I (21F) come from a big family and we’ve always been close with our cousins. Growing up, we were taught to “respect our elders,”which basically meant the older cousins could say whatever they wanted and we had to stay quiet. That dynamic has always bothered me, especially now that I’m older and see how toxic and one-sided it is especially with how they treat my older brother (25M).
My brother is naturally happy and lighthearted, but he’s always the one they tease the most. What they call “joking” often feels like bullying. They love provoking him and watching him react like it’s entertainment.
Yesterday at a dance practice for a cousin’s wedding, my brother and one of our cousins (27M) got into a typical “who’s stronger” debate. My brother is definitely stronger everyone knows it but the 27M cousin didn’t want to admit that. That’s when things got weird and childish.
The 27M cousin kept saying “Take your shirt off! Take your shirt off!” right in front of the wife (32M wife), who we had just met. Then he started comparing their bodies, saying his was for “aesthetic” and my brother was “just fat.”(the 27M was fat before keep that in mind) He went on this rant about how “skinny gets bitches” and how my brother had the worst body.
Then the 32M cousin jumped in and made things worse, like he always does. His wife jokingly suggested they settle it by lifting each other. The 27M cousin awkwardly lifted my brother using mostly his legs and back. But when my brother tried to lift him, the 27M twisted my brother’s arm to avoid being picked up
It got tense until the cousin getting married (29M) finally said, “Your brother is the strongest,” and suddenly everyone shut up.
Then when my brother stepped out, 4 of them including the 27M cousin, started laughing behind his back saying things like “He got mad because I was laughing,” and mocking him for being sensitive. They were talking about how easy it is to trigger him. But when he walked back in, they all went silent. So fake.
Then when my brother went to get a bottle of water, the 27M cousin said, “Oh you’re going to the fridge? Getting food huh?” and tried to brush it off as “just joking.” Like, seriously?
I finally snapped. I confronted the 32M cousin, which I’ve never done before because I used to be scared of him. I said, “Why are you adding fuel to the fire?” and he got all awkward and fake-laughed. I’d had enough. I couldn’t watch them keep disrespecting my brother and hide behind “it’s just jokes.”
I hate seeing my siblings get bullied or disrespected. Seeing people gang up on him makes my blood boil. He might laugh things off, but I know it gets to him.
After that, the whole vibe shifted. I teared up, and just wanted to go home. I didn’t want to be around people who treat us like that.
I’m usually the quietest cousin and never cause drama, but this time I spoke up. Now I’m wondering if I overreacted or made things awkward
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I (21F) come from a big family and we’ve always been close with our cousins. Growing up, we were taught to “respect our elders,”which basically meant the older cousins could say whatever they wanted and we had to stay quiet. That dynamic has always bothered me, especially now that I’m older and see how toxic and one-sided it is especially with how they treat my older brother (25M).
My brother is naturally happy and lighthearted, but he’s always the one they tease the most. What they call “joking” often feels like bullying. They love provoking him and watching him react like it’s entertainment.
Yesterday at a dance practice for a cousin’s wedding, my brother and one of our cousins (27M) got into a typical “who’s stronger” debate. My brother is definitely stronger everyone knows it but the 27M cousin didn’t want to admit that. That’s when things got weird and childish.
The 27M cousin kept saying “Take your shirt off! Take your shirt off!” right in front of the wife (32M wife), who we had just met. Then he started comparing their bodies, saying his was for “aesthetic” and my brother was “just fat.”(the 27M was fat before keep that in mind) He went on this rant about how “skinny gets bitches” and how my brother had the worst body.
Then the 32M cousin jumped in and made things worse, like he always does. His wife jokingly suggested they settle it by lifting each other. The 27M cousin awkwardly lifted my brother using mostly his legs and back. But when my brother tried to lift him, the 27M twisted my brother’s arm to avoid being picked up
It got tense until the cousin getting married (29M) finally said, “Your brother is the strongest,” and suddenly everyone shut up.
Then when my brother stepped out, 4 of them including the 27M cousin, started laughing behind his back saying things like “He got mad because I was laughing,” and mocking him for being sensitive. They were talking about how easy it is to trigger him. But when he walked back in, they all went silent. So fake.
Then when my brother went to get a bottle of water, the 27M cousin said, “Oh you’re going to the fridge? Getting food huh?” and tried to brush it off as “just joking.” Like, seriously?
I finally snapped. I confronted the 32M cousin, which I’ve never done before because I used to be scared of him. I said, “Why are you adding fuel to the fire?” and he got all awkward and fake-laughed. I’d had enough. I couldn’t watch them keep disrespecting my brother and hide behind “it’s just jokes.”
I hate seeing my siblings get bullied or disrespected. Seeing people gang up on him makes my blood boil. He might laugh things off, but I know it gets to him.
After that, the whole vibe shifted. I teared up, and just wanted to go home. I didn’t want to be around people who treat us like that.
I’m usually the quietest cousin and never cause drama, but this time I spoke up. Now I’m wondering if I overreacted or made things awkward
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stood up for my brother and called out my older cousins for constantly bullying him and hiding behind “jokes.” I got emotional and made the vibe at the dance practice tense. I worry I might be the asshole for making a scene in front of the whole family and calling out people who are older than me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. They’re all clearly schoolchildren in older bodies.
NTA – these sound like terrible people to be around. I do not understand how you think you made a scene – the scene was set by these cruel and small-minded dullards. (Not that I have an opinion.)
NTA
You don’t need to make apologies for “getting emotional”. Emotions are part of every day life for humans. What you mean is that you got upset because people were being nasty to your brother.
You didn’t change the mood; THEY did when they started in on their nonsense. All you did was point out their egregious behaviour. They CHOSE to feel uncomfortable because you shone a spotlight on their transgressions; they didn’t like that you said it out loud.
Age has nothing to do with their bullying. It’s irrelevant that they are cousins; is it your family’s position that a stranger couldn’t do this to your brother, but they can because they are related? That would be a bizarre take on this.
“Culture” is never a justification for crappy behaviour – be it racism, ageism, sexism or any other form of abuse, bigotry or intolerance. They may *claim* that it’s part of culture, but that’s just a convenient excuse, not a rational explanation.
NTA this is very much a bad dynamic. Also the 27M is projecting hard. He clearly still feels overweight and figures “at least I’m not as fat as OP’s brother” behavior will make him feel better, which is dumb af. Dude needs therapy
Nta, you stood up for your brother when everyone else wanted to stand on top of him. Age doesn’t determine respect. Actions do, and from the looks of it, your family hasnt done much, if anything, to earn a sliver of respect. From this point on, give them the same respect they show your brother under the guise of just “joking around.” I mean, how could they argue with their own logic? You already did with your 32 year old cousin, and he couldn’t even defend himself but instead sat feeling stupid and unable to justify his actions.
NTA, being “family” doesn’t entitle them to have a relationship with you and your brother. They sound toxic af and I’d steer clear of them from now on.
You did exactly as you should have done. Good for you!
In the future call them out right away. Immediately ask why they are so obsessed with your brother’s body?
Your family sounds like shit. You are ALL adults. Why are you all behaving like this?? You know speaking up against this behavior is long overdue.
Fuck their fragile feelings. Ffs you have every right to throw their behavior in their face, just because their parents fucked first, doesn’t make them better!!
Break out of this stupid mold.
NTA at all! You stood up for your brother who was being bullied, that’s what good sisters do! Be proud for doing the right thing. You don’t have to allow disrespect from people in order to ‘’respect’’ them, even if they are family! Also, age has nothing to do with respect, especially if an older person is being immature and rude af!
Bruh I read this as “asking my cousin out”
NTA you did the right thing!