I love my dad but I am fed up with his laziness and his disrespect towards me and my mom.
My parents have always been financially irresponsible but my dad is the worst of the two. My dad is always borrowing money from friends and family but never pays them back.
I live with my parents but I pay for rent, their phone bill, cable internet and as silly as it sounds, I pay him for transportation from home to work as I use to Uber. I figured I could save less on Uber and I can help my dad financially. I’ve also paid for his medicine and multiple phones that he has broken.
From time to time my dad tries to ask me for more money or guilt trip me because they are behind on rent but I’ve learned to just say no or that I don’t have enough. I’ve gotten to a point where I would rather move out because they are “always” behind rent and despite my efforts for them they somehow find a way to squander the extra money I would give them. I live with them not because I have to but because I wanted to help them when they got their new house.
However, shortly after buying their house my dad got injured at work and went on disability but that dried up pretty quick. My mom is the breadwinner while I do what I can to help while dealing with my own financial issues.
Anyway, we recently got into an argument because I brought fast food and he thought I was hiding it from him. He said some nasty things to me along with that he doesn’t need my money and that I have 1 month to find somewhere else to live (he says this everytime he gets upset).
I said some nasty things in return but ultimately I called him a loser because he is always asking me for money that he never pays back, expects me to take care of him, that he is broke, that I make more money than him, that he hardly works and that he lies to my mom when he says he does (he does DoorDash). I also told him he is a loser for disrespecting me and my mom despite my mom commuting to work every day from open to close. My mom even does overtime on top of her weekly shifts and yet he can’t be bothered to find a more stable job. I also called him a loser for thinking my mom would ever consider kicking me out since I’m the one helping her more financially.
I feel terrible but I’m fed up with all this. I’m tired of feeling that I’m not doing enough despite putting more effort than my dad. I’m tired of him saying he is always helping me out when he literally does not, he doesn’t pay anything of mine and in fact I am paying HIM.
I don’t want to say such nasty things to my dad but he brought me to a point where I needed him to hear my frustrations but yet aita?
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I love my dad but I am fed up with his laziness and his disrespect towards me and my mom.
My parents have always been financially irresponsible but my dad is the worst of the two. My dad is always borrowing money from friends and family but never pays them back.
I live with my parents but I pay for rent, their phone bill, cable internet and as silly as it sounds, I pay him for transportation from home to work as I use to Uber. I figured I could save less on Uber and I can help my dad financially. I’ve also paid for his medicine and multiple phones that he has broken.
From time to time my dad tries to ask me for more money or guilt trip me because they are behind on rent but I’ve learned to just say no or that I don’t have enough. I’ve gotten to a point where I would rather move out because they are “always” behind rent and despite my efforts for them they somehow find a way to squander the extra money I would give them. I live with them not because I have to but because I wanted to help them when they got their new house.
However, shortly after buying their house my dad got injured at work and went on disability but that dried up pretty quick. My mom is the breadwinner while I do what I can to help while dealing with my own financial issues.
Anyway, we recently got into an argument because I brought fast food and he thought I was hiding it from him. He said some nasty things to me along with that he doesn’t need my money and that I have 1 month to find somewhere else to live (he says this everytime he gets upset).
I said some nasty things in return but ultimately I called him a loser because he is always asking me for money that he never pays back, expects me to take care of him, that he is broke, that I make more money than him, that he hardly works and that he lies to my mom when he says he does (he does DoorDash). I also told him he is a loser for disrespecting me and my mom despite my mom commuting to work every day from open to close. My mom even does overtime on top of her weekly shifts and yet he can’t be bothered to find a more stable job. I also called him a loser for thinking my mom would ever consider kicking me out since I’m the one helping her more financially.
I feel terrible but I’m fed up with all this. I’m tired of feeling that I’m not doing enough despite putting more effort than my dad. I’m tired of him saying he is always helping me out when he literally does not, he doesn’t pay anything of mine and in fact I am paying HIM.
I don’t want to say such nasty things to my dad but he brought me to a point where I needed him to hear my frustrations but yet aita?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I called my dad a loser
2) I called my dad a loser because of his disrespect towards me and my mom and for his laziness.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Move out. Don’t have the threat of being kicked out over your head.
The best you can do is get out of there, live your life
NTA. Stop letting your dad freeload off you, though.
It’s time to move out. You are not responsible for your parents poor financial decisions. If you stay you will never get anywhere and will end up hating them. If they fail then they fail, you are not their safety net you are their child. You both said ugly things, frustration can get the best of us. You’re not their child Ah for the way you feel, it could have been communicated better.
NTA for being frustrated by him. Possibly there may be a better way to express that though and maybe sharing how you feel before it comes from a place of emotion would be more beneficial? I would put money on this now being all about how you spoke to him rather than him reflecting on the things he does that frustrated you and made you snap.
How dare talk about your father like that you are very disrespectful
Move out, make sure you have a guest room,, sounds like your Mum will be joining you !
You should leave they’re not gonna get it together with you being a prop… You can still help your mom but the need to get it together quick.
NTA: Occasionally our parents need a reality check. Especially when they seem to be users like you have described yours.
And it does indeed sound like your dad is a loser.
Move out and give them the tough love. Show them, especially your dad that you don’t need them to make it and that without you they’ll be missing out. May even force his hand and make him search for work, though I wouldn’t guarantee it.
Tough love and honesty can, but don’t usually make you the AH. And n this case. You are NOT.
NTA. Parents should NEVER burden their children. You’re supposed to be finding your way through life and the less you have holding you back the better. As a father myself who has had some struggles with work and mental health I can relate to your dad, but ultimately the role of the father in a family is to support and care for everyone under his roof. The lack of communication is what led to the boiling over of hurtful comments, but there’s nothing that can be said to family that can’t be ironed out over time. I think right now you should focus on yourself and find a healthier living situation. Your happiness and well being is what’s important right now. Your support is enabling him to continue with his poor decisions and the fact that he doesn’t appreciate you is a sign to move on.
NTA. He clearly does not appriciate your efforts in trying to help them. Telling you to move out everytime he’s slightly upset? Yes, he is indeed a loser. You’ve done the best you could and now the next thing you should do, is find someone who’s going to appriciate you or live alone. That will make your dad realise how much of help you actually were offering, from your own kindess, and maybe possibly also get him to show even a bit of remorse about how he’s been acting. Maybe only occasionally send your mom some money to help pay the bills, but even that is not necessary. You don’t owe your parents nothing but love. If money is what he values more over you, then so be it. He can go work for it.
You need to move out as soon as you can. Your dad will never grow as an adult until you cut off his funds. You are going to be the baby bird pushing the parent birds out of the nest, instead of vice versa. Before you leave write him a letter explaining your thinking, and how he needs to start adulting and being responsible for taking care of not just himself but your family. Explain that you expect him to figure out how to find work and manage money. Tell him you love him and go.
No he should hear it!