Burner account and pseudonyms. I’m (27f) married to Mark (27m). My sister is Chloe (33f). As a teen, Chloe had really bad acne and unfortunately her acne had returned in her early 30s. She’s extremely insecure about it and I feel bad for her. She’s insecure about other physical traits but her acne is biggest insecurity.
Mark has gone out his way to try to help Chloe feel better. He makes sure to call her pretty everytime he sees her. He frequently tells her she’s a catch and that any guy would be lucky to have her. That seemed okay to me. They started hanging out together with me, and also without me. That felt a bit weird but not too concerning.
I started noticing Chloe dressing in a way that shows a lot of skin. She also has body acne, so it was out-of-character. It started to seem like she was trying to get more compliments from my husband. His compliments got more intense, as he started using words like sexy, stunning, gorgeous, and hot. They would message each other for hours.
Yesterday, one of Mark’s friends, Jesse (27m), had asked Mark and I if Chloe was single. Before I could answer, Mark said that Chloe was seeing someone. Jesse asked Mark if he was sure and Mark said definitely. After Jesse left, I asked Mark why did he lie. Mark said that Jesse isn’t good enough for Chloe. I asked Mark if he can think of any of his friends or co-workers who’s good enough for Chloe, and he said none of them are. I accused Mark of being a cheater as this seems like an emotional affair. Mark said he’s just trying to be a good brother-in-law to Chloe.
In the night, I got a message from Chloe. She said there’s nothing going on between Mark and her. According to her, she’s not good-looking enough for Mark. That response only made me feel worse. But they both promise nothing is going on between them. Am I the asshole ?
Comments
NTA. Mark and Chloe are inappropriately intimate, and you are perfectly entitled to insist that they keep a distance
NTA it sounds fishy to me.
NTA. So they’re not good enough to date her but they’re good enough to be his friends? 🤔🤨 And who is he to be deciding who she should and should not date? Sounds like paternalistic nonsense to me.
The language he’s been using to compliment her has been inappropriate from the jump, it’s bound to make her feel some type of way, which isn’t fair to you or her.
He needs to back tf off at this point, they both need to back off out of respect for you. You don’t owe her your husband just to make her feel better about herself. She can find her own support, he should be supporting his wife.
If not ragebait they might not be cheating NOW but they will be. Personally, this would completely turn me off of my husband for good.
NTA. Your husband is being inappropriate, and Chloe is too. It’s not normal to be messaging each other for hours, and Mark shouldn’t be giving those kinds of compliments to his sister-in-law.
If Chloe really looked “bad”, Jessie wouldn’t be asking if she was single.
He could have taken on an older bother role, completely innocent.
But how is she interpreting this attention.
If he is truly just being protective, he needs to understand she’s in a vulnerable position and can easily see things in a different way.
NTA
NTA but your husband and Chloe are.
NTA Chloe needs a trip to a dermatologist, not your husband as her texting buddy.
So you were ok with your husband constantly bombarding Chloe with compliments which in itself is bizarre. i don’t think i have ever told my sister in law she was pretty. I have been married 15 years.
I certainly would know its beyond inappropriate to call any other woman sexy, stunning, gorgeous or hot. Your sister knew what she was doing when she started dressing that way.
Your husband is screwing your sister. That is why he doesn’t want her to date Jesse. NTA
NTA. Chloe needs to see a doctor and maybe she can get some birth control that helps control acne. She also needs to see a therapist about her self-esteem issues. It’s not your husband’s job.
Theyre being inappropriate, both of them, not only that but your husband is also involving her in your martial agruments. Its seriously not ok. nta.
If there’s nothing going on then she should be receptive to the friends’ request
NTA. Those are not words a husband says to anyone other than spouse. Ever. He IS having an emotional affair.
Messaging for hours?? Getting together without you?? Calling her hot and sexy and gorgeous?!!
His lying to prevent Jesse dating her when she’s 33 & bad acne? He’s so possessive of her.
Infuriating her guilt-tripping you “oh your husband doesn’t think I’m attractive enough” when CLEARLY she’s been receptive & thrilled to be called hot and sexy & gorgeous by him. She just wants you to not stop their relationship.
Be angry OP. Tell your husband he’s treating her like a wife. Make him choose between you and her, seeing & talking to her only when you’re around because they ARE IN AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. That texting & outings together need to END.
NTA. Your husband and your sister are having an affair, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s already gone from emotional to physical.
No you are NTA, your husband calling another woman sexy and hot irrespective of who she is not nice at all. He has gone out of his way to make your sister feel good and in the process has made you feel uncomfortable. Does he say the same things to you?
Something is not quite right here. You accuse him of being unfaithful and it goes straight back to your sister. It is time you put your foot down and tell him that he’s done a good job boosting your sisters’ confidence but now it is quality time that he needs to spend with you.
If needs be, tell your sister that you feel like she is intruding on your relationship and that if she cares for you she needs to stop taking up so much of your husbands personal time so that you can work on getting the romance back in your life, the hour long phone texts need to stop. He is your husband and not hers.
NTA. Fuck that. Calling her pretty is one thing and totally reasonable. However actively lying to an interested third party and upping the ante so to speak by the extra compliments is really suspicious. It’s disrespectful to you and your relationship. If they haven’t started cheating, there’s a good chance they will
wtf. “I’m not pretty enough for him” so after your conversation he goes and tells your sister what was said? That’s weird. Complimenting her once is fine, everytime is over kill. They have boundary issues. Does he go to her everytime you guys have an argument?
Maybe more than emotional. Better check on it.
Hmmmm, I have no idea. I HOPE he’s just being a caring BiL.
I feel that by complimenting her a lot and stroking her ego, even though good for her self esteem, your husband opened a channel allowing her to form an emotional attachment to him. Sounds like it goes both ways if no one is good enough for her now.
Trust your gut. Something is off here. And she only knows this because he messaged her? Why would he even have that discussion with her.
Why is your married husband texting your sister for hours? How long have you been tolerating this disrespect. Set some immediate boundaries and maybe love your sister from a distance going forward.
Show him this thread if he starts gaslighting you too.
They would message each other for hours. Inappropriate adjectives for a husband. Lying. This crosses so many boundaries you would need a score card to keep track. This is totally unacceptable and disrespectful, and done in front of you and ignoring your feelings. Not a husband one wants to keep. You can do better.
Your husband has no business deciding if someone is good enough for your sister regardless of how inappropriate their relationship is. The only appropriate response is to tell them that you will relay their interest.
Suggest couples counseling. And I am pro searching your spouses phone and computer. There’s nothing on those devices should have that your spouse cannot see.
They are probably sleeping together also. Divorce him and go no contact with your sister
Nope they to emotional together they may not seeing it as cheating but let’s call a spade a spade
I’m not good enough looking she’s playing a game for verbal rewards
NTA Don’t let the response from her make you feel bad when she said it to make YOU feel bad and deter you from asking more questions. Don’t be oblivious and trust your gut. We should be able to trust our spouses and siblings together but sometimes in cases like this, we can’t
Be honest with Chloe and tell her what Mark has been doing. Let him know what you are telling Chloe too. If Chloe knows other men are interested in her, it would be an ego booster. She can decide for herself who she wants to see, not Mark. NTA
NTA May a husband like this never find me. Thank you God. My husband would never talk to my sisters like that.
NTA but either way he needs to take a step back this is awkward as hell
Time to set some boundaries
It’s not appropriate to be this close to your in laws. The use of sexy and hot are super weird and hanging out without you? Completely weird and inappropriate. Messaging for hours? WEIRD. I wouldn’t be ok with it at all and you need to set some boundaries with both of them
Idk…. I think any time you accuse someone of cheating you better be damn sure you’re right. They could be cheating or it could be your own insecurities thats making you feel that way. Idk the full back story and I don’t get to see how they act with eachother so I can only go off of what you say. It could easily be that nothing is going on but they got closer than you personally feel comfortable with. Imo, that’s not cheating until you ask for it to stop. I wanna say you are TA but I cant say either for sure.
NTA. It’s not because I’m a bad person, but i can see the horns from here. I’m so sorry for you. God give you speedy healing.
NTA – Mark is gatekeeping Chloe for some reason. If I were you, I would worry.
>They would message each other for hours.
Yeah this stopped being about helping his SIL’s self-esteem around this point I think.
They are behaving inappropriately. I love my brother-in-law dearly and I never spend time alone with him, or message him for hours. That is some hillbilly bullshit there. Plus my sister would snatch me baldheaded if I ever pulled any crap like that.
NTA they have something going on
NTA. It sounds like Mark is seeing Chloe. You need to check his phone and social media because they are definitely into each other.
The “I’m not good looking enough part” is so off to me like why not say I’m your sister I would never do that to you and I will distance myself from him because I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable
even by just the obversions alone, the thing you know for sure – he’s an asshole. he defiantly crossed the line between “wholesome friend who tries to life her up” to “jealous creepy friend with weird hang-ups”
NTA.
NTA.
Your husband is being inappropriate, it’s one thing to be friendly and supportive, once the terms moved to calling your sister “sexy”, it should have been a serious conversation and an absolute “no” to regular hang outs alone.
If it isn’t a physical affair, it is most definitely an emotional one. He knows your sister has confidence issues and instead of boosting her by having his friend ask her out, he’s now shutting them down and nobdy is good enough. Totally suspish!
Messaging each other for hours, he’s jealous and trying to keep potential suitors away from her, the first thing he does after dismissing your concerns is go directly to your sister and share your private conversation.
He’s too hot for her? So, if she was hotter, she’d pursue a physical affair in addition to their emotional one?
“Mark said he’s just trying to be a good brother-in-law to Chloe.” He doesn’t sound concerned in the least with being a good husband.
This is an emotional affair and they’re gaslighting you. NTA (obviously)
I think it is more than emotional cheating. I could be wrong.
This is when you tell your husband, his behavior is crossing a line for you and it doesn’t matter if he’s trying to be a good brother-in-law it’s inappropriate and he should care more about his wife than his wife’s sister. If he’s not willing to back off then yes, I would speculate that there is something more going on between them.
NTA. Your sister gets off on hubby’s attention, and he gets jealous of other men’s interest in her. A line has been crossed, I’m just not sure which one.
Nah this is dodgey as hell if they aren’t already doing anything it won’t be long before they are
So if she was good looking enough she’d take mark? And he told her about this. Chloe is an Asshole why would she do this to her own sister. NTA
NTA now you Mr sister is playing the victim still by saying that. Nope…. Either they stop and put boundaries up and you guys get counseling or I don’t see this marriage lasting.
He’s going way overboard with the compliments. I guess his excuse for sleeping with her is to make her feel better about herself or they got close due to this and now didn’t mean it.
They wouldn’t be spending time alone nor be texting u less it about plans for all 3 of you and in a group chat.
She absolutely likes the attention he’s giving her and it will be at the expense of the marriage.