I just moved into a new apartment in Boston with two other roommates. We’re all PhD students in our mid-to-late 20s (25F, 24F, 27F), and we didn’t know each other before moving in. Before signing the lease, we talked about living habits and expectations. Everyone said they were clean. Not just average clean, but “upper quartile” clean. I clarified that to me, clean means wiping down surfaces after use, vacuuming and dusting regularly, and keeping things in their designated places.
We also discussed splitting up the responsibility for smaller shared appliances. One roommate said she had a vacuum. We agreed that would be her contribution, so I didn’t bring one. When we moved in, it turned out that the “vacuum” was actually a Roomba.
I don’t have a problem with Roombas. They’re fine for light maintenance if run frequently. But I don’t think it’s fair to treat it as the only vacuum for the entire apartment. It doesn’t have a hose, can’t clean corners or high surfaces, and doesn’t work for any kind of mess. She also only wants to run it every other week, which doesn’t really keep up with the dust and dirt of three people. The Roomba also hasn’t mapped the apartment well due to its infrequent use. Most of the time, it just bonks around like a lost toddler at IKEA until someone takes pity on it and turns it around.
I brought this up and said I didn’t think the Roomba was sufficient on its own. She disagreed and said plenty of people only use a Roomba. I didn’t want to argue further, but I have indoor allergies, and I don’t feel comfortable with that level of cleaning. So, I bought my own vacuum (a nice bagged one with an allergy filter) to use in my room and in the common space when I’m the one doing the cleaning.
When I brought it home, she was annoyed and said I had gone behind her back and broken our agreement. I didn’t see it that way, and shared that I’m not asking anyone else to use it or share costs. I just wanted to be able to clean the apartment to a level that works for me.
Our other roommate said she doesn’t really have a preference and doesn’t care, so it seems like she is currently steering clear of this. There’s no blame or fault to be found in her at all; I totally understand why she might want to stay neutral.
I don’t want to be the problem roommate, but now I’m wondering if I overstepped. AITA?
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I just moved into a new apartment in Boston with two other roommates. We’re all PhD students in our mid-to-late 20s (25F, 24F, 27F), and we didn’t know each other before moving in. Before signing the lease, we talked about living habits and expectations. Everyone said they were clean. Not just average clean, but “upper quartile” clean. I clarified that to me, clean means wiping down surfaces after use, vacuuming and dusting regularly, and keeping things in their designated places.
We also discussed splitting up the responsibility for smaller shared appliances. One roommate said she had a vacuum. We agreed that would be her contribution, so I didn’t bring one. When we moved in, it turned out that the “vacuum” was actually a Roomba.
I don’t have a problem with Roombas. They’re fine for light maintenance if run frequently. But I don’t think it’s fair to treat it as the only vacuum for the entire apartment. It doesn’t have a hose, can’t clean corners or high surfaces, and doesn’t work for any kind of mess. She also only wants to run it every other week, which doesn’t really keep up with the dust and dirt of three people. The Roomba also hasn’t mapped the apartment well due to its infrequent use. Most of the time, it just bonks around like a lost toddler at IKEA until someone takes pity on it and turns it around.
I brought this up and said I didn’t think the Roomba was sufficient on its own. She disagreed and said plenty of people only use a Roomba. I didn’t want to argue further, but I have indoor allergies, and I don’t feel comfortable with that level of cleaning. So, I bought my own vacuum (a nice bagged one with an allergy filter) to use in my room and in the common space when I’m the one doing the cleaning.
When I brought it home, she was annoyed and said I had gone behind her back and broken our agreement. I didn’t see it that way, and shared that I’m not asking anyone else to use it or share costs. I just wanted to be able to clean the apartment to a level that works for me.
Our other roommate said she doesn’t really have a preference and doesn’t care, so it seems like she is currently steering clear of this. There’s no blame or fault to be found in her at all; I totally understand why she might want to stay neutral.
I don’t want to be the problem roommate, but now I’m wondering if I overstepped. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was buying a second vacuum cleaner after my roommate said she would provide one. I might be the asshole because that went against our original agreement, and I understand why it might feel like I went behind her back. I also get that bringing in another appliance could take up shared space or come across as passive-aggressive, even though that wasn’t my intention.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Saying now that you live with her you can never buy things without her permission is super controlling. Saying how often the Roomba runs is also pretty controlling? Is she worried it’s going to break if it runs twice a week?
When it’s not a super chaotic time, we vacuum the living room every other day, and we don’t even wear shoes inside.
NTA you bought a vacuum for you use, it doesn’t affect her at all, except maybe her pride.
NTA.
You held up your end of the agreement, and when it turned out the vacuum wasn’t what most people would reasonably expect, you handled it yourself without burdening anyone.
Your roommate is overreacting, but since this could escalate, it’s worth thinking through how you want to handle it moving forward.
NTA. It’s a vacuum. Your roommate who’s mad about this is acting like a child. She doesn’t need to use the vacuum.
NTA, you just have one of those roommates who probably means no harm but for some reason this whole vacuum thing is hers to try to control. Who knows, maybe she has post-vacuuming trauma due to her parents’ rules around the topic of housekeeping? Either way, I hope it all smooths out soon!
NTA. You didn’t say anyone else had to use your vacuum, you didn’t ask them to contribute to the cost. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the apartment to be clean to the level you feel comfortable with.
NTA
You’re not stopping her from using the Roomba. Your vacuum is “in addition to” the Roomba. You have allergies and have a greater need for features that the Roomba doesn’t offer. She can only benefit from additional vacuuming.
That being said she is really picking up on two other issues:
NTA
Thinking a Roomba is an adequate vacuum cleaner for any apartment negates being in the upper quartile of cleanliness.
NTA. I think the roommate was lying about her level of cleanliness though. Lots of people have more then 1 vacuum, especially those with pets or allergies.
Your roommate didn’t meet the agreement. You did what was best for your health.
roomba is not adequate at cleaning. It’s good for dust and light pick ups and should be used way more than every other week, even once a week seems to little. Spiders like to hang out in high corners and vacuuming can discourage them. Both your other roommates need to learn about cleaning better. NTA
NTA. A Roomba would be useful, but you’re right about the reasons to have a regular vacuum cleaner. I have asthma and it’s important to be able to vacuum surfaces (like the tops of skirting boards, mantelpieces, sills) and corners.
Tell her you’re sorry and didn’t mean to overstep, but have allergies and have found it’s important to be able to manage tasks that a Roomba can’t handle. I would give the Roomba some over-the-top praise and thank her for providing it. Go out of your way to be friendly. She’ll get over it.
A roomba can be a great tool, esp for folks with high allergies and/or little time, but it needs to be run DAILY to be effective and for the little dirt collection tray inside to not get overwhelmed before finishing its cycle.
Buuuut, I agree with OP that it wont handle anything else above the floor. For example, I vacuum the bed in the guest bedroom bc the cats love sleeping in there. Idkw. I vacuum pictures, mirrors, curtains (monthly). Cannot do that with roomba.
NTA
NTA. You took the minimum conflict approach to a misunderstanding/difference of opinion on what providing a vacuum means, in order to make your living situation more comfortable.
NTA
Roombas are fine for common areas, but you don’t need to leave your room open and invade your privacy. A separate vacuum for your own use is reasonable
These people aren’t as clean as they say they are.
NTA you can have your own vacuum lol
NTA. A roomba is not enough. Especially once every two weeks.
NTA I wonder how well she will do in a PhD program with her level of illogical thinking. You are correct that carpets should be vacuumed more often than twice a month and that a Roomba cannot reach any area higher than the floor. Let her talk but stand your ground.
Haha! Running a Roomba every other week isn’t deep cleaning — it’s tidying. It’s like wiping the countertop down every two weeks and calling it sanitary. You can buy an inexpensive vacuum used or online that shouldn’t sink your budget. Roomba girl can stick to her every other week schedule which is infrequent because the battery is failing. NTA
Her reaction sounds like she thinks she’s being forced to cheat on her Roomba with your vacuum. As an allergy sufferer myself I can’t imagine not vacuuming upholstery. I’d tell her she can hide your vacuum from her special snowflake Roomba and no one will force her to make out with it. And why the hell isn’t she running it every couple of days? NTA but she is.
NTA
Who runs a roomba only every other week? We have ours running 3x a week and still vacuum/sweep at least once a week.
I love that the PhD students described themselves as “upper quartile” clean 🤣
I had a roomba years and years ago when they were first out. I hated it.
It kept getting stuck in places, my console was just tall enough to have the roomba get half under, and the console would contact the power button, and that’s where it would be when I got home.
The floors never seemed clean. The carpet LOOKED visually clean. However, it wasn’t.
I borrowed my next-door neighbors canister vacuum just to see, and in my 1 bedroom apartment, I emptied that canister TWICE!
They’re only good for visual carpet or hard floor maintenance in between ACTUAL vacuuming and mopping.
NTA, you did the right thing. I got rid of my roomba after 6 months.
Every other week?! Our robot vacuum runs every night. We also have 2 “proper” ones for crevices/corners and proper cleaning of carpets.
NTA. Sounds like your roommate has decided take it personally for some reason.