The other day i (15m) went to the store w my mom and I saw some Haggen das ice cream and grabbed it. My mom said she wasn’t buying it so I said I would buy it with my own money. She said she would buy store brand stuff but they didn’t make the kind i liked so I told her I was ok and i just wanted haggen das. She got kind of pissed w me and said that she said no and that i was trying to flex because i was buying a brand name. I told her i wasn’t flexing i just like the flavor and she got really upset saying I always had to have my way with everything and i didnt listen to her. I said it shouldn’t matter because i was buying it. We dropped it after that and went home. That morning she told me she would take me to a water park the next day with my friends and she would pay for my ticket. That morning omw to pick my friends up she told me I would have to pay for my own ticket AFTER everyone else had bought theirs, because i was acting independent for buying ice cream. I was livid because im 15 and dont have a job and very little money. a ticket and a locker ended up being around 65$. Shes now mad AT ME because i won’t talk to her and expects an apology for being disrespectful. Im not punished or anything but she says i can’t get food with her anymore. This is an issue because im an athlete and the only food they buy is junk. I need to buy clean food that has protein otherwise I would have to resort to exclusively protein shakes and frozen food. I don’t want to apologize because I didn’t do anything. I want my money back but that isn’t happening. What should I do here? Am i dumb or not picking up on something? AITA?
AITA for buying my own ice cream at the grocery store then getting upset that I was forced to pay for my water park tickets?
r/AITAH
Comments
I would love to hear your Mum’s version of this
NTA.
First of all it’s weird that your mom would want to punish you for being independent at all.. it’s good that you’re independent. You’re not crazy and not dumb. Sounds like your mom is struggling with you growing up and making your own choices.
NTA, because you’re not financially independent in any capacity, as far as I’m aware. I’d dare say it’s a decent lesson in how tight money can be, with how someday you’ll have to make your own decisions with money. Your mom seems overbearing when it comes to saving money, but if your family is living in poverty, then it is important to prioritize long term savings over short term enjoyment. And yet there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself here. I’m leaning towards NAH, but the way your mom is exerting control is unfair at your age.
Edit: does anyone in your family know how to cook?
Häagen-Dazs is definitely not clean food but everyone deserves a treat. I don’t get why your mom got so hung up about your buying the name brand yourself. To me that seems reasonable- if you want name brand you pay- so I feel like there’s something else going on with your mom that made her decide to be a asshole about the ticket.
NTA.
Sounds like you just learned a life lesson the hard way, kid.
NTA, she told you she’d buy your ticket and then told you to and she is your mother. that’s so mean and honestly she sounds maybe a little emotionally abusive.
That was pretty crappy of your mom. You could maybe have picked up on the fact that she *really* didn’t want you to buy the ice cream, regardless of it being your own money. Reasonable or not, that seems pretty clear. But she shouldn’t have punished you by not paying for your ticket. That was unfair.
Still and all, “fair” isn’t really what matters. What matters is what’s in your best interests moving forward. If you can find a way to give a half-hearted apology for what she perceives that you did wrong, and satisfy her, that’s probably worth doing, even if you have to swallow your pride a bit and you don’t genuinely mean it.
Try to figure out what she’s really mad about – is it still the ice cream thing or is it the way you spoke to her at the park after she made you buy your ticket? Try to explain your feelings while also acknowledging hers, even if inside you really still don’t think they were reasonable (which, at least from your telling, they don’t seem to have been).
Nta.
NTA
Your mom is being incredibly petty and manipulative here. You offered to buy your own ice cream with your own money – that’s not “flexing” or being disrespectful, that’s being responsible and independent. Then she punished you for that independence by making you pay $65 for something she already promised to cover? That’s some serious passive-aggressive parenting right there.
The fact that she’s now restricting your food purchases when you’re an athlete who needs proper nutrition is just cruel. You’re 15, you don’t have a job, and she’s essentially punishing you for wanting to spend your own money on something you liked.
This isn’t about ice cream – this is about control. Your mom doesn’t like that you made an independent choice, even with your own money, so she’s making you pay for it literally and figuratively.
You don’t owe her an apology. She owes you $65 and an explanation for why she thinks financial manipulation is good parenting.
Knowing teenage boys, their mentality, and overall attitudes, I wonder how accurate this telling of events is.
As it stands? ESH – even in your version you do come off as mouthy and argumentative. She sounds overbearing and obsessed with making “points”.
HMMMMM… seems to be missing a lot of context. Mom’s side?
NAH
Tbh, your mother sounds like a b****.
Seriously that’s so petty
My biggest problem with the story is your mom saying she’d pay for you, then renegging at the last minute.
The ice cream thing is in question because was it just her power play or her trying to teach you to be frugal with your money?
Nta. Your mom sounds immature.
NTA. I would have been petty and told her that you’re not going to the waterpark then even if you were on the way.
Your mom seems mean spirited. She shouldn’t have had a problem with your buying the ice cream. She lied and set you up at the water park too. The ticket was a lot more expensive than the ice cream. NTA. Doubtful you can do much about her. This wasn’t a lesson from her on how to be frugal with your money. It was fine her saying she was only buying store brand. After that she got nasty about your buying it instead of being okay with it. It was not an offense on her you did by buying it.
ESH for now.
You paying for your own ice cream should not be a punishable offense. I think it’s really low for your mom to tell you she would pay for your water park ticket, then backtrack on the way there. Especially over you buying your own treat.
But I think we need more context. Is there a reason your mother didn’t want you buying that ice cream? Do you have siblings that would complain about not having the same thing?
You say in your comments that your family doesn’t have money problems, but are you really certain about that? Lots of parents don’t want to worry their children about finances. Your mother’s comment about only buying the store brand makes me think that she does have a food budget that she follows.
Finally, I do think you sound a little arrogant here with some of your comments, and maybe you had an attitude with your mother at the store. Also, not speaking to someone is rather immature,
Maybe you and your mother need to talk about what happened calmly. If you approach her without an attitude, you may be able to work this out.
NTA, your mom sucked in this situation. so what if you buy the $8 ice cream with your own money? who cares if its a name brand? haagen daas is the best lol. not the same as a $65 ticket for someone who’s not old enough to even work in some states.
NTA your mom is a controlling b!ch and heavy on the manipulation. waiting until you’re already otw (taking away your option to just not go) to tell you she’s not gonna pay as a punishment for you spending your own money on ice cream is giving serious narcissist vibes.
Her denying you access to healthy food is abusive and knowing you need it bc you’re an athlete adds another level if cruelty.
You can’t win this battle. Give the fake apology and get your clean food. Next time eat your ice cream privately since she’s triggered by name brands.
Your mom is a b!#@h. Sorry. She didn’t like that you spent $4 on some ice cream, so she made you pay $65 for your own ticket, after promising to pay and after leaving to get your friends? Hell no, dude.
You should vent to all your relatives about what she did. It was extremely unfair. It works have been fine if you knew from the start that you would be paying, but she pulled a fast and nasty one on you.
Especially complain to family, especially health conscious family, about how she doesn’t buy healthy food, and you need healthier food. Maybe you’ll get some support.
It sounds like your mother is unhappy about something and taking it out on YOU.
As the mother of three teenagers and one in her early 20’s, this is super weird. I don’t make my kids pay for things, even if it’s not a brand that I would normally buy. She’s willing to buy you store ice cream but won’t pay $2 more for Häagen-Dazs? That seems really petty and I’m not sure why. My twins just turned 16 and even though they have their own money I don’t make them pay for things unless it’s something I absolutely would never buy for them normally. If I’m going somewhere with my kids and spending time with them then I’m paying. Even though two are adults now. Even if they can afford to pay. I still pay for my 20-year-old and my 22-year-old when we go places and I will until they have spouses, even though they don’t live with me.
I don’t know your mom but this is giving off vibes of being jealous of you. Jealous that you can afford ice cream when maybe she can’t? But if she can’t afford ice cream, why would she take you to a water park that costs $65? So at this point I’m just super confused by her.
In general, NTA, but it’s hilarious that you bought Hagen Daas ice cream and then went on to complain that they only buy junk food and you need clean food and protein.
Your mother has a control issue. Do not give up until she apologizes. The only way to deal with control freaks is refusing to give in to their control, and doubling down.
NTAH
Your mom has a control issue. She’s mad that you want something and can afford to buy it without her permission. That takes away her control over you and your choices.
Lol she’s blaming you for always having to have it your way, 🤣😂😅because she can’t give up control over you🤦🏻♀️and 😅can’t deal not getting her way all the time.
I grew up with my grandma, in her house completely under her control. Hooeee did she have control issues.
In 9th grade, freshman year, I asked her for an allowance so I could have regular spending $ and not have to defend every dollar. So, she allowed me $5 a week but, exactly like your mom did, turned around and made me pay for my own toothpaste ( which left me with $2 ) right then and there because, my independence threatened her control issues. She told me if I would just let her pay, I could still get my AquaNet hair spray and other stuff free, just ask her. ( and give up my measly $5 and all control).
I did babysitting for cash but it’s hit and miss when you get a call.
And, to be completely honest, I wanted to be able to pay my $1 to drink beer at the keggers and wasn’t going to tell her what I needed it for.🤷🏻♀️🍺
65 years years old now and it still pisses me off.
I married the first controlling asshole I met because I was so used to being controlled I was blind to all the red flags 🚩 and hadn’t been allowed to make choices to learn from. Took me 42 years to grow a spine and get divorced.
I have zero solutions for you, and I am so sorry.
No way we’re you the AH here. Just keep thinking. . . Only 3 more years, only 3 more years. Plan well and escape!!
OP walks in the room and finally realized that they’re their friends punching bag, and not actually their friend
Ton of people in the world kiddo. You see any like this, don’t waste your time
Nta.
Your mother is being abusive.
Is this a trick question…lol
NTA but you were born from one.
She created the issue. And it’s okay to remind her of that any time she dares to bring it up.
Every. Single. Time. Until she lets it go.
NTAH but I do feel having a converasation with mum would be a good idea.
I have teenagers and have made them buy their own things in the past when it is something special like name brand vs store brand or something I wasn’t planning on buying for everyone in the household. Usually the reason is because otherwise I can’t tell the other kids that only one kid is allowed to have the name brand or the food item. Sometimes it’s because even a couple dollars can be the difference between being able to afford something else that the family as a whole needs.
Occassionally there have been conflicts arising from this. I am the main source of the money they earn and they are usually earning it for a stated purpose. I can become frustrated when I have helped them earn money for that item and then see them spend the money on other items. This is particularly frustrating to me when I don’t have a lot of extra money available for them to earn and/or when I am willing to get them a less expensive version. I always try to explain this but I know my kids don’t always hear/understand.
Your mom forcing you to pay for the waterpark was out of line. But find out what her reasons are because there is probably more going on. Also talk to her about what you need nutritionally.
NTA
Shut her out until she does better
NTA. She is controlling and vindictive. I’m sorry to hear that
Can I make a suggestion? I work with families and teen/parent communication is a minefield. Often parents get stuck in the habit of “not needing to explain it” and just wanting their kids to obey. And yes, we do it because life is stupidly fucking busy and complicated and an argument about ice cream is one headache we can skip. But in doing so we also fail to appreciate that our kids are getting older and can (and should at times) negotiate with us as practice.
Here you wanted a specific ice cream (and I get it, don’t come at me with brownie batter when what I neeeeeed is Netflix and Chill’d) and had a way to make it happen without effecting your mom. For whatever reason (bad day, tired, feels guilty for not having more money to spoil you, etc) she took umbrage. So while you’re negotiating/explaining, she’s doubling down even though the stakes are super low and she’s stuck in the fight. I’m going to guess she was thinking “oh kiddo has money and no grown up shit to pay for, must be nice. Here’s me looking like a broke ass for suggesting cheap ice cream.” I could be wrong, though. But I know when my kid started buying some things for herself, I struggled a bit feeling cheap or stingy. But also I’m not paying $8 for a boba tea, so I got over it.
Then your mom used this situation to power trip, and I’m going to guess that she doesn’t even realize she took frustration from other parts of her life or from her relationship with you and funneled it into this situation. By “getting back” at you (even though you’re not wrong for wanting the ice cream) she releases that tension. She’s back on top. You’ve been “shown.” She feels better for 2 seconds. You’re crushed, feeling betrayed and losing trust in your mom. She’s not seeing that. She will forget this way faster than you will.
I have a 14 year old daughter myself and I know there are times she asks for something or says she’ll buy it herself and while her words are fine, her tone is “eat shit and die” and I have to stop and ask if the tone is about me. And according to my mom, I did the same thing. Completely innocuous things came out rude because of my tone, my facial expression, etc. I didn’t intend them to be rude, but my teen energy put a rude tone on it. Now that I’m an adult I actually think teens have the tone and slumped posture because they’re forced into the wrong sleep schedule by school and life, but that’s a story for another day.
I’d suggest talking to her and starting with “hey, you seemed really mad about the ice cream and I honestly don’t understand what I did. Can you help me see where I was being rude so I know?” Or “I don’t know if I came off as rude when we talked about ice cream in the store, but I definitely didn’t mean to.” That way you’re not being accusatory, you’re looking for guidance.
And for what it’s worth my daughter now catches her own tone and we laugh about it. And she hears it in her little brother too. And she gets her “resting b face” from me, so I can empathize. I’m very aware of my own tone because I was always asked as a teen “what’s wrong” because of my tone and RBF. And this might not have been about your tone at all, just something to consider.
I’m really sorry she did this. Definitely not good parenting, and really unfair and nasty of her. I’m sure your heart sank when you realized you’d have to pay, and that’s a terrible feeling to have to process in a public place in front of all those people. I hate that for you. I hope you guys talk things through and come out with some peace.
YTA. You don’t have a job. Whose money are you spending?
I wonder if your mom is feeling anxious about how much you are eating lately (it’s NORMAL and HEALTHY for a growing teenager to eat a LOT).
I’m not defending your mom’s asshole behavior at the water park. She went back on her word, and there’s no good excuse for that, and you are NTA.
But this might be why she’s acting out: even if your family is doing OK, new expenses (like a teenager’s growing appetite) can make adults nervous, especially if they had money troubles when they were younger.
When I was 16, in the 80s, I bought myself a $15 Japanese face cleanser with my own money I earned at my after-school job, and I think my Dad was about to hit me until I said you only use a pea-sized amount of the cleanser, this bottle will last me well over a year (I had used a free sample before buying the full size, and I did the math before buying it). It was totally worth the money, but he freaked out at that price tag. My parents were born during the Great Depression, so they had a lot of anxiety about money.
If you end up shopping for more ice cream (maybe don’t bring your mom), and if you’re trying to avoid junky ingredients like corn syrup, xanthan gum, guar gum, etc., Turkey Hill makes “Simply Natural” ice cream in just basic flavors (vanilla, chocolate). Just milk, cream, sugar, [cocoa], vanilla.
It’s more expensive than generic, but much cheaper than Häagen-Dazs. At my local store, generic ice cream is 7 cents an ounce, Turkey Hill “Simply Natural” is 13 cents an ounce, and Häagen-Dazs is 43 cents an ounce, assuming none of these are on sale.
Um….one of your excuses for being mad is that you have to shop with her to buy clean food…and you blew your pocket money on ice cream?
I don’t know if you’re an AH or not. You SOUND 15 and I feel like we are getting a real 15yo take on what really went down. BTW, YOU didn’t really buy that ice cream; your mom did because if you are not earning money from a job then you are being given an allowance…and who earned that money?
Buying the high quality food for you as an athlete is EXPENSIVE. I think the disrespectful part from your Mom is that BECAUSE you aren’t earning your own money, you are not fully aware of how hard-earned the money she gives you is. She sounds like she is working with a tight budget and trying to still allow you some treats. But when you opted to spend some of that money on a high end ice cream (when she was willing to buy a budget-conscious store brand) you kind of showed her that you don’t really understand the value of the money you are being given.
Yes, you had money, and yes, you CAN spend it on high end ice cream. But saying you preferred the taste of it was missing the point of what your Mom hoped you would learn shopping with her. Few of us can afford to buy what we would PREFER, whether food choices, entertainment, homes, cars, etc. “Adulting” is about tempering some of those desires and making substitutions or sometimes passing on something because our budgets means we have to separate wants and needs. At 15 you are close to being on your own and I think your mom is hoping that you will be able to make smart choices as an adult.
I kind of suspect that by making you pay for the water park ticket, your mom has forced you to have a tighter “budget” hoping you will realize that you need to make smart choices about how your money is spent. I wish she had talked to you about it more and hopefully you will both calm down to have an open conversation.
I grew up with a single mom and money was TIGHT. Our weekly treat was going out for fast food where my sisters and I could get the cheapest burger and then fries OR a soda to go with it. She was very transparent about our budget and we knew we couldn’t have things because we couldn’t afford them, not because she didn’t love us. So we all learned to make smart vhoices as a family. I would never have gotten mad because I couldn’t have a brand name anything and omg, I’d have been theilled to go to a water lark. Please be open to understanding that life is about making SMART choices.
More info would help. Can your mom afford to purchase the higher end food that you want? You said that she was buying store brand that day and she only buys junk. Both of these can be signs of a financial struggle. If that’s the case, she may take moments like these badly because of finances, and/or feel that you’re saying what she can do isn’t good enough. If you’re in a solid middle class family that’s not struggling, then the situation is different.
Realistically, you’re under 18 and she sets the rules (for better or worse). And, you’re having power plays with your mom that you don’t want. If she’ll allow, it might be easier for you to get a job and buy some food than to argue.
“Clean food”? Hagen Das? Ok sure
you want your money back from who?
I would be proud of kid if they wanted something I couldn’t afford and figured out a way to earn the money and buy it themselves. I commend your efforts on learning the value of a dollar, and taking some responsibility for yourself. That’s part of growing up.
What she did at the waterpark is completely uncalled for. Seems like a grown woman having a hissy fit and it’s not becoming of her. Yes, this can be seen as emotional abuse. You seem like a good kid. Chin up, dear. It gets better.
NTA. What she did was a completely vengeful power move. Everything in this story is about control.
I’m also highly concerned that you are an athlete and she isn’t providing the proper food, especially at your age. You need to compensate for everything a teenager and an athlete needs.
Bring her some convalescent home brochures and she’ll get the picture.
NTA
That was vindictive of her. I was proud of my kids when they could buy their own treat.
Looks like Mom’s going to the old folks home when OP gets older.
Shitty parents gonna shitty parent.
NTA
If I were you I would apologize to keep the peace. She unfortunately holds the power as the parent here. Then keep a look out to see if your mom repeats this behavior in the future. If she doesn’t do it again then you can forgive her for this and maintain a good relationship with her. But if she does another cruel bait and switch then you can conclude that she is an abusive parent and go no contact with her as soon as you can move out.
Your mother is childish and not behaving fairly or logically.
Ice cream fan here and I can’t eat the store brand ice cream cause it tastes nasty. NTA your mom sounds very controlling and if it doesn’t go her way she throws a fit like taking back what she said she would do just cause you wanted something with flavor. I taught my children to cook at early ages, if you were my child I would have been proud that you understand what good food tastes like. Sorry she is behaving this way to you. I hope she reads some of the responses on here and wakes up that she is behaving abusively towards you by trying to control everything.
NTA – and that’s a tough one because she’s being an unreasonable jerk for literally no reason…she screwed you over to teach you a lesson and really the only thing she taught you was that you can’t trust her and that she’s an AH.
Like what does she actually want you to apologize for? Buying your ice cream for yourself because she feels like the name brand is bougie? The whole premise is bizarre and petty. I personally would have said good for you to pay for it yourself…that called adulting (and maybe that’s really the problem now that I write that down…maybe she isn’t liking you growing up). And then to force you to pay for the water park like that after inviting you….just wow. She could have given you the option of going if you wanted to pay, but she intentionally did that to screw you over…it’s a huge AH move. Maybe tell her you’re sorry…sorry you can’t trust her anymore :/
Idk what you do about the food thing…you’re in a bit of pickle. I wonder if there’s a way you could have mediation with her. Is there a dad in this situation?
Your mom might have other things going on. She loves you more than anything else, trust me. You growing up and being a smart a%% doesn’t help. It flaunts the fact you aren’t a baby anymore. Be good and talk to her not at her. Show her what you need to eat and explain why it helps.
NTA. What is she, 6? A grown woman shouldn’t be acting this immature. Save up as much money as you can and endure it until you’re 18 then get outta there.
I wouldn’t be shocked if she came crawling asking for money after you’ve become a successful adult.
why don’t the mods just remove these posts
NTA
Your mother is punishing you because you didn’t listen to her. I don’t know if it’s because she thinks she’s teaching you something or because she’s pissed you didn’t bow to her authority.
Yes, it’s great to be frugal but it’s also okay to treat yourself once in a while otherwise the frugality can get oppressive
Nta
It’s abnormal that she would have a problem with you spending your own money on something for yourself. She’s not obligated to buy you a water park ticket, but she said she would purely to rug pull you, and that’s not normal “adult” behavior. Very immature on her part.
Also immature; children cannot “flex” on adults. It’s not possible. That is for peers, and your mom ain’t your peer and she should know that. It’s not right for her to act otherwise, especially if it leads her to antagonize you like this.
NTA.
(1) She set the bar at she wasn’t buying the brand ice cream. You saw her limit and navigated to the next logical option for you and paid for it yourself.
Are there stipulations about how you can use your money (allowance, chore jar, gifted)?
(2) She promised one thing, made no mention she was changing her agreement before or after the ice cream argument, waited literally until the last minute to go “Oh hey, by the way…” and left you to ‘learn your lesson’. That was rude, underhanded, and petty of her.
Has she done stuff like this before?
What your mother did, reneging on paying last minute in front of your friends is super petty and wrong. I don’t understand why she got upset about the ice cream.
Parents are human and your mom’s definitely showing her imperfect side here. I know you have shown her yours sometimes too.
Try to be patient, try to take a high road in terms of holding your temper and tongue, but you don’t need to apologize for buying your own ice cream.
As for food, do your best with what is available. You will be okay and your athletic performance will also be fine. In a few years if you plan and prepare well you can be on your own and have full control of your food.
NTA, your mother is a controlling bit*h. But your own food. If they let you tell school they won’t let you eat and control your food.
Oh so she’s insane? Got it.
NTA. I have a 14 year old and can’t imagine treating her this way because she used her own money to buy herself a treat.
INFO: Exactly how is ice cream in the “clean food that has protein” category?
Once upon a time my mom found out I got a tattoo so “since you can afford a tattoo you can afford to buy your own prom dress” hate this power move. NTA.
yeah, you are most definitely the AH here. And by the way, Mr. Athlete, just how much protein does HaagenDas have?
15 year old males are so utterly obnoxious, I can’t take it.
Here’s my question for you.
WTFdo you think you are? Humble up!
This cunty lil power play is such a ridiculous approach to parenting.
It’s definitely controlling of her. If my son wants to buy a treat with his own money, I don’t go back on a separate promise for me to pay for another activity. Everyone knows that not all brands are created equal. The brand name ice creams often have unique flavor combos that you can’t get with the generic store brands. There’s no lesson needed here as there was no disrespect in expressing your opinion and using your own money for the purchase. On the contrary, it was very mature of you.
That would be like her settling for a generic store brand rather than her favorite name brand perfume, cosmetics, coffee, household products, etc. Maybe explain it to her that way using her favorite product as an example. NTA
You’re NTA; your mom is an AH for lying about paying for your water park day. Obviously she doesn’t OWE anyone a water park visit, but she said she would pay and then reneged right after your friends got their tickets when you didn’t have time or opportunity to do anything differently. I wonder what she would have done if you couldn’t afford it—made you sit outside the ticket booth all day? I don’t think you can trust her again.
I’m sorry your dad isn’t on your side here.
Sometimes parents do shitty things. Sometimes it’s just isolated mistakes (everyone makes mistakes) and sometimes it’s because they’re bad parents or even bad people. I can’t say what the case is with your mom, but if there’s truly no other info to explain her behavior, she is being an AH in this instance.
I don’t think you’re in the wrong, but I am worried because you’re 15 and dependent on these people (mom and dad, who is on mom’s side). You don’t have to mean it, but apologizing “for being disrespectful” and then just kind of carefully distancing yourself and not taking her up on offers to go places or do things could make your life easier for the last couple of years you’re stuck with her. It’s your choice. Everyone on here saying you should tell her to F off isn’t really thinking about how you’re at her mercy. I think you should do whatever you need to do to make it to adulthood, and then if you want to go no contact as you said in one of your comments, I’m sure you have your reasons. An apology might eventually get you the food you need if she feels like she won and can be magnanimous. What a miserable situation.
Do you have counselors or any adults you trust at school who you could talk to? Some schools have food pantries to help you get the protein you need (it’s not all processed stuff), or if you have a coach or something they might be able to talk to your parents about making sure your nutrition needs are met. They might not be able to intervene, but they might have ideas or be able to help keep a lookout for college scholarship opportunities or summer programs to help you get some escape time. They might not have solutions right away, but they could help look out for you so you at least have SOME adults in your corner. A mental health type of counselor could also help with strategies for handling your mother.
My mom gave me a set amount of money for clothes/activities/groceries just for me and if I wanted something outside of that budget, I had to subsidize it. Never given any attitude about it, it was just that they gave me what they thought was reasonable and if I wanted the more expensive version I had to make up the difference. I learned a lot through that lesson and now I’m exclusively an Aldi/Trader Joe’s grocery shopper and buy clothes sparingly and opt for quality over branding.
What your mom is doing sounds more like a control mechanism. Not to teach you the value of good purchasing habits but rather to keep you in alignment to her habits. Not for your benefit but for her sense of control.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this and it’s cold comfort to know that you only need to endure 3 more years of this. Pick your battles, and do your time (if everything else in your environment is safe) and when you go away for uni, you’ll have total independence.
Hang in there 💕
You did nothing wrong, but your mother is behaving like a frustrated toddler. I agree it was about control, she didn’t accept that you bought the ice cream with your own money and then set up a trap so you would have no choice but to spend all that money. That was manipulative. You have every right to be angry.
If she’s often like that, you will likely never manage to establish a healthy relationship with her, no matter how hard you try. Because healthy people just don’t behave the way she did. Your best bet will be working towards your independence as early as you can.
Stores are TA for overpricing Haagen dazs. Your mom is being fucking weird. NTA
Y’all both sound ridiculous and you sound a little financially parentified.
Firstly, if she promised to pay for the ticket, she should have kept her promise.
Secondly, the ice cream shouldn’t matter if you’re paying for it. Your money= get what you want. At the same time, if you want other things later and spent all your money on fancy ice cream, you don’t get those things. This doesn’t apply to the water park ticket, which was already promised.
But you do sound prissy in your food choices. Your parents don’t owe you your preferred brand names or “protein shakes” or whatever. They should feed you some basically nutritious food, which I’m betting they do unless you literally only have pop tarts and takis at home.
Weird that your mom is arguing with you like she’s a kid.
Slight NTA.
No one’s the AH. But just apologize. She doesn’t have to buy you any specific type of food or water park tickets. So keep that in mind. Pick and choose your battles, you’ll learn more about this as you get older.
This is about control. Your 15. Apologize for now, but recognize that your mom is a control freak. Later when you are older DO NOT BEND to her will. She will want to always control you. I have seen this where grown men with families were still being controlled by their mothers.
I honestly would love to hear her version of the story. I have a strong feeling it would be significantly different than yours
Well, the financial stress and sacrifice of running a household, and being responsible for keeping the lights on and food on the table for two decades is a lot. People talk about feeling burned out after a couple of months of a stressful job- imagine how burned out parents end up feeling. And I get the feeling your family is not rich. You may never know how many times she lay awake staring at the ceiling all night.
Is it possible that she felt you were trying to shame her for a lifetime of having to buy store brands to get buy? Parents are only human, and they don’t like being called cheap and poor to their faces as much as the next person. I’m sure you thought it was a small purchase of ice cream on one random day, but having a mortgage or paying rent and utilities is a relentless day-to-day requirement to sacrifice a lot of little fun pleasures. Because you never know when the hot water heater is going to break.
2+ years and you’ll never have to speak to her again. Tell her it’s your new flex.
How old is your Mom?
NTA: It’s just ice cream, why is buying that considered flexing? Idiotic accusation.
She told you she’d pay for your ticket and then changed her mind last minute: asshole behavior.
you’re mom sounds like a control freak & now that you’re “acting independent” and not in her control, she’s lashing out. IMO.
if it were my situation OP, i’d get a close job that will allow you to save up and get out of there ASAP.
Your parents will then wonder why you dont talk them anymore once you get out of their house.
Keep your head down. You have 3 yrs. Maybe you have a friend who’s parent will let you eat dinner there or make sure you eat school breakfast and lunch. Either way never tell her when or if you have money and just stay out of arguments until you can leave.
NTA. Honestly, I would’ve turned to my friends and said “Sorry, mom said she’d by my ticket then changed her mind. I’ll tell you more later (explain everything). I’d probably see about arranging a ride home because she can’t be trusted to keep her word and will most likely leave you all stranded.” Then turn around and walk home or to the bus stop.
You’re growing up and she doesn’t like the loss of control. Speak to your dad if you think he’ll do anything otherwise you’re going to have to get a job to get the things you need. Depending on how far you want to go, if she tries to make you pay for things she is on the hook for, threaten CPS. It’s her job to provide for you.
A 15 yo that doesn’t want the food at home because it’s not good enough? YTA.