Okay, let me explain the situation. I’ve been with my girlfriend for four months only, and even though I loved her a lot. But the thing is, her mental health wasn’t the best. She would talk about suicide or self harm not constantly but pretty often. And in the four months that we were together, she has attempted to kill herself three times. But somehow these attempts would always be when I hang out with my friends or just have some fun myself. And she would never go to the hospital after these “attempts” and would continue her life like nothing happened. Every time she attempted I would rush over, and when I arrived she’d be completely safe. However she would run to me and hug me, saying she was done and just wanted to die. It would end up with me comforting her and spending my entire day with her, having to cancel all my plans with mt friends. After the third attempt I just couldn’t take it no more and said I was gonna break up with her because I am not her personal therapist. The break up wasn’t anything dramatic, I just said that I wanted to break up, and even though she first wanted me to stay and that she’d change, she later accepted it, and I blocked her. But now I’m starting to feel a bit guilty, so, am I the asshole?
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend?
r/AITAH
Comments
mental health stuff is heavy and sometimes love alone isn’t enough to keep you afloat. you’re not a bad guy for needing space and sanity. honestly, it’s okay to step back when it gets overwhelming your own wellbeing matters too.
Not at all the ahole, your peace matters, and you’re not her therapist. Setting boundaries was the right call.
NTA and thank goodness you were only 4 months in. People like this will try to trap you in a relationship with guilt. She needs help before she can enter a healthy relationship.
You’re not the asshole your compassion has limits, and it’s okay to step away from a relationship that’s overwhelming and unhealthy for you.
It sounds like you tried to be supportive, but at the end of the day, you’re not responsible for her mental health. If she wouldn’t seek help or take care of herself, you had every right to walk away. Don’t feel guilty for taking care of your own well-being.
Geez, break up with her. She is using these “episodes” to make you come running when you are doing something that doesn’t involve her. And then she’s perfectly fine when you got there?
The first time she did it, you should have called 911 and reported someone threatening their own life. Where I live that’s a mandated 72 hours in a locked ward. Bet she’d think twice before trying that little trick again.
She needs to get some therapy for her mental health, and she needs to stop using her mental health to manipulate people.
NTA. Mental health is a lot! From the sounds of it she has really bad RSD(being rejected by our people feels like death) i have it. It’s awful. but the fact is you both need someone different. It’s better you did it now than in a year!
at the risk of sounding callous to people who actually have suicidal ideation, she sounds like she was manipulating you when your attention wasn’t focused on her. that’s not love, nor is it what healthy relationships look like. even if she was serious about self-harming, it’s not your job to help her out of it – that requires a therapist.
Good for you for not putting up with that nonsense! She has a lot of work to do before she is ready for a relationship. NTA
She is using her mental health as a means of control. Move on bro. Pick you.
NTA and honestly I think she needs help and it definitely shouldn’t be from you. Move on.
NTA.
She has been manipulating you. But, for the sake of argument, lets say she hasn’t been; that she is genuinely in enough of a crisis to be talking about self-harm and attempting suicide so regularly. If she is legitimately in that kind of mental health crisis, the last thing she is equipped for is a relationship. You did the right thing.
NTA. It sounds like she was controlling you with her alleged mental health issues that somehow never seemed to be professionally addressed. You can’t help her if she refuses to get professional help. After only four months, I think you did the right thing and dodged a giant bullet with a red flag on top.
she was using it to prevent you going out. she was manipulating you. even if she is honestly suicidal which her attempts even sounded ehhhhh fishy? for her to use her mental health to keep you from enjoying your own life is wrong. and if she wanted to she would. you wouldn’t even know about it before hand.
NTA. She was definitely trying to control and manipulate you and somehow its justified cause she has mental health issues. She needs to deal with it on her own.
NTA
I hope she realizes lying about an attempted suicide is not ok
NTA, this mental health stuff was a form of emotional manipulation
NTA she’s not ready to be in a relationship.
NTA, you known this bitch all of 4 months. Get real, you didn’t love her, so run
NTA. You dodged a bullet. She probably wasn’t even actually attempting suicide. She just wanted you to herself. Manipulative people do stuff like that all the time.
NTA.
You were simply living your life and existing. Her emotional manipulation is absolutely infuriating. I suffer with mood disorders and i would absolutely NEVER use them to manipulate someone into spending time with me. She needs serious help that you aren’t qualified to give. The fact she didn’t want you to live your life happily unless she was the centre of it tells me you did the right thing.
Do not feel guilty for something beyond your control.
Whatever happens in her life now, isn’t your responsibility nor your fault. Keep her blocked and forget about her.
Stay far away from that drama. That is toxic manipulation levels
NTA
Even after a few months – you may need to de-program
These situations never end up well if you keep going. I had a similar relationship, where everytime I had to do literally anything else besides spending time with my ex, she would be in a miserable mood and talk about harming herself. She would try to guilt trip me saying how dare I not be there for her when she feels suicidal. She never self harmed, she never attempted. It’s just about control for them. Sounds like your ex didn’t attempt also but used it as a way to control you. You are not guilty. You did what you literally had to do. These kinds of relationships mess with people. Don’t worry, she won’t kill herself. She may not even talk about it since she realized it won’t get her to control you anymore.
NTA, she used her mental health as an excuse to manipulate you, and it seems like you were beyond willing to help. She needs to seek professional help for her mental health, and it’s not on you to be that for her. Hopefully, she can get help and be ready for a relationship in the future.
It’s your choice to see if you’re upto take on your partner’s baggage. So NTA
NTA. You were being manipulated.
Even if a person has the greatest intentions of helping someone else battle their demons and insecurities, none of us are able to do so until two requirements are met.
The first is that we have to take care of ourselves, before helping others.
The second is that we cannot help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves.
That’s crazy. You should tell her mom.
She wasn’t gonna kill herself. She’s just a manipulator and wants you all to herself no friends just her. You can have a life outside of her breaking up with her is the best thing you can do.
NTA she is using emotional manipulation. You did the right thing and hopefully she will realize that’s not the way to be.
She needs intensive therapy
YTA for sticking it in her knowing she’s got some serious red flags. Don’t even pretend like you didn’t see them. You just didn’t care because as the old saying goes, the craziest are the hottest. I’m dealing with someone like this and I made it a point to lay out the boundaries very very clearly and describe exactly the terms of the relationship I am looking for, and she has different terms and so I don’t get to stick it in her and it sucks but that is how it has to be if you don’t want to end up with boiling water poured on you or some other nightmare fuel.
You can break up for any reason or no reason at all.
I dated a guy for 6 months many years ago that told me he had cancer when I tried ending things! It’s amazing the manipulation people will use to hold someone. That’s more toxic than you breaking up with them! Btw, he’s perfectly healthy and married and she will be too soon enough!
Yep, NTA
Glad you are out of that relationship, it took me 7 years for me.
In my case it started like that, with guild trips here and then, little by little this kind of person takes every space of your life and you end up living for them, they become fully dependent on you, I lost my friends, hobbies, almost lost my family and I just became a person with no personality at all.
Don’t let her fool you.
NTA .. RUN..RUN VERY FAST.
NTA it doesn’t even sound like she actually attempted and was using SI and Self harm as a form of attention seeking and ways to control you. She’s probably used it in the past as a “damsel in distress” technique and it probably works to get her what she wants for a while.