My boyfriend is almost 40 and likes to make up wild stories about interactions he supposedly has with neighbors or random people around the city. 90% of these stories make him look like a dumb jackass. Well today while driving he said the other day the neighbors were looking at him funny and he confronted them and was going to kick one of them out and when I said that sounded like an overreaction, and then he admitted it was a “joke” and the interaction never actually happened. I said, “Oh, so you lied again. You like to lie about random stuff like that.” He blew up at me, saying it was “just a story” and not a lie. Then he started screaming, calling me a “dumb bitch” and other names before dropping me off at a public place while I was in the middle of a panic attack. I feel like I just pointed out something obvious, but now I’m wondering if I was in the wrong for calling him a liar. He does have a history of just saying thing that aren’t true and finding things to fight about.
AITA?
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My boyfriend is almost 40 and likes to make up wild stories about interactions he supposedly has with neighbors or random people around the city. 90% of these stories make him look like a dumb jackass. Well today while driving he said the other day the neighbors were looking at him funny and he confronted them and was going to kick one of them out and when I said that sounded like an overreaction, and then he admitted it was a “joke” and the interaction never actually happened. I said, “Oh, so you lied again. You like to lie about random stuff like that.” He blew up at me, saying it was “just a story” and not a lie. Then he started screaming, calling me a “dumb bitch” and other names before dropping me off at a public place while I was in the middle of a panic attack. I feel like I just pointed out something obvious, but now I’m wondering if I was in the wrong for calling him a liar. He does have a history of just saying thing that aren’t true and finding things to fight about.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I honestly don’t think I am the asshole but my bf insists that he just makes up stories and isn’t lying.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
So he lies, then says you’re overreacting, then gets verbally abusive? What action are you asking us to judge?
Why are you even with a pathological liar? Sounds like a one way ticket to getting your identity stolen and your credit destroyed.
Info: Why are you still with a compulsive liar? It sounds like you must be miserable with him if he can force you into panic attacks. You shouldn’t have to fear being screamed at when you call him out on lying.
NTA.
Why are you with this liar? Liars are always gonna lie.
Do better for yourself.
NTA
What’s the joke?
They are lies and I’m not sure what he’s hoping to accomplish with these fanciful stories.
His overreaction is extremely concerning however, especially with the insults and kicking you out of the car.
This isn’t just “telling a story.” Making up fake events and passing them off as real until called out is literally lying. The fact that he reacted by verbally abusing you and abandoning you during a panic attack is so far over the line it’s not even funny. NTA
I have a family member like this. They are so fun at parties, and have the best stories anyone’s ever heard.
Everyone knows he’s full of shit. But his stories are just that, stories. There is a blurry grey area where this is an awesome skill, or super toxic, and it all depends on how they are using it.
When my family member gets called out he makes the story even MORE outlandish and it’s all a good laugh. He’s never gotten defensive and started insulting anyone about it (that I know of anyway).
Nta. Hubby needs to learn when it’s creative story time and when it’s not, and to manage his reactions when someone calls him out.
There is an old saying: Show me a liar and I’ll show you a thief.
NTA.
Any healthy relationship is built on a foundation of trust. When someone lies, even if it’s a small lie, a crack forms in that foundation. Over time, those cracks spread and deepen, and eventually, the relationship crumbles.
You can not have a healthy relationship without trust, and he has shown you over and over again that you can’t trust him.
Do with that as you will.
My mother was a pathological liar. NTA, but it won’t effect change.
Holy crap, please leave this person, apart from the lying, yelling and calling names is not acceptable!
A lie is a story you try to pass off as true.
NTA. Just because someone throws a tantrum when you call them out doesn’t mean you were wrong to do so.
Ngl, when I first read the title… I could see giving someone a pass if they like telling ridiculous but harmless “fish tales”. Something outrageous enough that it sounds closer to silly and not to be taken seriously, and told in an entertaining way. People like having creative outlets, and it doesn’t necessarily matter much if they self-insert vs make new characters each time.
But I think it’s more telling than anything else that his tales feature him being an asshole, vs catching a huge fish or seeing a leprechaun. That’s what his power fantasy is. That’s who he wishes he had the courage to be. That’s what goes through his mind when he’s mildly annoyed at people.
Lying consistently on its own is a problem, but it’s much worse when you lie to make yourself look worse.
Because people tend to not do that, therefore on some level he thinks his stories make him look BETTER. Stronger, more assertive, mr. alpha dog.
Are we not going to talk about the fact he called you a dumb B? Then dropped you off somewhere knowing you were in the middle of a panic attack?
What has life come to when people in relationships accept this level of mistreatment? Don’t you have any self respect? You shouldn’t be with this guy.
Why are you still with an abusive liar? He calls you names, screams at you, kicks you out of the car and abandons you. If you can’t leave on your own, call a domestic violence hotline and get help leaving. His lies are the least of your problems. Physical abuse is coming next. Get help and get out now. He will never change.
For the love of God, please leave this abusive prick. NTA!
INFO: Why are you in a relationship with someone who constantly lies and then tries to make you feel bad about it?
He is clearly a pathological liar and abusive. PLEASE make him your ex-boyfriend immediately. You deserve better than a liar and abuser, and despite what he says, he is most definitely both those things. Run!
NTA. Your BF hasn’t matured past the age of 12. On occasion, I might also take a real interaction and make up a story about what I said or did, but I will follow up with “none of that happened, but I thought it really hard.”
That’s some toxic shit. Does he need to hit you with the stick that the red flag is attached to before you actually run away?
Get away from this guy. Being a liar is one thing, but to verbally abuse you and kicking you out of the car is uncalled for.
Your boyfriend sounds like a sociopath. You are being TA to yourself by continuing to subject yourself to his presence.
NTA
He likes to talk shit, and has probably done that for most of his life. Rest assured, you’re not the only one who has noticed. Calling him on it probably won’t change the behaviour though.
If you can’t trust him to be honest or to understand the difference between telling the truth or a lie, and not to drop you in a public place after verbally abusing you, why are you with him? It sounds like he has you gaslighted into a corner where you’re doubting yourself for calling him out on being a liar. That’s well, frankly, abusive sounding.
You should be able to trust your partner to be honest with you and to keep you safe, neither of which he’s doing. And he’s almost 40, that’s too old to be playing stupid games.
NTA but you might be one if you don’t have a real long heart-to-heart with yourself about what this relationship is doing to you.
NTA, he seems to be a psychopath, be careful!