouldn’t have been your forever, girl, trust me.
Second, if he doesn’t value you in simple things, why are you even concerned about something like his opinion of what happened in the situation when you know the truth?
Just some good for thought.
NTA. You’re not petty, and it’s not “dumb” to end your relationship for this. As you quite rightly say, it’s not about the laundry, it’s about his mindset.
Today it’s the laundry, tomorrow it’s looking after all the household chores and minding the kids and being married single mom with a useless husband man child. Good for you for getting out of that nonsense!
Nah. Laundry is personal hygiene, not a household chore. Everyone with a double digit name does their own
Some ppl really are unhinged huh. Expecting your girlfriend to do your laundry for you because she’s the woman. If I was a woman a lot of dudes would be catching a 3 piece and a soda lol. You’re not the asshole girl, but you need to find a man next time, not a kid to adopt.