Hello! To give context I have been slightly overweight my whole life, even as a kid. Its noticeable but it doesn’t effect me much until now and “Dwayne the Rock Johnson” as been my friend for 11 years.
I (in my late 20s) found myself sad because I want to feel free in my skin. I feel as though -30 pounds would make me much much healthier and feel good, look good. Im very excited for myself to go through this journey and in 6 months feel just amazing. 10 days ago my food scale arrived in the mail, I have been using it to make sure my macros are in check. I haven’t felt so great in so long lol.
The issue : My friend “Dwayne the Rock Johnson” came over this morning to chat about life updates. We do this about every 2 months to stay close and we both enjoy it a lot. Every two months she brings her muffins and bananas and I cook myself something and we talk talk talk its so cute to us.
While I made myself breakfast I used my scale. I also had my pen and paper to write the numbers down and she watched. I thought nothing of it because like who cares right? Dwayne was PISSED out of nowhere , asking me when I cared about my looks so much to be tracking every little calorie down, and how much money I spent on my silly scale and the question she cared about the most ” why didn’t I tell her?”
I told her all the little details saying the past 10 days I learned as long as I have 20g higher protein then carbs my body is in peace while in my target calories. I said how crazy this is to know about myself, I’m so happy I bought this scale and wish I did sooner, I want to loose 30 pounds.
She told me that was silly and also told me 20g more protein most likely did nothing that grand for me and the way I ate before with no scale was perfect. She raised her voice almost yelling about how she (1 year ago) told me all about her 10 pound weight loss and how she thought it was important to take her along. But then she tells me I am fine how I am and don’t need to loose weight and at this point she’s ranting about idk what.
I asked her what is her point? You wanted me to tell you, but I am also perfect with how I eat now, you would have shut me down anyway? and she was almost taken aback. She thought for a moment and said “You know what track your stupid fucking macros and loose 100 pounds so you are skin and bone.” and grabbed her bag but left all her food and surprisingly (with her attitude) did not slam my door.
I’m 95% sure she’s crazy about this but I’m asking for opinions about why she would ask this or get this upset. Shouldn’t she be happy for me? Should I have really told her about my scale? I’m confused
(I don’t want to talk to her for a day or two I want to think about this, she hasn’t texted or called anyway)
Comments
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Hello! To give context I have been slightly overweight my whole life, even as a kid. Its noticeable but it doesn’t effect me much until now and “Dwayne the Rock Johnson” as been my friend for 11 years.
I (in my late 20s) found myself sad because I want to feel free in my skin. I feel as though -30 pounds would make me much much healthier and feel good, look good. Im very excited for myself to go through this journey and in 6 months feel just amazing. 10 days ago my food scale arrived in the mail, I have been using it to make sure my macros are in check. I haven’t felt so great in so long lol.
The issue : My friend “Dwayne the Rock Johnson” came over this morning to chat about life updates. We do this about every 2 months to stay close and we both enjoy it a lot. Every two months she brings her muffins and bananas and I cook myself something and we talk talk talk its so cute to us.
While I made myself breakfast I used my scale. I also had my pen and paper to write the numbers down and she watched. I thought nothing of it because like who cares right? Dwayne was PISSED out of nowhere , asking me when I cared about my looks so much to be tracking every little calorie down, and how much money I spent on my silly scale and the question she cared about the most ” why didn’t I tell her?”
I told her all the little details saying the past 10 days I learned as long as I have 20g higher protein then carbs my body is in peace while in my target calories. I said how crazy this is to know about myself, I’m so happy I bought this scale and wish I did sooner, I want to loose 30 pounds.
She told me that was silly and also told me 20g more protein most likely did nothing that grand for me and the way I ate before with no scale was perfect. She raised her voice almost yelling about how she (1 year ago) told me all about her 10 pound weight loss and how she thought it was important to take her along. But then she tells me I am fine how I am and don’t need to loose weight and at this point she’s ranting about idk what.
I asked her what is her point? You wanted me to tell you, but I am also perfect with how I eat now, you would have shut me down anyway? and she was almost taken aback. She thought for a moment and said “You know what track your stupid fucking macros and loose 100 pounds so you are skin and bone.” and grabbed her bag but left all her food and surprisingly (with her attitude) did not slam my door.
I’m 95% sure she’s crazy about this but I’m asking for opinions about why she would ask this or get this upset. Shouldn’t she be happy for me? Should I have really told her about my scale? I’m confused
(I don’t want to talk to her for a day or two I want to think about this, she hasn’t texted or called anyway)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action is not telling my friend I bought a food scale. It might make me the asshole because shes been my friend for a while so I should I told her to show I care about her opinion.
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NTA- Her response sounds like she’s concerned you’re developing an eating disorder, likely either because she’s dealt with one or was close to someone heavily influenced by it. I struggled with an ED in high school, and I’m much better now, but back then when anyone told me about weight loss or did behavior that I did to an unhealthy extreme in private (like logging calories) I would start to feel really upset. Eating disorders centered around losing weight and the people affected by them often become competitive and obsessed with being the thinnest and the “healthiest”. I felt really imposingly obsessed over the way other people ate, feeling extremely upset even when someone didn’t eat over unrelated reasons (they ate before, they didn’t want anything and genuinely would eat later, etc.)
Now, this doesn’t mean that you’re in the wrong for making your own decisions about your body and diet and what works for you. Your friend is not entitled to know or criticize you if you’re happy and staying healthy. Being conscious of your eating doesn’t have to be obsessive, but when you have an ED you can’t find that healthy balance and can project onto the people around you.
Your friend sounds like she has some kind of deep rooted issues around food or was/is close to someone struggling in that way. This is not your fault, and it’s something she needs to work through, but I think it’s important to still try to approach the subject gently and with kindness, because that’s an extremely emotional reaction to seeing you log your portions
Not the asshole, don’t overthink. But I can’t tell what’s going on in her mind but it’s seems she could be jealous? That skin and bones comment is so out of nowhere! She must have some insecurity about herself
NTA. Why is your friend so enmeshed in your life that they feel they have the right to know about (and have input into) your diet? or how you prepare food? Food scales are handy for more reasons than tracking your macros. Wait until you find a recipe that calls for 4oz of something, you’ll be happy you own one.
No, why would you have informed your friend of this? Her behavior and expectations are not reasonable. She was taken aback for whatever reason but it was NOT right for her to escalate this or to berate you this way. And you called her out – rightly – on the fact that it wasn’t just that she thought she should be informed but that she actively disagreed with your choice and would try to make you question it.
It’s possible, sadly, that she finds comfort from the fact that you’re heavier, that it makes her feel good about herself, etc. It’s not the only reason she might have had this reaction but it’s one at least. Generally, when someone has a friend’s best interest at heart, they do NOT react the way Dwayne did to you. Even if they felt concerned or doubted the need for a change like this, you’re still an adult making your own choices and prioritizing health. There is nothing to do here but support. NTA
NTA
Your friend is mad because you might get skinny. Then you won’t be their chubby friend anymore.
NTA – This seems very simple: She already thinks you’re prettier than her and is scared you’ll be getting even prettier if you lose weight, so she has set out to actively try to manipulate you just to make herself feel good.
NTA. She is projecting her own insecurities on you. That is her issue to deal with. There was no reason for you to tell her you bought a food scale. That’s a bit crazy. If I were you, I would leave her alone and let her come around when she’s ready.
NTA. “Dwayne The Rock Johnson” is overstepping and getting involved in things that don’t concern her.
Also, I’m fucking crying at “Dwayne The Rock Johnson” and wish more people would name their friends like this.
NTA. Your friend doesn’t have a vote in how you eat, don’t eat, what you eat, if you gain weight or lose it or whether you use a food scale to weigh your food. She obviously over reacted. If you value your friendship, ask her gently what happened when she saw your food scale. Why was she so upset? It can’t just be that you didn’t inform her of your scale purchase. Does she have some sort of food issue you are not aware of? If she has an eating disorder, the scale may have been triggering for her. Whatever she shares with you will help you know what to do going forward.
NTA, obviously. But the way I see it, there’s one of two things going on here:
she’s a hater and doesn’t want you to improve because she either likes feeling superior or is worried that this will make you act superior to her. I know it’s cliche but it’s cliche for a reason, some people enjoy that superiority
she’s into you and is worried this means you’ll be attached soon
She likes having a fat friend because it makes her feel superior. Her whole attitude said that she feels superior and is now pissed that you called her out.
It sounds like she has some physiological problems and needs therapy. She seems jealous you are losing weight and it’s none of her business. If you are good friends or in a relationship with each other, see if she will get some therapy for it. It’s none of her business what you buy to help your weight loss. She should be glad you’re losing weight the healthy way but she isn’t. I would be ” cautious” around this friend. She seems like she has a lot of deep seated problems
NTA. She kind of sounds like she’s jealous or feels threatened by what you are doing for some reason. But…. it is none of her business and it is really shitty of her to attack you like that. Don’t let her weirdness undermine your confidence in your approach.
She just mad becuase she’s still fat, it’s not about you and I would advise spending less time with people like that
You need help, I doubt you are planning with a nutritionist. If not your not going to get what you need no matter how much you weigh your food, it’s not about how much you eat it’s about what you eat and when. This behavior will only lead to an eating disorder. PLEASE SEE A THERAPIST! Also as I’ve suggested in other threads get a blood test for underlying conditions and then talk with a certified nutritionist to make a meal plan that well be healthy and give you what you need.
NTA – I use food scales all the time, esp. the first few times I try a new recipe, so I can get used to the sizes of stuff, and see how the recipe works before I mess with it. Portion sizes is a bonus it can do. There are plenty of sensible reasons to have and use them, including, but certainly not limited to, monitoring portion sizes for weight loss.
You need some new friends.
Sounds like your friend honestly had an eating disorder and is taking it out on you, or had a severe victim mentality, nta, and it’s none of their business what you do
I’m going to miss the brain cells that went when I read that. Of all the absurd things, having a fit whether you weigh your food and balance protein/carbs is pretty wild and none of her business. NTA but your friend is kind of…off.
Is she fat?
If she had someone with eating disorder in life, she might be scared. Once you was through it and seen it, you just dont want a replay.
NTA. People use kitchen scales for a variety of reasons. I use one for baking sometimes, or to get a better idea of how to portion out meals for gatherings. Some people use them to track macros and nutrients like you do. Unless you were weighing out drugs in front of her I dont see any reason for her to be upset with you. Shes got some personal issue with it that has nothing to do with you. Let her be the one to reach out. If she wants to hold a grudge or expects an apology from you then I would just let the friendship go for a bit.
She doesn’t want you to lose weight, she wants to be the skinny one. Duh…..
Keep your weight, loss, journey, private. I don’t know why this happens, but most people are very intimidated by somebody elses resolve, commitment and success. They will undermine you at every turn.
First rule of dieting, is don’t talk about your diet.
NTA. She’s unhappy in herself and taking it out on you for having the audacity to want to be healthier
I don’t think it’s appropriate or warranted for someone to become vehemently upset about the actions of another. It sounds like she is upset about your personal choices, disagreeing is one thing but that reaction feels like maybe she’s projecting.
NTA
She’s unhinged.
NTA. Your friend’s reaction was waaay overblown. But honestly this sounds like she has experience, either herself or someone close to her, with an eating disorder. The scale specifically seemed to set her off. Has she ever blown up like this before? Is she generally happy for you when you do things to better your life? If so, I’m inclined to believe that her reaction was completely because of something that happened in her past and nothing to do with you.
Also, a LOT of people in the comments are assuming she’s just an asshole and bad friend, but I doubt you’d be friends with someone for over a decade if they were so wildly narcissistic as to be obsessed with staying “the pretty friend” (who said you’re not pretty??) or “the skinny friend”. That’s crazy, you’re friends not Real Housewives.