I’ve (21M) been dating this girl for 4 months and apart from some bumps on the road, we’ve been deeply in love, and we moved in together 1 month ago. We both agreed that condoms weren’t for us, and went for daily birth control pill instead. I literally asked her everyday if she had taken her pills and she would always say yes. Last night, I asked her again and she said the same thing but when I asked her where does she stash her pills she deflected, I knew something was off: turns off she only took one pill at the beginning of her period and hasn’t been taking the pill for at least a week. I confronted her and she told me that she thought her body was too weak to have a child and that she lied about taking plan B the other times too but she wasn’t pregnant either. I was furious and broke up with her right there and then but we still share a room for at least a month. Logically I think that I’m right but emotionally I still love her so much, AITA?
Update: For what it’s worth, as soon as I called her out she was immediately apologetic and told me she never intended to entrap me, and also wanted to deal with pregnancy herself if it does occur, I think it’s more her stupidity than malicious intent.
Comments
NTA
Lying about contraception can actually be a form of SA. If she no longer wanted to be on the pill and told you so you could use another form of protection, that would be a different story. But purposefully lying, especially about something this important, is deceitful and a huge red flag.
That being said, if she’s on her period you usually don’t take any pills during that week anyways, and even if you did take pills during the menstrual cycle they’re just placebo to keep you in the habit.
NTA, tell her she needs to do an iud or one of those ones they put in the arm or you’re not busting inside anymore
NTA and in many arguments, lying about taking birth control is a form of sexual assault/deception.
NTA
GET OUT OF THERE DUDE 😂😂😂
NTA. How does she know she’s not pregnant? Does she take a pregnancy test every day? You should also get tested for STI’s. God knows what else she’s lying about.
NTA
Buy some condoms, if you are living with her a month, it will be a long month.
Lots of condoms
Good luck
you are not in love. you haven’t even been with this girl half a year. that is called infatuation. it is definitely for the best you call it now if she is willing to lie about something as serious as birth control
NTA. This is boardering on assault, as you consented to engage in bedroom activities where contraception was in use. And turns out, it wasn’t.
Get her out your life and maybe even consult a lawyer if something “suddenly” comes up with two pink lines.
NTA but you are a god damn idiot. You’re deeply in love after 4 months? You’re living together after 4 months? You think condoms “aren’t for you”? Sweet baby Jesus are you an idiot. Use condoms and stop jumping dick first into relationships.
No, your trust has been broken. I don’t think a healthy relationship could come from this
NTA like someone else said, lying about that stuff is sexual assault. you did not consent to it knowingly
What the absolute utter hell are you thinking? You moved in with a girl after 3 months? You are raw dogging sex with a girl you hardly know? You, young man, are proof that the male brain is not developed until 25. Be smarter and do better. And for God’s sake, buy some fucking condoms.
NTA but you’ve been warned. All she has to say is: I think I want to keep the baby… and you’re done. But she said 🤣 done.
Uh… 4 months in and you have already had “some bumps in the road” are already living together, and engaging in risky sex – because birth control can fail – so you should always double up.
AND she lied about taking the pill – with some bull shit excuse that you can’t believe, right?
Dude. It takes at least a year to know someone, especially seeing them in different circumstances.
This is way too soon, and you’ve been prewired that she intends to get pregnant.
You can love her, but you surely can’t trust her or respect her.
And she doesn’t respect you.
Breaking up with her is absolutely necessary.
NTA
What? ‘she thought her body was too weak to have a child’ so she goes off birth control? This doesn’t make sense.
Huge thing to lie about. Dump her and stick to birth control YOU control.
Was she taking them before her period? Some pill packs include inactive pills that you can take or skip when you’re on your period.
Absolutely NTA, honestly what she was doing should be illegal. Ditch her and get as far away as you can.
From one perspective, it’s fine if she’s not taking the pills for the week she’s menstruating. Those are sugar pills and their whole purpose is just so you maintain the habit of taking a pill at the same time every day.
But the deception is definitely a problem, especially if she hasn’t been to a doctor and been formally diagnosed with infertility and is just going on vibes.
In the future, don’t make someone else responsible for your own fertility. I know options for men currently aren’t great, but they are getting better and you don’t want to put such an important part of your life in someone else’s hands.
Even if she’s right that her body is “too weak” to have a child, that doesn’t mean she can’t get pregnant.
I have PCOS and I even I got pregnant when I was young and dumb.
She is either deeply stupid or she’s hiding that she knows she can’t get pregnant, which at her age most likely means she doesn’t have the parts to do so.
Either way, you’re not wrong to break up with her, she lied. Even if she didn’t mean to baby trap you, she’s been actively lying (in my situation we were both collectively and consensually stupid and careless)
Bros getting honey potted hard.
NTA. She was deceptive in a way that could change both of your lives.
Welp let this be a lesson to you. She apologized because she was caught. You can’t believe a word she says. If you stay and get her pregnant it’s 100% on you
NTA valid to break up with someone who lies.
But also you’re an idiot and an AH for putting something so important solely on someone else. Want to not have kids then wear a fucking condom or get the snip
The pill has so many horrible side effects
ESH. Her for trying to entrap you, you for being a moron
Other commenters have addressed the multiple red flags on both sides here, but I have to wonder. . .why were you asking her where she “stashes” her birth control pills? 🤨 Did you have some suspicion that she was not taking them?
Oh boy, don’t be a naive fool.Of course, she was trying to trap you. Run fast now.
NTAH. You should know that being deeply in love, taking the pill once at the beginning of menses, and thinking her body is “too weak to get pregnant ” are not effective birth control methods. You taking control of your own sexual health and using condoms despite them “not being for you” would have helped avoid this situation. I’d make sure you guys get a few more pregnancy texts and check every week for the next month because you’re not out of the woods yet.
if condoms arent for you, then neither is sex.
When she gets pregnant it will be both of your fault. Even birth control pills taken at the right time arent guaranteed. And why are you putting all of the responsibility on the woman? Do you not care about possible STDs?
What do you mean taken Plan B the other times? You shouldn’t be needing to be taking Plan B multiple times because those are emergency situations, not lazy irresponsible situations.
Wear the fucking condom before you have to start thinking up baby names.
The pills during her period are placebo pills. They don’t actually do anything. How many did she technically skip?
You mean you’re relying only on her for birth control! And nothing for yourself she’s better off without you!
I like the “we both agreed condom werent for us” part . Press x for doubt.
You really believe that if she were to get pregnant, she would take care of it herself?
Yu would be on the hook for
or 18 yrs of childsupport , maybe college, the life you live now isnt how it will and should be. Emotional support, love, attention, guidance, entertainment, putting your child first. Is how you need to
If you dont want babies it’s your responsibility to make sure you dont impregnate a girlfriend, fwb, wife.
You are responsible for yourself. You can get condoms, vasectomy…trust yourself, dont believe others over something this important.
Good luck
Nta for breaking up. She’s not all there in the head and is actively trying to baby trap you.
Do not have sex with her again.
You got away with your utter foolishness by the skin of your teeth, don’t get trapped into a long term relationship with this woman. You’ll ruin yours and your child’s life!
Asking her every day if she has taken her pill?
That is giving serial killer vibes.
In “love” and has zero trust, and in the end, she actually lied about taking the pills.
Maybe you 2 deserve each other 😆
I have news for you: a lot of women aren’t any happier about hormone-based birth control than a lot of guys are about condoms. Regardless, if you don’t want to become a parent then both of you need to take responsibility for preventing it. It’s remarkable you two aren’t expecting.
Moving in together only 4 months after you start dating is way too soon. You need to know each other much better, first. And I highly doubt you’re in love. You’re in lust.
Kid, l really hope this is fake.
If it is not, then l really, REALLY hope you read all these comments and break up with this girl. Some of the reactions here may feel a bit belittling, because they question your maturity, but they come from a place of concern for you, from people who are older than you and know better.
If this was not enough to make you see, here’s my participation to it : l don’t know what the few ” bunps in the road” can be after 4 little months, but l can tell you it shows that your relationship is not starting in a healthy way and that does not promises anything good for the future.
Please, PLEASE, hear all the redditors here telling you this very truth: a relationship HAS TO BE BASED ON TRUST. And mutual respect. And this girl just showed you that she gives you neither.
Her attitude now does not show someone who sees her mistakes and feels remorse for it, she tells you what you want to hear to sooth you. There is no way, hear me again, no way, this can go right in the future. She will go on and lie to you again.
I know you think you are madly in love with her, but let me tell you this , she is not in love with you, she is infatuated with the idea of what you can provide for her, that’s it, nothing more.
Your 1st instinct after the pill story was to be angry and want to break up, listen to it, it is your whole being screaming you to get away from her,
Ps: l really am curious what were the bumps in the road are
NTA. Dude, glad you’re getting yourself out of this situation, but man you need to stop being naive. This world is gonna to eat you alive if you keep being a moron. People lie, they cheat, they manipulate, they’ll do anything to get their way. She was apologetic and told you she never intended to entrap you? You didn’t think it was malicious, she was just dumb, and it was a misunderstanding? Listen to yourself. She’s a fucking liar, she lied about a huge thing, why in the fucking world would you believe her? You’ve ever heard the story of the scorpion and the frog? Go read it, and tell us what you learned about the nature of some people.
You do know birth control pills isn’t guaranteed even if she taken them the right way? Way too of a risk for getting a kid, not including a possible of a transmitted disease if she is not trusted worthy either.
She absolutely did intend to trap you because she is young and stupid. Hoping you’d fall for it. Good on you for being able to walk away from that huge red flag.
NTA but you are monumentally stupid.
Firstly you are in lust not love. You don’t know each other.
Secondly moving in after three months is also stupid because again, you don’t know each other. Thirdly for not taking responsibility for birth & STI control. Like did you even get tested? Are you ready to have a kid. If YOU don’t take responsibility you will end up on the hook financially for at least 18 years.
NTA, RUN LAD, RUUNNNNNN!!!!
NTA – Just in case you didn’t know even if what you did was “consensual” every single time you had sex with her and she didn’t take birth control where you were under the impression she was, is a separate case of rape. She took your right to make an informed decision away by directly misleading you which means your consent was automatically withdrawn. It’s sad though because she’s a woman so there’s no way she’d get arrested for this even with proof.
On my lunar colony, being young will be a felony. Youth is entirely to dangerous to allow out amongst the populous.
I don’t like the terminology but you are unskillful and I think you are not in love with her your in love with her kittykat and you are excited you get a lot of it!!! But you know what this is super dangerous if you don’t check yourself and pull out of this situation because you better wake up babyboy because you are playing with FIRE 🔥!!!! And one day you’re going to wake up with a child and wonder wtf happened and you aren’t going to want to be there and you will create drama just so she will end the relationship! Instead of ending it now like an emotionally intelligent person because right now you’re acting emotionally immature
Lying about birth control is a serious offense. It should be a deal breaker. Trying to get pregnant when the other person hasn’t agreed, and you don’t have steady resources is wrong.
And you are aware that the pill does not protect against STDs, right?
Not the A H and what she tried and hoping she failed It was emotional psychological and economic abuse ..
Deeply in love…
4 month together…
Living together since 1 month…
Yeah I see the failure. You both sound incredible immature.
You are both idiots and assholes that deserve each other. Seriously. “Condoms aren’t for us” is a word no women says. That reeks of the male don’t wanting them and pushing her.
Also it’s not only about birth control, but also STD. For a new relationship this should be normal.
NTA. Lying about being on BC is diabolical. It will result in an unwanted pregnancy. You weren’t wrong for ending it. I’m sure you still have feelings for her but this was so wrong. If she didn’t want to take them then she should have communicated that and you two could figure out another form of BC.
Another way your a dumb fuck?
When you begin your period, you take the SUGAR pills in the pack. Then after 5 or 7 of those you start the other ones, the contraceptive. Theres 5 – 7 pills in that pack that are a different colour usually, because that’s the week you have your period. My pack is a 28day one, 7 of them are red for the week of my period, the rest are white to be taken when not on my period.
I can also skip that sugar pill week and stop/hold off my period by just acting like that week doesn’t exist. If I keep taking the white pills I will not get a period.
You also start taking the white ones, the day your period ends for my particular brand if you are just starting them. It explicitly says to only start the red once you’ve been on the whites for 3weeks. Aka 3 rows of the 4 row pack. And that you can skip the red but MUST take the white day 8.
Some have a 5 day period pill. Others like mine a 7. It’s been a decade and no pregnancy or even any pregnancy scares. But we are also smart and use condoms unless fucked up drunk. But we’ve also been together much longer then 4 fucking months. It’s been years.
I’m flabbergasted by stupidity of both of you. Do you think sex and pregnancy is a f-Ing joke?
NTA for breaking up with her. But you are an AH for being so uneducated and irresponsible.
So I haven’t even gotten to the birth control part of this yet, because I got stuck on… ‘dating 4 months’, ‘deeply in love’ and ‘moved in together’.
I wish there was a ‘You’re not TA but you’re not very bright’ ruling.
Wear a condom!
YTA for moving in after 3 months, characterizing this as deeply in love, and claiming that condoms aren’t for you. Sure hope raising a child is!
NTA for breaking up, but please believe me when I tell you to rethink condoms. There are so very many condoms out there and you should, with experimentation, be able to find one that’s comfortable.
If you don’t want or aren’t ready to have children, absolutely don’t rely on someone else to be responsible for contraception. Birth control is very effective, but only if used correctly, which you already know she wasn’t. Most people make mistakes with birth control pills. That’s why the insert says 98% effective “when taken correctly.” All it takes is being a few hours late taking the pill, or forgetting a few days.
Did you both even bother to get tested for STI’s before stopping condoms? There are plenty of STI’s that are asymptomatic until they’re not. Chlamydia, HPV and HIV are three. HPV is completely asymptomatic in men unless you get an outbreak of genital warts. I just had to have my sixth or seventh biopsy of the cervix today due to my ex giving me HPV 30 years ago.
Also, you two moved in way too fast. Can love happen that quickly? Yes. But truly knowing someone doesn’t happen that fast. If you’re really in love with someone, waiting until you’ve been together for a year before moving in together won’t diminish your love.
Leave.
NTA. Girl is playing with fire.
What if you took off the condom mid sex and didn’t say anything cause, your sperm can swim well enough anyways.
You’re 21, it’s been 4 months AND she pulled a shady af mood. Thats infatuation. Thats a huge amount of trust broken.
NTA (if you did not push her to BC).
It’s time some male contraceptives will be approved.
The nearest may be: “thermal male birth control” (andro-switch / slip-chauffant)
No hormones, reversible, Pearl-Index 0.5.
License/Approval will be given after ongoing study, in 2028.
But it’s already available to buy/diy.
There are some 20k users already, I am using since two years now.
😂 🤣 🤣 🤣 my guy! 4 months?! That is a fucking mistake waiting to happen! Stop thinking with your dick and be smart or get a goddamn vasectomy! (They hurt like hell during, but you’re ready to go after about a week or so.)
Lies are the issue. Their choices about love, sex, accommodation and pills are not.
That’s a big fucking lie right there.
I haven’t been on the pill for a minute, but the standard prescription didn’t have you taking it during your period, or if you did, they were placebos just so you would not disrupt the habit of taking them. These placebos should coincide with the period week. Is she on her period?
How the last week of pills work
It doesn’t sound like either of you understands it, but please use condoms. This is a new relationship. Also, take control of your own contraceptives. You are part of the equation here too.
Your not wrong she should have been honest with you
This is a trainwreck but the week of your cycle is a sugar pill unless it’s progesterone
3 months in love and 4 months living together is actually love bombing
It’s easy to use condoms then pill ( plan B ) so I don’t understand why you are not using condoms ? Pill ( plan B ) is longer time damage women body & after sometime women has hard time to conceive.
Skyn condoms are great if regular ones are bothersome?
NTA, you are wise, very wise.
Run…
She does NOT care about you. She is lying and you guys haven’t been together 120 days!
Your instincts were correct when you broke up.
If you let her “talk” you back. The lies continue and if she will lie about birth control, she will lie about much worse.
Entrapment is her mo and you KNOW it!
If you stay with her you are asking for the negative drama about to come your way and none of it is out of love for you. It’s out of love for herself or a lack of love for everything in her life.
She is not ready for a serious relationship. She will force you into one and then leave you with ALL responsibilities.
You know this but will you heed the warnings she has given you?
Will you heed the intuition your mind is revealing to you?
You don’t love someone who deceives you. You love the idea of using love to change them.
It never works out like that.
Your ideas of love does not mean you share the same love.
It means you balance each other with the differing versions of love.
Stress, fear, anxiety, lies, deceptions are not what balances your version of love. Her version of love is too dark for you!
You both are eager to commit to someone but love and commitment are 2 different animals.