It was my (47f) birthday almost 2 months ago. My son (22m) gave me a pair of unique expensive earrings as a gift. I was very grateful. Over a month later, I had noticed an old picture of his ex-girlfriend (27f) wearing a pair just like them.
The next time I saw my son, I mentioned it as a funny coincidence. But he was acting weird and defensive for no reason. He kept asking me in different ways why am I bringing that up, and if I had talked to his ex-girlfriend. Without any push back, he confessed that the earrings he gave me were actually the exact same earrings his ex was wearing.
I was angry, and I asked him if he stole them. He said no. He said she lost them, at his apartment, after one of the times they had sex. I wasn’t sure if I believed that, but I still called him disgusting for regifting that. I had actually called his ex on the phone, and she confirmed his story. She told me that she doesn’t want them back, and no hard feelings. But I don’t want to wear them anymore given the circumstances. My son called me silly for calling him disgusting, he said he is mad at me now, and he also told me that over 90% of regifted jewelry was worn by a woman while she was having sex. Am I the asshole ?
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It was my (47f) birthday almost 2 months ago. My son (22m) gave me a pair of unique expensive earrings as a gift. I was very grateful. Over a month later, I had noticed an old picture of his ex-girlfriend (27f) wearing a pair just like them.
The next time I saw my son, I mentioned it as a funny coincidence. But he was acting weird and defensive for no reason. He kept asking me in different ways why am I bringing that up, and if I had talked to his ex-girlfriend. Without any push back, he confessed that the earrings he gave me were actually the exact same earrings his ex was wearing.
I was angry, and I asked him if he stole them. He said no. He said she lost them, at his apartment, after one of the times they had sex. I wasn’t sure if I believed that, but I still called him disgusting for regifting that. I had actually called his ex on the phone, and she confirmed his story. She told me that she doesn’t want them back, and no hard feelings. But I don’t want to wear them anymore given the circumstances. My son called me silly for calling him disgusting, he said he is mad at me now, and he also told me that over 90% of regifted jewelry was worn by a woman while she was having sex. Am I the asshole ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is calling my adult son disgusting for gifting me earrings that he had because an ex-girlfriend lost them during sex.
I might be the asshole because my son called me silly for calling him disgusting, and he said he is mad at me now.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH I dont think the actual sex part matters, I think its more about the fact that hes regifting jewlery he only obtained from someone else losing it in his house weather she minds anymore or not. It would be one thing if she said “oh give these to your mother for her birthday, shell like these.” but this is just tacky. Again though, I think youre overreacting a bit about the sex aspect of it. Everyone has sex, and its not a common practice to take earrings off beforehand, so yes, a majority of earrings are worn during sex.
Your son gifted you a used pair of his ex-girlfriend’s sex earrings? NTA
YTA. You seem oddly focussed on the sex angle, in fact you even misleadingly suggest that you know the earrings were worn and lost during the act. It seems much more likely she took them off first and put them down somewhere. Losing both earrings during seems really unlikely.
Anyway, not sure what your issue is here, the fact that your son has sex with girlfriends? And that these earrings might make you visualise it if you wore them? Weird op, weird.
Giving you some found earrings was not a particularly generous gesture of course, but that should be your only concern here. Disgusting is not the correct description of what he did.
NAH. I think y’all just have different perspectives. I think perhaps from your son’s perspective, lost property might just make a good gift, and he might have been uncomfortable because he just thought he was getting caught in regift-like situation.
From your perspective, the earrings are now mentally attached to his ex, and you’re perhaps icked at the thought of your son and her having sex, and now you having some association with your son having sex, which is weird as a mom.
I think both perspectives are valid.
NTA
I think the sex part absolutely does matter. HE brought up she lost them during sex. Why is it so important for him to specify? Even if it wasn’t during sex, regifting your ex’s lost/unwanted earrings is shitty.
NTA. Very weird he would do that and even weirder that he told you about the sex part. He could’ve just said she left them at his place and left it at that.
But either way it’s thieving, cheap, and weird.
NTA. you feel how you feel. Sell them online or gift them to charity.
Its deeply weird that he kept the earrings from his ex and then presented them as a present to you. nta
NTA, but… Are they cute?
NTA
Your son needs to learn to leave certain details out of true or not. That is immature that he needed to out that fact in there and then double down on it.
I agree that it tacky to regift a used item
NTA. I wouldn’t want my child to keep jewelry from an ex, or gift it to me. If it was genuinely lost, and there’s an expensive monetary value, I would hope they would reach out to the ex, and say “Hey, I just found your jewelry you had lost at my place. How can I get these back to you?”
You see what isn’t mentioned there? “you lost while we were having sex”, or “let’s meet up so I give these back”. It’s just “these are yours, do you want them back?”
The sex part isn’t even the most important part of the story, it’s more the fact that he’s gifting an item that wasn’t his to gift.
NTA. He could’ve absolutely lied and said she gave them back after the breakup or forgot them when she was visiting. The sex part was not necessary information. Even if he thought you knew, he could’ve at least attempted to lie.
I also understand why you’re upset he regifted them to begin with. I think a lot of people would be put off by being gifted jewelry from a failed relationship. Not that he can’t regift it, but I do think in this case his reaction afterwards shows the lack of thought behind the gift.
NTA. Not only did he lazily regift you a used item someone else LOST, he also—for SOME REASON—told you they were lost during sex. It was a thoughtless, cheap “gift” even without the association with your kid bumping uglies
NTA at all! I’m glad you told him his actions were disgusting
You’re being weird for making the earrings about your son’s sex life. She didn’t put them on specifically to have sex with your son.
The sex isn’t the issue. The issue is that your son is so freaking lazy he couldn’t bother to get his mother a gift or even some flowers. I would bet good money he didn’t remember your birthday until the day-of and saw the earrings laying around and threw them into a box and called it good. Did he even get you a card or take you out to lunch?
This is gross because he’s lazy, not because he once had sex.
NTA
IMO earrings are a personal item that shouldn’t be shared. They go in another person’s body. It’s gross that he kept them and then another level of gross that he thought that they were a good gift for his mom.
I’d be questioning why he thought stealing someone’s property is a good gift for mom.
What the fuck
NTA. This is gross behavior from your son on multiple levels. Why can’t he buy you a present that he picks out and buys himself?
YTA . He only exists because you got creampied so get off your high horse
Bn
You raised that tacky cheapskate. This is on you.
I know it’s upsetting but the thing is if they’re nice why let them go to waste if you like them why not wear them.
I dont think YTA, but I also think you are overreacting. He is 22, so he probably doesn’t have much money. He probably found them and didnt want to contact his ex so he was like “fuck it my mom will like these” accept the gift, clean them and wear them if they are something you like.
NTA but I don’t feel like the sex has anything to do with it from anyone’s angle, besides him bringing it up in the first place- why mention how she lost them and why does it matter?
Did he find them after they broke up? It wouldn’t make it right but the alternative would make it worse
Wait info did he say “she lost them during sex” or did he say “she lost them at my apartment one times after she came over/stayed the night” and YOU filled in the “during sex” bit?
NTA and where the hell did he get that 90% stat that is absolutely not true.
Got any of his dad’s old stuff that he wore during the conception of your son? Guess you know what to give him for his birthday.
NTA, btw.