Hear me out please.
I am a woman in my thirties and I have a daughter in fifth grade. In order to pick up your kid you have to go inside the school and line up outside the classrooms. So when pick her up I make small talk with a lot of the parents while waiting in line.
My daughter has been going to this school since kindergarten and has been friends with the same group of girls. Naturally over the years I’ve become friends with some and friendly with others.
There is one woman, let’s call her Brandy, who has never really been friendly with me, her daughter and mine aren’t very close either. However, Brandy is very close with another mom I consider to be my friend. So I see her around often at birthday parties and such and I’ve always gotten a very mean girl vibe from her.
It’s been warming up where we live and yesterday was the first day that got above 90 degrees. It was hot, so I wore shorts to school pickup. Brandy is a larger woman, there’s no way to sugarcoat it. She’s a big lady. And I am a very pale lady. I do not tan and I don’t bother to try so I have really white legs.
While I was waiting in line, making small talk up walks Brandy. She looks at me and says very loudly and rudely, “Wow, you’re really pale! And started laughing.
Now I know I’m super pale and if she had said it in a joking tone I would have laughed it off. But it was said as an insult, with a very snarky tone that pissed me off. So after a second I said, “Hey, how would you like it if I walked up to you in public and said wow, you’re really fat! And then laughed in your face?” It was rude I know, but my appearance had just been insulted in front of a group of parents at my daughter’s school.
Well, she obviously didn’t like that and got visibly upset so I just turned around and walked towards the classroom because at that point they had started releasing the kids and I didn’t want to be part of a scene.
My friend that I mentioned earlier reached out to me later and said that Brandy was really hurt by my comment and that “calling someone pale isn’t the same as calling them fat because you can change being pale.” I don’t quite understand that line of thinking because being overweight is something you can also change.
I’m being told that I should apologize for calling her fat but I don’t think I should have to since that woman insulted me first.
Am I wrong in feeling this way?
Comments
Nta her argument makes no sense since news flash losing weight is a thing 😑
Nope and I would tell that friend that perhaps Brandy should keep her trap shut and not say anything about someone else’s body.
YTA
Massive overreaction for what was an off-hand awkward comment.
NTA. She wasn’t kidding and she wasn’t just awkward. She insulted you and obviously thought she could get away with it.
Brandy FAFO’d.
NTA. “You can change being pale” WTF kind of stupid comment is that? You can lose weight 100x easier than you can change your skin color!
ETA Ask your dimwitted friend if she’d have said you can change your skin color if you were a POC.
NTA. She insulted you first, and you gave her a taste of her own medicine. If she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out. Calling someone pale in a rude way is just as insulting as commenting on someone’s weight.
NTA – don’t dish out dirt if you’re not prepared to eat it.
I would have probably said that pale skin is not anything funny and is none of her business. You could give her a full on history lesson on the way it has been desired throughout history and associated with royalty and education, but that’s another matter.
NTA. If she can’t handle it, she shouldn’t have dished it out
YTA .. are you like 5 ? Fat shaming people isn’t cool.. you proved you are as petty and childish as she was
“You’re pale and can never change it haha!”
“You’re fat and can change it whenever you want?”
gets upset
NTA, maybe her intention wasn’t to hurt you, but she shouldn’t talk about bodies if she doesn’t want to hear about hers
NTA. It is ALWAYS ok to get bullies back—absolutely NOTHING is too harsh. EVER!
I think that’s bad ass 😂
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wow… nope, and red head here, I have no ability to change to a less pale version of myself. Only a pinker sunburned version of myself. she on the otherhand can go to a dietian and lose weight from her fat ass.
ESH. You responded to a rude comment with rudeness, you’re both the same amount of rude.
YTA, it’s pretty rude to call someone fat
ESH
Obviously she shouldn’t have said that. It was rude and totally unprovoked. But I suspect you also know better than to stoop to her level. I realize this is too mature for Reddit, but you actually do still have to live by your own moral code even when other people are assholes first.
And if you’re going to try and be a mean girl, you need to do it better. You should have said “How unkind. I would think you of all people would know that body-shaming people is hurtful.” Same message, but then the rest of the moms wouldn’t side with her. Now you have two choices. You can apologize and be accepted by the other Moms. Or you can dig in and be ostracized as “that bitch who fat shames people.”
“Wow, you’re really pale!” And started laughing.
“Hey, how would you like it if I walked up to you in public and said wow, you’re really fat! And then laughed in your face?”
Assuming you are reporting what was said accurately, there is a huge difference between these two statements. The first was unnecessary and out of line. The second was a response stated as a question? Did she answer your question? Doesn’t sound like it.
Sounds like she wanted to dish it out, but couldn’t handle getting dished back. You do not owe her an apology. However, I would keep an eye on that one. She’s gonna screw you over somehow.
NTA
Actually, as a former teacher and parent, you both could have done better. She was being a mean girl and bully, how do we want our kids to deal with bullying and mean girls? I would have said, “That was very rude and hurtful, making fun of someone’s appearance is never acceptable. As parents we need to set a better example.” It would have embarrassed her/shamed her into hopefully doing better.
ESH.
She was rude first. But there’s no social stigma to being pale. Why not call her out on being impolite? “Wow, you’re really rude” would have made the point without stooping to beneath her level.
NTA
IMO you didn’t blatantly call her fat. You called her out by putting her in a metaphorical situation which she didn’t like to hear; it’s not nice to talk about other people’s bodies.
“calling someone pale isn’t the same as calling them fat because you can change being pale.” You can change being fat with diet and exercise, so this point doesn’t really check out. (I am not fat shaming, I am what people would consider “plus size”, but the truth is people can change if they want to enough).
If you want to keep the peace, you can try and speak to her about why you thought her comment was inappropriate, but otherwise you have nothing to apologize about.
Uh you can change being pale? How, by putting yourself at a greater skin cancer risk??!! Your are kind of the AH though due to two wrongs not making a right. She was rude, but being rude back doesn’t solve the issue.
Ehhh… light NTA but maybe consider the societal bias against fat people vs pale people. As a former fat AND pale person myself (still pale), I can tell you that one comes with a lot of judgment that the other one doesn’t. Being pale (like any other skin color) is something you are born with and can only sorta change, therefore people don’t look at being pale as a moral failing. Fat people, however, are subject to the idea that they are lazy, gluttonous, less intelligent, etc.
So, both things are not equal, but she shouldn’t dish out shit if she wants to avoid somebody coming back at her.
You’re an asshole for doing the same thing. There are no winners here.
You could have been the better person, and you chose not to.
Too bad if you can’t deal with it…..she approached you first!
YTA. Maybe you are the mean girl. Being pale isn’t an insult. Actually you probably are less likely for skin cancer. But you called her fat because you don’t like her. So yeah you are an AH. Could she be one as well, of course, but you get no sympathy from me.
Brandy fvcked around and found out!!!
Don’t dish out what you can’t take in return. NTA. bet she won’t be calling you pale anymore.
You admit yourself you don’t know this lady. You just sense mean girl vibes from her. If you were comfortable with being pale you wouldn’t have made a second thought about it no matter who was there or not. No need to go for the low lying fruit. I have met plenty of people in my life who seem like an asshole at first and end up being one of the nicest people I have meet in my lifetime Yta that wasn’t necessary especially in front of children, and parents at a school for pick up. This is like me being offended for someone pointing out how many freckles I have
NTA you didn’t say she was fat. You asked her how she would feel IF you called her fat and laughed about it.
As to your friend who said you could change your paleness. You could say “sure if I wanted to risk getting skin cancer I could” (yes I am being full on petty here!! 🤣)
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NTA if you can’t stand the heat don’t walk up to someone and insult them. I wouldn’t apologize unless she does so first, she started it, she can be the first to apologize.
NTA. You taught her a valuable lesson. Had a fat chick in MCT (integrated male and female program after boot camp) come up and try to tell me my barely there nude eyeshadow was too sparkly, trying to call me out and embarrass me in front of all the male Marines. She said, “Well, it’s not in regs (regulations)”, and started to walk away all snarky and pleased with herself. Like a whip, I said “Well, at least I can keep my weight in regs”. Allll the guys went “oooooooo” and laughed. That pissed her off so much and one of her friends started in on me too but I didn’t back down. Don’t throw stones from a glass house betches 😉
What are you, 12? The behavior of the both of you is so juvenile. You are pale right? Why not say “I know it, but I do pink rather well”. Next time be the better person.
NTA! Bully’s always think it’s funny until you give them a taste of their own medicine. It’s ridiculous your “friend” even suggested that you apologize for standing up for yourself. That isn’t a friend. If she was, to either you or Brandy, she would have told Brandy her comment was inappropriate and you FAFO.
NTA. I was expecting it to go like “wow, you’re pale.” With a reply of “wow, you’re fat.” Like a tit for tat but you handled it way better. You expressed that what she said wasn’t nice and then pointed out something she could be made fun of. Kind of like “i didn’t say you ARE an asshole but you are BEING an asshole” type of word around.
I see no faults. Unbelievable we have to parent other adults and yet, here we are 🙃
NTA, as another fellow pale person. My dads wife said I need to get out the sun more and tan and I’d get used to it. An hour in the sun, I got badly sunburnt which made her understand, wish people would use their brains and listen that some people simply can’t tan.
Also you did the right thing. Also as a fellow chubby person.
Brandy can dish it.. but she can’t take it. Imagine that. You did good. lol
I’m sorry, we’re talking about adult parents doing this? Petty.
ESH
NTA. I don’t think it’s appropriate to call out anyone on their appearance (especially among women) and I get you were caught off guard and her weight was the obvious thing. But what if you were a person of color and she said, “ Wow! Your skin is really black/dark”. I think it’s racist for her to say that to you. And just an observation, but in my experience it’s people that don’t feel good about their bodies that seem to be the ones criticizing. I think you could apologize if you’d like and say you were hurt and reacted to her comment instead of responding, were taken aback by her criticism and could have handled it better, and in the future she should refrain from criticizing how people look because now she knows how hurtful it feels. For the future my go to response it, “ was that comment meant to hurt me or help me.”
Don’t apologize. If she wants to dish it she better learn how to take it.
And yes I’m a fat women and know what it’s like to be called fat (at my age it honestly doesn’t even phase me anymore) and I wouldn’t insult someone’s appearance without expecting to be called fat in return.
NTA….fat & appearance comments are really low-brow. That being said, & I’m not discounting legitimate medical issues…people will make excuses for folks being overweight but they’re horrified if they came across obesity in the animal world.
NTA, and I say this as a big girl. She was rude, and you matched her energy. You also made your insult a rhetorical one, where she directly insulted you, not that she’d recognize the difference.
Are you an AH – Yes.
Does that make it wrong – No.
Insulting someone is never right, but bullying the bully is understandable.
Of course you could have handled it differently with a more mature and pointed comment highlighting the insulting nature of the comment without insulting her back – something like “wow I can’t believe you think it’s appropriate to insult someone skin colour and immutable parts of their body. What a terrible lesson you are teaching your children”- but I know I am never that articulate when I’ve been insulted.
As a fellow lily with a moon tan I often receive the same remark and my usual retort is more along the line of “at least I wont get skin cancer and look older than I am”.
She learnt the real lesson about living in glass houses and throwing stones.
NTA. It was definitely petty but fuck it, we don’t always have to take the freaking high road with people who suck.
ESH try to be a better role model for children instead of the both you just being a couple of catty women. And as someone who is both very pale and kinda fat I can tell you which insult hurts more and will be seen by the other moms as being the one that’s the most out of line and it’s not about being pale. Sounds like you both need to grow up.
“I can use a bronzing cream, but you’ll still be fat…”
There is no need for any person to comment on a physical trait that the other person is well aware of. If one does it, they are doing so with the intention of being rude. Giving them a taste of their own medicine is fair. Maybe she will think twice in the future.
>calling someone pale isn’t the same as calling them fat because you can change being pale.”
I guess calling your friend and idiot would be a worse insult if they think being overweight isn’t something that could be changed
I’m fat and NTA. You can’t change being pale. A lot of ppl spend time in the sun and go right back to white.
But, it’s not “easier” to change being fat. I’m a very disciplined person, I love moving my body through kickboxing and dancing. I have lost over 180 pounds at one time, but have also lost 70, 90, and 100. My body fights to be fat.
NTA. She thought you were an easy target and now she knows better. If she wants an apology, she can apologise first.
Shaming over skin color or weight is juvenile. Yes, you showed her by treating her to a dose of her own medicine. However, this was at your daughter’s school. I don’t know if she heard it, but I don’t think this is the example you want to be for her.
ESH: Two wrongs do not make a right. She was rude. You could literally have said, “Brandy, I don’t appreciate you commenting on my skin tone,” or, “Brandy, it’s just as rude to comment on people’s skin tone as it is to comment on their weight or ethnicity. Please don’t do that again.”
ESH. You’re both supposed to be adults and you did this in front of other children and adults in an elementary school. Great way to be adults and set an example.
“You can change being pale”???
No, you can’t. You can temporarily tan, but that’s generally unhealthy. You can definitely lose weight, though. Unless you can’t, and then we’re back at it being the same as being pale.
Both are physical characteristics you don’t comment on like that.
Anyone who comes at you first should be prepared for any response.
You’re the AH. In many cultures being pale is considered very attractive, think of Snow White. and this woman was jealous of you. Pale isn’t unattractive but fat is unattractive so what you said was way way worse
NTA – and also – you didn’t call her fat. You simply asked how she would like it if you did.
Seems that she wouldn’t.
As a fellow pale skin I have founded it easier by far to lose weight than to tan. Also losing weight won’t run the risk of skin cancer so it’s a better option by far.
This ‘friend’ already seems to have taken Brandy’s side though. Point out that Brandy was rude to point out one of your features and publicly laugh about it, and it’s not the behaviour you would want any of the kids to engage in.
> you can change being pale
You can change being fat, too lmfao.
NTA , she was trying to to look like a badass and she ended up looking like a jackass , her problem
(Also fat women aren’t somehow automatically angels – nor are the dead.
ESH. You are both adults, for Christ’s sake and the whole thing should embarrass both of you. She probably was just joking awkwardly and hurt your feelings, and I have to assume there was another way to communicate that, but I get that you were upset yourself. There is no good guy here, tho. Of course you were an asshole, and you meant to be so please don’t play dumb when called on it. That doesn’t absolve her of also being an asshole. I’m willing to bet you both have children that act more mature than either of you do
NTA, she shouldn’t dish out what she cant take. You had a right to insult her back just ignore everyone on her side.
NTA
If she can dish it out, she can damn well take it.
Be careful around her though. She might eat you.
NTA. Good for you for calling a bully out. If it hurts to have your appearance commented on, then don’t be the first to do it to someone else, brandy
NTA, tell your friend she can change being fat too, with exercise and diet.
ik I’m talking to myself here but I just don’t get the point in all these fake stories about how you’ve owned someone by calling them fat. like there are SO many, they always start with the other person being irrationally mean until our strong brave protagonist finally stands up for themselves. I mean ik why, people just REALLY fantasize about being mean to fat people for being fat I guess. it’s just weird to be bragging about this fake story where you responded childishly to another parent in front of ur kids lol
I don’t think you have to be worried about whether or not you’re an AH.
Women are very manipulative. I’m pretty sure “Brandy” will be looking for any means available to get back at you for what you said. Really hope she doesn’t use your daughter to get back at you.
You can change being fat and if she didn’t want anything coming back at her maybe she should keep her mouth shut
NTA fat people know they’re fat. Often they worked really hard to get that way. You’re not breaking news to them that they had no clue of.
NTA, she started it. Maybe I’m just being petty, but maybe being pale is linked to deep trauma, etc. she had no idea where her comment would go in your mind.
NTA let piggy oink
NTA, she approached you in order to insult you and you asked her a question that honestly was valid (whether it was insulting or not). If she’s unhappy with her appearance why would she run around poking and making fun of the appearance of others? Seems as though she was looking to embarrass you and walked away being the embarrassed one which upset her. I wouldn’t apologize at all if I was you, I’d tell my friend “I really don’t care how what I said made her feel because she didn’t care how I would feel when she insulted me to begin with.” And be done with it.
It’s amazing how when you go through these comments you can tell who has dealt with a bully in their life, and who was lucky enough to not have to deal with one. It’s night and day to me.
Some people have medical conditions which mean they can’t lose weight. It’s not the same, YTA
Look, I joke all the time that I have two colors, Casper the friendly ghost, or Sebastian from little mermaid. Being pale isn’t an insult. You took it as one, but it isn’t. But you absolutely tried to insult her. So yes, YTA. And insecure as hell. Grow up baby doll. Being pale isn’t the end of the world, and they aren’t insulting you if they call you pale. Are you sure you are old enough to have a kid? Because you sure as hell are acting like a kid yourself.
YTA. Being pale isn’t generally considered ugly, being fat is. She made an observation that could be neutral, you insulted her.
NTA. Don’t apologize!
You should be like sorry I called you fat brandy. What I meant to say was fat bitch.
Not really but imo the best way to deal with a woman like that is to kind of ignore her. That’s what works the best with them. Because otherwise they end up trying to make you look like the bad guy.
NTA, she can dish it out but can’t take it. You’re actually more polite than me, I’d have just answered her “you’re really pale!” with “you’re really fat!” then “Sorry, I thought we were just stating the obvious.”
NTAH. Brandy’s a bitch! Now maybe she’ll think twice about what she says to others.
Commenting on anyone’s body is incredibly rude.
Even if someone specifically asked me, I would be very hesitant to make a comment about their appearance. It just has too many ways to go badly.
I really wish I could understand what kind of perks someone thinks they get by making fun of another person. I prefer to be kind… and I find the easiest way to do that, is to keep my opinions to myself.
ESH. Rather than be defensive, the mature thing is to address the problem and not retaliate and caused the same harm that caused you pain in the first place. Next time you deal with immature behavior, act like an adult; explain what the person did and how it made you feel and what your preference would be in future interactions.
ESH. You’re both the same, using physical insults to bring someone down. As the saying goes, if a dog bites you, you don’t bite it back. To do this in front of children is also a weird thing to model.
Generally i think a tit for tat mindset just shows you’re one negative emotion away from being the person you dislike.
Do you know the expression, punching down? As in, don’t take shots at people who have less status than you.
Brandy was being extremely rude to you, but you had a lot of options. And the one you chose was dangerously close to punching down. At the very least you were punching sideways. Pale people do get mocked, but fat people are hated, discriminated against in the workplace, and catch a lot more shit than anyone else does for being pale.
You had every right to defend yourself, and call her out for mocking anyone’s body. The example you used might have been a low blow.
You technically didn’t call her fat.
Tell your friend to think about her plea to you, it’s blatantly false.
NTA, but why don’t you just have your kid meet you down the block somewhere? I can’t believe people are willing to wait in those long lines to pick up their kid! Just have her walk! Holy moly.
You will always be pale. You can stain your skin, cover it up, or change color in the short term with skin damaging ultraviolet radiation, but you will always be pale.
NTA, It is just as easy to change being fat as it is change being pale. A little bit ridiculous that she would get someone to try and tell you that you were in the wrong after trying to publicly humiliate you in front of other moms.
“You can change being pale.” Um no you can’t. My mom burns through her clothes, gets sun poisoning, and has been having cancer removed from her skin since the age of 11. Some people would have to do spray tans to get less pale. So no that comment, especially with an insulting inflection, was not more offensive than yours. I think you were on the money
ESH. Come on gals, you’ve got daughters who are looking up to you.
LOL “calling someone pale isn’t the same as calling them fat because you can change being pale” what is she smoking and can I have some???
Of fucking course you can do something about both. Being fat is a choice outside of medical and genetic defects. I should know I’m actively getting fatter and I despise myself for letting it get this far.
You’re both assholes.
As a fat woman myself, I applaude you calling her out for being a b!tch.
NTA. Will you be getting an apology for being insulted? She did insult you, but technically, you didn’t actually call her fat. You asked if she’d like it if someone said it to her.
ESH – Being pale isn’t an insult. No kids don’t make the sports team because they’re pale. No one doesn’t get invited to the party because they have pale legs. Men aren’t on social media making fun of pale-legged women.
You were a total bitch and you meant to be a bitch. And you know it and even say so. You don’t get a free pass because she said something bitchy as well.
So you often get ridiculed for being pale? You have had people make fun of you your entire life for being so very white? You have had people in school laugh at you, boys you had crushes on tell you your whiteness was the reason they didn’t want to date you, lost out on job opportunities due to your whiteness, couldn’t ride on all the rides at amusement parks due to your whiteness, and have faced medical problems due to being so pale?
No, I didn’t think so. YTA
So she can dish it out but can’t take it?
Gotta be some kind of irony in that question, given the details.
Sounded like when two bullies get together, petty insults over low hanging fruit. I’m thinking there are other things in your life that are really bothering you. That this overreaction is the sum of those things and not just you being sensitive.
ESH , I’m afraid.
A joke, referencing a doctor’s suggestion, asking if she got all that out, or simply ignoring her would have given you the high ground and emphasized how obtuse her remarks were.
Fuck that fat bitch. She deserves to get a taste of her own medicine. That’ll teach her to stop making fun of people and if she’s really that upset about it she should take ownership and lose weight
NTA
Nta she can dish it but not take it? Nah homie don’t play that way. Maybe next time she will watch her barbed tongue.
NTA – you literally can’t change how much melanin your skin produces, but she could skip that second Big Mac.
I’m pale and kinda fat. I was born pale. My bad habits made me fat.
Not wrong. Even if she has some health reason where losing weight is not easy at all (I have a couple where I’m losing weight s l o w l y), she shouldn’t be insulting anyone and shouldn’t cry about being insulted in turn if she does. People shouldn’t insult people’s bodies, period.
NTA, fat people don’t deserve to be coddled.
Also, I personally CAN’T change being pale, I don’t tan, I either burn or stay pasty white. But EVERYONE can lose weight. Being fat is a choice. It’s incredibly easy to change if you don’t like it AND it’s healthy to change it. Changing your skin tone can only be done by risking cancer and still for some it doesn’t work
Sometimes people when they are insecure of themselves try to bring others down . That’s what she did to you .
I am fat, and pale. Why would I change the color or my skin? I have no control over the color of skin I was born with, and if someone has a problem with it, then THEY have a problem. Fat? I can lose weight.NTA
I’d show up and eat some greasy chicken in front of her… bet she will be jealous af.
NTA. I just ask people to repeat themselves when they are jerks.
You can change being pale, the same as you can change being fat. Both are changeable depending on your commitment, willing to sacrifice, and the size of your wallet. One is harder to change than the other, sure, but it is by no means set in stone and immutable.
Anyway, NTA.
You can change being fat, and you can change being pale.
Changing being fat is a good idea. I’m 6’3″ and went from 262 to 215 over the past couple years. That’s a good thing.
I’m also Midwest white AF and I’ve had melanoma twice in 10 years. I’ll continue being pale, tyvm. I have no interest in tempting fate to simply be tan.
Nta, this is like the woman who had 2 kids in 2 years, and her husband spent this 2 years calling her fat, Shamoo, etc. Then, got upset when she finally insulted his dick.
FAFO don’t dish what you can’t take. If you can’t take personal insults about your body, don’t dish them out to others.
NTA, but a better way would have been to say” Do you really think you of all people should be criticizing other people’s appearances?” That way you can call her fat without calling her fat.
You can change being pale by burning your skin. You can change being fat by burning your calories.
Neither were nice things to say. You did sink to her level, but honestly, don’t think you went lower.
ESH
Her argument that being pale isn’t something you can change makes her thinking worse. Mocking someone for something they have zero control over is worse than something they can control.
However, YTA because you could have made the same point and stood up for yourself without specifically mentioning her weight. Replace it with “How how would you like it if I made a comment about your physical appearance …” and you would have been above reproach. As it is, you stooped to her level.
And you should also have been aware that fat shaming is widely frowned upon and so you should have known better.
If you want to not have others see you as being just as bad as Brandy, then you could apologize. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Sometimes, it is better to keep a wall up between yourself and a bully after you’ve already built it. But if you want to secure your friendship with the other mom, you should probably convey that you have doubts about whether or not you went too far and recognize that what you said wasn’t the best choice.
Because, the truth is, the other mom wouldn’t have mentioned anything to you if she thought you were in the right. She agrees with Brandy that you crossed a line. And it doesn’t matter if Brandy crossed a line first. Let the bullies let themselves look bad. Don’t become one of them.
NTA and you can’t change being pale any easier that you can change your weight. People with pale skin tend to burn, not tan. So changing from pale equates to being burned.
Good on you for pulling her aside instead of coming right back at her. I would have lacked that self control completely.
Sounds like brandy FA and it resulted in FO
NTA
Commenting on someone’s body is different than highlighting an analogy that shows how their original comment was hurtful. You didn’t actually call her fat. You pointed out how hurtful it would be for someone to say that, thus her comment on the state of your skin, which you presumably cannot change, is also hurtful. It was a teaching moment befitting of a kindergarten class.
This sounds like a that’s what u get type of situation.😏
NTA
It is acutely HILARIOUS when someone who has the gall to insult someone gets huffy when given the same.
YTA. These things are not the same, don’t pretend they are. There is no widespread discrimination again pale people at the beginning of spring. Be serious.
YTA. What the person meant by the difference between pale skin color and weight is that there are little to no societal consequences for being pale. You do not experience any kind of discrimination on this basis. This is not true for fat people. I don’t even want to read the comments here, but I’m sure they’re very instructive of my point. There is so much hatred for fat people, it’s one of the only kinds of prejudice that is commonly accepted and even celebrated, and have real world consequences. The fact that you would even have that insult on the tip of your tongue is itself instructive and says more about you than anyone.
You were embarrassed in front of people, but you publicly humiliated this person. This is different.
From one pasty white chick to another…you can definitely change if you’re fat. But I for one can be two colors, pale as shit or sunburned. And when sunburned is over do you wanna guess what color I turn? That’s right…pasty pale.
Are you supposed to risk skin cancer just so the fat bitch can’t make fun of you? Getting in shape doesn’t give you cancer but tanning can.
Lady needs to learn “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it!”
So Brandy, and your “friend” both think you can <checks notes> change your skin color, but not the size of your waistline?
NTA. The rule is you shouldn’t comment on anything a person cannot change in 5 minutes. Brandy can’t stop being fat in 5 minutes, nor could you stop being pale in 5 minutes. 🤷🏼♀️ Brandy is the asshole here.
I think the mom who is friends with both of you should get two new friends, you both seem like petty jerks.
NTA. Commenting on someone’s skin color is never appropriate. Especially in a negative way. Wow Brandy grow up.
Soo pale skin is your natural skin color and a part of your body that doesn’t change except for exposure to harsh elements.
NTA. I, too, am super pale and while I used to tan back when I was in high school (typically during prom season) I stopped doing that as I got older. And while I stopped going to tanning beds, I would still use tanning lotion when I was at the lake. But again, the older I’ve gotten the more aware I became of how damaging tanning/burning is for the skin and now use SPF 50. Which I’ve always used SPF 50 on my face, even while going to tanning beds, which is why I don’t look my age (36, almost 37). Most people think I’m still in my 20s. So my skin is basically translucent at this point and if some bitchy mom walked up to me while in the school pick up line and made a snarky comment about being pale, I would make a snarky comment back. The only reason bullies make those jabs in front of other people is solely to try to humiliate you in front of the other moms out of jealousy. And let’s say she actually was joking (which she definitely wasn’t), you guys aren’t close enough for her to be joking like that with you. Her intention was to be mean and hurtful and to humiliate you to make herself feel better. She also expected you to just take it, probably because you were in the school pick up line with other moms and thought you wouldn’t want to create any sort of scene, and just completely underestimated her target. You did nothing wrong. She’s a bully and bullies deserve what they get.
As for your “friend”…well I personally wouldn’t consider her much of a friend if she’s defending this bully and wants YOU to apologize after the bully intentionally made fun of your appearance. If I were you, I would tell the friend that you can also change being overweight.
Your “friend” is trippin